Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Stevie]

I dig the name Null too dude. Nice to see that you're doing your thing. As for like creating a feeling, do you get vibes from people you're around? Some people don't really pay attention to that kinda thing.

 

As always dude keep on keepin on. If you think it's going well behind the scenes, I say hold onto that feeling, mostly cause it's easier to do anything if you're confident in it.

[Guest]

Yeah, I do. Basically like the "essence" of a person that's mentioned in, for example, Bluesleeve's essence thing. But it's not really something I pay attention to, just an instinctual "knowing" of a person through time spent interacting with them. I don't know if the one-way narration I've got going on right now is really building that kind of rapport, though.

 

I do, actually, have a kind of feeling that's built up after a while with any tupper, which is just the mindset that switches on when my thoughts are going towards them. Which is very distinct and identifiable for me, it's just that it's probably not going to be too useful for Tupper reaching out to me, you know? Like, I'm narrating and already in that mindset, have that feeling, so I can't really get that feeling twice at once. You know? Like trying to color a green picture green again, and it not adding anything of value, or something.

 

I'll figure it out eventually, or maybe it'll just figure itself out. Either one is fine.

[Guest]

Tuppering was crunk as shit yo

 

I did a super lot of narrating during the first half of work, and then a bit less after lunch, probably because I eat trash and feel bad because I'm dying inside.

 

Keeping up that optimistic view-point, and actually took a lot of time while working to really go over what everything meant to me, and trying to come to peace with life, and tuppering in general. And I kinda hit that point, at least for a while. I was just, idunno, talking to Null about something or other, regarding my habits and mindset, and was suddenly overcome with.. I don't know. This serenity that I've never really experienced before.

 

And I can still feel it, now that I try. It's kind of weird. I don't know where it came from, or if it has anything to do with my tuppering, but it was like a hug weight was lifted off of me, and I just stopped worrying about everything. Work, moving, money, and so on. It's nice.

 

And sounds totally fucking gay and clichéd, so to any readers out there, take it with a grain of salt.

 

Not much else. Since I've mentioned it, the feeling has kind of gone away, go-figure, but it's still pretty interesting.

 

Should I take it as an emotional response? I know it's a bit convenient that I was recently on about feeling Null's essence or whatever, and I've frequently mentioned that I've never had emotional responses before. Still, maybe just take it at face-value? It's not something I ever just feel for no reason, and I can't really rationalize it in one way or another.

 

Null Serenity?

 

Well, that kind of just popped into my head.

 

Uh

 

Yeah, Null Serenity, then. Last names are rad as heck.

 

Yep. Good day. I think that whether I'm totally aware or not, I might have just moved forward a tiny bit. Well, I'll take it, and every other bit up until vocality, then.

 

Until next update.

[Guest]

Was way too tired to update last night, so I'll just do it now

 

Yesterday went well, I think. For whatever reason, I kept forgetting the whole "Serenity" thing, and when I'd try and repeat the full name to myself to commit it to memory, would say "Null-Serene", which doesn't sound half bad, I think. Kinda like two first-names, or something. But whatever, up to her what she wants in the end, once she's communicating.

 

So yeah, I did a good bit of narrating either way. Still finding my way into that calm state of mind, somehow. It's pretty cool. Anyway, seeing how I'm fairly sure I wasn't the one who thought up the last name, though, I figured, hey, very basic communication, right? So, I figured I'd ask whatsherface to give some thought as to what kind of form she'd like to have, and I was going to try to do some super basic visualizing, and see if anything might pop up. But, I didn't wind up doing that. Kinda just blanked on it. Will maybe give it a shot today, though, along with all of the usual stuff.

 

Also, should actually, finally, be moving tonight, so that's cool. About friggin' time. Will hopefully have an easier time with active in the new room, as it's much bigger, and I'll actually have room to think, so to speak.

[Guest]

As a note for the beginning, finally fully moved into the new place, it's rad as heck, and I'll hopefully be able to better delegate time towards tuppering. Still kind of dipping my feet in, getting things feeling the way I want them to, but all-in-all, pretty great.

 

So yesterday, and Thursday, I guess, went well narration-wise. Still managing to clock in good time, still managing to keep upbeat, but that's all old hat, by now.

 

During work yesterday, aside from the narration, I took a pretty small amount of time, relatively speaking, and tried messing around with wonderland stuff while I was in my groove. When I've actually been messing with wonderland, I've been doing most of everything in a large-ish house, of which I've only got about 30% figured out, and sitting around. So I figured I'd try and imagine up some more-interesting landscape stuff to mess around with. Didn't make it terribly far, but I figure I'll include a beach and some hills or something, maybe try to "let go", so to speak, and let things pop up as they may. Never really done much with that in the past, but it couldn't hurt to try out, huh.

 

Just keep trying new things, until we make more headway. Relatively sure the whole "second name" thing came from Null, and coupled with what I'm sure was that emotional response that same day, that's two pretty noteworthy benchmarks in.. How long, now? Over a month, though only a couple weeks of the good mood, I guess. Seems a tiny-bit fast, but I'll try not to complain about it, haha.

 

Will go for active tomorrow night, maybe.

[Guest]

So I did a tiny bit of active, and have maybe settled on some kind of form.

 

I finally picked up Xenoblade Chronicles X or whatever and was like "Hey, might as well give my character your name to better remember to narrate while I play" and did up the character and it was alright, so I might just use what I did as some kind of placeholder? It's painfully weebish looking, and I'm not totally onboard, but it's better than nothing. Also still trying to get an idea of what kind of wonderland I'd be interested in. I'm gonna binge on atmospheric media I like, and see if I can piece something together, tonight.

 

As an aside, wonder when I'll get the next emotion, or alien thought. Hope that whenever I do, they catch me as off-guard as the last signs of presence have.

[Guest]

Pink noise helps, I've found.

 

Well, I'd already found that once, actually, during the Miriam days, but it wasn't really repeatable for some reason. Seems to be working fine now, though. It's like it covers up that distracting sub-layer of thought and only my active and focused train of thought is happening, so if I'm trying to narrate, that's the only thing going through my head, and I can stay focused a lot longer at a time.

 

That's mostly all I have to update with, for now. Not much, but should hopefully be able to dedicate more time and attention towards Null using it, maybe speed things up a bit.

 

As for general thoughts or worries, I'm wondering how her first bit of speech is going to go down. If it's distinct enough, I'll take it well, but yeah, anything like my parroting and I'll reject it immediately. So I hope it's distinct-ish, at least.

[Guest]

Narration today was pretty great. The pink noise. Is definitely doing its job, though I can see it losing some of its charm after a while, so I'm try and pace it.

 

Did a lot of things, main being visuals. See, I already know they're not great, and visualizing is going to lead to me puppeting, and yet I do it anyway. No clue why. Yeah, I tried doing a bit with that one form, and it went okayish, but there's just way too much movement going on. I have no clue how to cut it out. It's very much me doing it, I just can't put a stop to it. Which is pretty lame, as I need a more calm baseline in-case Null actually decides to communicate through visuals before anything.

 

I mean, she should know me, and know that doing that is an absolutely terrible idea whatever the case, but the fact remains that it's still a possibility.

 

Speaking of communication, though, still dreading it. I've actually caught myself asking Null general questions, and then changing the subject immediately so that I don't accidentally parrot something. It's probably harmless for now, I guess. I've taken a bit to consciously clear my head and ask questions, and nothing seems to be popping up. I'm sure I'm not suppressing any thoughts that might pop up on their own, so as to assure Null can't speak even if she wants to, but still, nothing for now. Doesn't matter, will keep on.

 

It can only get better from where I am now, even if it takes a while, I guess. Will hold out for that.

 

 

EDIT: I had a mini-burst of anxiety regarding tuppering a couple hours ago. "Oh fuck, what if we keep this up for months and never make it anywhere, Null?", "It doesn't even feel like we're any closer to any kind of breakthrough" and etc. Gotta beat down that kind of negativity, though, right? It's not doing me any good, and there's no way I can make peace with the possibility of failure that would better enable me to move forward, so I guess it's just more hopeless optimism, right?

 

Just keep narrating, keep talking, keep giving Null attention, right?

[Guest]

Today was fairly interesting. I didn't do a whole lot of narration, but I did manage some aural hallucinations with the pink noise. Which was a surprise.

 

So what was happening, was a coworker was playing some music over a large speaker that he has, and I had the misfortune of removing my earbuds for long enough to hear what it was (Fucking 'Tears Don't Fall' by Bullet For My Valentine), and because, for whatever reason, I knew the lyrics to the song, after I put them back in, I was kind of mentally continuing the song. But it kinda sounded like I was still hearing it over the pink noise. So, I turned it up, and I was still hearing it, which was odd considering how well the noise usually blocks out literally everything at high volumes. I then paused the noise, and found that the actual song was about ten seconds ahead of where I was just hearing it in my head, that being due to my not exactly having a way to keep tempo, or something.

 

So yeah, it was odd. I was actually able to keep doing it, and can now, with a couple different songs. It's not like, a super distinct thing, but it 100% feels like I'm actually perceiving it with my physical ears, even if it sounds quiet, like it's only just there.

 

It'll be of absolutely no help with tuppering right now, but I'll keep on practicing with it for when Null is vocal, maybe we could aurally impose in just a few weeks or something.

[Guest]

Still at it, but my desire to do literally anything is fading quickly. Not like, getting all moody or anything, I just don't really know if I should keep up what I'm doing now, or try something new? Not sure what there is to try, that's new. Personality is going.. Okayish, and visuals are off and on okay. People are always told to read through a bunch of methods and use what works for them, but the ever-present "What if I don't know if it's working" is a concern. I mean, I guess I could spend a week or so on some random stuff, but if I still don't feel better or worse for it after that point, not sure where to go.

 

The narration, as it were, feels kinda.. Idunno, stale. Not really any other way to communicate, though.

 

No clue. Just keep at it. Some day, right?