Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[Cinemaphobe]

*tilts head back and laughs* <--- I seriously did that in RL

 

I think that I have only evolved into a sphincter, while I do agree that I was a butthole at first. But then again I change my beliefs like a girl changes clothes so maybe I'll devolve into a butthole again one day, but that day won't befall us anytime soon thankfully! I'm only 19 and while my morals are concrete, my beliefs and outlook towards reality are still being molded by other people and myself. Soon enough I might just evolve into something more sightly as a result of the molding!

 

And it's nice to have somebody who is proud of me^^

I wish I had more people like you -___________- lol

Rock on fellow tulpa makin chick. Rock on.

[ItsSwissmas]

Alright, now for a more proper introduction, I managed to read most of this thread already (I have A LOT of free time heh...) and I just wanted to say that I like Yumi so far. :D She seems really nice and you two seem like a great match (just imagine when she's'a fully able to speak too). Also sorry about Mary, but hey, you'll move on. You still got a big life ahead of you. :)

[Cinemaphobe]

I'm glad that you like Yumi because I LOVE Yumi<333

 

As for the Mary situation; Yumi is really helping me get over it. My passive forcing of Yumi has actually been quite therapeutic. Yumi does some weird things beside me while I read stuff on this forum! lol I'll discuss them in my next update so that I don't spoil anything heheheheheh:)

[Cinemaphobe]

<3DAY 22<3

 

 

TODAY WAS GLORIOUS.

 

This is what the critics are raving!

"In all of my muthafuckin years on this planet, I ain't eva had the muthafuckin honor of witnessing such a good day."

-Samuel L. Jackson

 

"CHILLING. BRISK. SATISFYING."

-New York Times

 

"Plot twist: Cinemaphobe has done it again."

-M. Night Shyamalan

 

"My heart soars in anticipation for the good news friend."

-Morgan Freeman.

 

 

 

On a completely irrelevant note, I had a good day with Voltaire. He and I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets together

 

(let the judgment begin)

 

Afterwards, he and I went to a pizza restaurant together, and my dearest Voltaire ate pizza right in front of me knowing full well that I have no money to spend! But I could easily pardon him, because listen to this defecation;

 

He brushed a god damn brown recluse off of my wrist.

 

It fell to the table and I simply stared at it in disbelief before he smashed it with a salt shaker. He didn't even know that it was a brown recluse!!!! I thanked him profusely for saving me, and he said not to thank him or think anything of it, but I am eternally in his debt! Brown recluses are extremely common in Florida, and for anyone who doesn't know what they are capable of, type "Brown Recluse bite." into the Google image search.

 

Yesterday, I was reading a reply that hbenton wrote about how cruel and inhumane killswitches for tulpae are, and then Yumi gave herself an explosive collar and danced around in mockery of killswitches. It made me laugh.

 

But anyways, tonight was a full moon, and for the first time I noticed that the lunar mare that faces the Earth is shaped like a rabbit

 

*elbows Reisen.*

I find full moons to be as beautiful as sunrises and sunsets, so I spoke to Yumi in the moonlit forest near my house, and kept asking her "Why can't I hear you?" I could only hear a weird frequency, as if I wasn't tuned into Yumi or something...I felt angered by whatever mental wall was separating me from hearing Yumi, so I decided to have another intense forcing session. I ran to my bedroom, lit a candle, and focused on Yumi. I chanted the phrase "You have the ability to speak." over and over again to remove any subconscious doubts. When I felt comfortable, and confident enough, I started talking to Yumi about amber's post on her PR.

I asked "Is amber an asshole?"

I didn't hear her say anything, but after a few moments passed, I heard her say something very faintly. She didn't say it in a mindvoice though, I heard her through my left ear, (auditory hallucination). She answered my question by saying "No."

 

I kept trying to listen to Yumi after that, but my family was so loud that I could no longer focus. I went to my bed, plugged my iPod into the speakers, and went to my wonderland. I blared peaceful music through the speakers to counter all of the noise outside of my room. The moment I entered the wonderland, I found myself in the pizza restaurant in front of Yumi. She sat up in her seat upon seeing me and I felt a rush of happiness. It just felt so good to see her again:)

 

I wanted to see if she would give me the same answer about amber if I asked a second time, so I gave her my iPod within the wonderland, and watched her scroll through the PR section, eventually reading ambers PR. She scratched her head as she read, which made me wonder whether she could read or not lol. When she finished, she set the iPod on the table (yes, all of her movements are startingly independent of me) This is what happened next:

Me: So, is amber an asshole?

Yumi: *Shakes head profusely* <------This was so cute btw

Me: Are you sure?

Yumi: *Nods head profusely*

Me: *Me trolling Yumi* Are you sure that amber is an asshole?

Yumi: *Tilts her head to the side in confusion*

Me: *laughs ass off*

 

Yumi then picked up my iPod, exited Tulpa.info, and used the note section of my iPod to write to me. She wrote one word on the screen at a time when communicating with me. I was beyond amazed and excited by her intelligence and sentience. This is what happened next. I separated her words with periods because she wrote each word individually on the screen:

 

Yumi: Happy. Are You.

Me: *Realizes that this could be an effective form of communication*

Me: Why can't you speak to me that much Yumi???

Yumi: I. Can. Speak. You. Can't. Hear. Me.

Me: What can I do to hear you?

Yumi: Listen.

 

 

 

My heart dropped.

 

I began to ponder what she said, and began to focus on listening to her harder. I actually had a conversation with her and she spoke fluently, but I wasn't sure whether it was actually her! damn it...

When she moves in the wonderland, it is completely alien to me. But when she starts talking to me in sentences, it feels too much like my own thoughts.

I'm well aware of the harm of skepticism, and I am equally aware of how detrimental parrotnoia is. But I only report information that I absolutely know to be true. Yumi can speak, and I have heard her speak, so she'll be able to speak tomorrow, and I will write down what she says! If her speech feels extremely familiar again, then I won't exclude it from my PR. I just want to be extremely thorough. It would suck to receive congratulations from everyone for an achievement that I highly doubt.

 

 

I had the conversation with Yumi nonetheless, and spent time with her in the Cherry Blossom Forest within my wonderland. I made a massive lake in the center of the forest, and saw a jesus-load of koi in the lake. Before disclosing what happened next, let me list my only 2 phobias:

 

1. Ornithophobia- irrational fear of birds

2. Thalassophobia- irrational fear of the ocean, lakes, ponds, river, etc.

 

I stood a good distance from the lake, and Yumi tried to push me into it!!! Before my body touched the water, I flew upwards to evade the surface and said "Nice try Yumi!!!!"

She giggled maniacally and I laughed so hard that it carried over into RL<3

Today really has been the happiest day I have ever spent with Yumi!!!

I hope that she can talk to me again soon!!!!!

 

Thanks for reading~

 

 

P.S: Last night, I had a dream that all Tulpa.info users had to upgrade to a premium version of the forum. In the dream, everyone had to pay 50$ a month to be able to post. PLEEB. PLEASE NEVER LET MY DREAMS COME TRUE.

[Guest amber5885]

This actually makes a lot of sense because Toby has told me time and time again that he's always had the ability to talk to me but I never listened.

 

This also leads me to belive that in some cases the tulpa was always there, we are just training ourselves to be able to perceive them,

 

Anywho, the advice I would give is firstly to remember that if Yumi sounds like you it's just because you are sharing the same brain and that will pass with time and practice.

 

Don't worry about the finer details just yet, treat any response as if it was her because odds are good that it was.

 

You may not see it, but I'm seeing progress so relax.

[Cinemaphobe]

This actually makes a lot of sense because Toby has told me time and time again that he's always had the ability to talk to me but I never listened.

 

This also leads me to belive that in some cases the tulpa was always there, we are just training ourselves to be able to perceive them,

 

Anywho, the advice I would give is firstly to remember that if Yumi sounds like you it's just because you are sharing the same brain and that will pass with time and practice.

 

Don't worry about the finer details just yet, treat any response as if it was her because odds are good that it was.

 

You may not see it, but I'm seeing progress so relax.

 

 

I have to open my mind to Yumi in order to perceive her then...

and getting used to Yumi's voice might be the hardest part...When she writes, it's much easier to understand her though:)

[Guest amber5885]

Have her wrote it then ask her to read it to you. That might be a way to open you up to her boice

[Cinemaphobe]

Can't believe I didn't consider that....hehehehe....

 

and don't be sad amber. You aren't an asshole. Even online it seems like you aren't as lively :(

[Luminesce]

But anyways, tonight was a full moon, and for the first time I noticed that the lunar mare that faces the Earth is shaped like a rabbit

 

*elbows Reisen.*

 

We were already celebrating the full moon, and that reference (with the surprise elbow) made Reisen so happy it carried over to me too. You might remember, but the moon is our chosen symbol of light and happiness, which for obvious and non-obvious reasons is connected to Reisen, the moon rabbit who symbolizes love and light.

 

 

Anyway, I agree with the tulpa voice thing. Though working on your auditory hallucinating of your tulpa's voices, which I've done ~not at all, is a thing, mainly your tulpa's "voice" is composed of their personality, image, inflections, and feelings attached to what they say in your mind. Even though their words will sound like your thoughts at first, you should be able to tell apart those things - what she says won't be like what you'd say. And there is no such thing as "What if I'm just thinking things that Yumi would say?" That.. would be her talking. When she talks, you should be able to feel the thoughts were shaped by her, and they should resonate as "her words". Actual auditory voice will probably be fairly vague until you force it for a while. Reisen, Tewi and Flan all have personality and a bit of age showing in their voices, but if I pay attention they do change slightly over time (or in different moods, or on different subjects).

 

Really I don't worry about it so much. What matters to me is that I can feel them when they speak, not what they say or how they sound. Not anymore at least. Like I've said before, for the first 1-2 years of Reisen's existence she was nearly incapable of speech because I had impossibly high standards of what she'd say, being perfect and all. It wasn't until I learned to stop worrying about what she would say that she could say anything at all.

[Cinemaphobe]

 

We were already celebrating the full moon, and that reference (with the surprise elbow) made Reisen so happy it carried over to me too. You might remember, but the moon is our chosen symbol of light and happiness, which for obvious and non-obvious reasons is connected to Reisen, the moon rabbit who symbolizes love and light.

 

D'awwwwwwwwww. I'm glad that I could make somebody happy for once lol

 

 

Anyway, I agree with the tulpa voice thing. Though working on your auditory hallucinating of your tulpa's voices, which I've done ~not at all, is a thing, mainly your tulpa's "voice" is composed of their personality, image, inflections, and feelings attached to what they say in your mind. Even though their words will sound like your thoughts at first, you should be able to tell apart those things - what she says won't be like what you'd say. And there is no such thing as "What if I'm just thinking things that Yumi would say?" That.. would be her talking. When she talks, you should be able to feel the thoughts were shaped by her, and they should resonate as "her words". Actual auditory voice will probably be fairly vague until you force it for a while. Reisen, Tewi and Flan all have personality and a bit of age showing in their voices, but if I pay attention they do change slightly over time (or in different moods, or on different subjects).

 

Really I don't worry about it so much. What matters to me is that I can feel them when they speak, not what they say or how they sound. Not anymore at least. Like I've said before, for the first 1-2 years of Reisen's existence she was nearly incapable of speech because I had impossibly high standards of what she'd say, being perfect and all. It wasn't until I learned to stop worrying about what she would say that she could say anything at all.

 

 

All of this has helped me more than I can even express. For the thousandth time, your advice is incredibly useful. If I make any leaps in progress soon, then it'll be because of you. (and amber of course)