Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

Thanks, you two. Probably won't update as much as I did, and they'll probably be less interesting, but.. Mm, no upside to that.

 

Well, anyway, did stuff again this morning. Maybe an hour? Unsure. Tried to step out of my bubble of discomfort and paranoia and look at some movements, and did a good job not to flip out on any of them. I'll try to get to where it's more casual, again, but I'm not gonna go too far.

 

Which, on the other end of the spectrum, will probably stunt progress. Being wary, that is. Dunno what to do for it. Just keep going until things happen, as per usual, I guess?

 

Anyway, session was okay. Could have been better, but maybe some communications. I do need to start thinking about human forms again, either way. I'm starting to exercise more (Kill me it's awful but I need it), which means walking and biking, and all of that etc., and I'm shite at pony walk-cycles. So ugh.

 

Will figger something. Plan to try and work narrating back into the day, especially when playing games and stuff, cause I feel I was doing decently there before.

 

Anything else? Don't think so. End of update, more as it happens.

[arcanemagic]

Something that I really like to do for exercise(which I could really use a bit more of. Too much compiter stuff :/ ) is take nice walks with Markus down to a park or something. This might not work for you, but it's teally helped me physically and it also provides some nice alone time with Markus. It's also not so strenuous that I forget all about her, too :p

[Guest]

I'd go for walks, but I'm honestly at my most distracted when I'm outside. Something about the air, or environment gets me overthinking everything. Unless it's tuppers, of course.

 

Haven't done much active since the last one, but I like to say stuff before I sleep, I guess. Progress is fairly nah. Haha, I think she was actually pissy with me a few days ago. Decided to be like "Hey what's up" while I had her sitting on the bed, up against the wall, and I was just getting this straight face, and was like, "Well alright, wanna go to the wonderland or something instead" and she nodded, and poof, then she stepped out of wonderhouse's door and sat on this bench outside. So I was like "Oh, okay" and sat down next to her and she stood up and walked off to who knows where. I didn't pursue it, and didn't really pay it any mind cause who cares, but that probably doesn't help huh

 

I haven't done visuals at all since then, just talked, so I don't know if she's even paying attention.

 

Tuppering's weird.

[Guest]

I'm starting to lose interest and will in this, which I don't want to happen, so I'll go on and say that I'll do some work tonight. Saying I will has done me pretty well since I started on Peachy, if I'm not mistaken, so yeah, will do that.

 

I wonder though, and do so much: is it going to take parroting vocality at some point, and slowly convincing myself it's not me? I've expressed worry at the idea more than a few times, but really, even for people who I hardly doubt, I wonder if that's how it has to start. I wouldn't be surprised. I'd be disappointed, I guess, but not surprised. For the two of you guys reading who've got vocality, do you think that's how it started? Maybe just an intrusive thought, or word, that you accepted? Or do you just not worry about it? I don't know how you couldn't, but who knows.

 

Hm. I guess I've gotten intrusive thoughts and words that, if I'd accepted, might have progressed things. Again with the being bad at this stuff, etc.,etc. Still just hard to fathom randomly getting a word, alien or familiar.

 

Just thinking out loud, I guess. Yeah, I'll sit down with some tunes here in a couple hours and talk at Peachy for a while. Update then.

[Stevie]

For the two of you guys reading who've got vocality, do you think that's how it started? Maybe just an intrusive thought, or word, that you accepted? Or do you just not worry about it? I don't know how you couldn't, but who knows.

 

I noticed that vocality took a sharp turn for the better when I stopped thinking about if Chris was saying something, and started thinking about why he said it. There's this leap, and it may not be universal, but it's the leap from wondering if your tulpa is sentient, and thinking, and a person, and attributing what they're saying to them. When you start letting go of all the hard thought on whether if your tulpa is saying something, then you start attributing their thoughts to them, and building up this profile, almost. I don't know, I find that when I let go of the pressing doubt about progress and sentience and vocality, and just started taking most things at face value, and seeing what he said as discussion points, or opinions, or idealology, rather than "Oh shit, was that Chris?" then things started to move faster.

 

It's a paradigm shift. I guess a decent analogy would be: Striking up a conversation with someone, and then discrediting their response in favor of thinking about whether they said it or not. Wondering if they actually said something isn't going to further the conversation, because it's wondering about the action of talking, but discrediting whatever was expressed.

 

It's the same type of thing, in my experience. Focusing on what was expressed, rather than if it was expressed to begin with, always helped me.

 

What I'm saying is, that if you can accept a word (intrusive thought, whatever you wanna label it) and analyze it as an opinion, rather than as "proof" or "vocality" you're gonna be less stressed about it. I could spend every day of my life questioning, and I think that maybe everyone who has a tulpa has that capacity for doubt, but dwelling on it has never done a damn thing for me.

[Guest]

I see what you're getting at, I guess. Same thing everybody says, and apparently it's what I need to take into consideration, and then try to apply, if my progress so far is any indication.

 

But I probably won't because I'm way into over-thinking it, and have been for well over a year now.

 

 

Time was okay, Tupper is probably okay. I didn't visualize at all, so I can only assume. I just don't have much energy for visualizing lately, which is ironic because I still do my RP things for two to three hours a day, and visualize for the entirety of those. But we all know that story.

 

Will keep doing whatever. Next time I get an intrusive thought, or reply to myself, I'll consider accepting it and moving on. Course, where it goes from there is where it actually matters to me. Yadda yadda, spent time parroting way back when, blah blah, and the thing about it, despite giving that parroted voice a chance, and trying to believe in it, was that it never got smarter, it never started speaking in longer sentences, it didn't have its own memories past mine, it never engaged in conversation, etc.

 

Literally no better than just talking to myself, and accepting that I'm doing absolutely nothing more than talking to myself. So if that's the tulpa experience, holy fuck are you guys losers, haha. But I like to think it isn't.

 

So yeah, those are my main concerns. If anyone is gonna tell me that's just perpetually been your Tulpa, and is likely the general Tulpa experience, stop, and I pity you. Because after what, three or four weeks(?) of what could probably be likened to being that one kid at school who claimed to have multiple personalities (that might have been intended to be seen as tulpa-like entities, in perspective), when it's so clearly a weak attempt at sustaining multiple points of view without actually having any real condition aside from being an attention-whoring faggot, I was not impressed.

 

Fuckin' tuppering. Maybe some day I won't be an asshole about it for long enough to get something.

 

Maybe I'll just get hit by a car and the ride can finally end :'l

 

Results are preferable, actually. Regardless, time to go ironic myself to sleep by way of really in-depth role-play stuff with great visuals and characters hahahahahhahaahahhahahahahahahahahhahakillme

[Dracky]

Literally no better than just talking to myself, and accepting that I'm doing absolutely nothing more than talking to myself. So if that's the tulpa experience, holy fuck are you guys losers, haha. But I like to think it isn't.

 

Haha... Srsly, dude. That's pretty much where I am with the whole thing. I mean, I really, really want this to be a way to give myself an awesome friend to share my headspace with, but then the asshole in me looks at the whole thing and I'm like "Wow, look at all the ronery people with their imaginary friends." and like I said, that's a shitty way to look at it, and at least some of the people here seem pretty grounded and believable about the whole thing, but bleh.

[Guest]

Well, last I saw you were doing moderately okay. Just keep on with it, and see if it gets better, I guess? If you can get to the point where you feel it's a definitively legitimate thing, tuppermancy, I think I'd have an easier time accepting things.

 

As it stands, I'm gonna try and sit down again tonight, and have a nice, lengthy session where I try and visualize, and apologize for being an ass, I guess? Within reason, anyway. I get that she didn't get to pick who tupper'd her up, and that makes this douchey, but she'll have to put up with me cycling through being really uncaring and being slightly less uncaring. I'll never not be, to some degree, inconsiderate of how she may or may not feel, so yeah, eh. But I'll still see if I can get her to nod in acceptance of an apology later on.

 

I need to do something with a wonderland, I think. Trying to move away from pony tup still, and the setting is pretty pone, so I'm gonna see if I can get something new that might stick better? Something completely simple, I think the one I've used in the past has been a bit too ambitious for me. A small room with more than one piece of furniture, and multiple colors everywhere, as it were, is hard as fucking fuck and never got better, so yeah, we'll see what I can come up with.

 

N'yegh

[Guest]

Session wasn't very lengthy at all, and there were next to no visuals. It's as though everybody on this site who's ever said visuals improve with practice was lying simply to make me waste time doing it in hopes it might get better

 

Cough cough, something you guys wanna tell me?

 

 

Anyway, yeah, not a good session, but I still apologized and all that, at least. Who knows how she felt about it. I might forego the RP tonight in lieu of trying to get something, at least for a while. Dunno what to be looking for though

 

Haha, oh wait, something did happen. I thought she said something and was like "Is that you?", and she was like "Yeah, totally", and I was like "It's actually me isn't it", and she was like "Haha, yeah", and then I was like "Oh, you", and she was like "...."

 

Fun times have been had, hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

 

Yeah, that's something I've done at least fifty times since I started tuppering tho. Maybe switch out a couple words each time, but yeah, the whole "Are you talking?" "Yeah I am OH WAIT IT'S JUST ME" thing is way too common

 

For some reason.

 

Some day, someone will figure out how to make tuppers in pill form.

 

And I will be waiting.

[sushi]

It's as though everybody on this site who's ever said visuals improve with practice was lying simply to make me waste time doing it in hopes it might get better

 

Cough cough, something you guys wanna tell me?

 

Visuals improve with practice. :)

 

Seriously though, it's like exercise. You can't bench 250 pounds today, but if every day for the next three months you do four sets of as many pushups as you can ... you still won't be able to bench 250. But you'll be a lot closer!

 

That ... isn't very encouraging, is it?