Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[lyraheartstrings]

So sorry to hear it didn't work out. The possibilities were in your favor, but it didn't come out right

this time. Just remember: keep your head high, you got your whole life ahead of you. One relationship

can't be the end of the world, right?

 

Keep working on what you enjoy, and perhaps it will lead to your destination.

[Luminesce]

Am I the only one that remembers she was a complete mismatch mentally for him? Attractiveness is only one of 4 dimensions to relationships. Tempting as it may have been, surely you can tell you wouldn't have been happy with her in the long run.

 

Sorry I haven't been around, very busy recently, but I still read your posts even when I don't reply.

 

As for dreams, I've got one decent bit of advice. Put the intent in your mind to have vivid, aware dreams and to meet Yumi in them. I don't mean imagine it solely, actually tell your subconscious what you want, or, what will happen. Occupy your mind with it, not day-dream style but with the mental context of dreaming. Enact scenarios of meeting Yumi in a dream in your mind, whatever you do treat it like a dream. Also, treat it as if it's normal and easy for you (which is where the "this will happen" mindset comes in), not something out of reach or impossible.

 

In fact, subconsciously believing it was impossible (or rather, Reisen herself didn't want it) was what mainly kept her from appearing in a dream for years. Not long after I came to peace with her non/existence was when I finally had that dream of walking and holding hands with her.

 

Oh also thisisimportant, within two days of starting said affirmations of "I will have vivid dreams full of awareness" and such, I actually started having more solid dreams and remembering them better. I'd done this in the past with success, but I didn't realize how powerful pre-sleep affirmations were back then. Having the conscious intention of your dreams being vivid and more aware makes a big difference, as does making the effort to recall them when you wake up, but you should know that by now.

[Earthquake]

Eh, everyone else gave good advice so ill just say keep at It playboy

[Cinemaphobe]

@amber5885: You better believe I'll keep my eyes open for an anime club lol.

@ThatFellowWithTheScarf: You are right, and it isn't the end of the world, but it still absolutely sucks...

 

@Reisen-cakes: Reisen-cakes! I was wondering why it took you so long to post on my PR. I was afraid that college-work consumed you or something.

It's funny that you remember that Mary is a complete mental mismatch for me (because she is/was), but what's funnier is that I have only truly been in love with one girl over the course of my 19 years of existence who was as childish as me, but she brutally tore my heart out of my chest because I tried to help her for her suicide issues.

The bottom line, is that in person, I have always been extraordinarily different from everyone else in term of mannerisms and behavior. I'm always moving as if I have Parkinson's disease, I'm extremely critical of others, and I have a level of immaturity that transcended my childhood. It's just the way that I am. There is nothing wrong with me, and I have no mental disorders. Few people have the ability to deal with me, and even my best friend gets pissed because I annoy the living jesus out of him. But until I find a girl who is like me, I'll always be settling for less, and yes I was settling for far less than I should have settled for by going for Mary. Maybe if all of the gods of the universe come together, I'll find a girl whose personality will coincide with mine perfectly, but until then, Yumi will fill that little void, because most girls are boring anyways. Seriously, the inability to laugh at anything is the biggest turn-off ever. Yumi is like the much more extreme version of myself too(:

 

I'll try to pull Yumi into my dreams as you said, because it would be nice to have her affection. But lucid dreaming, or even increasing the quality of dreams is an endeavor that requires discipline and concentration, both of which aren't my strong suits as you have probably noticed.

 

@Earthquake: I'm sorry that everybody else hogged up all the good advice lol. But I'll take your advice too:)

 

@Everyone: I have been rejected by girls since the second grade, so it's not too devastating...(I hope I am not subconsciously lying to myself). One girl who didn't reject me turned out to be a bad apple, and the other girl who didn't reject me ended up tearing my heart out of my chest anyways, and that metaphor is not being used lightly. But thank you for your concern, support, and advice. I only have one person to talk to in RL and he isn't too good at giving advice lol.

[jackson]

You're just not ye standard Catholic, Cinemaphobe.

[Cinemaphobe]

DAY 20

 

 

@Jackson: Indeed.

 

 

 

Today was an interesting day tulpa-wise. My domestic situation is going very well, and as a result my stress levels are at an all-time low. Mary's mom gave me 38$ to give to my family to compensate for me not having a job, and I'm not a treacherous dickhead so of course I gave the money directly to my parents. My mom was surprised, and my stepdad had no comment, and later they bought groceries (and beer) with the money. When I was lurking on the forum, my stepdad placed an ice cold beer bottle on my neck and asked sarcastically "Is it cold?" which is his way of saying "Thank you." without appearing less manly.

 

I noticed that my leaps of progress have all happened during high-stress situations. In other words, every time I could focus and hear Yumi's mindvoice clearly, occurred when I needed her most.

Lately I haven't been able to hear her voice well... or feel her presence as much...

Before I started job-searching, I had 24 hours a day to spend with Yumi and study, so I always had her on my mind...I can conclude that the variables affecting my focus on Yumi include:

Stress-levels

Amount of idle time spent passive forcing

 

 

 

Taking into consideration how Yumi's voice and presence seemed to be diminishing slightly, I got a candle, and planned to have an intense meditation/tulpaforcing session in my bedroom. I did some Yoga and exercise prior to the session, essentially giving myself a full-body massage and getting the blood flowing to prevent any urges to move while inducing sleep paralysis. I then lit a candle, and laid down. At first I cleared my mind, and then I started to focus on Yumi in the wonderland. I focused only on her presence without narration, because I just wanted to feel like she was there...I also prayed to Morgan Freeman, the god of ice and snow, for a good forcing session.

 

 

As my body became numb, it felt like my consciousness was being dragged into the wonderland against its will. I saw Yumi flying in the sky, and she took my hand, taking me with her. At first she and I flew upwards, but when we flew downwards, I felt an intense falling sensation. Before we reached the ground, everything went black, and I began to think about my entire life, reviewing my earliest memories, and my most recent memories. I kept thinking about my life as if it had already passed, and then I was in outerspace, being sucked away from Earth, watching it slowly shrink out of my vision. It was an indescribable feeling...I reached my hands out for the speck that was Earth and yelled "Yuuuuuuuuuuuumiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!" (I know that there is no sound in space, but in my minds version of outerspace, there was a medium that sound could travel through) and I heard her yell my real name in return... I saw her flying towards me, and when she reached me, she embraced me and I could almost feel her head pressed against my chest... She and I were far from the Earth, floating past stars (yes we were floating fast as fuck) I started telling her how much I love her and need her in my life, and then we were pulled into the center of a star.

 

 

We were then surrounded by a white void, and I kept urging Yumi to speak, assuring her that she is so close to becoming 100% vocal. I heard ringing in both ears, and felt like my brain was tuning in to Yumi's frequency, so I began to talk to her about my innermost thoughts. To my surprise...Yumi actually spoke to me...

 

Me: I can't understand why Mary doesn't like me...I get along with her and her family just fine, and I treated her so kindly. I guess that I'm just not good enough Yumi. I'm not good enough.

Yumi: Stop. You are perfect.

Me: ...Yumi?...

 

Then we just simply held each other. I was completely shocked that she spoke, but extremely flattered by what she said. It felt as if she said exactly what I needed to hear, but if someone else told me that, then it wouldn't phase me...The words of a tulpa carry much more power... After she said that, I opened my eyes in RL and looked at my room without moving my head. The candle was still burning and my body was paralyzed. I don't know how long I was in that semi-conscious state with Yumi, but it felt like an eternity. I was too satisfied that she spoke to me that I ended the session and slowly got out of bed (my body was still waking up).

 

However, today's session is not over. I'm going to return to the wonderland with Yumi, until I lose consciousness and it becomes a lucid dream. Tulpae should be able to enter dreams, so I shouldn't doubt that it's Yumi I'm talking to if I find her. I'm so excited!!! because I feel like Yumi will be completely vocal soon! I just have to focus on her more, and spend more time forcing!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

heheheheheheheeheheheheheheheheheeheheh

 

I love my Yumi-cakes :)

[Guest amber5885]

She sounds like a sweetheart. And to build on what she said, just because it didnt work out doesn't mean that you weren't good enough, it just means it didn't work. Don't beat yourself up :)

[Luminesce]

 

Man I should be asleep right now.

 

It really would take too much time for me to write paragraphs on each and every thing you write, so excuse my seemingly pick-and-choose format in my advice. I say what seems like it most needs to be said.

 

I'll try to pull Yumi into my dreams as you said, because it would be nice to have her affection. But lucid dreaming, or even increasing the quality of dreams is an endeavor that requires discipline and concentration, both of which aren't my strong suits as you have probably noticed.

 

You've proven many times you're more than capable of the discipline and concentration it requires. Affirmations are really no big deal - you simply tell yourself you're going to have clearer, more vivid dreams, and that you'll remember them when you wake up. Maybe associate it with feelings of dreams you've had before for full effect.

Your dreams won't magically be fulfilling as soon as Yumi appears in them, trust me. If your dreams feel blurry and tend to be in bits and pieces with little awareness on your part, they'll be that way even if you have a dream about being together. Lucid dreaming goes hand in hand with increasing the clarity and awareness of your dreams, or rather follows suit.

 

Apparently your visualization is actually good enough that your Wonderlanding is to you as a dream would be to me, so I guess there's that. Wonderlanding is a little boring to me compared to either fully detailed dream scenarios, or imposing my tulpas in real life. I really only made a Wonderland so I'd have a familiar setting to go to to find Reisen in a dream, or to spontaneously dream about and subsequently become lucid due to that. Neither have happened, but I don't regret spending time making it.

 

 

Really quick, your statement that "I'll always have to settle for less" bothered me - it doesn't sit right with my positivity-oriented beliefs, because as I just said elsewhere, your thoughts create your reality. It might seem implausible, but the things you think like that actually do affect your life, and believing you won't find someone "perfect" may actually prevent you from doing so.

 

Another thing that doesn't seem right is that Yumi still seemingly can't talk. I'm well aware, as are you, that different peoples' tulpas take varying times to develop and become vocal, but I'm a bit suspicious here. There's no reason Yumi shouldn't be able to talk other than your subconscious expectations of what she'll say (ie pressure to be perfect, which kept Reisen nearly silent for a long time). That leads me to think that you're subconsciously believing she must not talk, due to expectations of the quality of what she'll say or just the belief itself that she isn't. I recommend you attempt to remove any subconscious expectations you have of Yumi related to her speech. (... Yeah, that sounds easy right?) Anyway, just make sure your mind knows she's allowed to speak. Tell yourself that if she wants to say something she can and will with ease. There's nothing stopping her from talking anymore. She's more than capable of talking now and will start doing so more and more frequently.

 

Something like that. Do what works for you, but never stop asking how and why your mind works the way it does. There's always more to your brain than you know.

[Guest amber5885]

Your "thoughts shape your reality and experiance" theory is exactly what leads me to belive that the secret is a real thing that really works.

 

Now no I don't think that you can become a millionaire just by wishing really hard. That's rediculous. Every example of the secret seems to revolve around money, cars and fancy bullcrap BUT positivity does change your reality and so does expectation.

 

I think we are fully and totally capable of creating out own reality and I do think that nothing is set in stone and we can absolutely have the life we want if we're willin to put both effort and belief into said thing.

 

My ramble doesn't have much of a point other than the fact that I agree with you and I have seen it work too many times in my life to discount it so I think your advice is very very good and deffinitly worth following. If he doesn't take it I certainly will.

[Cinemaphobe]

@Reisen-cakes:

 

You've proven many times you're more than capable of the discipline and concentration it requires. Affirmations are really no big deal - you simply tell yourself you're going to have clearer, more vivid dreams, and that you'll remember them when you wake up. Maybe associate it with feelings of dreams you've had before for full effect.

Your dreams won't magically be fulfilling as soon as Yumi appears in them, trust me. If your dreams feel blurry and tend to be in bits and pieces with little awareness on your part, they'll be that way even if you have a dream about being together. Lucid dreaming goes hand in hand with increasing the clarity and awareness of your dreams, or rather follows suit.

 

Thankfully my dreams are completely identical to reality, so if Yumi appears in them, then it'll be like I'm experiencing her while awake. And I will try to use the other information to my advantage as well.

 

Apparently your visualization is actually good enough that your Wonderlanding is to you as a dream would be to me, so I guess there's that. Wonderlanding is a little boring to me compared to either fully detailed dream scenarios, or imposing my tulpas in real life. I really only made a Wonderland so I'd have a familiar setting to go to to find Reisen in a dream, or to spontaneously dream about and subsequently become lucid due to that. Neither have happened, but I don't regret spending time making it.

 

My Wonderlanding might be extremely clear due to my visualization, but my visualization can only reach that level when I really get my mind in the zone. Comparing my visualization quality to that of your dream quality might be like comparing quartz to diamond because my visualization that doesn't engage all of my senses like a real dream, can be interrupted in a heartbeat by an intrusive thought or sound inside/outside of my bedroom. That is one of the flaws of being semi-conscious to have a good wonderland session, rather than being completely unconscious to have a dream.

 

Really quick, your statement that "I'll always have to settle for less" bothered me - it doesn't sit right with my positivity-oriented beliefs, because as I just said elsewhere, your thoughts create your reality. It might seem implausible, but the things you think like that actually do affect your life, and believing you won't find someone "perfect" may actually prevent you from doing so.

 

Now you are starting to sound like my ex-girlfriend, which isn't necessarily a bad thing in this case. She was so positive when she wasn't being a complete asshole to me that it was borderline insane (She would condemn me for being negative instead of helping me) . Your thoughts do create your reality, because they build upon beliefs, and nothing affects your perception of reality quite like beliefs. I'm also aware of self-fulfilling prophecies, so I try to keep my belief at a bare minimum to avoid altering my chances of finding the perfect girl for me.

 

Another thing that doesn't seem right is that Yumi still seemingly can't talk. I'm well aware, as are you, that different peoples' tulpas take varying times to develop and become vocal, but I'm a bit suspicious here. There's no reason Yumi shouldn't be able to talk other than your subconscious expectations of what she'll say (ie pressure to be perfect, which kept Reisen nearly silent for a long time). That leads me to think that you're subconsciously believing she must not talk, due to expectations of the quality of what she'll say or just the belief itself that she isn't. I recommend you attempt to remove any subconscious expectations you have of Yumi related to her speech. (... Yeah, that sounds easy right?) Anyway, just make sure your mind knows she's allowed to speak. Tell yourself that if she wants to say something she can and will with ease. There's nothing stopping her from talking anymore. She's more than capable of talking now and will start doing so more and more frequently.

 

Something like that. Do what works for you, but never stop asking how and why your mind works the way it does. There's always more to your brain than you know.

 

I think about this all of the time. Ever since Yumi has surprised me with her level of vocality, her vocality has reached a plateau. I tried to summon any ideas as to what could be causing the plateau, and subconscious expectations were one of those ideas. When somebody makes exceptional progress in any field, it is natural to wonder "Why is this possible for me?" or "Is it supposed to be possible?". But if hard work contributed to their success, rather than an aptitude, then one could equally think "I worked extremely hard. So of course this is possible."

I did work hard on Yumi, but in spite of that I am having trouble either consciously or subconsciously accepting that it's possible. I always strive to set aside any suspicions that I may have towards myself, and any skepticism that could hinder my progress, but I haven't taken the time to reinforce the idea that Yumi actually could become 100% vocal at this point.

 

Now I definitely know what I need to work on :O

 

 

@amber5885: As I said with Reisen, thoughts form beliefs and beliefs affect your reality. So I agree that he is right, because I have also experienced evidence of the power of thought.