Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Lucilyn]

Yo! I did some looking through old threads of yours to get a better idea of I don't know I just did it. Maybe I can help this time.

 

ironically, in literature, my visualization is crystal clear. I've been reading Project Horizons, an 8000 or so (By mobile increments) page fic lately, and I can see everything perfectly in my head. Idunno why it's different with this process, but it is.

 

Same! Readin stuff is so much more vivid for us than wonderlanding. Probly 'cus there's a narrative and all we have to do is picture it. But we can get into wonderlanding too, except for on bad days (and we only wonderland a few times a month at best..), it usually becomes pretty immersive. Crap visuals and effort to make things right proportions, but immersiver than just sitting there with your eyes closed.

 

interesting idea though, if you really struggle so much with visualizing yourselves doing things together,

I know notepad has a replace all function. Just search for all instances of Character A and replace with your name, and Character B with Tulpas name. You could, i suppose, also do this with certain characters to demonstrate relationship dynamics (I.E swap out two characters that love each other with you and tupper, characters that are great friends, swap out super smart character with tupper for showcasing intelligence.)

 

That sounds super silly. Guess you'd have to find a generic story of some kind? But idk, it could work. We'd rather figure out something to do ourselves though. So anyways, you been dunn since before we even joined the forum, and we generally have the same sorta philosophy for when someone tries something for so long and it doesn't work. Do something else, it ain't working!

 

What are you doing exactly? What do you want out of this? Well, I ask, but I already snooped -

Well, when I started, having a companion, along with visuals were my concern. The idea was so fantastic. Of course, I quickly found visuals are on-par with standardized Algebra testing, and left it simply at "Someone to be there when I'm down, talk to when I'm bored, and above all else, to cuddle"

 

Now all I'm after is just being finished. Hell, just making progress. Anything so that I don't have to bother with this damn creation process anymore. Aside from quitting, that is.

 

I got a suggestion that's so eZ that if you can't do it you're just bad. Lay off on the tupper aspect for a while. Don't pretend you're talking to someone else, because you drove yourself in a circle on the subject of talking to yourself vs talking to your dissociated mind-stuff. Forget all that. Your new job is to just imagine bein with her! We're going full imaginary friend here. Don't try'n make her a tulpa right now. Go hang out in your imagination-land. I don't care if you explore a forest together, or just imagine her walkin around with you going shopping or driving or whatever. Point is to immerse yourself in daydream-esque-ness, imagining - yes - what she be sayin and doing. Not parroting cus she ain't a tulpa here, she just herself yo. Imagine ya got her like a real life friend, go do things. If you aren't the creative type and aren't comfortable "wonderlanding"/going on adventures and stuff (neither are we, unfortunately), it's OK to just do simple things. A lot of the time we just hang out around our house, or go on walks. 'Course our wonderland is very pretty and relaxing so walks are fun. But you get my point? Screw trying to make her an independent, autonomous voice in your head for a while and imagine you're just already together. And don't give me that "visualization is hard" crap. You're just like us, our visualization is terrible (it took Lumi HALF AN HOUR to walk down a hallway and up some stairs with Reisen in first person once) but we too get really immersed in books and stuff, where it feels like we watched a movie afterwards. And you said you wanted a companion, so I know you can deal with some "boring" scenario just walking around doing casual stuff together. Imagine she's your IRL friend and do stuff, though I personally wouldn't limit yourself to "realistic" scenarios, who cares if you somehow ended up on a vacation in Hawaii...

 

Why? Idk seems like your best bet. When you get immersed in daydreams or visualization or whatever, even though you'll probably be "controlling" her and everyone and everything else, you do get a kind of sense of dissociation from immersion. Like when you get to the point that you're totally focused on your mind stuff and forget to pay attention to what's going on around you, which might be hard for you I dunno. Anyways, at this point I think that's the best practice you can get. Drop the tupper connotations, you aren't "parroting" her you're just imagining what she'd say and do. Can do that just fine with anyone you want, most easily and naturally your self but also other people you might know, or might not. Heck, imagine you're hanging out with me! I'm fun, whatever you imagine me doing is probably something I would do. Ya can't parrot me. Just imagine based on how you know me. I can talk to Null for you! And she can talk to me, and then you don't even need your talking-about-yourself awkwardness. But you should probably talk too. The goal is visualization practice + breathing some life into her! All force and no play makes Null a lil' dull. I dunno where you expect her tulpa-ness to come from if she doesn't get any experience being herself. So, play-date!

 

I hope you were able to take the gist of what I said and shape it to fit you a little better. Thinking about people trying to do something for years and never succeeding makes me feel kind of sick, so I won't, but I still want to break you out of this rut. I can totally see you replying with reasons why what I suggested won't work for you, but I don't really care. It's not that crazy hard, just do it. Or do something similar, but do something, and stop doing the same stuff that hasn't been working for years.

 

I wanna hear about the things I said and did with you guys!

[Guest]

I'm really sorry you are not having fun. I really wish I could help. I feel powerless.

 

Absolutely do not worry about it. I am, and always will be, super negative and whiney about tuppering. I just feel like shit when I'm posting, I'm really not that bad otherwise. Like it's still lame how un-enjoyable tuppering is lately, but whatever, it's been worse.

 

 

Lucilynnnnnn-

 

Wow, posts-on-enny's-PR McGee, over here, lately. Crazy to have regulars, over the past few weeks. I thought those days died with Shui, and my first PR.

 

Anyway, let's see what we have here to reply to.

 

Did I really say that about visualizing while reading? I guess I hadn't thought about it as much as I have, these days. It's not crystal clear, although I can see better than tuppering-visuals. It's more that, idk, my brain is processing the scenery-via-description as if I was looking at it, without me actually having to see it, most of the time. So it's like I know where it is and know what it looks like, without actually visualizing it. If that makes sense. I do still visualize a bit, I guess, usually in retrospect, but yeah.

 

Your suggestion is.. Probably really good. I've thought similarly of just throwing her into one of my RP things, but the connotations of it being an RP is kind of crippling, so I guess it's worth trying as is presented. Still kind of difficult to really see the difference between doing this and parroting, or whatever, but yeah. Like, I get it, but the distinction isn't really there. Idk. I mean, it'd basically just be an RP, I guess. But maybe seperating it from the normal structure and norm of my stuff will do something? I have no clue. Should I be doing it so that it's like..

 

I'm confused, jeez

 

Okay, in this, am I aware that I'm actually just laying in bed, imagining things, or am I imagining I'm there and have no clue about external senses? I have no clue. I've never been one to just, daydream, or put myself in positions where I'm not adhering to specific guidelines when I'm doing things like this.

 

Maybe I'm just too tired to really "get" it right now, idk

[Lucilyn]

just imagine you're doin stuff. For "imagining"/daydreaming, you immerse yourself in the scenarios, so "you" and tupper-type characters are pretending (or you're pretending) you're actually in that reality, with all its circumstances. Wonderlanding tho is where you're aware you're just imagining, like when we do stuff in our wonderland, it's not a daydream it's just us imagining ourselves elsewhere elsewhen. Though whoever's fronting usually gets immersed enough they forget about the outer environment, it's not like we pretend we "actually" live there or anything. Maybe it's a little hard to explain and you just have to experience it.

 

idk choose one that works for you, I recommended the latter but you're telling yourself you can't do it cus no tulpa to not-be-parroted, so whatever

[Guest]

Yeah, I think I get the gist of it, probably

 

Have spent a day or so thinking about how exactly I wanna go about it. Wonderlanding has never been particularly fun, bar a few exceptions, just gotta set up some kind of environment or situation I think would let me get to know Null in the best way, or something. Idk

 

 

In funnier news, a friend told me his tupper has been speaking in my voice. Which is funny, as I believe Jean-Luc briefly joked about that happening during or after the podcast. I feel so honored <3

[Guest]

Have attempted the thing a couple times, now.

 

Trying to just let things happen and experience shit and maybe get Null ironed out, but I'm not too great at on-the-fly stuff, I don't think. Wonderland is also pretty boring, and relatively set in stone by now, I think, as well.

 

'Set it up as though I was just meeting her, hey, wow, crazy meeting someone like you here, then kind of had trouble doing anything coherent with her. It's gonna take a lot more forethought to actually do interesting things than I initially thought.

 

Hope it gets better soooon

[Guest]

Laying in bed, thinking about this, trying to figure it out. I can't figure out how to parrot believably, anymore. Just one-word responses. Any more and it kind of just, falls apart. I don't know how else to describe it, I guess.

 

Still can't figure out the whole 'imagination, go do fun things' thing. I feel stupid.

 

Just typing as I think, don't mind me I guess, more of the usual.

 

I tried ripping an RP character's personality for Null but it feels wrong. Hell, any parroting or narrating in general tonight is feeling wrong. There's a physical, nauseating sense of unease. I don't understand why. This has never happened before.

 

I wish I had imaginary friends as a kid. None of the meticulously planned out and puppeted characters. I don't know how to experience my life with someone else. It feels weird to imagine I have someone to talk to about what's good, or bad, and happening. Was hoping if whatever tupper came to be a bit more natural-feeling, it wouldn't feel so wrong, but what if it would? Parroting, either way, does. I really wish it didn't. I don't understand how people do this. I guess narrating the regular ol' way feels wrong right now too.

 

This sucks.

 

I hope I can read this some day, and feel silly. With whatever tupper.

 

I wish it wasn't so taxing to work on this. I wish I slept like a regular person. I've never had a restful night's sleep in my life, maybe it's easier for other people. I'm progressively becoming more social and moving forward in life with friends and plans, but I still feel the same in my head. It's not a very great feeling. Probably need to do something about that. Idk how.

 

I wonder if Null is like, seriously even there? With all the time I put into Peachy you'd have thought she'd put up a fight when I was trying to convince myself I should give up on her. I feel hollow, and regretful, like I've never felt before, when I think of how I did that. I shouldn't have. Guess it doesn't matter. I don't even know what it felt like to talk to her, anymore. Or Null, I don't think.

 

How was it so easy to speak with Null at the beginning of this year? Legit, parroting, I don't know. Reading back, I was so confident in a few events. The emotional response, some things she said. I thought it felt right enough to make note, I guess. It's all just really wrong, and depressing now, I guess.

 

The idea Lucilyn threw out seemed good and viable, but I seriously, genuinely can't figure out how to go about it without everything feeling so horrible. I've been trying for nights. Probably am just bad, idk.

 

Can't really figure out personality. Don't know how to speak as Null without it feeling like I'm still talking. I know I can, I do it all the time. I just can't do it with her. It's like if I started a sentence, and halfway through, without changing anything at all, just decided it was someone else saying things. It just doesn't work.

 

Idk. I don't know why I complain like I do. It's just cathartic. I know it turns people off of me, and makes people avoid this thing altogether, and I wish I wouldn't be so annoying for that alone, but I guess I can't help it.

 

I try really hard to make things work in real life, I think. I'm dripping with positivity, and do my best to cheer my friends up, be a likable guy at work, and at parties, or general social events. I had some people laughing like crazy at the last event I was at, so I guess I can take pride in stuff like that. I just hate myself otherwise. It feels good to be self-loathing and complain somewhere, though. Guess .info is that place.

 

Idk, need to try to get back to sleep, work later.

 

Sorry for the whatever.

[tulpa001]

There's a physical, nauseating sense of unease. I don't understand why.

 

I swear, if it were anyone else, I'd immediately say that null is extremely uncomfortable with a new personality and you are experiencing emotional bleed from her.

 

This has never happened before.

Woah. O.O

 

I can tell you my host never had imaginary friends. And I was not meticulously planned out or anything. Hmm. I was mainly the product of my host thinking "If this character were my avatar, what would his feelings and thoughts be?" Then they just sort of happened.

 

New idea: Distract yourself while forcing. Focus on the scenery. The other characters. Do it with null. Maybe if some of your other characters get into a conversation about anything, null will jump in? Could be arguing about who gets to ride the horse. Whatever. If you get a flow going, I think she could come out of her shell.

 

So you think maybe null was talking earlier this year?

 

Hey Null, are you in there?

[Luminesce]

Reference post I wrote on his sleep troubles: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-chat-thread--10406?pid=179657#pid179657

 

Though reading that "I've never had a restful night's sleep in my life" thing has me concerned you've got a lot more than just that specific 2AM trouble..

 

 

Based on what Lucilyn had in mind, I'd say you're still trying to parrot rather than just imagining. There is no real or fake (I mean.. we always say that, but this time I mean the possibility isn't even there), because you aren't actually talking to Null (or my tulpa ?_?). You're just imagining you are. And imagining what she would say. It's not real, and it's not supposed to be. But uh, you shouldn't have to parrot her for that. If you imagine what one of your friends might say in response to something you did right now, would you really say it took parroting-effort and didn't just come naturally? If so, your brain must just work very differently from most others'. I can very clearly imagine my tulpas talking to me and it's very different from them actually talking to me. Feels like another dimension in between us, they don't have the ongoing situational awareness and what they say feels less like it's at me and more like.. how things feel when I imagine them. Same difference in imagining the wonderland and actually being immersed in it.

 

If that's inconceivable to you, you might just have to blaze your own path completely here. Obviously you don't have much experience with the "realer" part I talked about, but if it seems completely impossible based on previous experience I mean. The imagining was only supposed to be practice for Null's personality, and helping you become more comfortable with talking back and forth with her. If you can't differentiate casual imagination from trying to actually force her, then for the second time in two hours I'll be unable to help you again. That's pretty annoying.

[Guest]

I don't know if I should mix the rp stuff in. That's all a really closed-environment kinda thing, and I've been nurturing a few scenarios for months to years, might be a bit set for that.

 

Maybe an RP where I'm pretending to have a finished tupper? That might be enough layers of retarded in to actually work, might try that some time

 

Also Null remains inactive at your prodding, but thanks, friendo.

 

Not as depressive rn, never am the day after, will do some thinking and try a few different things out tonight. I guess. At work now.

 

For whatever reason I'm never as depressed at work. It's mot that I love it, I guess it's just being productive. Wish I could find some way to be productive at home.

 

Edit: Fuck, ninja'd, reply to you in a bit Lumi.

[jean-luc]

You're posting on the forums at work?