Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

About the same as last night, and over an hour. Didn't visualize as much, but for what I did do, I tried to be more lax on movements. Got a couple stirs, so I guess that's just my head filling in the blanks I'm putting forth. I didn't pay it much mind, though, too busy focusing on the movie. Which, again, varying levels of focus. I try not to pick out things I'm super into, either because I've already seen it a million and one times (Usually 'A Knight's Tale' with Heath Ledger, which I try to watch at least five times a month, and my favorite movie of all time), or because it just sucks, which can be any number of movies I own. It helps to draw attention to Peaches mostly out of lack of anything else to capture my focus, but hey, it counts.

 

Still not hard to get distracted, by literally any movie, but I work with what I've got. I'll figure out something or other to do tomorrow. Maybe read something to her, and focus on visuals. Staring at a book, or words on a screen makes it easier to visualize, obviously, so as long as I can find a happy median between Peaches and the text, I think I can sustain decent imagery, like I was able to last time I read Anthropology. But, of course, I started to lose the focus the further into that I got. Not exactly sure what changed, maybe I was progressively more and more sucked into the book, despite having read it a few times beforehand, or something else. I'll figger something.

 

Give tonight a six. Not exactly the same charm or focus as last night, but that's fine. I'll edit this post with the results of my sleep. If it's restless again, I'll need to look into changing something about what I'm doing.

[Guest]

Short night, because, as I forgot to edit into the last post, I didn't sleep well yet again. Thirty minutes of light narrating and attention, and there have been bits and pieces of attention throughout the day. Could be better, but not much I can do for it. Never understood how some people are able to just keep them on their minds all day.

 

I'm trying to think up something, anything I can do for a while to make forcing fun, but there's not much I can think of besides narrating to games, and that's gotten to be a lot harder than it used to be, for some reason. I didn't read tonight, but I'll look around for something in the next couple days. Something I can do during the day though, without arousing suspicion would be nice, but yeah, can't think of anything at the moment.

 

4/10, meh night. Think I also ingested a bit too much caffeine to focus, so I'll try and stay in my right mind tomorrow night. I might give extended visuals some time, but I'm not sure how long I can keep attention on them. Not much to do but stare, and I'm worried the weird motions are going to be back.

 

Report then, and a note mentioning my sleep here, after I wake up.

 

Edit: I did find the energy for another thirty or so minutes last night, but they were pretty awful, focus-wise. Don't have much of anything to say about them, really.

 

Also, sleep was, okay? I didn't actually pass out until nine in the morning or so for whatever reason. Slept from then until, uhh.. Three? So like, six hours. Actually, that's definitely not too good, but I'll give that one to my poor bedtime.

[Guest]

Haven't done any active in the last couple days on account of feeling trashy, and my sleep being all messed. I've narrated marginally more than usual though, which is to say more than ten minutes a day outside of active. Maybe like, twenty. Thirty.

 

It's all well and good, I guess. Not much to talk about, but I'm figuring it out. I did lay down earlier in attempts to visualize some, but wasn't getting anything whatsoever. Might just be in a poor frame of mind, right now? My mind feels sluggish, to say the least. It'll be alright, though, just try again.. What's today, Friday? Yeah, I might be able to do stuff today. We'll see. Depends on whether or not I can get a nice, brief nap in, sometime around, uhh, idunno, noon, or something. Woke up at three in the morning, today, so yeah.

 

Just gotta keep going, right?

[Guest]

Tonight sucked, I guess. Daily narration was okay, but man. Sat down to get active in, aaand fell asleep. No clue why, as I woke up at five in the afternoon after my, uh, nap. Then I woke up, went back at it, and fell asleep again.

 

Third time being the charm, however, I woke up, let myself shake off the tired, and sat about to do some visuals. Sadly though, they're still nonexistent. It's a bummer, considering how I feel they were.. Idunno, slightly better, a few weeks back. And I still do my non-tupper related visual stuff where I'm leagues ahead. But, that could be due to my actually getting involved in that, with doing a bunch of character voices, and having things occur in the world. And with forcing being so.. Not that, I guess the fact that I'm just trying to get one form to pop up, and one that is doing the most boring thing of all, sitting still, isn't doing well with what few creative juices I've got upstairs.

 

Maybe I should actually start parroting like I've said I'll try. I won't, but at this point, I probably should.

 

Why does it have to be so boring?

 

Twenty minutes is all I managed, night gets a 2/10. Unless Saturday night hangs are cancelled again, won't be anything to update until Sunday night at the earliest, I guess.

 

Edit: Post-post thoughts, I guess.

 

I really need to figure out something fun to do with tupper. Back in the day, with Miriam, I guess I would do the locational stuff all of the times which helped a bit. But at the same time, I also had a bigger room. None of you are likely aware, but I was kicked out of my house early-2013 and my sister got my room in the week I was staying at a friend's, and when my dad realized doing that was outside of his rights, and brought me back, I was stuck with a room that's like, 8 feet by 9 feet, and a shitty twin bed that my feet hang off of.

 

See, back when I had a real-people bed, I would set up my spare pillows on the other side, so I could more easily imagine that Miriam would be sleeping, or at least a bit more real. Now, I've only got enough space to uh, get way more intimate than I feel like getting, so fuck that. I've got a chair she could sit on, but it's that chair I rotate clothes and junk off of to the bed, and vice versa, so that's an issue. I could always clean it, I guess.. But.. Meh.. I'll do it tomorrow.

 

Yeah, idunno. The goal is just to, idunno, make her more real? If I could just do that, ya know? I'll work on it. Just keep working, just keep working. Always seems just out of reach, but maybe soon I'll figure out how to reach out and grab it.

 

For now, I guess some music-listening and narrating, non-timed. Which I thought I vowed to stop doing.. Bad Enny..

[Guest]

Smallish update. After wearing myself out with family gatherings, fireworks (Gave myself a nasty burn lighting a, uh, sparkler for my little brother. Much shame.), and the usual Saturday-night hangs with friends, sometime around six this morning I was thinking, and tiredly narrating to Peachy, and decided on something.

 

I can't keep doing what I'm doing. It doesn't work, and I've never really seen improvement, or enjoyed myself consistently. So, after that thought, I'm lowering my standards. I'm probably expecting more out of this than there actually is, at least to start out with. Which, yeah, I've touched on before, and I've had periods where I tried not to think about the legitimacy of certain things, but it never lasts. Maybe just not expecting any super sure signs of intelligence, or, to be less mean I guess, certain sentience.

 

Maybe when I was getting the possible nods, yeah, that was just expectation setting up a random response, or the response I'd expect. In-fact, yeah, that was most definitely it. But hell, that's probably just how it is. Maybe for everyone, to start. I don't believe in true sentience in a tupper, but I've always still believed that treating one like they were would just make things much easier, and perception's reality, so I guess I should just take what I can get, or vaguely make out in this case, and accept that for what I want it to be. Just keep acknowledging it, and spending time accepting responses, fake or not, and it gets easier. Sigh. Not going to be easy, but I may as well.

 

My only concern is my, frankly, completely conscious fear of speech feeling too fake. I've had that before, and I feel like that'll keep me locked forever on gestures. I'm not making an effort to consciously parrot whatever, as that removes literally all wonder and charm from this concept, just go with the flow, so it might still be an issue, whatever ideology and outlook I set for myself. Cross that bridge when I'm there though, I guess.

 

As it stands, based on poorly visualized gestures, Peachy claims she's sentient and doesn't wanna kick my teeth in, though. So there's that? I'll take it, I guess. Ought to make narrating a bit easier, like it was last time I was considering the nods.

 

Here's to hoping I don't get all broody and skeptical in five days like usual.

[Guest]

Okay, so tonight wasn't half bad. Probably 8/10-worthy. That missing 2 is just because I can never get Peachy's damn face correct, but whatever.

 

Started out kinda slow, with me just asking some questions about stuff, and looking out for gestures and nods, and that was all well and good, but then something happened that kinda got me thinking. I was asking whatever, and got a nod before I was even done, and kinda recoiled for a second, which is something I've always done when things like that have happened. See, I gave it thought, and figured that my assumptions on how conversation, and communication in general based on real-life, and more importantly, actually, my RP's go, isn't applicable here.

 

In my RP's especially, I feel like the way conversation has happened, which is fairly average, has set up expectations that I've never really noticed for imaginary-people conversations. When I should have been open to a reply mid-sentence, or before I've even voiced I, given the nature of the topic. Speaking, and receiving a reply afterwards is nice and all, and I hope that's how we can get at some point, but I'll try not to be expectant of that from now on.

 

Anyway, slow start, but eventually, she kinda just animated, like she did a few weeks back. Stood up, put her hand out, I took it, and similar to last time, but kinda not, she led me to some door I hadn't paid any attention to, off to the side of our space. She opened it, and it was pitch-black inside. She seemed kinda irritated at my voicing that, and my lack of enthusiasm towards whatever she was apparently seeing. I left the room, and she followed, kinda cross? It seemed so.

 

She seemed peeved about it for a while, but lightened up after five or ten minutes, then I just kinda sat and narrated to her. Visuals were decent, I should have mentioned, so it didn't go over terribly. I spoke, she listened, we gestured, had an alright time.

 

So yeah. I had fun, and that was nice. Really nice. I hope most nights can be that way, but we'll see how it goes, huh. Think we spent around 40 minutes doing stuff, so that's not particularly bad either. We'll probably do more throughout the night, so I'll edit later on, if anything cool happens.

 

Edit: Aha, I decided to listen to Scenes from a Memory with Peaches earlier, and she was so pitifully unenthused with a couple of the songs, there. Particularly the parts that start talking about violent things.

 

"You not like this one?"

 

*Frantic shaking of the head*

 

"Well I mean, it's almost over so will you survive until the nex-"

 

*Violent head shaking*

 

To which I responded with "Too bad", because that part was over, and we were fine for the rest of it. Good times. I didn't expect that level of sensitivity towards stuff like that, but it's fine.

 

On a less good note, I've already had like, four doubt-crises since I decided to chill out, but I'll probably survive.

 

Yep.

[Dracky]

That's really cool that Peachy is starting to have opinions on things. It makes me feel almost motivated to start working with my Tupper again.

 

Keep up the good work, you two!

[Guest]

She's probably about how she's been, just, ya know, trying to be less stubborn. Sigh, I mean, I guess it can be fun if you let it be, and just stop being critical about everything. I'll keep at this for a couple months, and hopefully it'll get better. Still hard to see, still hard to completely believe in the legitimacy, but a month or two of pure "fuckit" might be good for it.

 

Just let your head fill in the blanks, I guess? I know a tupper feels questionable even for the most trusted of 'mancers in the beginning, so I guess I shouldn't be so disappointed all the time that I'm no exception. Same for you, dood, give that tupper some attention! If .info's current most notorious of procrastinators can give half an hour on most nights, you can too, aha.

[Guest]

Sometime last year, or maybe early this year, I was managing an average of forty minutes per night, when I did work, which is what it looks like I'm back on. So that's pretty alright, I guess. It's obviously complimented by some light narrating throughout the day, though it could be better. I won't push it though, forty minutes of active is comfy.

 

Anyway, yeah, not thinking critically so far has been pretty rad. Which is pretty sad in its own right, but hey, I couldn't just keep on with being so cynical towards my own 'tup, I guess. The more I interact with her in wonderland, the.. I don't know, easier it gets, I think. Sands gave me some advice about not micromanaging everything about my visuals a while back, just letting it happen and feeling it out, and I'm vaguely starting to get it. I wouldn't say that's made the imagery better, at all, but I think it's a bit more consistent since I'm not focusing on it. It's almost like a low-render on a video game to preserve frame rate, or something. If that makes sense. Regardless, it's alright.

 

And also the more I interact with Peaches, even though it hasn't been so long yet, the more I really do think I should have been more accepting of those gestures a few months ago. Guess it's just acceptance, or blind-faith or whatever. Which is another aspect that's kinda sad, but given other peoples' experiences, yeah, guess that's just how it is.

 

Regardless, I had fun again. I actually started way earlier in the night, and got through about twenty minutes before I realized I was too tired to even keep my eyes open. So I said my goodnight, and passed out for, idunno, an hour or two. Woke up, got a bite to eat, did a bit of exercise because why not, got the blood pumping, and went in for another twenty minutes.

 

Over the first half, we actually looked around this new little room in the wonderland. Well, not actually little at all. It's weird. Don't really know how to describe it other than a penthouse-looking thing, very high off of the ground, overlooking some city. The cityscape has stayed pretty consistent since the room popped up (sometime last night or yesterday, whenever), which is surprising.

 

Anyway, I think the area could use some shaping and flare (Too grey.. Switched out the carpet for wood-tiling and set up orange-light lamps to start), but it was cool regardless. We actually found it via this elevator that popped up in my shite, typical wonderland-area. Dunno how it got there, or where the penthouse came from, but I like it a lot. Peaches does too, as far as I can see.

 

On that note, the expressiveness is a bit more, how might I say, present and unique? She seems to be following a couple traits I set a bit more literally than I'd like, as opposed to them simply being influences, but other than that, she's doing some fairly consistent, though unexpected, stuff. It's nice. She's actually smacked me a couple times in the face for.. I can't remember. I remember laughing, though. Something I said, or did. I genuinely can't remember.. Huh.

 

Anyway, that was all well and good. Part two of the session was a bit more interesting. Random landscape popped up, there was exploring, genuine surprise on my part, and a poorly, crayon-drawn image of a boy and his dog. Or maybe it was a pony? It was blue and had brown hair, so I think so, but the image was pretty bad. Who knows? Point remains that it was interesting. After some looking around, we decided that sitting on a couch was what needed to be done next, and went back to the penthouse area. At which there are two, fairly centered, and facing each other. I honestly have no clue if the area is from something I've seen in media, but it's vaguely familiar still.

 

Anyway, good night. Lost focus a couple times, but I enjoyed myself, and Peaches enjoyed herself. Looking forward to tomorrow, assuming I can get decent rest tonight.

[Guest]

No update last night because I was suffering bitchin' headaches for the better part of twelve or so hours yesterday.

 

Today's is simply that I've narrated an alright bit, and will continue to tonight. I was out and about town all day, and I'm kinda tired. Still getting that time in though, so could be worse.

 

Edit if something worthwhile happens.

 

Edit: Did minute amounts of things, I guess. Got tired shortly thereafter. Was also having trouble seeing things at the time, so yeah, didn't find it that worth it to keep on, considering how tired I was.

 

I actually parroted a bit last night, I guess. Kinda wanted to see if that might start something up, considering how expressive she's been, I guess? Didn't, but ya know. I guess even the expressiveness has been a bit off-the-wall, which I'm not.. Totally fond of? It really seems to embody the concept of "your brain is just filling in the blanks with whatever it can", but whatever I guess, I'll try and ignore it until it goes away, or in hopes it does. And the little event with the speech has really left me with the feeling that I'll reject anything that doesn't seem intelligent, which, honestly, I don't have a problem with. If, when she does speak, she doesn't evolve past very awful and shortly-thought conversation in a week or two, the kind that can be easily created by literally anyone, at any time, I'll probably just discount it and count my losses, probably try something else out.

 

So kind of a moody night. Who knows how the next couple weeks will go? Tuppering is dumb, forever and always.