Lacquer's Box

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 25, 2013

 

New guides are cropping up, so I think my guides-to-be-read count has actually increased to six.

 

Since there are so many subtraits for this, each one's individual description will be most likely short, as most were yesterday, unless I get hit with a sudden burst of information, as I have in the past.

 

Looking at this trait and its subtraits, as well as the traits and subtraits for later days, I can see a lot of the underlying makeup of the different traits being reflected in each other. It's almost surprising how well simply listing off traits can create a coherent personality with central driving forces. (I'll let you guess/put into words what this means/what it is for this list and the tulpa it applies to.)

 

Trait of the day: Practical

Adjective

1. Of or concerned with the actual doing or use of something.
2. (of an idea, plan, or method) Likely to succeed or be effective in real circumstances; feasible.

Going off what I said in that lat paragraph, this trait and its subtraits echo the "logical" from earlier. I don't like excessive frivolity. I like things to be done for a purpose, even if that purpose is enjoyment. I guess that I have a little bit of a connection with the ideals of Utilitarianism (even though that is a bit extreme). Thinking in terms of "real" is a good thing in my mind. Now, this doesn't mean that she would throw away anything "deemed not useful", as the word "pragmatic" (which I didn't use) would imply. She simply sees the purpose behind things, actions of others, and actions of herself, and strives to use these.

 

Non-Obsessive:

As you will see, many of the subtraits act as a sort of "anti-frivolity" ward, this being one of them. As I, personally, tend to go through obsessive phases (like an internal fad), I understand that it is a personality flaw from my point of view. This will prevent her from getting so wrapped up in one single thing that she blocks everything else out, which could be dangerous if a tulpa does it. She will know moderation, and when it is "time to move on".

 

Non-Impulsive:

Again with anti-frivolity wards. I hate it when people do things randomly, or are impulsive. "Look before you leap," and all that. As another thing that bothers me (not present in me, though), this trait was added so she could have traits I consider good, and not have traits I consider bad.

 

Reasonable:

This word has an interesting series of definitions. It literally means "able to be reasoned with", or having the capacity to understand and take into account others arguments. Other things are fair, sensible, and just. It's purpose in spoken word is hard to describe, but I think that I understand that this trait is to help her to know things and make sense, especially when interacting with others.

 

Decisive:

I am indecisive, and I hate being it. I'm sure I could point out at least a sixth of the traits in my list as being the opposite of negative personality traits I possess. This will help her all-around, in a multitude of situations.

 

Concise:

English is a clusterjumble of a confusing mess of a language. But if it has anything going for it, it would be how it can shorten and simplify things down with its many synonyms. In regards to my tulpa, this will help her form and speak sentences better, without making them "flowery", "purple", or something else along those lines as a standard. Obviously, she will retain the ability to speak in that manner, but not as the default.

 

Conscientious:

I think this is the only trait spectrum from the Big Five personality model that I directly adapted. It means being aware and cognizant of surroundings, the people in them, and much more. Knowing and understanding things about the stuff around, and interacting with, her as she goes about her day.

 

Organized:

I am disorganized (but I like it during the rare moments when I am), and I dislike that. Giving her this trait may even help he help me be organized. Organized may mean anything from paper files to simply "having all one's ducks in a row" in regards to parts of life.

 

Situation-conscious:

I, personally, believe that a person should behave like an adaptive machine. They take in the context of a situation and act accordingly. Not randomly, not keeping the same behavior in all situations. Obviously this will be present in my tulpa as it is present in all people by human nature, but I feel that putting this here will help to keep it in mind for her.

 

Huh, just now when writing that, I had a weird feeling. It was about saying, "my tulpa." That is the most appropriate way to say it, but it feels weird. I mean, the fact that she doesn't have a name yet is strange, but I always thought that it would only affect me very minimally. Also, there is the whole thing how "my" is a possessive word, which gives off bad vibes. Then again, I can't just call her "tulpa" or say "her" without defining "her" as being my future tulpa. I will still keep her nameless until she picks her name. And hopefully, probably, her name will stay constant due to her traits and the fact that she will choose it., kind of like how a human remembering their own name acts when asked their name. Simply saying, "My name is ." Ah well.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

---

Oh, and thank you very much for all this, Duke. You're very helpful and insightful.

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 26, 2013

 

I am reading guides, but there seems to be a recent spike in TL;DR's for me to read accross various things, so my to-read list is actually growing larger. Today is the final subtrait, so I'll have to come up with some other things to talk about for my daily report. Maybe this running out of excuses is a sign that I should hunker down and seriously start the process. I still haven't done the thing with the ruler that I mentioned a few days ago. Actually, though, I am especially busy the next few days, so I will likely not have anything to report other than my progress on the guides. The only thing that springs to mind as something I could do a "feature" on would be her name. Even then, it wouldn't be at the same magnitude of these "features" on the traits.

 

When coming up with my nested traits list, I had a few somewhat loosely related traits that needed a banner to be united under. After thinking about it for a bit, I came up with lighthearted. Looking up the definition today, for this report, led me to believe that it may have not been the best word choice. But I can't think of anything better, so here it is. Keep in mind, though, that the description of the trait of "lighthearted" (not its subtraits) is sort of pieced together after the fact.

 

Trait of the day: Lighthearted

Adjective

1. Free from care, anxiety, or seriousness: happy-go-lucky.
2. Cheerfully optimistic and hopeful easygoing.

This trait alone seems to contradict with the very stoic and serious sounding personality built up by the seven traits up until this point. In fact, that is precisely the reason for this trait: to balance the rest of the personality. I want a fun tulpa, like most people, even though my idea of what a fun person is may be different. Most people, I'd assume, would dismiss the person as being unfun based around the earlier seven traits, even with a balancing trait like this. Not me. In fact, I would think that a person with the first seven of these traits could be fun anyway. But I guess that a better explanation for all this balancing personality traits would that I am making her personality adaptive. A more stoic personality might be suited for me now (or so I think, who knows), but later down the line, I may have a matured and different personality, and I want to bring my tulpa with me into these new situations. On top of that, lightheartedness is a good thing to have in general, as long as one knows about context and appropriateness of behaviors in different situations.

 

Sweet:

I hate cutesy, but I love cute. This trait walks on a fine line for me, as I have issues regarding attention-seeking. (I have learned over the years to abhor attention-seeking and attention-seekers to a point that it has become detrimental to me and affected how I perceive things even tangentially related to attention-seeking.) Because this is my tulpa, and as such is hooked up to my brain, this shouldn't be a problem. I'm not even sure what "sweet" as a personality trait really entails, and looking up the definitions didn't help. I think that the way this subtrait will be applied is more intangibly, in a way that I couldn't quite pinpoint what specific behaviors make her sweet. All I know is that my idea of "sweet" as a personality trait has a positive connotation, and that will be god for my tulpa.

 

Cheerful:

I, generally, don't like the idea of putting an emotion as a trait in a personality list. I mean, people change the emotion they are experiencing and displaying from moment to moment. But looking at this trait, I can see how something like this, which fits between an emotion and a trait, can be applicable. It simply means a predisposition to being happy, and I would very much like a person to be happy. Of course (huh, I've noticed I say "of course" a lot), all her traits balance out all her other traits, and this is no exception. As an earlier trait implied capacity for concern, and concern implies negative emotions (sometimes), the "cheerful" disposition brought on by this trait can be disrupted, but just when it makes sense.

 

Optimistic:

"Always look on the bright side of life," right? "Don't drown in a cup of water." I could list these phrases off for ages, but the point is to show that being optimistic is good. It helps with self-confidence, avoiding depression, and other health benefits. Having a buddy in my mind that can see the sunny side when I can't is clearly a great thing. Also, this will help with the tiny elephant in the room, the nature of tulpas. I'm talking about the sort of existentialist thinking that some tulpas get, but most just accept. Heh, I might even get jealous of her being a tulpa after she talks about being a tulpa through the lens of optimism. As usual, I am putting the disclaimer that this subtrait is not overpowering any of the other traits and subtraits, because she is still "practical" and "understanding", which in some people may damper their optimism. Not so for her, as she will also be able to understand the practicality and logic behind being optimistic, what with the benefits mentioned earlier in this paragraph.

 

As a final note on this eight day feature on traits, I want to say that it was very helpful and fun. Typing these out in a presentable manner, for public consumption really helped me to organize my thoughts and realize more that I thought I knew about these traits and the personality arising from. It was fun, too, giving myself something to do. Of course, tulpaforcing and wonderland sessions are somethings to do, but I think that this really did help me.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 27, 2013

 

Today, I managed to read guides to the point that I only have two left to read. These are linkzelda's monstrously long guides.

 

I had an intrusive thought today while thinking about tulpas, and it was "Birthday". My first thought was that this could be a nice name for a tulpa. My second thought was that this intrusive thought was probably caused by the fact that my birthday is very soon.

 

On the topic of names, I think that I'll try to go through lists of female names to re-identify the list of pretty female names that I forgot, except for Elizabeth and Cheryl/Sheryl/Chell/etc.

 

I've been getting pretty good at visualizing the ruler and keeping it stable, but I have yet to apply it in my mindscape.

 

Speaking of my mindscape, I still have yet to go back there. I really need to pick up the pace if I am serious about this. I know I am, but I really need the motivation to kickstart my actual taking action. Hah, it's like needing one's glasses to find one's glasses; I need the motivation my tulpa would provide to start work on her.

 

As far as guides and such go, I think that I am actually in a good place, despite the previous paragraph. I still have five days until the deadline I gave myself a week and a half ago. Hah, I only just now realized that If I start on the absolute last day of that deadline, I will start on April Fool's Day.

 

Maybe I should aim for that, to give her a memorable formday. (Her formday would be the day I first made her "essence" (not the Bluesleeve kind) from my own, as detailed in earlier reports.) Other "birthdays" could be voiceday, moveday, feelday (emotional response (hard to come up a monosyllabic word for it)), and others. After she is completely sapient and vocal, I should be able to ask what her "birthday" was, and as tulpas are much more deeply cognizant of these things, she will be able to tell me the date and the event that happened on that date to cause her to pick it.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Mr. Duke and His Attorney]

Hm. Motivation. I got mine from reading your first posts in this thread.

 

I started with the wonderland, and narration. This got me nowhere. Furthermore, it is only in the past few days that I can manage to sit down and force for extended periods of time. Do not try to force yourself for long sessions. Aim for 20 minutes max at first. You have to want to do more, or you'll will turn yourself off to the idea. Visualizing works and traits works. Concentrating is decent. Ah, I got an interesting concentration/meditation trick I'm gonna through in the guide.

 

My first real aim was simply creating my attorney. I pictured her in the wonderland, after I made a wonderland I actually enjoyed going to. Unrealisticly big ass redwood tree, unrealistically big ass oak tree. I started with a small circle in the middle of a floating island (the oak half hangs off). It's much larger now, but it had a pedestal on it. This was her creation area. I did various creation methods; channeling stuff into a cool ball thing (I envisioned both of us channeling into it. My visualization skills were ass, so everything was extremely vague with no actual backdrops (my guide should solve this for everyone! Bold claim. But, I believe it). The circle became a flower patch of flowers I invented. Dark, dark midnight blue and black with silver kind of milky-way-star swirls. Then, I abandoned the wonderland because it was too much work, tried the Fede method but sucked at it, and didn't do anything for months and months.

 

I brought the wonderland back because it really is my tulpa anchor. Plus, it serves all kinds of other functions. Somewhere along the way, there was a shift, and I started getting what I could only describe as emotional responses. The uh, strongest one... was last Tuesday night... and I'm still working on the progress report for that day... That was kind of the major catalyst. I basically intermittently forced one or two times a week before that, maximum 20 minutes... that was for, like, 3 months. The thing is, it can happen much much faster as long as you just start actually doing. Anyways, emotional responses. I recommend just channeling emotions until you get something.

 

Aim for that; push emotions into her until they start to push back. Even if you feel like it is just you forcing a push-back, this will become a pathway for her to push back (like the Fede method! Only for emotions!).

 

On the other hand, you've read all the guides. So, take what I said and brainstorm a better method. Practice is the only thing that will inform you what theory works for you.

 

 

Ah, quick visualization trick and preview. This is essentially the thesis of the guide. Or maybe, like, the intro paragraph/idea.

 

This also helps concentration, but training concentration sucks nuts whereas getting it as a side-effect of forcing is awesome. Whenever you can, throughout the day, try to push all of the thoughts out of your head. I did it like "pushing thoughts away like clouds". Every single one that comes back in, just push it out. The idea is that you are turning off your inner monologue. Practice doing that whenever you can for as long as you can. It will start out as a few seconds, then a few more, then it will jump a large degree. Or maybe not. W/e. Now, combine this with the following (you can do either or whenever, but this latter normally leads to the former anyway): Start to focus on the components of what you see at any given moment. The same way you can listen to a song and pick out the different instruments. Focus on the curves, the lines, the spatial relations. And then your mindvoice should start to taper off. This is called the Right-Brain Mode and is also Anonymous's Perfect Visualization State and Octaviapus' Lucid Mode. Physiology aside, it produces results and works. It is the secret key to visualization, and the training of it, without any of the elaborate nigh-sleep-states, which are unnecessary. It is key that your mindvoice turns off. But don't try to make it... just let it happen by spatially focusing. Details in the guide-to-come. Do this trick whenever to improve in-mind visualization. Doing this will allow you to pull off Perfect Visualization/Lucid Mode anywhere, at anytime, without the need for 20 minutes of forcing beforehand. Um, in your head... this is not an imposition trick.

 

Oh yeah, meditation technique. Once you can kind of start to turn off your inner monologue (or, it will lead to it like with the visualization), sit still, eyes closed, and focus on your heartbeat. Your actual heart, that is. Now, focus on it beating somewhere else. A thumb is a good bet. Ears are kind of meh. Feel both at the same time. Then, move to a third area. Other thumb or somewhere on the foot works well. Focus on all three. Let it blow your mind that you can feel them pulse differently. I accidentally figured this out last night. After this, move to somewhere like the other thumb. Feeling four spots at once, you can pick out the time lapses (heart, left thumb, right thumb, then toe), from here... you can jump to feeling all of it pulse through your body. You could also pretend this is chi for the chi servitor, awwwww yeah. Doing this will make you better at forcing if you don't feel like forcing but want to level it up. Oh yeah, it's also cool as hell.

This kicks the shit out of the card with the dots on it I made last April based off of a concentration-improvement image.

 

EDIT: Breathing deeply helps out the feeling the heart bit, but always breaks my concentration. I gotta work on both together.

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 28, 2013

 

I didn't get anything done today. I still have to read those two guides. In fact, I didn't get anything done today to such a point that I fell asleep before writing this report.

 

As for you, Duke, you're further along than me, and you got motivation from reading my PR? That just doesn't seem right.

 

Ah well. I should have some time this weekend, so I should be somewhat productive.

 

Oh yeah, I just remembered. Something happened today that really proved how much I need this tulpa. I usually freeze up upon thinking of events like this, but I'll try to use it as motivation instead.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Mr. Duke and His Attorney]

Heh heh, if I ever need motivation, I can just read those things I cut and paste on page 3.

 

EDIT: Oh yeah! Names. Names are cool as hell. If you want to go for heavy symbolism, etymology is your friend. Basically, you just hunt down names with cool histories. Either because famous people have had them, or because the way the word formed over the years.

 

Birthday is a potentially kick ass name. I've always liked the name Cassandra as well. Since December, anyway. Holidays as names are never a bad choice either. The good one's though, not necessarily the well-known ones. "Allison" is cool because it has the nickname "Ally," which can be either pronounced "Alley", or like a friend/alliance as it is spelled. At the very least, it's got the latter's meaning built in by sight, with the former's pronunciation. "Liminal" is a goddamn awesome name, regardless of whether or not you know what Victor Turner's concept of liminality is. Also, "Lim," is a bitching nickname. So is "Nall" and "Nal".

 

Definition of liminal

adjective

technical

1. Relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.

2. Occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

 

"Existing betwixt and between"-Victor Turner

 

"During liminal periods of all kinds, social hierarchies may be reversed or temporarily dissolved, continuity of tradition may become uncertain, and future outcomes once taken for granted may be thrown into doubt."

 

Liminality is the concept of being in between. Like The Hanged Man tarot card.

 

"The dissolution of order during liminality creates a fluid, malleable situation that enables new institutions and customs to become established."

 

" 'The attributes of liminality or of liminal personae ("threshold people") are necessarily ambiguous'. One's sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation, but also the possibility of new perspectives. Turner posits that, if liminality is regarded as a time and place of withdrawal from normal modes of social action, it potentially can be seen as a period of scrutiny for central values and axioms of the culture where it occurs. - one where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are undone. In such situations, “the very structure of society [is] temporarily suspended”."

 

For a tulpa, liminality is about existing in the gray area of existence. Both a part of, yet not. Most definitely in the middle.

Sorry, I forgot how much I love this word.

 

If you're going for interesting or neat sounding names, I'd go with ones of Pharisee or Greek origins. Or maybe Persian. Places where they practiced Zoroastrianism (or Manichaeism, or Gnosticism ("Gnosis" is a neat word to make names out of)) have cool-as-hell names.

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 29, 2013

 

I think the only meaningful thing that happened today was my coming up with a new name idea. Aldabaca. It was just some nonsense syllables that seemed to fit together as a name. It does seem a bit harsh, though. Lots of hard sounds. Also, the name sounds a bit too close to "debacle" for comfort.

 

Those two guides are quite the mountains to climb, and I have yet to do it. Actually, I think that I'll hunker down tonight and finish at least one of them.

 

Added bonus: I was close to 11:44

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 30, 2013

 

Gah.

 

I thought more about names today. Nothing conclusive, but I think I came up with a name idea then promptly forgot it. Ah well, if it was more important, I would've remembered it.

 

Those damn guides are still unread.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]March 31, 2013

 

I made a post in one of the two guides I have been mentioning and I thought it would be a good idea to post it here:

I just read this guide, and all of the posts after it, but I didn't get a "kick in the pants" from it. It took an unsettling amount of willpower just to motivate myself to read this (and this isn't even the longer of the two guides), so I don't know what I'm going to do. In fact, just typing this out, organizing my thoughts into readable format, has made me even a little discouraged. I know, rationally, that I can and will do it, but willpower is powered by emotions, and they aren't in a favorable position right now.

 

Ah well.

 

Also, tomorrow is the date I set for myself as the deadline for starting my tulpa. That was a failure. I wasted the weekend away, tulpa-wise. Maybe next weekend. I know that this week will most likely be fairly occupied.

 

This means that I only have one guide left to read, but it's a monster of a guide.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]Lacquer's Box Special Report

I just remembered what I meant by this:

but I think I came up with a name idea then promptly forgot it.

Artemis and Athena were the two names I thought of. They're pretty, powerful names, also from Greek mythology, like Psyche.

 

I came to this realization by this train of thought:

 

Aldabaca => Alda => Al => Allie => Arrie => Ar => Artemis => Athena

(Some trying to think of nicknames initiated it. Also, the Allie and Annie extended from just the first two letters came from thinking about Antimony's name (she's from Gunnerkrigg Court, for those interested; her name is shortened as Annie).)

 

It seems strange to me, my fascination with my tulpa's name. I have never really named her, in any incarnation of my thinking of tulpas. In fact, one time I was thinking to myself, and I carelessly said a sentence that would have involved my tulpa's name, and I couldn't continue. Even when attempting to force (not that kind of force) some of the names into it, I couldn't mentally "say" the sentence in full. I guess that names do mean a lot, and I'll have to think it over intensely when the time comes.

 

I don't want things with my tulpa to be fluid. I want things to be rigidly defined. That's why I'm letting her choose her form and such. She will initiate and carry through with deviation straight from the start, so she will remain the same way. I don't want her to change her name every few days, or start splitting, or have random tulpas pop into my head. Tulpas are more concrete than most of the people to whom these style of events have been happening to, or so I believe. It's all (real) fakery dreamed up by people with wild imaginations and differing beliefs.

 

I don't want that, and I will not have that. My mind will be controlled and reserved, until I start to mess around with the fourth room in the Library. That's for some deep mind-searching, outside of tulpa-land, which is the wonderland and anything having to do with willful thought pertaining to tulpas and related things.

 

(I'm changing up the formatting of the posts a bit, too; I'm adding a line between the date and body of the post. I may also, in the future, individually title each post based on its contents. This is unlikely, but we'll see.)

 

Just now, after posting this, I made the said modifications. As I was doing that, I was thinking about my motivations for it and how I will be using this PR as a tool while forcing personality. It made me realize how contrived specifically mentioning each format change I make, and how this can be a potential conversation kick-off point about my own personality and how it could mesh with hers. It also brought up the idea of not simply reading the PR, but also giving comments and discussion starters about what I wrote.

 

Goodnight Again,

Lacquer[/align]