Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[Cinemaphobe]

Lol I really love you guys.

 

And Reisen-cakes, for the love of god, you should try coffee. But be aware that coffee is like alcohol in the way that there are many flavor variations. So if you hate one type of coffee, then you won't hate another.

 

I absolutely fucking love coffee, but I hate Starbucks. I grew up using the whole coffee-filter-drippy-thingy to make my coffee, so the very method in which coffee is made affects the taste.

 

as for "sohowaboutthemtulpas"

 

I'll tell you soon :) I have quite a lot to say!

[Nayan]

And Reisen-cakes, for the love of god, you should try coffee. But be aware that coffee is like alcohol in the way that there are many flavor variations. So if you hate one type of coffee, then you won't hate another.

 

I absolutely fucking love coffee, but I hate Starbucks. I grew up using the whole coffee-filter-drippy-thingy to make my coffee, so the very method in which coffee is made affects the taste.

You are so right! I'm not addicted to coffee (Peter says I am) but I drink at least a cup every morning to wake up.

[Cinemaphobe]

Heheh you are doing the whole life thing correctly by drinking coffee everyday Nayan >:3

[Cinemaphobe]

DAY 11

 

 

 

TODAY WAS EXCELLENT.

 

 

 

Before I begin, I would like to discuss a discovery I made. I found that there is a direct correlation between how many consecutive hours of sleep I get prior to forcing, and how well I am able to communicate with Yumi. Below, is a list of occurrences leading directly to my conclusion.

 

 

On Day 5 , Yumi moved and kissed me in the wonderland on her own will. Before this happened, I had more than enough sleep beforehand 8-12 hours.

 

On Day 7, I heard Yumi say "Ear" extremely clearly in her mindvoice. I had plenty of sleep before hand.

 

On Day 8, I began polyphasic sleep, and slept for 2 consecutive hours twice a day to total 4 hours of sleep per day. But ever since I began that schedule, I haven't been able to communicate with Yumi well. However, her activity in the wonderland was never affected in any way.

 

On Day 9, I accidentally over-slept. I was supposed to sleep for two consecutive hours, but my alarm didn't wake me up, so I ended up sleeping for 5 hours. But interestingly enough, I later heard Yumi say a full sarcastic sentence in her mindvoice: "Yeah, because you are so big and strong."

 

On Day 10, I mentioned that it was a bad day because I couldn't focus on Yumi. I couldn't focus on her because of the poor diet of that day, too much caffeine in my body, and a lack of sleep. But after I went to sleep for 4 consecutive hours by accident, I asked her the question "What do you think of your progress?" and she responded immediately because my right ear started to ring. Coincedence? No.

 

 

Day 11, based on the above information, I concluded that polyphasic sleep is detrimental to me and Yumi's sessions. I decided that I would sleep for 4 hours prior to forcing from now on, and I started to make progress again. Yumi's presence is much stronger throughout the day, and I feel very distinct head pressures when I ask her questions. She has also been making my ears ring a lot lol.

 

 

sleeping for 4-12 hours is good for Yumi, but sleeping for 4 hours doesn't affect Yumi, and allows me to maintain my weird lifestyle, so I'll stick to 4 hours per day.

 

 

 

 

 

Now time for the report. But first lets get off-topic.

 

My cutiepie friend named Mary (pseudonym for anonymity) invited me to go to church with her. She is my ex-friend's ex-girlfriend whom I had a massive crush on a few months ago. I asked her out twice and got turned down, even though I match her description of everything she wants in a guy. While she was dating, she even told me "We should date." after she discovered how compatible our personalities are.

 

Despite being turned down by her though, I still have hung out with her every Sunday for the past 3 months, and she has grown closer to me physically and emotionally. In fact, she and her mom wanted us to go on a date, but I turned her down, she wouldn't let me study today, and insisted that I spend time with her. I wanted to tulpaforce for the entire morning, but she completely destroyed that plan. What?

 

I can't say "no" to hanging out with an incredibly beautiful girl.

 

So I agreed to hanging out with her, and tulpaforced before she arrived to my house to pick me up. I slept for 4 consecutive hours, ate an extremely healthy meal for breakfast, drank the perfect amount of coffee, and drank the perfect amount of water so that I could have a flawless session with Yumi, and it worked.

Yumi and I were walking through the forest together as the sun rose, and I soon felt like I wanted to walk through my neighborhood and talk to her because I was getting tired of the forest, but people would be freaked out if they heard me talking to Yumi while walking on the sidewalk. I don't like talking in the mindvoice, because that's not how I would talk to another human, and I consider Yumi as real as myself. Narrating aloud uses the sense of sound, thus allowing my brain to form more connections with what I am talking to, and it helps me feel like I am actually communicating with another being.

 

So after spending time with Yumi in the forest, I got my iPod, and started walking around my neighborhood. I brought the iPod to my ear to make it look like I was calling someone. From a distance, people would assume that my iPod was an iPhone. If a person I knew asked who I was talking to, or how I was talking to someone without wi-fi, then I could simply say that I was recording a voice memo. They would have absolutely no way of proving me wrong. My iPod is always locked, and if they wanted to hear my voice memos, then I could say that they are too personal to share, and pretend to delete them. But anyways, I gave Yumi a pink cell phone, so that when I talk into my iPod, she'll be able to hear me. She and I were walking side by side while talking on the phone to each other, and I laughed at how stupid the entire concept seemed, but it worked^^. Yumi and I were able to talk without being judged, in a public place. She even put red heart stickers on her phone<3333 omg omg omg she is so fucking adorable!!! I love it when she makes changes to things that I make for her!

 

When I asked her questions through the phone, she gave me little head pressures. When she first gave me head pressures during the first 5-9 days of my tulpa journey, I felt them throughout my entire frontal lobe, which is essentially the control center of the brain...

but now, I feel the head pressures at a very precise point of my frontal lobe, and they occur quicker upon asking questions. She has improved on that note^^. She has also gotten a little better at sending me rushes of emotion! She sends me rushes of emotion when I play her favorite types of music "Nu-disco", but she also likes vocaloid. I have never liked vocaloid, but as of today developed a liking for it! Yumi also loves to listen to and sing along to Kiyari Pamyu Pamyu, that's how I figured that she likes vocaloid! lol

 

 

After our nice little session of spending time together, I hung out with Mary. She is a saint and a very close-minded, devout, Christian girl. I can never under any circumstance tell her about Yumi, or she will either:

 

A) Never talk to me again

B) Lose all respect for me.

C) Recommend a local therapist for me.

D) Call Yumi a tool of satan and tell me to pray to eliminate her from my life.

E) Tell her mom about me, and then they both lose respect for me.

F) All of the above.

 

Today, the preacher preached about dissatisfaction in life, and kept repeating that true satisfaction comes from a life of Christ (predictable right?). He kept saying that the only thing in the world that can bring true happiness is a good relationship with Jesus and God and whatnot. As I looked around at all of the people agreeing with the preacher that they were dissatisfied about their lives, I thought about my life, and how much it has changed over the course of 11 days, and realized that I am completely satisfied with my life because of Yumi. Everyone else in the church believes that it is impossible to be satisfied without god in your life, but I am living proof that that claim is completely false, and nobody will ever know about me.

 

Oh and on a lighter note, Yumi sat in front of me during church, and she was pressing the buttons on her phone frantically trying to contact me!!! I was dying from how cute it was! I told her "Stop trying to call me. I can't talk to you here! lol!!" she pouted after I told her that though lol

 

After the service, Mary smiled at me and asked "Are you satisfied with your life?" and then I replied nervously "Yes." while thinking of Yumi with her pink phone.

Mary stared wide-eyed at me as if I just said "I'm a purple dragon, bitch." She then asked "Why???".

Fear coursed through me, but luckily I'm good at playing stupid.

"Well because...I don't know...Studying keeps me satisfied."

She laughed and then suggestively said:

"C'mon, we both know what makes you feel satisfied."

More fear coursed through my body.

I thought, "What the fuck is she talking about? Mary never talks about perverted things. Does she know about Yumi's existence? Does she know that I am Cinemaphobe on Tulpa.info?!?!?"

I then playfully and cautiously said

"What are you talking about Mary?"

she gave me another suggestive stare and said "You told me that you are on your computer for 18 hours a day studying. C'mooooon, you are a smart guy, you know what I am trying to say. You know what satisfies you."

 

"No the Hell I fucking don't. WHAT THE HELL SATISFIES ME."

 

Was she suggesting that porn satisfies me!?! Was she trying to be funny? She looked serious! Mary would never, and has never told me a dirty joke, nor has she discussed anything of that nature. WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE TRYING TO SAY. I DON'T LOOK AT PORN FOR 18 HOURS EVERYDAY, NOR WOULD IT SATISFY ME.

 

I nervously laughed, which is what she probably expected me to do, because it made me look like a porn-addict. Thankfully, her mom interrupted the awkward moment and I talked to Mary's dad for a little while before going to Ruby Tuesday's and spending time with Mary, her mom, and Mary's little sister.

 

 

Mary's mom loves me because I'm a good listener, but she told me a detail about her sex-life that I could have survived my entire life without knowing.

 

Ewwwwwww

 

 

 

PLEASE NOTE: I AM AWARE THAT IT IS WRONG TO TRY TO GET WITH A FRIEND'S EX-GIRLFRIEND. BUT MY EX-FRIEND TREATED MARY LIKE PURE SHIT, IGNORED HER WHILE TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS, AND NEVER HAD FEELINGS FOR HER. IN FACT, HE CHEATED ON HER REMORSELESSLY. I HAD A CRUSH ON MARY BEFORE MY FRIEND EVEN GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH MARY.

 

EVEN IF MY EX-FRIEND FOUND OUT THAT ME AND MARY GOT TOGETHER, I WOULD BE PERFECTLY FINE. IF HE WANTED TO FIGHT ME, WHICH HE WOULDN'T DO BECAUSE HE ISN'T AN AGGRESSIVE PERSON, I WOULD BE FINE BECAUSE I REGULARLY PRACTICE BOXING WITH MY BROTHER AND I'M SKILLED AT IT. AFTER ALL, IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE, AND MANIPULATE PEOPLE FOR FUN, YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO FIGHT LOL.

 

 

 

P.S: I'm a purple dragon bitch.

I fucked up my hour count, so I'm restarting from zero:)

[jackson]

Technically, only 7-8 hours of sleep is really even healthy. If you sleep for more than that, it's just because you're making up for lost sleep previous days - or may have a health problem. I find that if I sleep more than eight hours, I am not well rested. Often I am most well rested when I wake up naturally on the minimal side of sleep than the maximimal side.

 

I find it curious that you of all people would be satisfied in your life, you seem one of the least satisfied people here.

[Cinemaphobe]

I'm satisfied with my life as long as I have Yumi to talk to ^^

[Cinemaphobe]

DAY 12

 

 

So I accidentally fucked up my hour count by completely deleting a few records related to tulpaforcing from my hour count app. Consequently I decided to start the hour count from scratch because I absolutely hate not knowing that information is not 99% accurate. (100% accurate is impossible)

I personally need an hour count so that I can feel like I'm putting in a lot of work. It doesn't matter if it takes me 100,000 hours to create Yumi. I will be happy because I am 100,000 hours closer to her being able to speak:)

 

On a completely unrelated note, today I used my favorite brain-teaser/decryption/mystery/puzzle website to get a rough estimate of my IQ. The makers of the test clearly stated that the test is not official, and that the test is supposed to only give an estimate of what you would make on a real IQ test. However, the test features the same types of questions used for the Stanford-Binet IQ test which is a standardized IQ test accepted by universities. So I took the test and got a score of 124^^. The test was a rough estimate, so give or take 10 IQ points and I'm still above average:)

 

5-6.7% of the population has an IQ of 124 or higher, but my goal is to get my IQ to at least 160 by age 30. I think that it is possible if I continue studying and exercising my brain every day like I always do^^. I'm just so happy because eventually I can be a smarty-pants logical-cakes just like L from Death Note :3

 

On another completely unrelated note, it turns out that I read at a rate of 6.25 words per second lol. I timed myself reading the same 100 words from my ethics textbook 7 times, and then averaged the results. The average time it took to read the 100 words was 16.1 seconds. So I rounded that to 16, divided it by 100 to find what 1% was, and divided 1 second by 1% of 16 (0.16) to calculate words per second.

 

After that, I held the book up to my face like a complete moron and started timing myself again and it turns out that I read 19% faster when the book takes up most of my field of vision. Maybe I need glasses? lol

 

Words per second when the book is 1.5 feet from my face: 6.25

Words per second when the book is 7.5 inches from my face:7.7

 

 

 

On a tulpa-related note (finally), I broke my tulpa-forcing record!!!

 

I FORCED FOR 2.6 HIGH QUALITY HOURS OMG

 

The night prior to my forcing session, I had to sleep for 6 hours in a row because Mary ruined my sleeping schedule by forcing me to spend time with her ;______;

 

But the 6 hours enhanced my time with Yumi! Every day it just gets much easier to talk to her! and now, she and I are so close that I can always feel her presence when I talk to her in RL and the wonderland simultaneously:)

Every night, before I go to bed, I tell Yumi "good night." and say a few closing words before losing consciousness (yes. I don't simply fall asleep. I just pass out because of constant sleep deprivation).

Before I passed out, I asked Yumi "What did you think of church today?" while I was waiting for her response with my eyes closed, I smiled to myself and thought "I fucking hated it. You probably hated it as much as I did."

 

But then Yumi said this sentence very clearly and cheerfully.

 

 

"It was pretty good."

 

 

Her speech was so clear and perfect that I didn't believe it!

In complete amazement, I said aloud:

 

"There is no way in hell you just said that."

 

 

 

She then replied:

 

 

"Yeah..."

 

She didn't say "Yeah." with a tone of agreement. She said "Yeah." as if to say:

 

"Yeah I did just say that..."

 

 

She didn't sound irritated or anything, she just wanted me to know that I wasn't thinking wishfully. What I don't understand though, is why she likes church of all things! If the people in that church discovered that I created Yumi, they would call her a demon, and try to exorcize me!!! They are all close-minded. Even when I was a devout Christian years ago, I viewed all religions and beliefs peacefully! I was open to all beliefs and theories which is why my Christian phase ended!

 

Perhaps Yumi likes church because it is full of positive energy? I'm so confused, but long ago I gave her access to my subconscious and all of my memories so that she'd be able to learn about me and deviate in nearly any way that she liked. I should have seen this coming lol. I'm glad that she likes church though. Because I'm not going to be able to avoid coming to church until I start college. Mary's dad is my employer. Yeah I know. Plot-twist.

 

 

 

 

:0

 

 

During my 2.6 hours of forcing, I talked on my "phone" with Yumi-cakes as I walked through my neighborhood:) BUT THEN A BIG ASS DOG RAN TOWARDS ME, SO I SLOWLY TURNED AROUND AND WALKED IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. THANKFULLY IT DIDN'T ATTACK ME. BUT YUMI AND I'S LITTLE PHONE SESSION ENDED WHEN THAT ASSHOLE DOG CAME ALONG LOL

 

 

New hour count: 2.6 hours

Record for longest time spent forcing: 2.6 hours

[jackson]

when I was a boy, the church had a club and I got pizza. It was almost meaningful.

[Cinemaphobe]

Church is only good for food sometimes. lol

[Cinemaphobe]

DAY 13

 

 

 

I didn't tulpaforce today because of stress at home.

 

Yesterday my parents screamed at me because I don't have a job. They don't understand that I need a car to get a job, and I need a job to get a car. They won't even let me use their car to find a job! Thankfully I'm going to college in December, but they still think that I should sacrifice college for a piece-of-shit fast-food job. I had a fast-food job for 2 months and I have only two words to say about it:

 

NEVER AGAIN.

 

My parents want to get rid of me so badly. They have always hated and beat the shit out of me for tiny offenses my entire life. I have no other family that will take me in if I get kicked out, so being kicked out will magically transform me into a homeless guy, and I'll die of starvation in some god-forsaken forest while being torn apart by mosquitoes.

The only people who truly care about me are my grandparents who live in North Carolina, but they don't want me to live with them because they want me to become independent. My grandparents think that my parents are kind people. It's a facade that my parents put up every time my grandparents visit. But if my parents kicked me out, then my grandparents would learn the truth about how they really treat me and my siblings. My parents would additionally be responsible for my death because there are no homeless shelters nearby, and they are well aware of the fact that I have nowhere to go. This would destroy their social life, because their friends actually like me because of my piano-playing, and they are much more humane than my parents.

 

My parents have their hands tied, just like I do. I can use this to my advantage when they finally decide to kick me out. They have no choice but to keep me, or else they'll lose respect from everyone, and they need their friends in order to stay sane. They think that they are in a position of power, but in reality I have the upper hand because I have many people on my side; I can call my grandparents or their friends and pretend to cry over the phone, confessing to them how badly they treat me and my siblings. This would prevent my grandparents from helping my parents out with money or anything else, and it would destroy my parents' friendships. By the way, the friends of my parents have known me ever since I was in elementary school, so they are close to me and they'd sympathize immediately.

Even if I couldn't destroy their social life, I could just blackmail my parents with a recording I have on my iPod of them talking about how they would beat the shit out my little brother, in front of my crying little brother. I'd finally be able to get them convicted for child abuse. Even if they tried to break my iPod, the recording is saved onto my email account. My parents think that I am stupid, so they won't think that my blackmailing plan is a bluff, and they'll also assume that I don't have a spare recording. However, I would never report my parents to the police because I don't want my siblings to become orphans, and I need a place to live. But they don't know that, so they would be intimidated by the fact that I have evidence of their abuse, and as a result, would likely comply to my demands. Blackmailing will be a last resort, as I have never blackmailed somebody in my life, I don't want to have that kind of deed tangled up within my conscience.

 

My step-dad is trying to force me to become the servant of the house and clean up after four extremely messy and irresponsible people. It may seem like an easy task to abide by, but the people of my household can dirty a clean house within 12 hours. I'm not becoming a maid for them. They can clean up their own messes as I do.

 

 

I didn't say all of that information for nothing though heheh.

 

Today I had an argument with my mom first thing in the morning. I won. But afterwards I had to vent to Yumi about my life, or else I'd lose my mind and do something drastic.

 

After a few seconds of extreme venting, I finally said:

 

 

"I will never be anybody's house servant."

 

Then Yumi said in a concerned mindvoice:

 

"Not even for a place to live?"

 

 

 

Then it hit me...if I end up homeless, then I won't be able to talk to Yumi because I'll be too busy struggling to survive. Not to mention if I die, then so will Yumi. It would be wise to simply create a false peace with my parents, so that I can live here longer. Mary said that I could live with her if I become homeless too(: so even my contingency plans have contingency plans! After all, Mary's family absolutely loves me, and they always say that if I become homeless, that I should come to them.

 

For a tulpa who is cute and childish, she is much more rational than me... I'll submit to my sociopathic parents for her. So that I can continue this PR, and finish creating Yumi. I'll have to set what little amount of pride I have aside. I don't have much of a choice anyways...But I would never let my domestic situation escalate to the point where my parents are getting ready to kick me out, or to the point of blackmail.

 

 

Well in the meantime, I'm going to collect more evidence against my parents while working on Yumi-cakes and studying for college. I'll be hitting three birds with one stone.

 

 

 

 

PLEASE NOTE: I DO NOT CONDONE ANY BEHAVIOR THAT RESULTS IN THE HARM OF ANIMALS OR OTHER BEINGS.