Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

As far a I'm concerned, like, 90% of her movement is puppeting. I'm incapable of not micromanaging the wonderland, so every time I pop in, she's in the same place, usually in the same position, because I'm the one imagining things. If I could just let things happen, I'm sure that'd be different, but that's something people have been trying to explain to me for years, now, and I still don't understand how to go about it, so

 

Yeah.

 

Passive imposition stuff is about the same. Like when she's speaking, and that's feeling alright, I feel like the movements are a lot less 'me', but that's the only time.

[Fairweather]

K: That's still decent progress, if you are getting imposed movement that isn't purely your own. That's further than I am with imposition.

[Guest]

I don't get imposed movement, I get generally visualized movement, my bad, should have clarified a bit better.

 

The imposition stuff is more just a locational thing, and a snapshot ordeal for when I'm actually trying to see the tupper, definitely. To be totally honest, I have my reservations about imposition truly being possible in the way that it's so commonly described, or at least if it is for someone like me. I'm fine with using aspects of methods for it just to, idunno get that presence, I guess. Past that, eh. I'd be much more down for aural imposition, or even switching before traditional, visual imposition.

 

 

One of my buds has been getting at me for being so doubtful. As much as I tell myself otherwise, no, I don't really believe Null is there, or that I'm capable of hearing her. Not that I don't want to, and don't try to, that's just the state if things, out of my hands. He recommends introspection, and analyzing my thoughts as to why I'm this way, but to be perfectly honest, I have no clue. I'm moderately self-aware, I like to think, but introspective is certainly something I have never, ever been. He seems to think figuring out why I think these thoughts will give me an opening to adjust them, or something, idk.

 

How even does one go about this?

 

Any way that doesn't involve meditation, anyway. You all know how I feel about that, I think.

[Lucilyn]

I'm moderately self-aware, I like to think, but introspective is certainly something I have never, ever been.

 

that's the difference in you and Lumi, I guess. He probably thinks kinda like you belief/logic wise, but he's super introspective. You've read this post before, right? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-how-hard-is-it-to-get-started-for-a-sceptic?pid=159973#pid159973

 

But he's gotta be introspective because the way his mind worked by default was not good. Like at least now he functions decently enough even with motivation issues. Seven years ago he just lay in bed all day on his laptop. And missed a tooon of school. Self-help stuff and the other three taught him to pay attention to how his mind worked, and set like goals for how he wanted it to, and I guess now it's just a passive lifestyle thing. I can't really think of what doing it or not doing it entails, but I'm sure tons of people are way more oblivious to how they think than us. Even smart people aren't necessarily introspective.

 

Aanyways, since he's all logic-y (which is really dumb when it comes to mind/belief stuff) he had to "explain" us, couldn't just be like cool, friends! IMO after all the effort he ended up right back where he would've been if he just hadn't cared in the first place, all you gotta do is what makes you happy and what seems best for you. In your head, logic has nothing to do with belief or experience. You can experience something you can't explain. And you can enjoy that experience without explaining it... sigh, whever

 

him and Tewi are so good at explaining things to themselves it doesn't even matter anymore. But which of us is the happiest, huh?

[Stevie]

Have you considered that writing down stuff is how you learn it, and by taking a lot of time to wax on how Null's not developing the way you want, you could be reinforcing the expectation that she won't feel "real" enough when you force?

 

I don't know what you'd do about it even if that was the case but it was some idea I had

 

Take it easy dude

[Guest]

You're more than likely on-point with the negative reinforcement thing, yeah. I could just not talk about it, but an Enny who isn't complaining is barely an Enny at all, when you really think about it.

 

Not totally sure how I'd go about this writing things down, thing. I write every positive and negative development down here, and it usually still seems to be at the whim of the universe's mood, whether or not I'm doing okay.

 

Trying not to get as bad as usual about it either way, will take it easy, thanks.

 

 

Lucilyn--

 

Yeah, I've read that before. I typically have trouble seeing a lot of things from Lumi's pov, though, tbh. He's using all these words and I'm all whoa, and it's just beyond my mortal comprehension. Like I understand what he's saying tho, it's just, yeah, relating to it.

 

 

So anywaaay

 

Had some hangs with Null last night, went alright. Speaking with her today, seems alright.

 

Idk why it's fine now, but I'll take it.

 

We did a bit of looking around possible new wonderland areas, commenting on things, and stuff. Seemed to go pretty well. Will likely pick that back up tonight.

[Lucilyn]

yay :)

 

and yeah we get that a lot. Idk what to tell you. I don't think like him, but I do understand him, because we're in the same system. But idk how to explain it to people outside the system either. I would usually just try and give my own advice, but idk, seems like you think more like him than me. No one ever takes my advice.. you're all too scared of things not making perfect logical sense. People who disagree that you can be happy for no reason are beyond my help, and so I give Lumi and Tewi's advice instead. :/

 

uh, not speaking about you, just in general. You tried my advice and said it didn't work, that's fine

[Guest]

You're fine at advice too, don't worry. Just, maybe a bit fast-paced. Or something. Idk

 

 

Things are swimming along. Hangs have been a bit infrequent, the past couple days, but they're there. I think I've been managing to get the lady to comment on slightly more complicated things, and maintain my productive disposition, so that's swell.

 

Am thinking though, feel bad for putting Null through dealing with me. Like I'm still having the issues sleeping, still waking up at the same times in the morning, and it's annoying as all piss for me. 'Far as we've discerned, Null doesn't sleep independently of me, either (although she does seem to settle down earlier?), so that's a bummer. Then I'm just, an ass, in general. Idk. She doesn't seem to take any bullshit and is really quick to have me fuck off when I'm being difficult.

 

Which is great, really, I'd prefer that to a tupper that's constantly riding my dick (you know, metaphorically), or whatever. Still, probably sucks for her that she's gotta go through it.

 

I need to solidify her presence, I think. Or, well, find it in the first place. That'd help things along. Also trying to figure out ow to view her less as 'Imaginary friend', more as 'person I'm inconveniencing by ignoring and who I should feel obligated to spend time with'.

 

It's gonna take some doing, methinks.

[Vos]

It sucks for a tulpa to have to put up with all of the host's tulpa-related problems and mistakes, but I think that the time the host actually spends with them often makes up for that. And there's not a good way to see your tulpa as something other than imaginary outside of interacting with them like you would with anyone else, which just comes with time. Good stuff, lately.

[hamada]

I think I like this journal the most. It just feels a lot more personal to me then most other journals. Just stating what I think.