Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

So I've gone ahead and started up a new RP thing. But like, with Null in it.

 

I know, I know, "Enny, you should have been doing this for years, it's so obvious, why are you still here you fucking blight, hurry up and kil--" TO WHICH I'LL REPLY, I have, and it doesn't usually work at all. But I guess that we're actually far enough along this time that it will, or something. Who knows?

 

Anyway, the only thing I know more about than.. Uhh.. Okay, the thing I know about is New Vegas right, so I was like "Hey, I play this and you don't seem to wanna kill yourself when you watch, wanna do something within the setting?" To which she replied, in verbatim, "Ha, yeah lil' homie I'm down widdit", so I guess we're doing that now.

 

We didn't make it far last night, as I fell asleep, but she seems to be doing well. I taught her how to hold a pistol (being of the south, I'm familiar with my guns, and how to handle them, will do so with larger things as we find them),we're probably hunting for geckos or something tonight, then who knows?

 

It's pretty aight, though. Having fun. It's mostly like, a way for me to observe her behavior and shit right now, but, yeah, still fun.

[Guest]

I guess that before I forget, I should make note of a thought I had last night.

 

So we're doing our thing, running around and killing shit, and I figure I'm tired, enough's enough for one night. We slip back into the regular wonderland, chat for a minute, and then say goodbye and goodnight to each other. And I kinda just.. Idunno, like, I slipped back into my regular, non-tuppering state of mind, and felt like I was alone again, but also not? It was kind of surreal. Like, I guess that it's just one of those things that'll start happening, but it's like.. Idunno, even though I wasn't thinking to her, and I'm pretty sure she herself was getting ready for bed, there was still that connection, even though I didn't feel like she could hear me thinking.

 

Or something, idunno, I'm not great at vocalizing things.

 

I just figured I'd write it down, maybe mark it as another one of those days that I'll look back and see as an important milestone for us.

[Guest]

I've been preoccupied with other stuff over the past few days, but even then, when I go in and speak with Null, there's not that crazy skepticism, or even "I'll go with it even if it's not me" stuff going on. Just, straight up interaction, and nothing else. So that's good.

 

I have decided though, that the whole RP thing in its current state is waaay too hard. If we could figure out something that's just more, idunno, narrative, then we can make it I think. The ones I do alone are usually strictly narrative, but there's the whole ordeal of really learning how to let someone else control the flow of things that might be tricky. Idunno.

 

Yeah, just, a general update for now. Nothing major, nothing bad, just some stuff for the books.

[Guest]

Probably too long between updates. Not much has happened aside from me deliberately ignoring the fuck out of Null for about the entire time, because I didn't feel like talking to her.

 

Which was bad and I feel bad, so I'll try not to do that again. She was a bit up in arms about it for a minute, but I'm fairly certain she's coming to terms with the fact that I'll probably never consistently pay her the attention she needs because I suck.

 

Still, she doesn't seem any worse-off for it, so I'm thankful of that. Been having some chits and chats off and on from yesterday onto today though, and I'm slightly disappointed to find she still doesn't speak in very long sentences. Some day? It's probably just how she is, though. Idunno.

 

We'll figger it, eventually.

 

As an aside, that lingering sense of paranoia that this isn't going right, or that it's all fake, or whatever, is back. Dunno why, and I'm not really paying it any attention, but, yeah.

[Guest]

Obligatory something or other.

 

Not much going on, just popped in to say Null and I were going on about the site earlier and I mentioned the account switcher. And Null was like, "I'd kinda like an account" or something.

 

Which I've kind of been trying to avoid on the basis of how off and on bad I feel about our progress and her competence in general, so.. Yeah. Idunno. Sure as fuck not opening up a Q&A thread, but I guess there's no harm in it, for now. Just, yeah.

 

What I worry about is like.. Someone does ask her a question, just in general, and it's just a super short thing and she can't think of a good reply or, yeah, just, making her seem publicly, fake or something. I don't know. No way she's any less 'real' than your average "Hey I just made a tulpa and she already learned how to posess me!" tupper, but it can seem like that, sometimes. Idunno. Maybe she'll poke her head into the chat thread some time, idunno.

 

This probably didn't deserve a post, just kinda, yeah, trying to get over my apprehension.

[Vos]

What matters is your perception of your tulpa, not anyone else's. Even then, younger tulpas are sort of expected to give shorter, less creative replies because of their lack of experiences, so I don't think that she'd get much of a negative reaction, if that makes sense.

[Guest]

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm gonna give it time, anyway, I've decided. I just. Idunno

 

Kinda going through one of my phases right now.

 

I've spent the entire last day with Null, but the more time I spend talking to her, the more I realize it's impossible to have actual conversation. Or at least consistent, convincing conversation. I don't know, this is fucked.

 

I really wish I enjoyed speaking with her. I just don't. She's not, idunno, 'her own person' enough, and it's not improving. Like, I woke up and immediately decided to start spending time with her, narrating everything I was doing, playing some games and talking about them with her, and it just, well, sucked. All of it. Not a decent moment all day, and there was too much "me", not enough "her"

 

And I know it's me because I have experienced those moments where I'm totally convinced it's her. And that's fucking awesome, and those moments are the reason I'm doing this. But they're just not happening, lately. How the fuck do I dissociate? I have no clue, because through everything I've been doing since I started on Null, whether it's me parroting, or expecting replies within a certain criteria and my mind throwing them out, it's not happening. She doesn't have a distinct feel, she doesn't, fuck, I don't know.

 

I really hate myself for sucking at this. I wish I could experience what someone who's been successfully doing this for years does, just so I had some idea of where I actually stand.

 

Hell, let me ask her something. "What do you think of what I'm writing?"

 

"I don't know, not worried"

 

Saw that one coming.

 

Kill me

[Guest]

Hello -- I used to go to these forms regularly for some period, but stopped after a rougher period in my life, and I'm returning once more because I decided not to quit. I did lose most of, if not all of, my progress, but that hasn't deterred me yet. However, I can say that I stand in a similar spot to you in some ways. Though, I'm frustrated myself because I've never managed to achieve actual vocalization with my Tulpa -- I've never actually heard her speak or been around for it. It's hard to describe the feedback I used to get, but most of it just used to be emotional, really, and that's how it always has been. I've never been good at visualization, and haven't managed to do anything good in it either.

 

Regardless, I do wish you luck, and I hope you find more luck in your endeavors. I think I'll be following your progress regularly, at least to some degree, as I am curious to see how it goes. I think, as long as you keep going, eventually, you'll find yourself making better progress and enjoying the process more; I haven't managed to do anything meaningful yet, but at the moment I do still enjoy the process or forcing and interacting, in my mind, with my Tulpa.

 

At this point, I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll cut it here. I hope you have better luck soon with all of this.

[nivereno]

I really wish I enjoyed speaking with her. I just don't. She's not, idunno, 'her own person' enough, and it's not improving. Like, I woke up and immediately decided to start spending time with her, narrating everything I was doing, playing some games and talking about them with her, and it just, well, sucked. All of it. Not a decent moment all day, and there was too much "me", not enough "her"

Mindsets are really important, not just on your part but on Nulls too (Hi Null by the way *Waves*). I suggest you try some proxying because it will force you into a better mindset and might give Null some motivation to get more independent. Outside people might also be able to evaluate your progress day to day without bias. Also don't put it off untill everything is "Good enough" because it will never be with that kind of thinking.

 

 

Thing is you've been told that beeing a single person in one head is the only way to be one... or a thousand times too many, and then subsequently the tulpa comunity has directly and indirectly told you that to have a fully indipendent tulpa you need to be x for x amount of time and that if you don't pay attantion to a tulpa they die and all that blah blah nonsense. Sure maybe before you hear the first response from your tulpa and before you have put a solid 6 or so months into forcing all that is pretty true, but once you do it pretty much becomes a matter of mindsets, somewhat of tulpas motivation, and just growing into a "more" person(I mean the same thing that happens to any human all the time not some weird tulpa only thing).

 

Sort of indirectly rellevant content somewhere in there

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies, I guess. Don't really feel like going through and commenting on anything said, just, eh.

 

It's been two weeks or so, and I figure someone or other might be wondering, so update.

 

Not feeling it, lately. Null hasn't spoken out about my weird apathy, because she hasn't spoken at all, so yeah.

 

I'll get back to it when I'm feeling it. Just, not right now.