Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

It seems way too loose to be much help. Like if I'm not focusing on actually speaking, I'll loose track and my mind will start wandering. Will see if I can get anything out of it at some point though, I guess.

 

 

On that, not doing anything for a few days. Just in one of those slumps where I hate myself, and feel no enthusiasm for this. It'll pass eventually though, always does.

[Guest]

I wonder how many of you the readers have accepted my inability to do this, yet comment anyway? I appreciate that. I realize it's like watching somebody who's working against their goal every step they make, because it is. So uh, yeah, sorry. Maybe if I were actually resolved to work for a couple hours every day we'd be somewhere, but I just don't have the words to say, or anything else to do to fill that time. So yeah, apologies.

 

And ah, the doubt. It's funny that I'm able to accept other people's tulpas as people, or as close to people as it gets, and then I'll do everything to doubt mine. And the more I doubt, the more she probably regresses. I told her a long time ago not to listen to me when I'm in my pissy and negative moods, but I can see having a hard time just following that. So apologies to you, Peaches, yeah?

 

Whatever the case, still narrating when I can. Marking myself and wearing accessories do nothing for my memory sadly, I've tried both over the years. So it really is just limited to when I can remember, which isn't much in a day. Sigh. Still, people say narration is the single most important aspect, and I can't see it. There are periods where I do a lot, and I never really go a day without, but it's still so difficult to know anything.

 

 

Mehhhh. I'll pick back up tomorrow. Do something. For now, I'm gonna go ahead and establish weekends as no-forcing days. Including narration, so I can not feel like shit for at least a couple days when I don't pay her attention.

 

N'yeh.

 

Super hardcore visuals and feelings-up tomorrow probably, with total imposition and sentience ;D

 

Probably

[nivereno]

Regressses? Don't think that, unless you and your tulpa really believe it it's not a thing. For a mind to regress you neeed a LOAD of time with no stimulation from within or outside. Your ability to comunicate well will go up and down depending on the mood/doubtiness or whatever with no permament damage done.

 

Also other tulpa's thing is a case of grass is always greener, it honestly always feels like everyone else is having way less trouble or way simpler trouble even when you got quite a bit of progress. I only recently got over most general doubt about my tulpa after quite a bunch of vocality stuff(Which we still suck at but a bit less XD), but now i always doubt sanity/maturity of my tulpa even thou she has shown to be more mature and less insane then me, doubt is such a plague......

 

The way i gone about my tulpa creaty stuff from the time i got first head pressurry responses and emotional ones is just saying that rather then development of my tulpa sux, my comunication sux. While it did help me get through quite a bit of silance its now biting me in the butt, since doubting comunication when it works makes it work worse and also makes me way paranoid.

[Guest]

Thirty minutes were alright. Peachy wasn't really moving around at all, which leads me to believe the event a few nights ago or whenever was just my being tired, or something. Couldn't see her well at all, or nearly as consistent as I was then. So maybe they do improve, but only as long as I don't take breaks from them, which, fuck that. But yeah, pretty much square one visually, as best as I can see.

 

I was also getting this feeling that everything I was doing was pointless, and silly. Which I don't like feeling, mostly because of how much time I've already wasted doing this. I know it's stupid, I guess, but yeah, can't stop because I can't, otherwise I would. Maybe I'll just stop questioning and worrying about things some day? I doubt it, but I can hope.

 

 

So I'd also like to mention something that I haven't, because it makes me hate myself and this process. And that's that every so often, I hear speech! I don't think about it, pretty sure I don't parrot it, it just comes out of the blue. And then I'll ask a question, ask how long she's been able to speak, I'll get the spiel about how it's been a while and I just haven't been listening, and then.. Then I get this sinking feeling and ask if it's actually me, and it never fucking fails, I'll get a response like "Of course it's you you fucking idiot, Peachy isn't even sentient yet".

 

Like

 

What

 

Why

 

Am I really so delusional that I'm finally getting to the point where the parrots start out how vocality is apparently supposed to? I don't initiate them, I'm too scared of parroting to. But after the reaffirmation, whether it's as blunt as I wrote above, or a simple "Yeah, it is", it stops. My brain is a piece of shit and I hate it. So I honestly don't think I'll ever experience vocality. Not with this shit. Fuck this entire concept in the arse, I hate it, and can't stop, but I have no clue what to do to make progress.

 

Like I said, it's happened for a while, I just.. Idunno. I already whine about parroting enough, and I didn't figure it would really do anything to mention every time it happened, but I'm getting sick of this. Somebody hurry up and make tulpas in pill form.

[nivereno]

Its very probably a habbit you developed somehow. Early on when i was going to do something that required my attention i always gone like "Blah, blah wait a sec and i'll force more" or something like that, now even when i'm not really interacting with my tulpa in the first place i still say stuff like "I'll get back to you" even when it won't happen or doesn't make any sense.

 

Chances are your getting a mix of intrusive thoughts, yourself and vocality thus not beeing able to distinguish any of it. One of the good ways to work on how vocality or tulpish "Feels" is thought ping-ponging as in you say something, ask peachy to repeat or parrot it and adjust the way you hear it untill its like distinguishable/cool sounding/whatever.

[Guest]

N'egh

 

Not doing this anymore for a while. Don't feel like it or have the motivation, the usual stuff. Maybe in a couple weeks or a month or so, dunno. I just keep getting the feeling that what I'm doing is retarded, and I'm not making progress. My friend also keeps joking that I'm probably not autistic enough, and, uh, given the track record for most of this community, I'm starting to fear that, ahaha. I'm not taking that specifically seriously, but there's probably something or other (aside from my pitiful sessions) that's making me suck. Probably the doubt. Maybe something else? Who knows. Probably just, yeah, my pitiful times. Will update when I feel better or when Peaches decides to speak.

 

I'll be in the chat thread if you need me.

[Guest]

Well, it hasn't been very long, but I guess I'll just make note so that I don't skimp out on updating later, that I've finally got that scented oil I mentioned some posts back. Which, as I think I stated, I'm going to be using in an attempt to condition myself for forcing when it's burning, but I've also decided to simply carry the bottle around, and take it out periodically, thinking about Peachy, and her form when I can smell it.

 

Smell is obviously regarded as an important sense for aid in visualizing, and memory, among other things, but to be perfectly honest, I don't see many people using it to any great benefit! If anyone has any lengthy tulpa-related experiences that you can link to say otherwise, I'd appreciate them so that I can go over them, but as it stands, I've only personally seen smell mentioned in small amounts, and again, to state that it's an important sense despite it not being very popular around here, apparently.

 

Again, anything more than some small remarks or mentions other people have made. Big things.

 

As it stands, I guess I'll try and build forcing as a whole around the sense. Well, that and touch, which I find to be the most.. I don't know, involving senses? Anyway, the oil is Strawberry Melon, and I intend to set myself to think of her everytime I smell either of those in the real world, or anything similar to them.

 

Failure is likely, update tonight.

[Guest]

Now that that's done

 

Tonight was alright. Figured I'd go in for an hour, seeing how it's been a bit. I made the mistake of starting up the oil before I got my thoughts oriented on Peaches, which I probably shouldn't have done. In all honesty, it would be ideal if I could completely get rid of the smell as soon as I'm done forcing, buuut that's probably not too viable, is it?

 

Hour itself was difficult. Just paying attention, I guess? I was getting the usual, decent touching, and to be perfectly honest, for what visuals I could manage, the face wasn't as bad as usual. Which, probably just random luck. Visuals as a whole were worse than usual, no surprise there. I definitely wasn't able to pick up on any movement, puppeted or nah, but as a narration-oriented session, guess it could have been worse. I'll keep at it for a while and see if the smell thing actually sticks. I'd imagine it would, assuming I also stick to the whole "carrying the flask thing of oil with me and smelling it while thinking of Peaches" thing. Only time will tell, yeah?

 

Edit: Natek, I'll have Kiahdaj or someone clean it up next time they're around.

[Guest]

On account of DM's poor communication, wound up not going out tonight. I didn't wind up sleeping until three or four in the morning after the last post, so I figured I'd get a thirty minute session out tonight, so I could get to sleep faster because I'm tired.

 

Focus was abysmal, sadly. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, I was simply having issues keeping Peachy in mind. Visuals were pretty bad, and opposite of the decent face-consistency whatever of last night, I couldn't remember what it looked like tonight for the life of me.

 

Still too early in the scent stuff to know whether or not the scent-training is working, though I'm still periodically taking the oil out to smell it. I definitely consciously think about Peachy when I smell it, so I guess that's good, despite not being hard to achieve, but I think it'll have been a success if and when I can smell things similar and my mind snaps to her, without me having any clue why until I notice the scent. So yeah, just keep doing it.

 

Rate the night at a 3/10. Might have been better if I hadn't been tired all day, but whatever, not going to stress about it. I'll be able to work tomorrow night since I didn't go out, so maybe they'll be better.

[Guest]

Decent night. Sat down and narrated to a movie, with varying levels of focus over about an hour and ten minutes. Burnt the oil again, as per usual, and I'm still getting that conscious snap to Peachy any time I become aware of it, but it's still not where I want it to be. Getting better, but I'll be done with it once I can't help but think about her any time my nose picks up on the stuff.

 

Light visuals during the watching as well. Could have been better, could have been worse. Face was alright, from what I could tell, but I don't think I was visualizing for any length of time long enough at a time to pick up on whether or not it was staying consistent. Fairly sure it was better than last night's though, at least.

 

Narration during the day isn't improving, despite my setting out to make it better, but that's just how it's always been I guess, regardless of how intent I am on improving it, or how much I do manage to narrate on the odd day.

 

7/10, will probably do the same thing tomorrow-night for the sake of ease, and then get back to the boring stuff, I guess.

 

 

Edit: For the sake of not bumping, I'll just edit here, and state that the past two nights of sleep have been the worst since that intense fever-dreaming when I was going hard on Peachy (ha) at the beginning. Constantly waking up, what sleep I am getting is restless, etc. About the only difference I can tell is that I'm not having intense, and memorable dreams this time, which could mean something or nothing. Ughhh. It's rough, yo.

 

Guess I'll keep an eye on it to see if it persists. These last sessions have definitely been nowhere near as intense as they were the first times this happened, but nothing has changed in my sleep schedule, daily life, or even diet to warrant this, and I'm definitely not stressing more over anything. So I'll go on and assume tuppering, for now.