Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[timethief]

No clue. Just keep at it. Some day, right?

Pretty much what I do. Just doing random stuff until I get... something. Anything I guess.

Keep the narration around would be my suggestion. I think it's probably one of the most efficient passive forcing methods. Even if it's for 5 minutes a day. Better than nothing.

[Guest]

Five minutes a day is far below what I do at minimum in a day, lately, so I'm at the very least good there.

 

I think it's just figuring out how to get into the right mindset to break through that wall. Like, pretty fuckin' sure I've had at least a single emotional response, and I'm not gonna go out of my way to rationalize that as something else, so there's definitely some semblance of whatever it may be, there, in my head.

 

I think there's just, still some amount of skepticism I can't let go of. I've legitimately spent hours just thinking about my mindset since I picked this back up, and I don't feel like I'm doubting, at all, but I know it's there, somewhere.

 

Maybe I need to have a symbolic journey into my mind to kill it or some shit

[Guest]

Captain's log

 

Day something

 

Shit's hard, mang.

 

End of log

 

 

But yeah, I've had a fairly distracting week, all things considered. Still giving Null that sweet, sweet attention that she so-very-much (hopefully) enjoys, just not much of it. I really, as much as I so don't want to, need to start working on visuals, just so I can figure out something enjoyable to do in wonderland, just to fill out more time. And decide on a form that's not gonna make me think "wow does that look fuckin' weird" every time I see it, I guess. I just don't know what to go with.

 

Idunno. I'll have company over for most of this weekend, so I guess for a couple hours after work tonight, I'll go at it. Maybe put on some tunes or something, dim the lights, try and set the mood for mental shit. Who knows, we'll see how it goes, yeah?

[timethief]

Captain's log

 

Day something

 

Shit's hard, mang.

 

End of log

Are you mocking my PR, because that's exactly the format I use.

 

Go with a very standard bland form because why not. Then you tupper will pimp it out and you'll end up like "wow does that look fuckin' weird" anyway. Because brains are dumb like that.

 

Now go force more. And keep giving Null attention okay?

[Guest]

I meant to update the next day after that post, and even had a lot written down, then I went to work, forgot what all I was gonna write, and accidentally closed the tab when I meant to open it, so rip

 

I couldn't decide on a form, and narrating has still been in a bit of a dip. It's too hot to even think in the factory right now, so after it starts cooling down, I fully intend to make up some of that time. Just need to try and figure out a topic...

 

Also I am not, Timethief, but I'll take credit nonetheless

 

 

Wish I had something more interesting to update with. I'd just not, until I have something, but I feel as though I have to make at least an obligatory update every little bit.

[Guest]

I hate myself for fucking with puppeting and parroting so much in the past. Last night while I was laying down, I was messing with a bunch of generic forms, and I was getting movement, right? I mean, it all seems to be the kind of shit I'd do when I'm just expecting some kind of movement, except that since I have no notion of how she'll be, it's kinda.. Random, which is the giveaway. I mean, I can imagine that a totes legit tupper isn't just gonna seem to be at the whim of spontaneous impulses, so I don't wanna just fall into that "It's always your tupper" thing when it's so clearly not, even if it's persisting nonetheless.

 

Not exactly in control of my own thoughts, at that. Repetitive movements have always been an issue of mine during visuals, and tend to put me off of it for days to weeks at a time, but that doesn't seem to be happening, so that's a relief.

 

Also got some parroty speech, or very, very basic real speech, not sure. Pretty sure it was the former, but hell, we'll see if it continues or not. I'm trying my hardest not to do shit myself, and if it continues to pop in despite the fact, I'll maybe, very maybe acknowledge it as something legitimate.

 

I'm pretty bad huh

[Guest]

Just keeeeep ooonnnn

 

 

The enthusiastic stage of this is dead and buried, and now the only thing enabling me to give any attention whatsoever is sheer willpower, and the sense of "I can't fuck this up four times. No way, man."

 

Of course, I'm still at a slight loss. Keep narrating, keep visualizing with random forms, or the same form for a couple nights, and it'll click, right? I'm not doubting it eventually will, but at the same time, I'm not bursting with optimism anymore.

 

Anyway, regarding form, I've been cycling through a bunch from media, and trying to keep an eye out for any feelings, or thoughts that could be popping in from Null. Nothing yet. I've also tried asking her to make her own, if that'd help, and, yeah, also nothing.

 

Not much else to update, just my obligatory bump and "I'm still at it" post. Can't stop, won't stop.

[Vos]

Discipline is more valuable than motivation. As long as you keep at it, I'm sure that results will eventually roll in. Good job on not giving up yet, Enny.

[Guest]

Thanks, yo

 

I obviously won't keep going forever, because it's definitely taking a near-constant toll on my mental wellbeing, whether I'm going active/passive, or just thinking about it whenever I'm not even working. 'Back into that state of headaches that I managed to find myself in with Peachy, so I'll assume that things are moving along upstairs, at least.

 

Dunno what my limit is, really. If I manage to have a meltdown, it could be at any time, but I'd say I've got a good while before I willingly put anything on hiatus.

 

Nothing much to report. Haven't felt much of that tupper-feel lately, but that could just be the headaches doing their thing. Will continuuuuue

[timethief]

I obviously won't keep going forever

Look at my face Enny. I am disappointed son.

 

because it's definitely taking a near-constant toll on my mental wellbeing

That doesn't sound good.

 

What keeps you going then? I think it may be time to assess your return on investment ratio with tulpamancy. Is the effort and mental strain you're going through worth it? It sounds bad, but eh, your case is quite unique to say the least, so I think it could be worth evaluating, is it really worth it?

 

Or...

take a real hard look at what are you doing, and why it is being detrimental to your mind. Is it because you're being too rigid? Or you feel guilt about not doing enough?

Or simply because >tfw failed three times in a row and I don't wanna flunk out a fourth one?

Then again, there isn't much stuff that you haven't tried already. Maybe you should wait for the tupper-in-a-pill.

 

I do see a disturbingly high amount of this:

tupper (possibly) does something -> "maybe it was me" -> "lol, it was me all along"

Not that I have any suggestions to counteract it since I struggle with that a lot as well. But I guess I somehow try to downplay that these days. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just keep pondering it all day. Whatever, I think you have really baffled pretty much everyone with your lack of progress. An interesting case study you are indeed. But isn't it a problem that one has to personally find the solution for? Many purpose all kinds of doubt-stopping methods, but apparently there are people like you and me that no matter what have this persistent doubt syndrome or something. Maybe keep searching for the holy grail against doubt? Try going into your "wonderland" or whatever by yourself and get used to visualizing/exploring that without your tulpa (may be a good visualization exercise)? No, not DnD or anything like that, just tulpaforcing in wonderland without the tulpa. Idunno, just throwing ideas there.

 

Regardless of your decision, good luck.

and force more faggot