Lacquer's Box

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 1, 2013

 

(First regular post not made in March!)

 

I thought about a feature of tulpas that I have given very little thought to in the past today: smell. I was walking and thinking about tulpas, as usual, when I smelled the wildflowers around. I wasn't bending down to sniff them specifically, but they were blooming to the point that one didn't need to. This is background information for my thought process.

 

As I said, I was walking and thinking about tulpas. Some birds flew overhead, and I thought about how I like birds. My two thought-streams mixed, and I thought of the idea of a bird tulpa (this was immediately dismissed, see next paragraph). Despite the dismissal, I entertained the thought. I thought a small, flying bird was best. Thinking of where I was (and possibly the smell of the flowers influencing me), I thought that a Mockingbird would be nice. They "talk" a lot in real life, so that's a plus as far as tulpa forms go. Probably since this was just entertaining a thought tangent, I started to "customize" the mockingbird form. I thought mockingbird = Texas = bluebonnet (most of the wildflowers around me). I applied the bluebonnet as a pattern on the bird in my mind, but this train of thought quickly dissolved at this point because...

 

This was when bluebonnets were put in the forefront of my mind. Specifically, their smell. As I had said, I was smelling them all throughout my walk. The more I thought about it, the better of an idea it seemed. It's not too strong, but not unnoticeable. It doesn't seem artificial, like how people were smelling shampoos to try to find the right smell. Also, many flowers smell similar, so that makes it easier to remember. I said that I had not bent down to smell the flowers, but I think I will tomorrow.

 

(This progress report (not that I'm reporting much progress) should get 1,000 views in a couple to a few days)

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

---

 

That's because I am an obsessive planner, yet I procrastinate, so I have a lot of content without having even started my tulpa yet.

 

 

 

Lipstick on a pig is all that my PR is...

 

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 2, 2013

 

I skimmed the short version of the self-hypnosis guide, and it seemed to deal more with future stages than earlier stages. I noticed a lot of that. A lot of the guides dealt with tulpaforcing when one has an already sapient tulpa. Seems strange to me, and I can't say why.

 

With that, I am finished with the guides. My guide chart now looks like this, with no guide labeled "Unread". This, of course, means no more excuses. What a great time for my PR to reach 1000 views.

 

But in all seriousness, I am busy this week, but this is the time for me to really get cracking on making my tulpa. I'll transition from reading guides to reviewing over what I have said in my PR, while also doing more wonderland sessions.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 3, 2013

 

As I've been reading through the forums, and just generally thinking about tulpas, I get little flashes of "fantasies" or "daydreams" of what having a tulpa will be like. While in these, the form is completely ambiguous (except for female), there is a strange occurrence. The tulpa in these mind-images always seems to move like a ghost. Sort of floating, "flowing" from place to place. I had thought of adding "ghost-like" features to the form, as you can see here:

I remembered something I thought about my tulpa a while ago. When imposed, and in the wonderland, she can levitate and go through walls, but that takes effort and she prefers acting like a normal tangible person.

I also entertained the idea of ghost legs, with them turning into a ghost tail or whatever it is called, like in Danny Phantom. Outside of this, I can't really think of any other desirable aspects of the traditional idea of what a ghost is that I might want to borrow.

 

As I said in the parentheses in the previous paragraph, and as I said this yesterday:

(this was immediately dismissed, see next paragraph)

I need to explain what I meant. While the form will be up to her, it will only be up to her within the parameter I set: Based on my Anima. I talked extensively about this in past reports, so no need to expound on that.

 

Yesterday, for probably less than a minute, as I was going to bed, I visited my wonderland. Things there are fine, but I really need to go back.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 4, 2013

 

I thought about many different tulpa-related things while browsing the forums today, but I can't consciously remember them right now. I think that these thoughts affect how I go about things, even if I can't see how, or even which thoughts contributed to which of my actions.

 

I'm getting anxious about procrastinating so much.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 5, 2013

 

I was very sick for most of the day.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[historical]

get well soon and shit.

 

Goodnight,

fourfiction

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 6, 2013

 

Still sick. This is getting disappointing.

 

Oh hey, I've been at this for a month now. Actually yesterday, but whatever. Sad that it's been a month with zero progress. I can feel myself losing tulpa momentum, but hopefully that will pick up as I keep posting these daily to remind myself. Keep my eye on the prize.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 7, 2013

 

Going off the momentum comment yesterday, I read part of the tulpa creepypasta today. It was on a whim, and I think it originated from wanting to get some of the original "wow factor" back into tulpas. I know, rationally, that this is the best thing and that I will do this, but I'm feeling, emotionally, less and less of it. I can't let this happen. Not again.

 

So I read about half of it, and it helped me. For just a moment, I was back in April of last year, reading all this for the first time. This was all a brave new frontier for me to traverse. I was going to do something wonderful, something that very few people knew about. It was going to be amazing. And it still is.

 

Even just typing that right now motivated me. Definitely more than linkzelda's guide (no offense, your guide is fantastic, but not for me). Besides, I'm always in a slump on the weekends.

 

To my future tulpa, whether you're Kastabia, Aldabaca, Psyche, Artemis, Athena, Elizabeth, Cheryl, or any other name: thank you. I've got my hope back. I've got my motivation back. I've got my mojo back.

 

To the people who read this, pardon me for this report, but I needed this. Expect the same mundane reports in the coming days.

 

Everything above this point (and the parentheses at the very end) was typed ten hours ago. The rest was the somewhat regular minutes before posting.

 

I thought about this (what I'm about to type, not the earlier stuff) a few days ago, but didn't say anything about it until today. It is about the idea of form fluidity. Since this form is based on the Anima, it should change with experience. Not drastically, as most people's tulpas form changes are, but gradually, as I see more things. Also, this works with the form aging.

 

Goodnight (and thank you),

Lacquer[/align]

[Mr. Duke and His Attorney]

FUCK YEAH!

 

Your next bit of motivation will come at the first responses. I recommend getting there as you can. And for forcing, I recommend starting with a 20 minute maximum. That whole entering a visual mode I keep alluding to is also a timelessness kind of mode. That is, you lose your sense of time while in it, as long as you keep in the visual mode. My first long session lasted an hour and a half, before that they were all around 20-40 minutes with a lot of mind-wandering. Visual mode is good for visualization, wonderland, personality and feelings/emotions, audio mode is probably good for voice-work and conversation.

 

Its going to be a bit before I get all the citations pulled together, so let me give you a list of traits of two different brains modes. Again, I don't know any of the actual psychology/physiology involved, and neither does the writer I'm getting this from as it is actually a book for drawing. The skills are just applicable universally outside of drawing. Like here.

 

Try to make sense out of how to enter these two brain modes, 'cause it may be a week or two before I actually explain it all in a guide. The key is in the mind-voice, the rest tends to follow. Over-thinking will only lead to an auditory mode.

 

Visual

Nonverbal

Synthetic (putting parts together to form wholes, seeing things in context)

Timeless

Intuition

Divergent

Analogic (likenesses, metaphors)

Nontemporal

Primary

Concrete

Imaginative (mental images)

Relational

Nonlineal

Intuitive (leaps of insight)

Multiple

Holistic ("Seeing whole things all at once, in reality, and in all of their complexity; perceiving overall patterns and structures, often leading to divergent conclusions") [This is Lucid Mode/Perfect Visualization]

Subjective

Simultaneous

Spatial (seeing things in relation to other things spatially, locations/lines/shapes etc.)

"Reality-seeing" (actual, real. Seeing things as they actually are, before you (or in your mind), in the present. "Present" is key)

Nonrational (suspending judgment)

Visual

Perceptual

How parts go together to make a whole

 

Audio

Intellect

Convergent

Digital (Using numbers)

Secondary

Abstract (taking a small bit of information to represent the whole)

Directed

Propositional

Sequential

Rational (Making conclusions based on facts)

Lineal (one thought directly after another)

Counting

Sound/Language

Time/Temporal (Keeping track of time, sequencing)

Analytic (Step-by-step, part-by-part)

Objective

Successive

Verbal

Symbolic (Using a symbol to stand for something, like a + for addition)

Literal (factual meaning)

Past experience to solve a problem

 

 

These different modes work much better on their own and if the two are fighting for power or are trying to work together, everything just kind of gets mucked up. Except for artists, auditory mode tends to dominate almost all the time. I know I almost always have a mind-voice going.

[Lacquer]

[align=justify]April 8, 2013

 

Wut. But seriously, thanks. I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but it helped anyway with this crisis of motivation or whatever it is.

 

I don't want to rush in headlong (even though I have a pretty good idea of what I'd be doing), there's still this same issue. Since I don't have a tulpa in any form, prototulpa or otherwise, I don't have something to neglect and feel guilty about other than myself. I could either continue with my plan of trying to get more comfortable with being in the wonderland by having wonderland sessions, or I could do the first tulpa-making steps (outlined earlier) to guilt me into working on her. I don't like the first option because it hasn't worked so far. I don't like the second option because negative emotions would be driving the motivation.

 

Looking at my week, I think that I might be able to do something Wednesday, so that would give me a day to decide.

 

On an unrelated note, I have been participating much less in the forums. This was initially because of my sickness over the weekend combined with a mod wrist-slap combined with weekend tulpa slump. It seems to be continuing, but as I said earlier, this PR is here to keep me on the track.

 

The fifth and sixth's reports were unmotivated, or at least that's how I felt. Yesterday's and today's are regaining motivation. Maybe I'll start posting more. Hah, that wouldn't be good.

 

Goodnight,

Lacquer[/align]