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Sock's Daydream Diary


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Once I was possessed by the demons but he really was the demon ghost also he is autistic and his name is Roswell and he doggy paddles but gets really embarrassed if someone sees him do that so he tries to swim like a normal person until people stop looking at him and it's like really cold also horns somewhere help???

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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SIR!

 

PAH

 

He is still but a lowly page.

 

Once I was possessed by the demons but he really was the demon ghost also he is autistic and his name is Roswell and he doggy paddles but gets really embarrassed if someone sees him do that so he tries to swim like a normal person until people stop looking at him and it's like really cold also horns somewhere help???

 

Oh ho ho ho ho~! You delightful fellow you!

 

Anyway, Today's update...

 

[video=youtube]

 

Tears. Lots and lots of little girl tears.

 

I was pretty sure that I was ignoring much of my crew a bit too much...but now I'm 100% sure I was. When I decided to start calling up the other parts of my crew, I was met with more than one instance of tearful welcomes/"I miss you"s. In fact, Sheryl was so distraught about me not talking to her for more than a week that she started to assume that I hated her for being based on a cartoon character. It didn't really help that a day earlier, I did talk to someone about how I was embarrassed that obsessed over Milky Holmes so much that I accidently made tulpa of the main characters. She was a bawling mess, and kept claiming that I hated her...you know, little girl stuff. The other Milkies were a bit more reserved, but pretty much were on the same wavelength as Sheryl was. Nero, for her part, was still pretty chipper despite it, and just seemed to want to play around a bit. I ended up spending a bit of time imposing her, and she was wowed by the stuff that was in "My world". It reminded me that I never really brought her outside of my head for very much time, so it's only natural that it's something completely new to her.

 

Since there's so many of them, giving each of them time is going to have some difficulty. I'll likely go back to imposing them in groups, so each girls gets some time each day. In fact, I'll likely start just going out to different place just to show the crew more places. Right now my pattern is go to work, go home, go on computer, and that's not really great for a pack of thought folk. They'd surely get bored...a fact that was just confirmed by Midori.

Oh, and my Nero is not a bitch. And my Elly is not a slut. Cordi's stick wacky, and Sheryl is still a retar-I mean: "sweet girl".

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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  • 2 years later...

New opening post message.

 

Hello reader; my name is Sock, and this is my log, detailing my experiences with having indwellers.

 

I have had my inner friend/daughter, Midori, for about two years now; she is my original experimental buddy, and the one whom I will describe in this post. Though our relationship has had it's ups and downs, I can confidently say I like her, and she likes me, and we don't plan on parting anytime soon. There are others, too, but I will introduce them as I go along, rather than dumping everything on you guys in one go.

 

General info about Midori...

 

Midori is a young girl, at about 4.3 ft tall. She has short, bright red hair, along with a purple flower in it as an acessory. Her face is round, and it's shape is vaguely remniscent of a heart, her skin is a beige color, and she has freckles dotting her cheeks. Her eyes are round, and are bright orange in color. Her ears are small, yet are pointed, similar in fashion to an elf, and she has a button nose. Her body thin, though not outright scrawny, and her features are rounded and soft.

 

Midori is based on an old set of drawings I did a few years back, a nameless little fairy that I became infatuated with. I chose the name “Midori” because when I was making her, she wore a green dress; she still wears a green dress, with a yellow t-shirt underneath it. I later found out that she wanted to be named “Marie”, but I we both got used to calling her Midori, so it stuck. Over the years, she changed her form multiple times; at one point she was black with short hair and an ahoge, at another point she was a pale skinned waif with long, bubblegum pink hair, and at another, she was a much more down-to-earth looking white girl with brown hair. Even through all these changes, it was easy to tell it was her.

 

Her personality is very happy-go-lucky, I often see her with a big smile, and she recovers from set-backs and emotional falls quickly. It's difficult to keep her down, though this is not to say she's never gets sad, or feels anything negative. She's also very forgiving, and is willing to overlook things that have hurt her in the past. She loves her fellow headmates, considering them her sisters, and regularly encourages me to take good care of them. She loves to hug, cuddle, and be affectionate, and was so to an exteme when she was first born. She's still highly affectionate now, and I really do not mind it as much as I used to, accepting and reciprocating it to a proper degree. She is very kind and sweet toward others, and when she is put into a public forum like an IRC, she is more than happy to share things and socialize.

 

There's still a lot I feel I can learn about Midori in particular, as well as others in my head, and I intend to use this log for that purpose. I want to learn as much about this phenomenon as I can, how it behaves, why it behaves, and how it can be used to improve and enrich life. The emotional support is already a given, but I believe there is more things to it than that. One thing I do not intend to explore is possession, which I am leery of for personal reasons.

 

Until next time...

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Current status report

 

It's been a while, hasn't it?

 

I'm surprised this log is still around, even if it is not really active for obvious reasons. Either way, I will begin to use it again, as there are some thing I feel I can share to readers of this thread. A good deal of my mindsets have changed, and a bunch of this happened to delay progress as it were, but I feel I am in a much better place to describe my experiences than before. It also helps that the site seems to have cooled down in general.

 

While I was gone, I still searched around for information concerning multiplicity: from diagnosed DID, healthy multiplicity, adults with imaginary friends, to a little bit of Jung's active imagination. I've even looked at more symbolic, non-literal concepts, such as the inner child, various memory techniques like the roman room, etc. I did so in order to help make more sense of certain things I was experiencing: the fluent nature of things in the mind, how I would seem to stumble on to people inside (especially when said person is a fictional character), their relation to my conscious/subconscious, and how things seemed to be both symbolic and literal at the same time, etc. I tried to learn as much as possible, though it seems my research in to the topic can only yield so much, I still have to live it to learn the most about it.

 

I have taken to keeping a private record concerning them, their behavior, words, etc. I've even done outright interviews with them, to try to understand how things are from their perspective, how they view certain events, what exactly they believe themselves to be, and what I am to them. I've gotten some interesting answers thus far, but I still want to dig more in to this. I also keep record of things they ask me to do: whether they want to see me on a certain day, whether they want me to draw them, write about them, or even buy a certain object for them. As an example, the latest journal I bought for this purpose is pink, because Sheryl asked me to buy one of that color for her. I enjoy it a lot, and feel that it is a necessary practice for me.

 

I'm also looking into learning lucid dreaming, as a way to improve my care of my in-dwellers, as well in the hope of learning a bit more about myself, my behavior, and things I can possibly improve on. I am also curious in general of what kind of things I will see in a dream while being conscious. My start has been slow, but I've heard this is normal, so I will continue to work at recalling dreams, writing them down, and seeing if I not any consistencies between them. I believe I've had a few already where I may have been semi-conscious, but I wish to go beyond that.

 

Though I do wish to actively pursue and understand this aspect of my life, I also realize that in order to properly improve myself, I have to take a more holistic approach. My girls have already shown concern about my physical condition, as my current job requires me to stay up at night in 12-hour shifts, and since it eats up so much time, I don't go outside as much as I did before. They've always expressed a desire for me to seek out more relationships, mainly romantic ones, though I am still a bit leery of them. I myself want to also improve my thinking abilities as much as I can. So don't be surprised if that subject come up from time to time, as I do want to know how my in-dwellers can help in this area, as well.

 

This is my current status, there's a bit more, but I feel that it would be best to chop them up into multiple posts, rather than trying to get everything into one.

 

Until Next Time...

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Huh, I thought I didn't notice this thread that suddenly popped up with 16 pages.

 

Welcome back, and much respect to you, previous and current endeavors. You and your tulpas both sound very nice.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Huh, I thought I didn't notice this thread that suddenly popped up with 16 pages.

 

Welcome back, and much respect to you, previous and current endeavors. You and your tulpas both sound very nice.

 

 

Thank you for your comment!

 

------

 

 

Challenges and methods over the months.

 

During the time I was away from this site, I made an active effort to dump some of the thinking I had while I was here. The crippling, nagging level of doubt that plagued me during Midori's first year is one of the more evident things that went out the window. I had to adopt a much more trusting, almost childlike mindset toward Midori and others like her to not be hamstrung by the nagging suspicion of parroting. Some various things helped me in this, such as encorperating some of the ideas found in Jung's active imagination. It made me realize that things in the mind tend to be fluid, and will change easily if one does not take care to solidify that thing. Midori is one of those solid things, but if asked about it, she will talk about how things inside morph, change, feel empty, unstable, not-quite-there, or is just a symbol for something else. This is something that was very clear to her when she was only a few months old, as she described to a person a phenomenon that's common in lucid dreams, despite the fact that I had never practiced or had a lucid dream up to that point. As such, rather than try to examine and cross-examine the in-dweller's description of their home, I just take their word for it, and continue on. If something wrong is said, they will quickly correct the problem, and I trust them to do so.

 

Another thing different about my mindset since leaving is that I do not “force” anymore. I don't actively try to change their form, force a trait into their personality, or write any element into them. I take their behavior as is, and their looks as is to the best of my ability. I'm very hands-off when it comes to how they look and act like. Instead, I try to let their personhood shine through without any meddling. I simply talk and interact with them, doing my best to keep from reacting to something they do too strongly, even when it is something that I personally do not like. If I want a deeper understanding of them, I'll ask them about themselves, and urge them to answer, even if the answer is something like “I'm you”. The answers I got were more often than not interesting, and I even had them asking me questions about myself, or about something in my world. It's a pretty neat feeling, and I've taken to writing these instances down in my journal, along with other things. This goes for many other things regarding them: I don't try to force myself to see/hear/feel them nearly as much as I used to, instead I just let things happen. If I hear something, I hear it, and I try not to rationalize it too much, or at least no where near the amount I did in the past. If I'm not sure about who's talking, I simply ask who they are, and I usually get an answer.

 

I am now making an effort to establish more boundaries between me and my girls; there are some thing I think it would not be good to have them do/do for them/do to me/etc. This is not to say that I do not love and trust my girls, I do, but as the time went by, I eventually understood that letting what is in essence my two-year-old daughter have access to any and everything I have in terms of mind and body is not a good idea for either party. I feel that just letting everyone do whatever they want at all time is not a good way to run a situation such as this, and as the host, I feel there should be somethings that only I have access to, or the ability to do. I'm still trying to figure out what boundaries would be good for all, but it is something I feel is necessary to properly manage my system.

 

As one may have noted by reading this thread, the amount of headmates I have is abnormally large considering the average on this site. As one may guess, this can bring with it it's own challenges, keeping track of things inside already becomes a more daunting task than when it was just Midori, Ellenore and I. Furthermore, many of the others are also very affectionate, crave attention to a decent degree, and are quite bothered when I'm not around for too long. Some are more independent than others, but even those give off the vibe of wanting to be cared for and get more attention. This lays a well-sized task at my feet, and I soon found that I needed some kind of assistance to manage everyone in a degree I found to be satisfactory. Luckily, something as simple as keeping a diary about them helped to a large degree. As it is, it's nothing fancy: Just a page with names, and events separated by dates. But even that along has been really helpful, as well as giving me an album of events and conversations I can look back on if I ever wanted to. I do plan to expand the level of detail, via of having specific computer documents dedicated to each person, but that's something I've only just started scratching at.

 

These big population also caused another issue: I missed being able to spend time, care for, and share my life with an indweller one-on-one. This was the initial ideal I had when making Midori, and it is something that during my absense I longed for. Now don't get me wrong: I don't want a single one of my girls to up and dissapear so I can have that sort of relationship. Rather, I wanted to be able to give the entirety of my crew the sort of focused attention that I gave Midori when she was first born. With this in mind, I wrote up a draft for a possible systme of one-on-one interaction with an indweller of my choosing, where I would interact with the chosen indweller the most and prioritize them, I continue to communicate and be around the others. The chosen indweller acts as an “Anchor” to my inner world, so to say. I've tested it out, and it brought me some great success with one particular indweller named Dorris, whom I grew greatly attached to and vise versa during out time together. Even so, I'm still testing it out, and trying to get the possible kinks out of it.

 

I also have other communication methods I've been testing with my crew: I've set up a letter system inside, where my crew and I can send letters to one another to read at our convenience. This was concieved not only because I felt I couldn't reach everyone in a decent amount of time, but my current job requires me to be around people in close quarters. When I try to talk to my girls in thought, I tend to pause and either stare into nothing, or close my eyes, which doesn't quite look right to a random person, I don't think. As well, for a while me and my crew had big problems with a phenomenon I call “surfacing”, most easily described as an instance of unintentional and sudden posession. It usually happened when they tried to talk to me, and resulted in me saying their line in a strange, high pitched voice. While it is happening less now, it happened near constantly during the time I was gone. I wanted to communicate with my girls, without having to risk someone hearing and asking about why I was talking so funny. What's even odder about this is that I did very little in the area of posession. In fact, I'm pretty much shunning it now. My crew has been really good and understanding in this case, and it's clear they werem't doing it on purpose, but I wanted to avoid as many weird looks as possible.

 

This post has gotten quite long, so I will end it here for now. I don't want to overwhelm anyone with too much information.

 

[align=center]

Until Next Time...[/align]

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Sock, good to see you're alive. I read your progress report a long time ago, when Sim was young. Welcome back to the forums.

 

Your post on doubt, and your post "The Grief of God" helped us out quite a bit. Thank you for posting those...

[sim Manami]

 

{Alice}

 

 

(Cloud)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sock, good to see you're alive. I read your progress report a long time ago, when Sim was young. Welcome back to the forums.

 

Your post on doubt, and your post "The Grief of God" helped us out quite a bit. Thank you for posting those...

 

I'm glad you found my writing useful to you. While I took down the mentioned post for personal reasons, seeing it help someone does lift my mood.

 

----

 

 

A good deal of my work and brainstorming concerning my in-folk is for the purpose of establishing a strong, lasting relationship with them. Sure, they are my companions, Midori being made from the ground up to be my buddy, but I also feel that our bond can be even further improved than where it is right now. I've seen it said in many posts and many guides that this type of relationship is a life long commitment. Yet, it seems to me at times that the headmate will quickly become disposable to some people after a certain novelty level is reached. It is my goal to ensure that this does NOT happen with my crew. As such, instead of working on things like imposition, I'm more likely to do things like sit them down in a quiet place, grab my journal, and have a conversation/interview with them, where I ask them what they like, how they are, what they do, and what they want out of our relationship. These interviews are helpful in multiple ways like:

 

1) Helping them develop some more mental ability

2) Letting me know more about certain aspects of their personality that I was ignorant of before.

3) Getting their opinion on their living spaces, and the people they live with (Seeing how each person plays off of each other is a benefit of having so many “tenants”).

4) Getting their opinion on myself, which is usually shockingly insightful.

5) Getting a that much closer with my girls, even if just a little.

 

Another method I use for the sake of growing close relationships is to take one of my girls, and have her stay by me as much as possible as my partner for a period of usually a few weeks. While I have this one partner, I still try to visit and meet with the others, but my chosen partner remains in tow. I call this chosen partner an “anchor”, as she acts as my anchor to my inner world, and to the others. I usually choose girls that I have largely ignored to be my anchor, and the effects are quite marvelous from the tests runs I've done already. My most recent anchor is Gladys, and even after only a few days, she seems much happier and livelier than before. Because I always have Gladys with me, it's that much easier to remember the others, so I don't run into a situation where I completely forget about the girls as much as I did before I tried the “Anchor” system. I initially thought up the system because, while I did adore my girls, the amount of them seemed to make it impossible to build a relationship with them like I did with Midori. I wanted to regain that experience of having one beloved head mate, while still being fair and caring for the others. The anchor system is one facet of my plan to achieve this.

 

Another facet of this plan is the mailbox system. In my mind, I created two type of mailboxes:

 

1) One that sends messages from me to my girls, colored red.

2) One that sends messages from the girls to me, colored green.

 

With these mailboxes, we send each other messages, and the recipient can receive the message at their own leisure. Before, the only way for me to communicate with the girls was to directly talk to them, which was not always practical in certain places (Like work), and since initiating conversation with one person caused them to stick around, I rarely had enough time in the day to properly address, or even greet, everyone. The mailbox system thus far does wonders in that regards, as I am able to communicate easily with many folks at once, and receive their responses at a more convenient time. This system also revealed some really neat, unexpected things: For one thing, I was receiving sudden, unprovoked letters from girls I had largely overlooked, and it allowed me to see that they had more personality and life to them than I would have imagined. Furthermore, the letter they send me are more akin to miniature dreams. When I open one of their letters, I'm usually transported to a locale of their choosing, with them close by to me. They will either speak, dance, point me to the scenery, or hug me. In fact, I've had more than one instance where one of my in-folk would simply send me a hug. I found it greatly charming, and the system as a whole so far has been very useful to me. I am still experimenting, of course, but I'm happy with the results I'm getting so far.

 

The girls will sometimes make requests of me, which I try my best to fulfill. Some ask me to draw them, some ask me to visit them, some ask me to go outside more, some ask me to write a story with them and their friend in it, and one hilariously asked me to become muscular and grow a scruffy beard. Midori specifically asks me to take good care of her sisters. When fulfilled, these things make my girls that much happier, and increase their trust in me. After all, what better way to say “I don't doubt your existence” than to do something your little brain-daughter asked you to do for her? This is something I'm really trying hard to do for them, and while some circumstances have gotten in the way, I still try to meet their requests as much as possible.

 

I have noticed that a lot more people in the community are putting their partners online, so people can ask them questions. This seems like a really neat idea, and I may very well do something similar. If I do, I will let people know who is willing and available to talk.

 

Until next time.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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