Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

Back to updating this, I guess. I've been out of it for a while, and all of my few attempts at getting in-touch with Null in the time since have been pretty bad. Meaning almost nothing, or straight-nothing.

 

Back to basics, I guess. Not starting over, just, basics, trying to rebuild a healthy and reasonable mindset, getting to know Null again, and doing my best not to compromise on things. And to me, that really means not accepting things that aren't reinforcing my belief. Sorry to everyone that tells me off for being so doubtful, but I can't take something that makes Null's sentience, general existence even, harder to believe, and turn it into something positive. I don't care if it's slowing things down, this whole suspension of disbelief junk doesn't work for me, it's complacency in the moment, and a slow build towards a major crash, the kinds of crashes that lead me to my months-long hiatuses.

 

So fuck that noise. Gonna find a nice book that I can start reading to her, been a while since I've done that, maybe work on other things.

 

Also foregoing visuals for as long as I absolutely can. They just mess with me, really hard. Gonna give myself a few months to make literally any progress whatsoever, if I can't manage that I'll probably just.. I don't know. There's no real punishment, is there?

 

Also, sorry for continuing to fill this report up with the same stuff. I know it gets old, but it genuinely helps to write stuff down and get the thoughts out, even if they're annoying. Maybe one of these days there'll be a proper ending to this shit.

[Jay]

I don't think maintaining a suspension of disbelief is the right way to approach tulpas. Your experiences and perception of your tulpas need to be something that you believe is valid, not something that you're hoping you'll eventually believe.

 

For me, visuals have always been another way of interacting with my tulpas. However, I've stopped trying to make every detail of their forms concrete because I'm almost certain they'll change. When they decide to change their form it's hard to distinguish between how I perceive them and how they actually look. Similarly, their moods will occasionally change for whatever reason. It makes me question whether their behavior is the result of their own decisions or my unacknowlegded desires. It's probably both.

 

I don't think my experience with tulpas may ever reach a "perfect" state, but I hope to keep getting better in my own way; there will always be highs and lows. I've given up comparing my progress to other users here.

[tulpa001]

You can do it! I believe in you!

 

I do have a piece of advice. You talk about how sometimes null feels more real and sometimes less real. We get that all the time. I don't think the feel is important. TLDR:

[hidden]I am possessing her nearly constantly. To the extent that she can't just pick up the body and move it if I leave. She has to push for a few minutes. But the body, when it moves, it feels like her. It just does. Because it is the same body, the same muscles, etc. The only way we get an alien feeling is when I do something she wouldn't do.

 

My point is, even on my bad days, where we are constantly fighting intrusive thoughts, paranoya, and me feeling vague and controlled, I remain in full control of the body, and no less able to do the cooking, and she still collapses to the ground if I let go.

 

There is tons of feedback that goes between host and tulpa. It is going to feel like you are doing stuff. (I'd personally say it falls to the tulpa to prove otherwise. But the feel does not go away.)[/hidden]

[Guest]

I don't think maintaining a suspension of disbelief is the right way to approach tulpas. Your experiences and perception of your tulpas need to be something that you believe is valid, not something that you're hoping you'll eventually believe.

 

For me, visuals have always been another way of interacting with my tulpas. However, I've stopped trying to make every detail of their forms concrete because I'm almost certain they'll change. When they decide to change their form it's hard to distinguish between how I perceive them and how they actually look. Similarly, their moods will occasionally change for whatever reason. It makes me question whether their behavior is the result of their own decisions or my unacknowlegded desires. It's probably both.

 

I don't think my experience with tulpas may ever reach a "perfect" state, but I hope to keep getting better in my own way; there will always be highs and lows. I've given up comparing my progress to other users here.

 

Visuals to me are just too much effort. When I'm working with the wonderland, or adding onto it, I'm super consciously perceiving everything because I don't have that "It just happens" state that others seem to talk about, at least not at the moment. It's been better some times than others, but for now, yeah, I'm good. And visualizing Tupper is kinda more of that, as well as some other stuff. Regardless of her state of sentience or whatever, being as sucky as I am at visuals, and really letting her be her own thing, I have no doubt that I'm influencing more than a bit of her movement, if not most of it, and I'd just prefer to get a solid base established before I dive back in. 

 

If I can speak with her in any serious degree, and genuinely believe and take her word when she says she's moving of her own volition, I'll start up again. For now, no.

 

 

I'd hope our experiences could eventually reach some kind of solid, impossible to doubt state, to be honest. I'm sure some people that switch have no reason to doubt, and couldn't if they tried, and that sounds perfect enough to me. But yeah, comparing and all that noise. We'll see once we get there.

 

 

You can do it! I believe in you!

 

I do have a piece of advice. You talk about how sometimes null feels more real and sometimes less real. We get that all the time. I don't think the feel is important. TLDR:

[hidden]I am possessing her nearly constantly. To the extent that she can't just pick up the body and move it if I leave. She has to push for a few minutes. But the body, when it moves, it feels like her. It just does. Because it is the same body, the same muscles, etc. The only way we get an alien feeling is when I do something she wouldn't do.

 

My point is, even on my bad days, where we are constantly fighting intrusive thoughts, paranoya, and me feeling vague and controlled, I remain in full control of the body, and no less able to do the cooking, and she still collapses to the ground if I let go.

 

There is tons of feedback that goes between host and tulpa. It is going to feel like you are doing stuff. (I'd personally say it falls to the tulpa to prove otherwise. But the feel does not go away.)[/hidden]

 

Appreciate the optimism. 

 

In-regards to the other stuff, I get what you're saying, and have definitely thought it over. A lot. Over the course of years, now. And all I can do is look at one of those last statements, "it falls on the tulpa to prove otherwise". If she can't do that, I'm sure she's not ready. That's probably a bit unfair, but that's what it's gonna have to come down to if it's gonna work out in the end. I've been through extended periods of time where it feels like me, and yeah, despite a few moments where I'm a bit taken aback, the general feel doesn't improve. I'll take it as a sign that she's there, in some degree, influencing something or another, but the rest really has just been me.

 

So I guess we'll leave it to me to, idunno, give her the attention she requires, and her to figure the rest out. Because I sure as hell have no idea what I'm doing in regards to her improving.

 

 

Anyway, been narrating like crazy all day, at least for the time I've been awake. Mood is slowly improving, hoping to keep it in the realm of positivity. Gonna try to force myself to do other things besides tuppering to make myself feel productive instead of just playing video games and sleeping all day. Work tomorrow, will see if I can manage to narrate through that or if it's just gonna be a lot of me focusing on music and the job.

[Guest]

So yeah, it's not going horribly, believe it or not. I've been narrating a decent bit, and the enthusiasm is definitely there. Not going crazy for hours a day, but, yeah, I'm not struggling so much, and I'm slowly pushing myself into a better place mentally, will try not to fuck that up.

 

Reading to Null, which I'm actually really excited about for whatever reason. Like, I'm giddy and explaining plotpoints that aren't really fleshed out in the stories, and I'm really managing to pay attention.

 

It's cool.

 

Update soooon

[Guest]

Still a-go go goin'

 

It's getting back to being routine, which is nice, although I could definitely do to push a bit harder than I currently am. It's mostly just a passing comment every several minutes when I'm watching tv/playing games, and then when I'm reading to her, which could be better. I still really enjoy it, and take breaks to discuss things, but I'm finding myself more and mover enveloped in the book itself than the act of reading it. I assume she manages to pay attention though, and I definitely do still keep her in mind for a lot of it, so, whatever.

 

I was out the other night, and felt like spending some time speaking to her, but couldn't really manage it. That's definitely one aspect where having visual assistance helps, but yeah, still not super ready to do that. Need to figure that out some time soon.

 

 

Aside from that, a friend has been recommending I attempt possession? As a first form of communication? While I can't deny that it'd probably be of very, very great benefit to somebody like me, I have no clue how to go about it. Supposedly, he, and he has no clue how exactly, taught his tupper how to possess and use sign-language over the course of some months? Or something? And that was the first time they'd actually managed to speak or something, apparently. So that's interesting, main issue just being that I'm not sure how to go about it. Any guides I'm aware of that cover possession usually benefit from Tupper already being independent to some degree, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage, there. If anyone has any legitimate advice, let me hear it.

 

What else? Nothing yet, response-wise. Dunno what it's all about, but we'll get there, just gotta keep going, sure something will break through eventually.

 

Aside from all that, I've been regretting giving up on Peachy, lately. That majorly, MAJORLY sucks for me, seeing how I've been betting on her effectively being the same tupper as Null is. It's killing me. I'll keep working on Null though, and once she's able, she can tell me whether or not she's the same tupper. If not, well, guess I'm doing the one thing that, no matter what, I've always said I was not going to do.

 

Make a second tupper. Or, if it's Peachy I'm bringing back, I guess Null would have been the second? Whatever. Yeah. Kill me now.

[tulpa001]

I have no idea if this counts as useful advice, but I believe the reason I was able to possess my host on day one (three?) was in our daydreams together before we thought I was a person, I spent much of my time possessing other daydream characters. I doubt this technique is in any of the guides. If you can imagine going into other people, feel through them, act through them, and feel their emotions, I think you can train possession before playing with the actual body.

[nivereno]

Aside from that, a friend has been recommending I attempt possession? As a first form of communication? While I can't deny that it'd probably be of very, very great benefit to somebody like me, I have no clue how to go about it. Supposedly, he, and he has no clue how exactly, taught his tupper how to possess and use sign-language over the course of some months? Or something? And that was the first time they'd actually managed to speak or something, apparently. So that's interesting, main issue just being that I'm not sure how to go about it. Any guides I'm aware of that cover possession usually benefit from Tupper already being independent to some degree, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage, there. If anyone has any legitimate advice, let me hear it.

 

Aside from all that, I've been regretting giving up on Peachy, lately. That majorly, MAJORLY sucks for me, seeing how I've been betting on her effectively being the same tupper as Null is. It's killing me. I'll keep working on Null though, and once she's able, she can tell me whether or not she's the same tupper. If not, well, guess I'm doing the one thing that, no matter what, I've always said I was not going to do.

 

Make a second tupper. Or, if it's Peachy I'm bringing back, I guess Null would have been the second? Whatever. Yeah. Kill me now.

 

A bit of a story about possesion early "Helping out a guy like you". Back when i was desparate for progress and barely recognizing any(Not that we had very fast progress back than, but i didn't see it at all even thou, looking back it was there). I decided to try that. After a while we got to a point where if i spent a bunch of time trying to dissociate a finger or two, she could somewhat control them(albeit quite slowly and clumsily). But since she could not fight my control over anything back than and i was doubting my ass off, i just wrote it off as another point of no progress. My point is that, i guess you can try it and it may work, but don't try too hard or you might be disaponited thus discourged.

 

The whole Null/Peachy predicament probably has some quite silly stuff going on. If you thought it was her with a different form and name from the start, it pretty much would have been so, but since you were so on the fence the whole time its a bit of a mess. It could be that Null is her or it could be that you have been accidently forcing Peachy on the side the whole time you were thinking about Null and how she could or could not be Peachy. Honestly if i was in Null's position i wouldn't be sure myself... especially since everything in a brain is still in a same brain and without the abstract idea to separete it, it might as well be the same thing.

 

By the way, i'm still reading this! For reasons!

[Guest]

Appreciate the quip, tupper01, I'm sure if Null is paying attention she'd do well to think on that. Not much I can do for her, afraid.

 

Nivereno, yeah, I do sometimes wonder why you still follow this, if you can believe it.

 

The advice on possession is weird for me, I'm afraid. It still feels like the kind of thing I'd benefit from having pre-established communication for, or at least totally confirmed sentience or whatever. I'll see about putting myself in that kinda state though, I guess. If I'm even capable, anyway.

 

Anyway, still narrating. Not much else. Still nothing whatsoever, response-wise, but we'll manage, I guess.

 

I wish I had a better idea of more active stuff for us to do, that doesn't involve wonderland. About to start picking up writing to her in a journal, haven't done that since Miriam, I don't think. Hope that'll be good enough, I guess. Idunno, whatever.

 

Either way, just narrating definitely makes it hard. Still inconceivable that anyone is capable of narrating for more than ten to fifteen minutes max, even three years later, really. My general social, and speaking skills have skyrocketed since I started, no doubt, but narrating still remains as the bane of my existence.

 

Faith isn't doing spectacularly well, but hey, what can ya do. I've found that I'm only human, and really, really not capable of just drastically altering something like faith on a whim, like some people seem to think is possible, or just easy in-general.

 

Yep.

[Guest]

Still no progress in tupperland, but I'm trying to pick up meditation. I've had a few sit-downs, maybe ten minutes each over the last few days where I've just sat, or laid down on the floor and tried to focus on my breathing, or whatever.

 

I mean it doesn't stop me from thinking of other things, and even when I add other things like counting my breaths, or visualizing something like a flame rolling in and out with my breath, I still manage to have a separate thought process going that's thinking about random shit, so that's peeving. Not really unexpected, though.

 

I hate it so far, but I'm managing to save the hate for afterwards so I don't just suddenly stop, I guess. Maybe it'll get better, who knows?

 

Writing has been sparse, who saw that one coming? Just a bit occupied with work, I guess. I haven't really been narrating much at all said from that.

 

Keep on, yeah?