Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

Hey guys. This is going to be a bit off-topic, but I just need to talk.

 

I'm going to take tonight, and possibly tomorrow off of work. My friend, my family's friend Nate committed suicide today.

 

Nate was a really good guy, and a really good musician. He played with my uncle for years, always trying to make it big in the music world. He was pretty laid back, a funny guy, and never seemed like he was getting down about things. But I guess that's how they are? I don't know. I'd hardly seen him over the past couple years, but knowing that the world is short one of the coolest people I knew growing up is starting to hurt. Heh, I thought he was so cool. He had the rocker hair, played on a Les Paul, and had this totally awesome air about him. Not so crazy in recent years, but I can remember wanting to talk to him as a kid, and being afraid he would think, aha, that I was a loser or something.

 

Anyway.. My brother came in and told me a while ago, and.. I don't know. I kind of just.. Went blank. I didn't feel much of anything. I guess I was just trying to process it all. After a while, I decided to check some messages, and it all just came flooding out. I cried. I'm still crying.

 

I don't know all of the details, and I'm not sure I want to, but I know Nate was treated poorly. He was a small guy, a bit of a pushover, maybe too different for some people. People put him down, and I guess he'd had enough. I wish someone knew, I wish someone, his partner, could have known enough to help him. I can't believe that some people are so terrible. I don't know if I want to accept that other human beings made such a great guy take his own life.

 

I'm sorry for rambling about things that aren't really pertinent. But I don't actually have anywhere else to say this.

 

It always feels like something that can never happen, you know? My Great Grandmother recently passed, and I don't think I shed a tear.. No, I definitely didn't. She was ready to go. She lived an incredible life, and she lived a long life. But thinking about this.. It always seems so distant. I've never experienced it before, and now all I can imagine is an incredible guy, who's going through an impossibly difficult time, and he feels like the only way to get a break, is to put a bullet through his head. I wish that weren't true, and I wish nobody had to feel like that. It's awful.

 

I think I'm all dried up now, but.. Wow.. I know that we here on .info are largely a band of weirdies, people with low self-esteem, total outcasts, or people who simply prefer to be alone, but all of that being said, if anyone is ever feeling down enough that you're considering anything.. Well, I advise you seek help, but sometimes these kinds of people feel like that will only make things worse, so you've got friends here. Even if you don't know anybody, someone is nice enough to talk to you when you need it. I know that not everybody has family to talk to about things, and that some don't feel safe talking to them. The first person I messaged was my friend halfway across the country. I know how it is.

 

Even if anyone is just feeling sad, yeah? Open invitation from here on out to talk. I know not more than five or six people even pay attention to my little corner of .info here, but for all intents and purposes, message me, or someone else, if you're ever feeling particularly down.

 

And thanks to those of you who have helped me over the past couple years, and been kind enough to tolerate my inane ramblings and questions. I don't tell people how much I appreciate them, and I should. So thank you all.

 

 

Back to our schedule forcing in a day or two, yeah?

[sushi]

Man, that really sucks. I know what you're going through though. Lots of people died in my life and it didn't even affect me. I thought there was something wrong with me -- maybe there is. But then about a year and a half ago, a good friend of mine died. At first I just didn't feel much of anything, and then it all hit me at once and I lost it.

 

It really sucks to lose someone like that. I wish there were something I could say that would somehow make things better, but if course there isn't. All I can say is that we're here for you too, if you want to talk.

[Guest]

I appreciate it. A few tears here and there this morning, but I don't know if I'm the kind of person who will be able to mourn for much longer.

 

I did, however, learn that Nate isn't the only person who committed suicide yesterday. I didn't know him, but apparently others in my family, and in my life did. I assume they were both friends, Nate and Tommy. Tommy took his life in the morning, Nate at night. It's scary to think one might have been the tipping point for the other. I don't know what to think of it. It's a sad day for everyone here, though. Just.. What are the odds, yeah? Though, I suppose they might be higher than I would think.

 

Sigh.

 

Well, to avoid getting too off-topic, I'll do a bit of work tonight. I never actually picked up on that last thirty minutes of visuals a couple days ago. So not counting yesterday, I owe Peachy an hour and thirty minutes. Sounds good. I could use something to focus on.

 

I'll update with that when it happens.

 

And guys, do yourselves a favor and message the people you care about, or call them. Heck, call everyone. I know it's a cliché, but you really don't know what's about to happen. Or who needs someone to talk to. Okay?

[Dracky]

Dude... I'm sorry for your loss. Can't really think of anything else to say. Just take care, man.

[arcanemagic]

Just got on and read this. Although I'm not sure how much it means coming from me, seeing as how we've not really taked much, I'm sorry. It sucks that stuff like this happens.

[Guest]

Appreciate the sentiment from both of you. I'm about up to normal now, so no worries.

 

I didn't actually manage near what I wanted last night, though. I think I hit fifteen or twenty minutes before I decided fuck it, and went to sleep. I probably shouldn't be adding time onto "What I owe Peachy", though, so I think I'll stop with that. I'll just end up being impossibly backlogged in a couple weeks.

 

Still, however long it was, it was alright. I've been off and on visualizing at night during unrecorded times, and it's not getting much clearer. It's still more consistent than it was with pony Peachy, but I don't know if that's simply the form, or getting it memorized. I'm pretty sure it's been about the same since I started. Dunno.

 

It'd be nice if I weren't constantly tired all day, every day. I woke up at four in the afternoon yesterday, and despite thinking I'd be good for visuals at ten, yeah.

 

If I could do stuff sitting up I would, but man, fuck that.

 

 

Unrelated, but the PR section has been slow, lately. Dunno if it's just a finals thing for the highschoolers, or what.

 

Ah, anyway.. Do something tonight. Hopefully enough to actually fill my first hour of active visuals, aha. Just need another fifteen minutes. LET'S HOPE THAT DOESN'T FUCK UP

[Guest]

Thirty minutes

 

Eh.

 

It doesn't help that I have a sister that gives absolutely no fucks as to whether or not light bothers me at night. Yeah, go on, turn every light in the fucking house on so you can read your shitty tween book in the living room :'l

 

 

Still, the thirty minutes wasn't half bad. Visuals were aight, minus the constant fury I was feeling for the ray of light peaking in over my door. Closed eye isn't working at all lately, so I really need the total darkness. I even tried, but my eyes slowly just work their way back to being open. Kinda annoying, but normally not a problem..

 

Sigh.

 

Narration is still really hard. You would think it would get easier. There are a few times where it is, and I'll post about them, but no matter how well I do on certain days, it never sticks. Irritating. I played vidya today, and am normally alright at using the session to narrate, but not today, apparently. I'd honestly wager that I'm getting worse.

 

Tuppering.

 

Too hard.

[Guest]

Another day, another thirty minutes. Ahh, I'm so pathetic

 

And almost no narration today. Which sucks. Definitely getting harder.

 

Whatever, the visuals were alright again. I don't think the quality of the images is improving, and the consistency is still pretty bad compared to where I wish it were (Though still better than it has been), but I think my focus is slightly improving. Just slightly. As long as I don't have any distractions, I'm able to hold scenes for a bit longer than usual. Maybe an improvement due to time I've been putting in, or maybe it's just determination to see things. Either way, pretty alright.

 

Aha, so like, we've been in this little scene for a while where I'm sitting in a comfy chair, and she's sitting on this desk thing in front of me, facing me, and a bit elevated, and I kinda just mess with her legs and feet when I have nothing else to do. If anything, I'd say the legs are looking phenomenal, so that's pretty good I guess. Both touch, and visuals on them are good. Who knows why? Everything else is fairly mediocre so far, and continues to be. Maybe improving, but if so, it's gradual enough that I'm not seeing it.

 

Regarding focus though, it's good and all, or better, but it wears off on account of not really knowing what to do. I stare at her, yeah. Okay, and then feel her up? Check. What now? Yeah, stare at things until they get consistent, but that loses its charm really fast. Still can't really wonderland, or else I'd do that. Sigh.

 

I really wanna wonderland..

 

Idunno. I figured that once I started getting into visuals that I'd be able to easily spend time on it, but despite the fact that I do enjoy it, and it doesn't feel like much of a chore, it's hard to keep going for long. An hour would be nice, but idunno if I'll ever really be capable of that, yeah?

 

Whatever, good session. Didn't achieve much, but who cares, still have plenty of time.

[nivereno]

If you really want to improve your wonderlanding skills a good thing to do would be interacting with stuff more, like i dunno dance around peachy's form or something, also consistent rules like some form of physics makes stuff work a bit better especially if you use symbolysm when you defy those rules. Also you should try stuff like coming up with a story and telling/showing it in pictures to peachy, could even be about you, her or both. Sitting there and staring at static visualisation might be the best way to work on detail but its slow, booring and doesn't work on making everything just easier like at all.

[Guest]

Symbolism is a total no for me, none of it works whatsoever. I can't even set regular physics, I've been trying. My mind gives absolutely zero fucks. And dancing is also, sadly, out. That being because I can't really move/walk around, whatever. The image just changes so that I'm further forward. I can slightly move my hands, and see things move, but it's not much.

 

A story, maybe. I'm not the most interesting storyteller, and I can't say I won't get more focused on it than Peachy, but I'll see about it tonight.

 

 

So this is maybe related, but I've been dreaming a lot more, lately. Or at least remembering them. It's kind of in the burst fever-dream style, but eh, still counts, yeah? It reminds me of when I was working on Peachy back in January, wow it's been a while, and I was suffering from similar dreams and exhaustion from giving her more thought than I was used to giving a tupper. I'll keep an eye on it, see what happens. Could just be a weird few days.