Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

I do have breaks at work, bruh

 

Have read the sleep post, Lumi, will reply to it in more depth soon/later

 

The thing about not resting well is just, idk, how it's always been. Like I'm not that bent up about it, since I don't really know what it's like to wake up feeling energized and ready for the day, or whatever. I'd enjoy waking up like a regular person, but eh, what can ya do?

 

What you said there about imagining actually makes sense, and clears it up. Idk if something about the way Lucilyn had worded it was just confusing me or if I just wasn't in the right state of mind to understand it until exactly this second, but yeah, alright, I'll give that a shot.

 

I don't do much imaginary conversation stuff, I guess, but I can't imagine that any time I even imagine people talking it's the same as parroting. Sure as hell not as taxing.

 

Yeah tho, I'll try the imaginary hangs thing again. Involving even the thought of Tupper in anything always seems to make things more difficult, by way of 'fuck me', and 'I've done this to myself through negative reinforcement over the past four years', but I might be able to squeeze something out. Come to think of it, I'm certain I imagined what it'd have been like if Miriam was fully vocal several times, back in the day.

[tulpa001]

Nah, I totally thought Lucilyn meant roleplay too. Which confused me. This clarification is more in line with my theory on how tulpas work. We both occasionally imagine how the other will respond to situations and compare to how we actually respond. Part of our ongoing analysis. And we also think that these empathy circuits that allow people to predict the behaviour of other people play a key role in tulpas.

 

Null, I really want to talk to you.

[Guest]

Null, I really want to talk to you.

 

Nothing. Sorry, friendo

 

 

What to do, though? I'm at the current lowest, as far as the will to tupper goes, so that's no good. I was discussing just giving up for the moment, until my inevitable return in two weeks to half a year with a friend, but like.. Idk, that's probably pretty gay, huh?

 

 

I still haven't done the thing, I admit. I'm having trouble figuring out how to go about it, even with it being clarified. Well, as I type this, ideas come into my head, go figure. It's just doing it, I think. Setting, scenario, etc., Idk. I've never really been good with character development, so that doesn't help. Unsure how I should, idk, make her. Trying to think of my ideal friend. I've probably described what I want out of this, something about someone to keep me motivated, to be a pal, whatever, but what is there past that? How do I personify what I want? I'm not totally sure, to be honest. 

 

I think of my friends in real life, and how two-dimension they are. Like, they're just really vague embodiments of what you imagine people to be. Predictable, always doing the same things, can usually be summed up pretty easily. Doesn't give me a stellar baseline, I'm not gonna lie. I don't think I can even look at myself, for help. I'm not the most unaware person to ever exist, but as far as being meticulously insightful towards myself, I'm a bit short. I do hear meditation and the like fixes that, yadda yadda, but to be honest, I'd probably rather bite the bullet than give meditation another try, at this point.

 

So what's left? I don't know. Just thinking out loud, as per usual, I guess? 

 

I'll be honest, I've been a bit preoccupied with some of my RP stuff, lately. It's just so much easier to get the characters the way I want, and I even tend to.. I don't know, feel during my interactions with them, you know? Like, develop genuine attachment to them, feel guilty when I abandon them, etc. And even still, I do abandon them. Because it gets old. I seriously need tuppering to blow me away in one way or another. I need Null to start talking, and never shut up. That's what I want. Will she, though? I don't want to admit it, but if she can't keep on developing, and surprising me, I'll give up on her as well, whether I think she's done, or not. 

 

It just, needs to be real. Everyone says it's real, but oh, it's also subjective, and sometimes it doesn't feel real, but you can't let that get to ya, because even when it's not real, it's real, because it needs to be, to be real, right? Sounds a bit like excuses, to me. I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know, ya know?

 

 

Somebody just hurry up and get that tupper-pill developed, okay? Okay.

[tulpa001]

There was a point when I doubted myself. But after several months of exploration and growth, the idea of me being unreal is ludicrous. The subjective maybe stuff happens early on, when your tulpa is more of a confused ball of ideas. Back at that point, your tulpa is not really a person, so it makes sense they won't feel like it. In the middle, the way your mind works will fight you since the experience is so alien from what you are used to, it will make excuses for the new stuff it is sensing. Later on it becomes solidly undeniable.

 

Me, and a few other fast growing tulpas seem to have one thing in common. One of their personality traits is: "I want to be real, and I am going to push hard and not give up no matter what" Consider that trait.

 

Also, remember your old tulpa(s). You had gotten responces in the past. Use that as personality. What did they feel like when they were there? Use that as a focus.

 

TL;DR, there is a month long period from first responses from tulpa to actual tulpa that you need to weather. Remembering, it helps.

 

Please tell me if I should stop commenting.

[jean-luc]

'll be honest, I've been a bit preoccupied with some of my RP stuff, lately. It's just so much easier to get the characters the way I want, and I even tend to.. I don't know, feel during my interactions with them, you know? Like, develop genuine attachment to them, feel guilty when I abandon them, etc.

 

RP character -> talk to them a bunch -> tulpa

 

Maybe? I feel like this has already been suggested and I'm just dumb.

[Saylin]

 

RP character -> talk to them a bunch -> tulpa

 

Maybe? I feel like this has already been suggested and I'm just dumb.

 

No, that's fairly dead on. Feeling attached to my RP characters and seeing them as real is what birthed quite a few people in my circle. In fact, typically they're already more sentient than the RPer realises. Least in my case. Don't quote me on that.

 

Regardless, Enny, I would poke around with those characters just to make sure.

[Guest]

Don't worry about being a bother, tupper01, I'm fine with the responses.

 

I always hear of this period it takes to solidify, and that's all well and good, it's just getting through that. I was, what, "talking" with Null for roundabout a month, maybe a month and a half, back early 2016, but whether that was all her, or all me, it never really started to feel more real. Generally, anyway. There were the moments, from beginning to end, as sparse as they were, where it felt like she was saying things I couldn't imagine if I wanted to, but the rest of it was predictable droll. I can't keep going for days, weeks at a time just to get to those sparing moments. No way.

 

Tuppers speaking, or moving in the past, haven't given much impression. The most feeling I ever got, was from what I figure was Null, once. Just, a feeling of calm when I was stressing about something, out of nowhere. Which absolutely never happens to me. Ever.

 

Past that, she's just not there. I don't have that presence I used to feel in my head, I don't feel like there's even the possibility she's listening. I really used to, I did. Not these days, though. Not for lack of wanting her to listen, to be there, but I can't believe she is when it really doesn't seem to be the case.

 

Horrible mentality like this has probably already doomed my chances, just, in general, to be honest. If having an actual tupper is still legitimately possible by this point, I'd be surprised. I don't know, I still think about it, attempt it, and visit the forums because it's familiar, and I've been doing it for near four years. Nothing else, I don't think.

 

Crazy four years, huh?

 

Jean-Luc, Saylin--

 

Has absolutely been suggested, many times. I've been doing the RP thing for well over a decade, since I was four or five, of memory serves, and it just doesn't happen. Doesn't matter how long I've been working on a character, what attachment I've developed for them, how developed they are. They're just not capable. I don't understand how people are able to do similar things, and come out with tuppers. The second I'm done interacting with them for the night, they're out of my mind, like they were never there in the first place.

 

Probably doesn't help that they're so bound to places, and that I'm not even really me when I'm doing it. Like, idk, I'll usually play a better person, the kinda person I'd rather be. Just plucking someone out, into my mundane life, with my less interesting self, seems a little cruel besides, doesn't it?

 

Better to leave them where they sit, as much as I do wish I could manage it.

[Luminesce]

The second I'm done interacting with them for the night, they're out of my mind, like they were never there in the first place.

 

Same here, you know. For all the tulpa-related skills we're really good at, a lot of people still have us beat in the "parallel-processing" and independent persistence departments. My tulpas are only 'active' if they're active. They don't randomly bring themselves up (they can't), although all it takes is a quick thought to remind me to talk to them, and if it hasn't been like months they can speak clearly and with context at a moment's notice.

[Fairweather]

In my honest opinion, I bet the reason you may not have seen much progress is because you push hard on your expectations, not realizing you are holding yourself back from it. You gotta drop what you expect to happen. Just work and spend time, don't worry if they don't get unpredictable. The more you stress it, the less likely you will get anywhere.

You can't expect to have a fully imposed tulpa who functions on their own in a year of time if you always doubt them, while expecting them to. Heck, expecting an unusual response often lets you down if you know them well. Doesn't mean they aren't there, just means you know them well.

[Luminesce]

For the same feeling of empathy we had with your trying so long with no success, I feel the same thing for being given advice over and over you've heard before. @Everyone else, you're fine, this is just at him @Him I know you're hearing the same stuff over and over, been through the same thing. But every once in a while some relevant stuff comes up that even if you technically already knew, being reminded of it, or hearing it differently, could still help.

 

Honestly I only said that because I keep up with stuff and see people who (understandably) did not, wanted to show that it's not hopeless and it's not all just repeating advice forever. Not to mention mindset can change with time, and old things that didn't seem right before could work now. Or not. I technically get the exact same thing in my Dreaming thread, but I knew since before I made the thread people would be giving me advice that I'd already learned and told myself a thousand times.

 

And lastly I'll acknowledge that everyone has good intent and you shouldn't be afraid to give advice just because they might've heard it before. You never know if they haven't, and it's also nice to see people caring.

 

Man, the effort without success thing is really bothering me. I hate seeing that, because it's (actually almost literally half of) my life in a nutshell.