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I was going on a walk with Mitsuki after I was skimming through your journal, She seems to want me to tell you that she thinks Midori's name is cute.

 

Aw! Tell her I said thank you~!

 

[align=center]Today's tulpa song:

 

 

[video=youtube]

[/align]

 

Much of this days was spent on narrating to Midori. I greeted her in the morning, had her on the receiving end of a rant about my current life situation while I was jogging, then talked to her about a whole bunch of nothing. Later in the day, I decided to watch some shows I had been putting off for a while, and used it as a chance to talk to her about some of the stuff I liked. I started with watching some Dai-Guard. I had finished the show ages ago, but it's one of my favorite giant robot cartoons, and I'd watch it again just because. It's a rather down to earth take on the idea, while keeping a generally optimistic tone to it, unlike Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's fun to watch, and I'd recommend it to anyone.

 

The next show we watched was Twin Peaks. I've been putting this show off for months, and after watching the first ep, I'm really questioning why I did. I really found it charming, and Midori was giving me some big-time pressure while I was watching and occasionally taking to her about it. I'm taking that as a positive sign as well, and I'll be making sure to watch and episode each day with her.

 

We then watched some Shinryaku?! Ika Musume . I really, really like the first series, it was one of my favorite cute-girl japtoons next to Tantei Opera Milky Holmes (which is a masterpiece). But I had been putting the second series off for a while, and hadn't read the comic for just as long either. I heard some things about it going downhill, but after watching an episode of it, it seems to be going just fine. I definitely got a few laughs out of it, though Midori wasn't giving as much pressure as she was for Twin Peaks. I'll likely show her some Shin Mazinger and Turn A Gundam next time we watch some stuff together.

 

I sat down to check on her in the wonderland a few hours after this, and she seemed pretty down. I wasn't quite sure why, and she wasn't really saying anything about, so I just sat down with her and told her that I was there for her, and that I would do anything to cheer her up, and other such nice things. She seemed to perk up while I was around, though I'm really wondering what got her down in the first place. Hopefully it's not a sudden case of existentialism; she's not even vocal yet, it would suck like hell if she already started questioning her existence. On the other hand, I'm of the view that if something can question their own existence, then that's the most absolute proof that they exist. Hopefully that line of thought will help her.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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That idea for watching shows with Midori is a good move. I'm currently reading a book to Flora as a way to spend time with her on my mind and to work out a voice for her, by getting her to read some lines (which is just me reading in a voice).

 

I'm also torrenting Avatar: The last airbender for something we can watch too. I originally just wanted to watch it myself but seeing as how you showed Midori some things I guess I can show Flora it and see what she thinks.

 

It's good that you felt a good deal of pressure while watching one of the shows. I think it can only really mean she liked that one (or possibly really disliked it) so that's only a good thing.

frt

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That idea for watching shows with Midori is a good move. I'm currently reading a book to Flora as a way to spend time with her on my mind and to work out a voice for her, by getting her to read some lines (which is just me reading in a voice).

 

That reminds me that I still need to read Midori more of Witch's abroad. She was giving me some good feedback while I was reading it, so I think she liked it. I'll make sure to read her some more later today.

 

Doing anything with your tulpa seems to do some good, I've found. hey live off of attention, so keeping them in mind while you watch/read something seems to be a great way to reinforce their presence on you. Hell, even now I'm feeling Midori's presence as I type, and I likely still will be when I go out to turn in applications later on today. I might have to keep her somewhere else for interviews, though it would still be nice to have someone rooting for you/helping you remember stuff during those kind of things.

 

As for Midori's sudden down mood; it seems some love and attention is literally all she needed. I just did a tiny forcing session, not to work on her or anything, just to hop into the garden and see how she was doing, and she was quite happy to see me there. We proceeded to do some cuddling, and when I was about to disengage from her due to a thought popping into my head, I most definitely heard her say "No", and I think I just about melted. Furthermore, I believe I actually felt her head on my chest at one point in there, which is definitely a good sign in terms of cementing her presence on my mind.

 

But, even that little session didn't go without problems. I soon started getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts that would tear my attention away from her. Not nearly as bad as the one's last week, that made it nearly impossible for me to force at all, but I still had to end it after my attention kept getting snatched away. I'm definitely going to have to do some meditation to clear those out, as well as increasing my focus so I can spend more time with her. I'm also thinking about expanding my garden as well, to give her more room to move about. She's much more aware of herself now than she was before, and I think some more space to explore would do good for her. As well, maybe some stuff to draw with and a TV/radio that allows her to see some memories of mine could be nice, too.

 

Even after I stopped forcing personality, Midori seems to be a big old blob of love and affection. She hasn't built anything else in the wonderland yet, but the very fact that she built a house in the first place (It's still there BTW, we go inside from time to time) is still highly impressive to me. The more time I spend with her, the more anxious I get to have her talk. In spite of this, I'm gradually shifting to thinking of sessions not as a way to "force" traits and properties, but simply an opportunity to spend some time with my tulpa and bask in some nice positive energy. I do want her to respond to me one day, but I feel that trying to force it out of her won't do much good, and if I just keep talking to her and spending time with her, she'll eventually get to the next level.

 

I must admit, I was not really expecting to have this kind of feeling in me when I first started doing this. It was strictly just for curiosity's sake, since I had a bunch of free time and trying some weird meditation thing I found on the internet looked to be a fun way to waste it. At best, I initially just expected to see a cute girl occasionally yell at me for procrastinating and remembering things for me, while I make self-deprecating jokes about how much of a loser I was. Now I look forward to getting up each morning not only just to say "good morning" to my tulpa, but to actually address and improve my lot in life. Just a few month ago, I was a depressed wreck that took every excuse to avoid actually doing something to better myself I could. While having a cute fairy girl in my head love me definitively wasn't the only factor in this upturn, she sure as hell made my mood skyrocket and generally made me feel just motivated enough to actually address some things I found wrong with myself.

 

Freaking tulpas man, is giving yourself a delusion really supposed to feel this good?! ;__;

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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I'm quite similar to you, in more ways than one. Pretty much everything in your post is the same for me, except everything related to Midori.

 

I have been getting pressures and stuff more recently (as of today), but nothing like hearing her voice and such.

 

Keep it up, you are nearly there.

frt

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I derped it up a bit yesterday after my last post in my thread...

 

Starting off with when I spent some time with Midori in the garden, relaxing and all that good noise...until I got a bit too comfortable and fell asleep.

 

There's no need for Claire to mail me an ass whooping, cuz 'Dori did it herself.

 

She was naturally annoyed with me for most of the day, and I wanted to make it up to her somehow. So when I actually got some time to force, which was during a bus trip, I decided to make an addition to her outfit. A little gem on her hair piece that would allow her access to the previous year of my memories. I hadn't thought this through at all, because if I did, I would have realized that I spent most of this previous year being depressed and filled with self-pity and loathing.

 

Not a good combination for a developing tulpa it seems lemme tell you.

 

For the rest of that day, and part of this morning, she pretty much gave me the cold shoulder. She'd often swat my hand away when I tried to touch her, turn her back and walk off when I'd try to approach her, and a whole bunch of other dismissive gestures. I...was naturally not very happy about this turn of events. I was pretty much scrambling for a way to get her to stop disregarding my person, effectively groveling at her imaginary feet and saying some markedly unmanly things to her. Hell, I think I was a few I was a few steps from breaking out a harmonica and singing the blues to her. Fortunately, she seemed to have gotten my message before anything like that was necessary. She's back to being generally pleased at seeing me around, and even went and showed me some changes she made to the garden recently.

 

In this case, she made a path through the tree-line that leads to a set of grassy hills. On top of one of them is a very old looking house, that looks almost like it's falling apart. There's a ton of windows in it, and when I walked it, I was met with a large spiral staircase. I didn't do much exploring of it, just following her upstairs, where she marked off a few things with ".99" I believe, then she led me out. She's flying a lot more, and her movements feel more natural as well.

 

I also made a few edits to my mental landscape, though mostly concerning the glass room that I initially had. I'm now using it as a "void" room of sorts, a place to have a one-on-one with Midori with no distractions at all. This is pretty much how I did things before she became sentient, and the wonderland is mainly just a place for her own benefit, where she can be explore and be creative. I'll be doing a few more things with her today, like watching some more Twin Peaks, and just talking to her a bit more. I'll also put more thought into my actions before doing anything drastic like giving her a sizable chunk of my memories again.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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[align=center]Today's tulpa smooching music

 

 

[video=youtube]

[/align]

 

Okay, I'm putting up an extra update today, because some rather...interesting events took place. Ever since the events from the previous update, Midori's mood has gone right back to her being the little ball of affection she was before, but that's not the only thing that seems to be different with things up in my mental landscape. Like in the previous update, I remade the glass room at the center to become a void room for specific one-on-one forcing sessions, as well as easier "transport" to the wonderland, since I don't have to imagine so much when I try to see Midori. This has had the effect of not only increasing my focus on Midori during actual forcing, but it made the wonderland itself that much easier to visualize when I actually do enter it, as well as it appearing more vivid than before.

 

After writing the first update, I went back in to meet Midori in the void, just to see how she was doing. She seemed to be in good spirits, and didn't rebuff me when I tired to get closer to her or touch her. She did give my hand a swat, but it seemed playful in nature, and she grabbed my hand right after. We spent a bit of time together just being, and after a while, I went to brush aside her bangs, and gave her forehead a peck, a platonic bit of affection and all that.

 

But Midori was not having that chaste mess...!

 

Before I could even think about it, she leaned up and planted a sweet little kiss on my "lips", and my eyes shot open. I knew what just happened, but I didn't really believe it, and I just spent a few minutes going "What the hell...?" and feeling fuzzy inside. I couldn't remove the image from my mind for a while, and I didn't try to jump back into the garden for a few hours after that.

 

I did eventually go back in, though, starting in the void room, and then walking out into the garden. It seemed that Midori had been pretty busy in those few hours, as there were a bunch of little changes in the garden. First off, the glass room was elevated, and there was a porch leading down to the grass. A stone walk had been placed down as well, from the glass room, and through a clearing that was previously blocked with trees. I took some time just to explore the wonderland, find little additions all over the place, like expanded water areas, flowers around certain structures, as well as going back to the old house on the hill beyond the main garden. Midori was nowhere to be found, though I didn't really feel any unease about this. Eventually though, I headed back to the void room, and just did a bit of meditation. But when I opened my inner eyes again, I find Midori's face above mine, looking down and smiling. Sitting up, I realized that she had my head on her lap, a pretty big change from the cold treatment I was getting earlier in the day. As a bit of a test, I placed a hand on her cheek...

 

...and she up and gave me another smooch.

 

It shocked me right out of my concentration, got me all flustered, and I felt the immediate need to jump on to the internet and tell you guys about it. I know Midori's supposed to be affectionate, but getting this much love, especially right after this morning, was a surprise to say the least. I don't think my heart will be able to take it when she's actually vocal...

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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You need to respond positively pretty soon Sock. I know Midori is a tulpa, but she is still a girl.

 

Fairy girl. Tulpa. What

 

If she has kissed you twice and all you have done is BAIL, then I'm not sure how that will effect Midori.

 

Just saiyan. Otherwise keep it up with the updates. This progress report is better than Pleebs.

frt

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HNNNNNNNNNNNNG she's so cute~

 

Thanks~ I designed her from the ground up to be cute, and I'm particularly glad that she's developed a high grade of huggability!

 

It's also cute to see you all flustered and going "WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGGGGGGGGS" u.u

 

MEN aren't supposed to FEEL!

But I did. So many tulpa feels...;_;

 

You need to respond positively pretty soon Sock. I know Midori is a tulpa, but she is still a girl.

 

Fairy girl. Tulpa. What

 

If she has kissed you twice and all you have done is BAIL, then I'm not sure how that will effect Midori.

 

No need to worry good man. I have already grown somewhat accustomed to 'Dori smooching me out of the blue. She did it again earlier yesterday, and I didn't freak out about it that time around. It's a show of affection much like the other stuff she does.

Now, if she started clawing at my trousers, THEN I'd be panicking again.

 

 

[align=center]Today's Tulpa groove:

 

The Quantic Soul Orchestra - Stampede - Stampede

 

[video=youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf2MwUlT3TI [/align]

 

 

This weekend wasn't too eventful in terms of tulpa design work. Saturday was mostly filled with job hunting and walking around in the hot sun. I did say a few words here and there to her, but no prolonged conversation. Today, too, was a bit light on interaction. I did do a bunch of meditating, and checked up on her a few times, but I haven't done an extended forcing session for a while, aside from a daily recap I've started doing with her at night. At this time, these are the areas I really have to work on:

 

[align=center]1. Visualization - Midori is much easier and clearer to see than before, but she's still not as clear as many of my daydreams, so I still need to solidify that. As well, there's the occasional shift of proportion and her sometimes appearing taller.

 

2. Touch - Midori's tendency to hug, glomp, cuddle, and other such displays of affection seems to have actually sped this area's development up a bit. There have been times where I have felt sensation at an area she's touched, it was quite odd, but most definitely pleasant.

 

3. Smell - This step is one I've been neglecting for a few days, since it requires me to find honeysuckles and burn their sent into my mind before they wilt at the end of the day. This step ended up overlapping with touch, due again to Midori's preference for cuddling.

 

4. Narration - I usually do some of this daily, but much of it is just me saying some random observation, a sweet nothing here and there, followed by an hour or two of silence. I want to expand the amount of time I spend narrating to her in my free-time, as getting her to talk was one of my biggest goals in this experiment. I have multiple subjects for narrating purposes: Reading "Witche's Abroad" to her, watching Twin Peaks with her, studying math, explaining art, etc. While the random bits of dialogue still keeps Midori in mind, I feel some extended conversation would help her development much more.

 

5. Body Language - She seems to be developing this on her own, strangely. I haven't done much kick starting in this area, but she's most definitely been active in my mind.[/align]

 

As for the little fairy herself, she's just as happy, energetic, and affectionate as she normally is. She's taken to tackling me when I show up in the mindscape, and I'm guessing it's because she really does want me to spend more time with her. Because Midori has the nasty tendency of being sickningly cute, and much of this log is filled with tales of her hugging, cuddling, and most recently kissing, I'll likely start inserting "Midori was Midori" in lieu of that in future posts. During a visit earlier today, we did a bit of dancing together to the song posted above, and somehow her dress ended up changing from blue to white with rainbow colored polka-dots. I didn't question this, as nearly all deviation is a good sign to me. This took place in the void room, and I'll definitely have to check the garden itself to see if she made anymore changes to it.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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[align=center]Today's tulpa wardrobe music:

 

 

[/align]

 

Since I was out and about for most of the day, much of it was spent narrating, may it be out loud when no on was close by, or in my head when I was in a public area. Subjects of conversation varied often, but I could always feel her presence so that was good. I tried to do a bit of definition work on the bus, but I couldn't really get into the right groove to do anything productive, and I think I just ended up annoying her.

 

We were finally able to do a proper session of work tonight, and I spent most of it on visuals and some body language. She's getting a bit sharper and easier to imagine each day, so I decided to just have a bit of fun and imagine her in multiple different outfits, dresses, and mess around with her hair style a bit. Since I had originally envisioned her naked, it was quite easy to imagine her in the myriad of dresses, schoolgirl outfits, casual wear, and other such things. It was pretty fun, though she still seems to have went back to the polka-dot print dress from yesterday, though occasionally appearing in her original blue dress.

 

I also did some voice and lip moving stuff. Now, since this involved puppeting her directly, I warned her before hand and ensured here that I wouldn't be doing it too much. I doubt I'll brick my tulpa at this point by moving her around a bit, but it must surely be annoying/frustrating for her to have me move her around like a ragdoll. But, since this was for kick starting her mouth movements, I thought it was going to be generally beneficial.

 

There was also some dancing.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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