Jump to content

Sock's Daydream Diary


Recommended Posts

My only problem would be that making Midori recite the alphabet or speak anything in a voice she doesn't have yet is parroting and discouraged.

 

Oh trust me, I'm well aware of the risks involved in parroting. In fact, I'd say I've been overtly worried about the possibility of parroting her without really thinking about it. If I had thought of this on my own, I would have disregarded it due to "PUPPETRY BAAAAD!".

 

BUT

 

This method of forcing was a suggestion by another member that had a complete, sentient tulpa. Not only that, but he did it in a very quick manner. I'm still pretty conscious about whether I'm treating Midori like a puppet, I always make sure to never make answers for her when I ask her questions (since most of my time with her is spent narrating). I've been making sure not to try to move her consciously. I still have a bit of worry that I may be doing it without thinking, but I've been learning to just rack it up to her moving on her own occasionally, rather than me parroting. I'm likely going to try the prism test in the next session I have with her, as well.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 217
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I don't know, a lot of people say parroting is bad and this guy gives no reasons why you at least need to do it, or why it's actually ok to do it.

 

I think I'm just going to go like everyone else and let my tulpa speak on it's own. It's probably too early in creation anyway to start speaking.

frt

Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, this is a bit of a quick update, since I haven't done a proper few hour session of tulpa creation yet. I've been reading through the guides again, to see if I could find anymore tips and tricks when I remembered Vandenreich's Prism, a technique specifically aimed at combating parroting. Since I've been having some trouble with thinking I'm parroting and releasing the control I have over Midori's body, I wanted to give it a try.

 

SO!

 

I closed my eyes and called up Midori, who showed up immediately. I made a quick construct of the prism and placed it on her head, then the feather. I stepped back a bit, and tried to concentrate on the feather. Midori moved her arms a bit, but I thought it was just me and stopped her. Then I remembered that I had a problem with forcing Midori not to move out of fear of parroting just a few days ago, so I tried to completely let go of my focus on Midori, and aimed it all on the feather.

 

She immediately grabbed the prism and took it off of her head.

 

I paused and opened my eyes up, a bit taken aback. I still had this odd feeling that it might have just been me, so I closed my eyes, and called her up again, trying my hardest not to control her body. She didn't appear before me immediately, this time. She did creep into my line of "vision" after a second, though. Again, I visualized the prism and placed it on her head, along with the feather. I stepped back again and tried to put my focus on the feather, and only on the feather.

 

She then grabbed the prism and took it off her head again.

 

I was laughing a bit at this point. It was clear that 'Dori had some say in me putting imaginary object onto her head, but I still wasn't 100% certain. I wanted to test it again, this time telling her to move as much as she wanted, but not to use her hands to take the prism off. So closed eyes, visualized, Midori danced a bit as she came into view, and I did the whole prism on the head thing. She didn't do anything for a few seconds, and I was able to focus more on the feather...

 

Until she tilted her head and let the prism drop from it.

 

I was quite tickled by this, and a bit excited too...but I still wasn't satisfied. So, for one last test, I had her sit down on a chair, placed the prism on her head again, and told her to move, but to not take the prism off of her head. She sat still, I began to aim all my focus on the feather, having it grow from time to time even. Everything was going smooth...

 

[align=center]Then she took the feather off of the prism.

 

So, either I'm so good at parroting that I've fooled myself, Or Midori does have some sentience in her. This whole set of events makes me quite giddy~!

 

Especially since I just tried it again and she moved herself from under the prism, leaving it floating in the air.[/align]

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Another quick update with no full session because ashfgfffFFFFFFFFF!

 

Calming down...

 

This happened right while I was doing some meditating to clear my mind before tulpaforcing.

, since having a song up seemed to ease visualization a bit last time I forced, and I liked the particular song anyway. So I sat there, legs crossed, muscles relaxing, eyes closed, going for that meditative trance that would allow me to spend time with my tulpa without any distractions.

 

Then I heard something.

 

Now, I've been daydreaming long enough to know my inner voice, or any other familiar thinking voice in my head. I can immediately weed out intrusive thought with no trouble, since I knew them, even when they sound different. As well, any idiot was be able to tell when you hear something or someone in the outside world. But this, this sound was different. I knew it was one of the many voices from in my head, since it was loud yet garbled, like I had heard it with my ear. But, I disregarded it the first time, not thinking much of it at that moment and kept meditating. I took another minute of concentrating on nothing before I started to visualize my garden and call Midori up to sit down with me. But, being ever paranoid of parroting, I decided to not try to have her appear before me immediately, and just have her come to me of her own volition. So, when her image flashed before my inner eye, I first assumed that it was just me making her appear and tried to dismiss her.

 

Then it came again.

 

I immediately recognized it as a voice, but it was a voice I had never heard before then. Not only that, but I was actually able to sorta kinda decipher what the voice was saying. I'm kinda hazy, but I believe it was:

 

"I'm right here."

 

This surprised me a bit. I opened my eyes and blinked a bit, asking "What was that?" to no one in particular. I was a bit confused at the sound, and the possibility of it being Midori didn't dawn on me until the voice, just as clear as before, came again; this time as laughter. My mild surprise slowly grew into confusion, then shock. Was what I heard what I think I heard? Was this really happening? I tried to ask Midori outloud if it had been her, but I got no answer. But this didn't kill that feeling that she may have tried to communicate. I know my inner voice, and that was not it. I was way to loud, way too clear, as if I had heard it with my ears. I was predictably excited, and started posting on the shoutbox and IRC about it before trying to calm down and go back to meditating. This time, though, I was hit with a wall of intrusive thoughts, so much so I couldn't focus on anything. Even now, I feel too excited and giddy to focus on anything. On top of all this, I've been feeling this numb, fuzzy feeling in my head for this whole event, and it's still persisting now. Naturally, I'm not 100% sure if this was what I thought it was, but something in my gut is saying that it is.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

[align=center]Today's forcing background song:

 

Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

 

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz8_aQY27dc

 

[/align]

 

Ever since my last post, Midori has gone from a rarely moving doll to being downright hyper active. Though I haven't been sitting down and forcing as much as I should, whenever I do take a trip to the garden, she immediately zips over to me. Yesterday she played around by trying to stay out of my mind's eye, and today she just rushed over and started circling about me. In both cases, she seemed to be quite happy to see me, and happily tagged behind when I "walked" over to the glass meeting room in the center of the garden. She hasn't spoken again, though, but I haven't really been pushing her to speak for a bit, or doing a lot of things outside of narrating for that matter

 

When I ask her to stop moving, she tends to comply very quickly, she even waits for a few seconds before tossing the King's Prism off of her head when I do a puppeting test. This normally breaks my concentration completely, though, so I have to get back into my meditative groove afterwards. She's typically in good spirits whenever I come around and is rather playful. She also seems to have made a few minor additions to the garden and the glass room. When I had last checked, there was a candle on the table we usually sit at, many of the tree leaves in the garden had gone from dark violet, ala plum trees, to green, and there was a small stone thing in front of one of the trees.

 

Everything hasn't been completely smooth, though. For one thing, I've been having more and more intrusive thoughts during sessions. Normally I just meditate for a half hour to clear my head, but I've been starting to fall asleep in the middle of meditating, then not going back to force right after. On top of all this, I've been having a sudden bit of trouble visualizing. I can see Midori pretty clearly when I focus on her a lot, but she's often been blurring, especially when she moves around (Which she does a lot now). When I can get a good look at her, she seems fine enough, though she's sometimes missing her wings. The garden often seems just as blurry and undefined. Mainly because I haven't spent much time on it, so it's still a bit in flux. I'm going to look up on some visualization tips, and focus more on that for the next few session. I stll try to narrate to her regularly, but I've been slacking a bit there, too. I'm not sure if I should keep forcing personality now that she's up and active, though something tells me I should be doing just a little until she actually speaks again.

 

I believe I made some decent progress this week, inspite of some slip-ups. I'm making an active effort to stop falling asleep during forcing or meditation (Because even sleeping during meditation can cause some issues I've seen), and Midori herself seems to be quite cheery and playful. I might be in the home stretch, I guess I just have to keep talking to her, and make sure I'm not just puppeting her to make her act as cutesy as possible.

 

...though sometimes it's easy to believe that I am, like just a few minutes ago when she got behind me and covered my eyes to play "guess who", and when I turned around, she grinned and zipped away. Or this other time when she seemed to want me to pick her up. Or this other time where...

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that you getting tired is a good thing. I would think it's a bit of a brain drain to have a sentient tulpa hanging around, you just need to get used to it.

 

Also with not being able to see her as clearly as often, I think that might be some deviation going on. Or it could be from slacking a bit too much.

 

Anyway keep us posted.

frt

Link to post
Share on other sites

[align=center]This morning's background music:

 

ORDER TO TRANCE - Legends are Immortal (Bob Marley/Hip-Hop/Breakbeat mix)

 

No youtube link here, sorry![/align]

 

So the previous night, my people called me to say that they were going to be gone for the entire night. I saw this as an opportunity of the lifetime, I could use that night as one massive tulpa forcing session, to review traits, to do voice forcing, to narrate to Midori about whatever, to visualize and solidify her look (Maybe even do the guts things if necessary), to just see my cute tulpa do cute things, it was going to be great...

 

...that is, if it actually happened.

 

Me being the internet junky that I am, I saw a link in the shoutbox to a very interesting threads and started following that over giving my tulpa the love and affection they pretty much live off of. Then when I realized that, I lamented for a moment before going to NicoNico and looking up realMyst videos. Then I went to sleep.

 

Why do I type this? Simply to show anyone reading this one of the biggest enemies of the developing Tulpa, lack of focus. It's the sort of thing I've been grappling with for near all my life, and it still rears it's ugly head when I started this project. Meditating did seem to help with it, but it only did so much and I often found myself relapsing into being a disorganized heap of mush.

 

As such, when I woke up and realized I wasted the opportunity, (Of course, it might not have been so bad, since I could have fallen asleep while forcing again, and that's no good!) I decided to stop being lazy and have a session with Midori immediately. So I sat down, closed my eyes, focused until I started seeing trees and crap, and asked Midori to come to me, which she did immediately. She was notably less hyper active than she was the previous day, likely a bit bummed about me forgetting to spend extended time with her in the garden, again. As well, I also took note that her movements didn't look completely natural, or that she'd move without actually moving any of her limbs. In light of this, I let her walk before me to get into the glass meeting room. She moved a bit more naturally, then, but I was a bit worried that it was just me parroting her legs to move normally.

 

Which brings me to another one of the developing Tulpa's greatest enemies: Doubt.

 

Being a religious person, when I first read about and started working on my Tulpa, I was quick to take note that a Tulpa is being that runs completely on faith. No, I'm not saying they're magical or spiritual, more an extra little feature of the brain that people accidently stumbled upon, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that a Tulpa will only exist and be sentient if you believe in them. At it's core, a tulpa is a super complex illusion, if you don't believe they exist, they will not exist for you. Likewise, if you believe that tulpa exist, but you don't believe they can move or talk, they will not move or talk. This is something I'm still grappling with, and is probably one of the things holding my progress back. In spite of Midori being a ball of energy recently, there's still this nagging notion in my mind that it's just me moving her around like a doll. This often had the very notable effect of making her stop completely in her tracks, me trying to "break the string of control" on her, and Midori immediately proceeding to continue to do the thing she was previously doing. I still have this habit, and I'm trying my hardest to break it.

 

As such, to anyone people reading this log and having doubts about your tulpa, discard them. Yes, there are times when you genuinely are parroting them, and it's normally easy to tell when you are, but you cannot obsess over the possibility that you're unconsciously controlling their movements. You sometimes just have to let them move, and accept that it's them and not you. Use King of the Vandenreich's Prism regularly if you must, but when they move, and you're not 100% sure it was you, there is a high likelihood that they did indeed move on their own, especially if you're late in the process. Your doubt will only serve to harm your tulpa and stunt their growth.

 

Now, back onto my actual session with Midori. We started by sitting down at the usual white table in the glass room. I did some testing with the prism, which she was very clearly annoyed by, but did it anyway because she's a dang sweetheart. I tried to make it a bit more comfortable for her, by shrinking the prism, and making it into a nerf thing instead of a big solid thought object. She still took off the feather, though, so I stopped that pretty quickly. I then had her recite the alphabet for voice practice. The voice I assigned her is still barely audible, but that's just because I haven't really been doing it much. I then had a little chat with her, apologizing for not spending more time with her last night. But most importantly I had to ask her about forcing personality traits. Ever since she started moving about, I've been having doubt about continuing to assign her personality traits, even though I've only done close to 6 max. I wasn't sure if she particularly liked them, and I wanted to ask her about it, even though I knew she couldn't speak yet and probably wasn't going to answer.

 

So see, you can tell my slight surprise when after I finished asking her about it, she got up from her seat, walked over to me, "grabbed" my head and turned it to her's. She then brought her foreheads to mine, making her answer a clear "yes". So, with that bit of doubt neatly brushed away, I had her sit down, took "hold" of her hands (I'm really visual when it comes to tulpa forcing), and I had her remind me of what kind of personality she had. I tried to keep my mind clear, as I wanted her to transfer her thoughts to me. It came slowly but surely, and each of the traits we went over appeared in my mind, and I repeated them as they came. I explained to her that I only used a handful because I wanted her to form herself with her own experiences and such, and make herself over time.

 

I also admitted that I wanted her to stay as my cute lil' fairy girl, and she responded by "hugging" me. Dem feels I felt man...!

 

Her current traits are: Cheerful, Affectionate, Confident, Creative, and Focused.

 

For this morning's bit, I decided to do "Focused", and turn it into "Organized". I started by checking the exact definition on google, and then explained to her what it meant and how it worked. I gave her verbal examples of people being organized, branch them with the traits "Creative " and "Confident", and I also shared a few snippets of memories concerning that trait before stopping to let her mull it over. I often use memory snippets to reinforce personality traits, and it seems to work pretty well. I'm not going to give her all of them just yet, but I found it to be the best way to reinforce the trait's meaning. I'm still feeling a bit of pressure from forcing "Organized", so I guess she's still trying to grasp it.

 

I'll be doing a few more sessions throughout the day, each one focusing more on a single personality trait, along with some visualization and voice practice. I'll also make sure to narrate to her more, since I'm alone for most of the day so I don't have to worry about getting funny looks. I'll be back with another progress report later.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

[align=center]Today's forcing tunes:

 

 

[video=youtube]

 

[/align]

 

I haven't posted much progress for the past few days, since much have it has been minimal. Although i did still narrate to her, I hadn't been doing too many dedicated forcing sessions, or when I tried, it was late at night and I ended up just stopping and going to sleep. (I made sure not to go to sleep while forcing, though). I did try to put some bones and anatomy into her, as was suggested by a few users, but I did it very suddenly, and I ended up just scaring her and making her mad at me for a day. I felt pretty bad about that, but I believe she forgave me after a while.

 

Not to say I did absolutely nothing Tulpa related those days, mind. I read up a bit more on meditation after seeing a thread about some techniques in the general discussion board. Normally I'd meditate to clear my mind of intrusive thought before I go to force, and I still do, but I started using it to address my parroting fears. You see, even after using the Prism method and the strings method, I still had this nagging suspicion Midori was not moving on her own as much as I wanted to believe. If the guides have done one thing, it's made me hyper paranoid about parroting and thereby bricking my tulpa on accident, and I've been at it for much too long to have that happen. So, I started to meditate, and mentally chant to myself to allow Midori more freedom, to remove any expectation and preconceptions I have (Since I've found that those often end up resulting me thinking she's going to do something and she does it), and other such things. I was feeling some pressure in my head when I'd do this, so I guess it was having some effect.

 

To push this, I started trying to look into my garden, but not try to interact with Midori, or make my presence known to her. Pretty much, I was trying to do "Spectator View" on my wonderland. When I did it, I often just look at it from a bird's eye view, which I didn't have to go far for since the garden is pretty small. I'd sometimes see Midori just walking around the moat, or just laying in the grass, looking a bit bored. That kinda made it clear to me why she was so often excited to see me when I do a forcing session. I kept meditating like this over the past few days, so much so that I'd often end up forgetting to force. So, today I made it a priority to force, and I did it at about 11:40am or so.

 

I started with doing the anti-parroting meditation again, chanting to my self to let her do whatever, and accept it when she does do something and all that Jazz, and once I was in a nice trance, I jumped into my garden. I went out of my way to make sure my mind was as blank as a sheet of paper, and I wasn't thinking anything about her when when to look for her, but she still seemed to be quite active and happy to see me, and even did the sort of cute stuff I usually write in pink text. Although I definitely saw it, I was still ever the skeptic, so I jumped out and came back in a few minutes later, only to be met with a similar greeting, only this time she hopped on my "back". I ended up walking around the garden with her for a little, jumping across the moat with her, until I came across a peculiar clearing. I walked in, and I think my jaw almost dropped.

 

There was a small, pink painted house there.

 

I was understandably confused as to what was going on, or where that house came from. I looked up to Midori, but she simply pointed at it. Still a bit confused and wondering if this was some kind of intrusive thought, I walked up to the door, Midori hopping off my back and opening it up. The interior was made mostly of natural wood, with a bunch of room on the first floor that I can't remember at the moment. She beckoned me to follow her, and she went up a staircase. I followed behind her, until I reached a small room with some shelves on the wall, a twin bed and a large window that let in a lot of light. Midori was sitting on the bed, waiting for me, so I guessed that this was her room. I still couldn't believe what I was seeing, and was almost convinced this was some sort of intrusive thought or something. So, I jacked out once again, paced a bit because my mind was (literally) full of fuck, and went back to meditating, so I could reach the wonderland again.

 

Note my surprise when the house was still there, and just as pink as ever. I walked back up to Midori's room, and when I sat down on the bed, I found her floating right above me, finally using those wings I gave her. She plopped herself beside me, and I proceeded to gush about how impressed I was with her. We then started the session proper, by first doing a bit of visualizing, to solidify her image in my head. I didn't spend too much time on that, though, and I hopped into doing some personality, or at least that's what I wanted to do.

 

I started with grabbing her hand, since I use this as a way for her to try and transfer thoughts to me, and I asked her what traits I had given her. "Cheerful" and the other one I normally do came up, but what really shocked me was that three traits, that I know I hadn't even thought of, popped into my head as well. I can't remember one of them at the moment, but the other two were "Constructive" and "Courageous".

 

This completely shocked me, to the point where I was thrown out of the wonderland, hopped onto my laptop, and start posting about it here and on the IRC. Now I'm not even sure If I should keep personality forcing and just to a bunch of narration until she starts talking. This session man...it was something.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...