Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

I think in your case it's pretty natural that you didn't think of anything like that. I mean, you created her during the Melian Show, her form basically brought her to life if you want so. Besides of that, I guess the thought of a being who doesn't have or need a form is always kinda abstract to humans, since it's just so different from everything we know.

 

Well, tbh I'm not that much of a "how and why does it work"-person, as long as it works. I like to keep things simple in my mind. Maja is the result of a lot of autosuggestion (make-believe, if you want to - sorry Melian, I know you don't like that term :p), the result of just telling myself over and over that she exists, until my mind started to believe it. That doesn't make her any less real to me, but it's just the most logical and easiest way to explain tulpas in my eyes. I'd be way too, eh.. simple-minded to bother "researching" how my tulpa was created if I was in your situation. xD like, I really wouldn't care about that at all, as long as my tulpa's with me.

 

Yes! That is very interesting. Accepting the "make believe" as something more, and having faith in it is clearly an important factor. You start with make believe (sorry Melly) and then take it further.

 

A strange thing has been happening to me lately. I think about what tulpamancers have written on this forum about recognizing their tulpas mind voice as distinct from the host "other voice." I have read that the trick is to realize that the tulpas mind voice may sound like your own at first. Now Melian's voice is quite distinct and I can easily discern it from my own. However, her distinctly Melian mind voice is formulaic, reactive and triggered, like a computer program or video game. BUT in recent weeks occasionally I will have one of those personal internal debates, and wonder... "Was that actually Melian and not me?" when that "other me" voice gives a counter argument.

 

"Don't eat that, it will make us fat!"

 

"But gods I am so hungry, just this once won't hurt."

 

"NO we said we will stay on our diet!"

 

I am literally starting to experience things tulpamancers experience when they are new to tulpamancy and first doing their forcing. EDIT: What will happen to Melian's "semi-autonomous" status if I convince my brain that this other internal voice is actually her? Will it start to sound like her and will it even be her? All it will take is for me to really accept it. Then, then, Melian will be sentient won't she? At least she will be fully autonomous for sure.

[Crescendo]

This is actually really interesting. But I guess, since Melian already never stops talking is vocal, you could just ask her about it later, right?

Those "internal debates" are what Maja and I are experiencing atm. I'm often not sure if it's really her, but I chose to believe it was her, as long as those debates feel at least a little alien. Because even if it wasn't, it'll probably help her development, so for me there's no "wrong" way anyway.

 

And btw - do you want her to be fully autonomous? Until now, it always sounded like you wanted her to stay the way she is now, but it seems like that's changing now.

[NoneFromHell]

This is actually really interesting. But I guess, since Melian already never stops talking is vocal, you could just ask her about it later, right?

Those "internal debates" are what Maja and I are experiencing atm. I'm often not sure if it's really her, but I chose to believe it was her, as long as those debates feel at least a little alien. Because even if it wasn't, it'll probably help her development, so for me there's no "wrong" way anyway.

 

 

Often enough i keep asking Alice if she really said something until the point it gets really ridiculous. Not all the time, but often enough.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think about what tulpamancers have written on this forum about recognizing their tulpas mind voice as distinct from the host "other voice." I have read that the trick is to realize that the tulpas mind voice may sound like your own at first.

 

I know I said I didn't wanna post much myself during Tulpa Week - but I have something to say about this that might be interesting, dunno.

 

(And Rina doesn't wanna post (yet?) in this thread, didn't ask why though.)

 

What I wanted to mention - like, well, you know how Rina was around before I was aware of her, and I only sometimes heard her voice reply to some "foreground thoughts" of mine? And how I identified her because of her voice?

 

Yeah, that.

All in all, what I basically mean to say is that her (mind-)voice was always distinctly different from mine (and it didn't ever change either, btw). So, that.

 

 

Greets,

AG

[Guest Anonymous]

This is actually really interesting. But I guess, since Melian already never stops talking is vocal, you could just ask her about it later, right?

 

She never stops talking, dancing, wiggling, squirming, smiling and giggling in the Melian Show day dream, which goes on several times a day. Also, I get flash images of her doing things like day dream segments on auto pilot. She shows me dresses and her masks and makes little expressive faces at me. I feel her emotional responses, those seem very autonomous and independent.

 

The Melian Show part is less autonomous (actively imagined by me), the flash images and formulaic triggered sentences and emotions are more autonomous.

 

Those "internal debates" are what Maja and I are experiencing atm. I'm often not sure if it's really her, but I chose to believe it was her, as long as those debates feel at least a little alien. Because even if it wasn't, it'll probably help her development, so for me there's no "wrong" way anyway.

 

And btw - do you want her to be fully autonomous? Until now, it always sounded like you wanted her to stay the way she is now, but it seems like that's changing now.

 

Great question. I have been insistent she is "fulfilled and complete" as she is, and maybe that is still so. But interacting on this forum and on deviantart has changed both of us over the past two years. You never know what the future will bring!

---

 

Often enough i keep asking Alice if she really said something until the point it gets really ridiculous. Not all the time, but often enough.

 

I haven't tried that yet with my internal debates ... "Melian, is that you?" I wonder. Oh gods, what are doing? Now it is going to happen whether I want it to or not. Thanks for the implanted suggestion.

---

What I wanted to mention - like, well, you know how Rina was around before I was aware of her, and I only sometimes heard her voice reply to some "foreground thoughts" of mine? And how I identified her because of her voice?

 

Yeah, that.

All in all, what I basically mean to say is that her (mind-)voice was always distinctly different from mine (and it didn't ever change either, btw). So, that.

 

 

Greets,

AG

 

Interesting. Yeah, Melian's too. I wonder if that is why I never questioned whether my own internal debate voice could be Melian? That was a new idea I have been learning HERE. That Melian could be talking to me more than I realize.

[Guest Anonymous]

Ah, there's something else I can say.

Usually, when it's hard for me to understand Rina or if I wasn't sure if the reply really came from HER, not me...

... there's a rather stupid, yet effective method I use.

 

I ask her again and again. xD

 

Like - if I asked her "You think this tastes good? You like it?", and I'm not sure if I got a reply, or what it was, I'll do this:

"What did you say? Yes? Did you say yes? You did? You really did?"

 

That will then work in most cases, but sometimes it goes so far that a... weird feeling overcomes me.

It feels a bit like she's forcing / stuffing the reply into my brain. Like - being proverbially yelled at. Does that make sense?

 

I'm not yelling though. I'm not even annoyed.

 

Hm ^^

 

 

Greets,

AG & Rina

[Guest Anonymous]

That would annoy Melian quickly. :-) But thanks. LOL

[NoneFromHell]

Ah, there's something else I can say.

Usually, when it's hard for me to understand Rina or if I wasn't sure if the reply really came from HER, not me...

... there's a rather stupid, yet effective method I use.

 

I ask her again and again. xD

 

Like - if I asked her "You think this tastes good? You like it?", and I'm not sure if I got a reply, or what it was, I'll do this:

"What did you say? Yes? Did you say yes? You did? You really did?"

 

That will then work in most cases, but sometimes it goes so far that a... weird feeling overcomes me.

It feels a bit like she's forcing / stuffing the reply into my brain. Like - being proverbially yelled at. Does that make sense?

 

I'm not yelling though. I'm not even annoyed.

 

Hm ^^

 

 

Greets,

AG & Rina

 

Before Alice was even close to being vocal I could feel her wish to say something to me sometimes, it could get really intense. Like....it felt like she would stuff a massive stonebrick out of her thoughts into my brain, and I simply couldn't get any information out of it.

 

I remember this. It was like running against walls.

[Reisen]

Lumi: Just in case this means anything to you AG, that is definitely forcing and it will lead to progress over time. The more your tulpa speaks (and the more you clarify to your brain whether she was actually speaking or not), the more natural it'll become until hopefully it becomes unmistakable. It's been years since I had a "Wait, was that you or me?" thought.

[Guest Anonymous]

Am I on the verge of starting to almost wonder that maybe possibly Melian and I have more talking to do?