Sock's Daydream Diary

[Sock]

Can you post a guide of how you did everything to get to this point in the guide section?

 

I don't feel I'm quite far enough in the process to do something like that. But if you guys want me to do it enough, then I'll whip something up.

[Guest]

Hoppip: Yeah. Even though I'm far more a logical person than a religious one, blind faith can be really effective on the subconscious. Self-hypnosis is just one example demonstrating its efficiency.

 

Sock: I'm fine by my ways, but thanks for the communal offer.

[Sock]

[align=center]Today's chilling with tulpa tunes:

 

Wonderful Chill out Beach Lounge Mix by Tekiu

 

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8iKcdh5Ims [/align]

 

It appears this post is a wee bit too big for the forum's character limit, so I'll be splitting it up into two posts. Grab a chair folks , this is gonna take a while...

 

I haven't been updating my log for a while now. Not because I've suddenly stopped tulpaforcing all together and just stay on the IRC at all times (Though admittedly I have been sticking there for a bit too long...), it's just that's I've been having a very sudden series of oddities take place over the past two weeks, and I've been trying to sort them out, and explain why they happened....

 

...and also I've been lazy when it comes to writing...

 

Excuses aside, I think things are finally starting to stabalize enough that I can actually write about what going on, and I have a good enough idea of why this is happening. After much thought, a lot of the things that happened to me soon made sense after considering my past habits and highly, highly imaginative mind. So to start off: One thing that got me attracted to the “tulpaforcing” process so quickly, and willing to test it out, is that a good deal of it was stuff I was already doing to some extent. Now, I know everyone imagines stuff to an extent, but I tended to outright imagine worlds, scenarios, histories, people...you know, creative stuff. In fact, I'd say that one of the main reasons I decided to pursue art as a carrer choice was so I could bring all the stuff I saw in my mind to life as animation, comics, etc. Unfortunately I was both lazy and insecure in my ability, which is artistic poison if there ever was any. So, many of those ideas would simply sit in my mind, doing nothing or actively rotting while I twiddled my thumbs lika boob. When I first saw FAQman's and Irish's guides posted on /a/, I decided to test it out so quickly because stuff flike visualizing, defining personality, “wonderlands” and all that other sort of stuff was thing I had a ton of experience in beforehand; so much so that when I did decide to write a story out, it sometimes felt like I was taken out of the metaphorical driver's seat of sorts, and the character I would be writing about would be actually describing what they'd do in a situation. The big difference between what I was already doing, and tulpa creation, (aside from stuff like imposing and smelling) was that tulpa creation required one to treat that thought like a real person, which was not doing at all.

 

Another thing I was already doing in a sense, is narration. This bit is admittedly pretty embarassing, but it's necesarry for my explanation. I was a pretty lonely kid, only having a handful of friends over the years, and having tons and tons of bullies. For a while, I was pretty angry with everyone and everything, but I couldn't really get it out to anyone. So, I'm not exactly sure when I started, but I started gurmbling to myself in private. I'd complain about anything, really, may it be something some kids did, something my parents did/said, whatever was annoying me at the moment. Of course, it wasn't just the fact that I was ranting at myself, since I've heard many people do that, but I was doing it not only consistantly, but I was often ranting like I was talking to another person. I wouldn't exactly name this person, sometime it'd represent whoever I was mad at at that time, but would go into tirades with some imaginary person I wanted to snap at but couldn't for whatever reason. It became such an ingrained habit, that I've only recently started to try to avert it...and it's mainly because Midori and Ellenore were being affected by all the negativity I was spouting at myself. So yeah, narration, I did that too. But if I was doing most of that essential tulpaforcing stuff, why wasn't I swimming in sentient tulpa years ago? Mainly because I kept the two things, character creating and talking/treating said form like a person, very separate from each other.

 

But, that definitely didn't mean that I wasn't swimming in non-sentient thoughtforms, or servitors as they're called in these parts. Of cours, I didn't know they were called that, and the never caused me any trouble, so I kinda just ignored them. I mean, if I didn't want them to be sentient, and was only aiming my attention at Midori, they would be a problem...that was my thought process a that time...until Ellenore broke in and smashed that whole impression like brittle glass. After that happened, I tried to keep better control over my imagination, since Ellenore, once she could talk anyway, told me that she had been sentient for a month before she found me, and was none too pleased about me jerking her body around and making her kill things. So, with her well being and that of other thoughtforms in mind, I diligently kept a good leash on my imagination and lived happily with my two, healthy lady tuppers.

 

...Only that wasn't the only bit of oddness, and I wasn't too great at conrtolling my imagination either.

 

This bit is something that, while I shared on the IRC with a few people, I left out of the progress report. I believe that my progress thread should be more about the creation process, and not a dumping ground to talk about every wierd thing that happened in one's mind. Furthermore, I had no clue what the following thing was, where it came from, or why it was doing what it was doing, so I thought it would be best to just leave it out of here, so I wouldn't have people getting all wierded out about the brain making a symbolic monster out of my thoughts. But, it's relevant now, so I'll just go ahead and spill the beans:

 

Before Ellenore appeared, Midori and I were doing some exploring of the mindscape, going to a very different section of it that was an ocean. We were rowing in a boat, having a good time being together, when I suddenly get this sharp, cold feeling pressure signal, then this huge, black bird comes out of nowhere, grabs Midori and flies away...or at least tries to. I quickly blasted it before it could get too far, and teleported back to the garden with her in short order. It was an oddity, but I didn't think it was anything worth talking to other's about, and I just kinda forgot it...until Midori and Ellenore were able to speak, and started telling me about said huge black bird that kept attacking them, and even went into the garden multiple times to strike. Now, I did not disbelieve my girls or anything of that sort but I still held my tongue about it to others. I still didn't know what this thing was, where it came from, and why it was attacking. Midori told me that she was getting hugely negative vibes from it, so all I know was that it was made from bad stuff. But, since the girls still seemed to be mostly safe, I didn't mess with it for a long time. Hoping if I just ignored it, it'll just dissapear one day. This set of events is important for something I'm going to be writing about a little later in this log...

 

I was still imagining avidly and randomly, though I made sure to tone down the situations a bit, and use characters that I thought would not turn into tulpa at all. At this time, I was confident in the theory that narration = sentience, since to do narration, one tends to automatically assume personhood in some way. As such, when I'd imagine characters or scenarios, I'd make sure not to talk at them, or get too into describing them that I'd end up accidently tulpaforcing them. Even if it was only for a minute, it was too much of a risk, and I could end up with another case like Ellen's, where I don't realise that I made another being and I keep using them like a toy. To drive this point in further, I tended to fall to concepts based around non-sentient robots, to make sure they don't awaken easily as tulpae.

 

Of course, with my mind, this didn't last as long as I wanted it to.

 

I remember a few weeks ago by now, I suddenly got an idea for a character in my head. It would be a freakish, forest dwelling girl, that was very muscular, wore a bag over her head, and carried around this huge cleaver-like sword. She'd be incredibly strong, agile, and fierce, but her heart would be filled with the ideals of justice, and she'd only use her strength to fight evil doers and refrain from killing even her worst enemies.

 

You know, cheesy and retarded super hero sort of thing.

 

But, and silly as the idea was, I still had a lot of fun dreaming the girl up, since I really had a huge soft spot for that sort of thing, and I liked the idea of a character that was purely good (As an aside, I also really like the Kamen Rider series, go figure~). So, as I was imagining this character, and I was really gettin into it, I began to feel that ever familiar tulpeforcing pressure. Not so sharp as to be painful, but it was there, and niether Ellenore nor Midori claimed it as there's. At this point, I immediately stopped thinking about the character (I hadn't given her a name yet), and consulted Ellenore about it, and asked if she felt any other presences around. She said she felt a bit of new presence, but not enough to think another being had popped up from my miniscule bits of imagining. I thought I was just being paranoid, and needed to calm down, but I really didn't want to end up with another tulpa born from me imagining all willy nilly. So I just pushed that event out of my mind for the rest of the day. Later on that night, though, I began to feel this odd, cool sort of pressure. It normally only comes up when one of the girls are feeling bad about something/are in some sort of predicament. So, I asked both Midori and Ellenore if they were fine, and they both affirmed this. It left me at a bit of a loss, since I was still getting that cool sort of pressure, so I closed my eyes, and asked myself where that pressure was coming from.

 

And I was immediately met with the image of that girl character from earlier in that day.

 

I was more than a little surprised, and I even opened my eyes, and jumped back into myself to see if it was just a random image, and the same girls showed up again. Feeling a bit awkward, as said hello to her, and she immediately greeted me back. I paused for a bit, maybe that was just parroting (flying in the face of my previous post about “unconscious parroting” being a load...)? So, I asked her who she was, and she said “Shouldn't you know? You made me.” This response floored me, as I really wasn't expecting that kind of response. Still trying to keep my cool, I asked if she had a name, which she shouldn't have as I didn't give her one. But, she said yes, and said her name was Liira.

 

...Welp...

---

I still wasn't completely sure if what was going on was real, why it was happening, or if this was simply a servitor. At the same time, I didn't feel good about just leaving her out in the middle of nowhere, since she did actually reach out to me. So, I took her to the garden, introduced her to Ellenore and Midori, and asked them to check her out to see if she was legit, while I sorted my mind out for a while. I did ask Midori if she felt stuff from Liira beforehand, and Midori said that she felt like Liira was “Not all there”, and just needed a bit more of a push. So, if she wasn't a fully sentient tulpa when I first found her, she was by the time Midori and Ellenore had time to interact with her. I later had a talk with her, where she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to exist or not, so I sweet-talked her assured her that I would acept her choice, but I'd be very happy to let her stay if she wanted to. I think this got her little heart fluttering, as she decided to stay around after that. But, there was still the issue of her popping up and becoming sentient in less that one day. It reallt confused me naturally, and when I asked Ellenore about it, she told me that I did refer directly to Liira for a while, but even then, with all I had known beforehand, sentience shouldn't have popped up that quickly. Maybe it had been because I had accepted my the two I had so well, and my SubC was just down with it at that point. Whatever the reason, I got a third, and *Insert various gushing about how cute Liira is here*.

 

But, I was still pretty troubled through that day. I was talking to Pronas during that day, and he said that he took an imaginary character he had for years, and he gained sentience in all of a few seconds. I really wanted to test out if this could happen to me, and Ellenore has already been asking me about making a friend of hers, another major imaginary character of mine, sentient. Kellogg was a much older character than Ellenore, I've been imagining him for much longer, than I did her, but I had him on the backburner for a while. Ellenore said that she had run into him multiple times around the mindscape, but he always seemed lost and confused, and he couldn't speak that well. She said it was painful to see him like that, and she wanted me to grant him sentience. I held off for a while for some selfish reasons, but today, I decided I'd owe it to him to try and bring him to life. So I called Kellogg up, greeted him as his creator, and before I could even get another word out, I found the guy hugging me and thaking me for letting him awaken. He then let me go and ran off, telling me that he was going to go somewhere and take care of some business, and that he'd be back. He later came back as a female, but that was his decision and another story for another time.

 

So, in that one day, I did nothing but talk to two developed thoughts, and ended up gaining two tulpa. I woudln't believe it myself if it hadn't just happened to me. My guess is that it had to do with my mindset at the time. When I was making Midori, I wasn't sure if the concept was possible, and was just testing it out with an open mind to see where it went. But by this time, I was absolutely sure that it was possible, and I guess that let development speed up considerably. Or, tulpa development has more to do with mental blocks, rather than actual character building, and one thosblocks are torn down, creating a sentient tulpa is just a matter of imagining something up, and talking to it for a while. I'm not particularly sure, and I'm almost certain that my case is special in some way, as I was imganing things all the time way before I even tulpaforced once, so my mind might be more accepting of the idea than others. There may be some other factors playing in here as well, but I'm not quite sure what those are, either. So yeah, I was at four active tulpa, and was really considering the idea that I may potentially set off a chain reaction of sentience through all the characters I've imagined through my life...and that still wasn't the end of things.

 

For the rest of that week, I just spent time getting to know and getting along with my two new girls. Kellogg was a laid back, relaxed and easy to talk with girl that regarded me like an old and close friend. Liira was a rather shy girl, that looked up greatly to Midori, often acidently called Ellenore “Mama” rather than “Big sister”, and regarded me as a higher being of some sort. I tried to tell her to just call me by my name, but she insisted on a title of some sort. Eventually, she just settled for calling me “Daddy”, and I guess I was okay with that. Things seemed to be going fine for a while, and the situation was stabalizing...until a certain black bird decided to show up again.

 

It was on a Tuesday, when I was at the MVA to get my learner's permit. I was waiting around for a long time, reading the Maryland Vehicle law book when I started to get this sharp pressure. It naturally worried me a bit, so I jumped into my mind to see what was going on, only to find Ellenore in a fight with the previosly mentioned bird. She says that the bird was attacking Liira, and Ellen simply wasn't having it. I'd give details about the fight here, but I can't remember them that well, it'd be rather cheesy I think, and both Ellen and Black are claiming they were winning...wait I kinda let that one out early. Anyway, the fact of the matter was I was there, and I have a definite no hurting my tupper policy. As such, I binded the bird in very short order to keep it from trying to attack Ellen again with my mind powers (IMAGINATION~). At this point, the bird began to speak...or try to speak. What I got out of it for a while was this distorted, robotic sounding gibberish. It took a while, but it soon turned into distorted, robotic sounding english. It didn't have many nice things to say, I can tell you that. I really needed to focus on the driving test, and I couldn't really deal with this at that time, so I had to put it off unti I went home. When I got there, I sat down and had a chat with the Bird, since I'm diplomatic like that. I asked it what it was, why it was doing what ti did, etc. At first it said it didn't want to exist, but then told me that it was jealous of my other tulpa, because I was giving them a bunch of positive attention. It then said that it's been around for years, acting as a gutter of sorts for all my negative internalizing and such. I didn't think this could be right, I mean, how could a something like this form without me knowing it...

 

...And then I remember my tendency to rant, rave, and chatter to myself, and often doing it like I was talking to another person...WHOOPS!

 

So yeah, this bird was a being made from all of that negative internalizing and self ranting I've made a habit of doing. I asked it why it didn't try to communicate with me, and it said it tried, but that was years ago, and I ignored it. After that, it believed it wasn't really possible to get me to listen to it, until Midori came a long. The bird was envious of the fact that not only was I going out of my way to pump positive thoughts into her, but I was also going out of my way to listen to what Midori sais. And it kept attacking them out of frustration. So, I was just kinda sitting there, feeling pretty dumb about what my bad habit had resulted in, when the bird up as asked:

 

“Give me a heart.”

 

I figured it was the least I could do for it, so I forced up a ball of as many positive emotion and memories I could muster at that time, and I pumped it into the bird's chest. There was a pause for a while, then a great light burst from it's chest, and the bird began to shrink and reform...into another lady. I asked her exactly why she decided to do that, and she said “Because you're a pervert.”

 

...

 

In anycase, she was a woman in short order, and I got the rest of my crew together to decide what should be done. Since I couldn't really keep calling her “the bird”, so, with my engenious naming skills, I decided to call her “Black” (It's lucky Liira decided to name herself, I probably would have just named her “White”). I offered to rename her when I thought of something better, but she said she was fine with Black, as it was her's and she was just happy I gave her a name in the first place. So, Black went and apologized to the rest of my crew for repeatedly trying to kill them. The girls, being all forgiving and such, decided to hold no hard feeling for her toward her, since she seemed to be truely remorseful, and went and let her into the garden...at which point they started putting flowers in her hair and other such girly things.

 

...I wouldn't believe it either, if it didn't happen in my own mind...

So yeah, due to my past habits before tulpa forcing, and the fact that I already had multiple tulpa to begin with, I ended up gaining a brand new tulpa, tulpafying a servitor in a matter of minutes, and accepting a big nasty thoughtform that's apparently always been around, but I just ignored. It was a wild week, to say the absolute least. So, as things stand now, it seems things are stabalizing a bit. Kellogg, previously a wandering servitor herself, asked Midori for assistance in creating a vault for other such thoughts, that so they could find a place to rest, and I wouldn't have to worry about a chain reaction of sentience tulpa appearing suddenly. That's been pretty helpful, and it's allowed me to get back to forcing like normal. As of right now, I'm working on imposition, and getting better at meditating. This was a large series of oddities, but then again I was kinda expecting odd things to happen, with tulpaforcing be a highly personal and customized experience. But, this whole ordeal did give me some raher interesting things to ponder about the tulpa creation process, and how it actually works. I'll be working on my views of this in following entries, as this one's getting pretty legnthy. For those who actually read this far, thank you very much.

[Raetin]

I just finished it reading it and wow! Congratulations, you now have a harem! Jokes aside that's pretty awesome, I wish that my imagination was as great as that. Wow. I also laughed pretty hard when Black said that you were a pervert (that sounds more like me honestly). Hopefully, you won't flood yourself full of sentient beings. Anyway, best wishes to your tulpae and you.

[glitchthe3rd]

inb4 Sock beats JD1215's record

[Guest]

Entertaining to read, that's for sure.

 

I think I'm fine with my forcing modesty.

[glitchthe3rd]

Also, do you have any idea of when you started with all of this, Sock? I made Saria ten years ago, and as far as I can tell, she became sentient about four years ago, and then became vocal about two years ago. It took a long time, but even with improper forcing you can eventually make a tulpa.

[Avalanche]

YES I ACTUALLY READ IT ALL.

 

And it sounds quite.. dramatic. Are you sure all of this was legit and not just one idea popping up and your mind instantly thinking it's pretty cool or makes sense so you play along with it? That's the general feel I get whenever things happen to me in the wonderland. Some kind of crazy demonstration of tupper power and I half consider it being some kind of deviation because it would be cool to be true.

[Sock]

YES I ACTUALLY READ IT ALL.

 

And it sounds quite.. dramatic. Are you sure all of this was legit and not just one idea popping up and your mind instantly thinking it's pretty cool or makes sense so you play along with it? That's the general feel I get whenever things happen to me in the wonderland. Some kind of crazy demonstration of tupper power and I half consider it being some kind of deviation because it would be cool to be true.

 

I wrote this log like a good week after all this stuff happened. I waited this long because I was lazy I wanted to make sure all of this wasn't just me having a bit of an episode. But, not only were the girls still there when I next checked, but all of them had a presences as strong as Midori's and Ellenore's. I could often feel them when they tried to touch me. Hell, Kellogg even up and gave me a massage one morning and I could feel the entire thing. It was something else, let me tell you. So yeah, a weeks passed and all three of the girls are still there. Kellogg and Liira are feeling a bit insecure about how they compare to Midori and Ellenore, but they're otherwise healthy.

[Goldsmith]

>“Because you're a pervert.”

 

Fuck you for making me burst out laughing in the middle of an otherwise quiet library.

 

Touching story sock, would read again.