Raetin's Tulpa Progress

[Raetin]

Wew, I finally feel like I'm progressing again. I still feel like I'm neglecting some of my tulpas, mostly Aika and Rikoni. I will definitely start hanging out with them in the wonderland more. Right now, the one I've been spending the most time with is Reah, since I'm imposing her and all.

 

Having Reah around definitely makes my day a lot better. I notice I'm starting to get small headaches again, but I think that's to be expected. Her chibi wolf form got a little bigger, the legs being a lot longer, matching more to her wolf form. Right now, I'd say that she looks like a brown fox, but she tells me that she's still a wolf. She's a bit longer than a foot, and she still, most of the time at school, hangs on to my head. I think she can make her form grow bigger or smaller, depending what she's doing.

 

Reah helped me with this project I'm working on, and one of the papers I could do was conversation and dialogue. All I did was talk about the topic I was researching, and she would comment on it or ask questions about it. In the paper, I just took out her name with [redacted] and took out all the times she said my name. She likes to call me Ray, which is short for my username here.

 

Reah and I were watching a video on the game Amnesia. Every time someone was being chased by a monster, I would tense and panic a little. This would cause Reah to do the same, haha. When I ask her about it, she said, "You're making the game scarier than it is." It looks like my emotions and feelings can affect my tulpas as well.

 

I'm thinking of getting to do some roleplaying in the wonderland just for fun. Just play out fun scenarios (not lewd (or is it?)) Other than that, I think that's it.

[Raetin]

I... I... really don't know. Seriously, agh. While Reah and I was flying around the wonderland, there was this sudden hologram that popped up in front of me and showed me a location in the wonderland and said "help me." We went there and some monster had this girl and I sliced the shit out of the monster. The girl looked like this. I told her that she should learn how to defend herself, and she told me that she can. I asked her to show me and learned that she can manipulate water. Her attacks though were still very weak. Afterward, she learned that this wonderland was a world in my mind. She looked shocked and asked if she was just a figment of my imagination. I told her that she looked pretty sentient, so no, she wasn't. She asked if she can come with me and Reah for the meantime, and I... said sure. I told her about tulpas, which she didn't know about, and I told her she can't be my tulpa.

 

All of us greeted her warmly and we hanged out at the beach for awhile. It's been awhile since I had such a good forcing session. Before she left to go to sleep, I asked her what her name was, and she said Aqua.

 

Before I left though, she thanked me a lot for letting her at least stay. I told her that she can leave whenever she wants. She asked me if she leaves, can she come back now and then. Heh, it seemed she really likes this place. This was the safest and warmest place shes ever been to. I'd let her be my tulpa, but damn, I don't want any more for the sake of my sanity. Not sure what will happen, but yeah, there you go.

[Gambarimasu]

This makes me really curious, the whole "random girl who wasn't aware of her condition but was sentient" could imply a lot of stuff.

 

It makes me want to explore my wonderland more, maybe we can meet people in there who can help us(in any way or other, maybe indirectly) to know more about ourselves.

 

It would be nice if you could tell me more about it, via PM if you feel like not telling here, but i'm really curious :3

[Raetin]

This makes me really curious, the whole "random girl who wasn't aware of her condition but was sentient" could imply a lot of stuff.

 

It makes me want to explore my wonderland more, maybe we can meet people in there who can help us(in any way or other, maybe indirectly) to know more about ourselves.

 

It would be nice if you could tell me more about it, via PM if you feel like not telling here, but i'm really curious :3

 

Sorry for the late response, lots of work and less time to do what I want. Anyway, I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about some parts, but I'll tell you what I know here. Aqua said that she was captured by some monsters of some sort and was given to that other monster I slayed. The monster was holding a radio, had a chain on aqua's neck, and he was naked... Yeah, anyway, the last two details pissed me off, so I sliced him into pieces and burned his remains. Fortunately, Aqua said she wasn't umm... raped. Urgh, details like this are sure hard to talk about.

 

Anyway, fast forward when I talked with her flying toward the beach, I asked her how far she can remember back and she said she thought years, but she can only put in detail the memories she had within a month or two ago. This little detail kind of scares me, because it implies that there may be more mindfolk wandering in my head. I'm just going to have to be firm and stop allowing new mindfolk to come along with me. Now that you say exploring the wonderland, I might just do that if I have the time. Reah told me during her adventures sometimes, she fought a lot of monsters, but nothing that looked friendly or intelligent as a tulpa.

 

 

So since then, Aqua is living with us as if she was my tulpa.. Oh, and she's sleeping on the same bed with us... hmm, yeah... Though she had her own bedroom, she wanted to join in with us. Some of the things she said convinced me to allow her to sleep with us, some corny stuff, but they're not so corny when you're in the moment. One thing I remember she said is, "Show me that there is some love in this world." Err, yeah, I know, corny. Anyway, she wasn't talking about sex or anything, but the feelings of being loved and cared for. By world, she meant wonderland, I think.

 

Not sure what I'll do with her, but I can't get rid of her, it isn't in me to do that. I still can't admit she's my tulpa though, so I don't know. Oh, and she wants to try sex with me... Goddammit, why can't one of them be asexual or something. I don't ask for this. I think one of the problems may lie in me being a teenager, having too many perverted thoughts (I'm slowly getting better at not having these) and/or having something to do with having a chivalrous mindset. Well that's it for now.

 

Oh and I tried drawing Reah today, but I still have to get anatomy together, because drawing different postures with different perspectives is quite difficult.

[Gambarimasu]

Mmmm... so i'm gonna assume you didn't ask her about her past(what she was exactly doing before getting caught and the sorts) but this is still interesting, i'm looking forward for more updates in this topic.

 

It still makes me want to explore my own, but i can't even fully access it, i just can do it when i have a strong motivation or when i'm incredible lucky. I know my tulpas have their own affairs in there because at some point i knew that they had secrets that they didn't tell me about because i couldn't handle them in the past, i want to be able to fully access my wonderland before even attempt to know about that stuff.

 

I hope i can catch up with this topic soon, i'm really curious about what's in there.

[Raetin]

Hehe, Yeah, I don't ask my tulpas to many questions, I probably should. Actually, I think when I have the time, I'm going to just interview them so I can get to know them better.

 

Anyway Valentine's day... Yeah, tulpas sure can get you to do crazy stuff. I had no idea what to do, but yeah...

 

Oh yes, I'm working on this drawing with all my tulpas and me and it's all going to be chibi drawings, because actually drawing a more realistic image would be too difficult. This is what I have so far. http://i.imgur.com/RinMbiY.jpg?1 Gonna add the rest of them in there as well and clean it up.

 

Imposition is still the same, we don't really impose on non-school days, but we really should. The more time passively imposing, the better. Oh and I'm thinking of going into the shoutbox a bit more, so hopefully I'll be a bit more active there.

[Kadoh]

Dat's kawaii.

 

 

Put Shin in there.

 

[Gambarimasu]

Hehe, Yeah, I don't ask my tulpas to many questions, I probably should. Actually, I think when I have the time, I'm going to just interview them so I can get to know them better.

 

This. problem with me as well ;_; shyness strikes again for me D:

 

Also the drawing is cool, it gives me more feels for the fact that Mika is also like Reah, both wolf girls huh?

 

I hope to see the rest of your tulpas drawed as well, nice feels indeed.

[Raetin]

After watching some conversations in the irc, it really made me think. One thing, I felt being in a relationship where I had them all was too much for me. It's not even me feeling that selfish, but I feel I can't give them all the love they need. Of course I love them very much, but I feel with five of them, I can't do it. I'll still do my best though.

 

Another thing is the sex stuff. It feels good and all, but I don't feel right about it. I would accept it more if it was a single relationship, but it's polygamous. I feel our relationship would be much better off without it. I want to feel like I care about them, without the sexual tension in there. You're probably thinking that I have sex with my tulpas a lot, but I don't. More in the range of every two-three days with one of them (mostly with Reah or Miia), which then again, someone may find to be a lot. There's times though that we don't do any of that stuff for awhile, longest I think being between 2-3 weeks. It's not that I actually do it with them with the intention of doing it, but they get me way too aroused sometimes with their love.

 

I'm just going into an emotional rant, but that's how I'm feeling right now. I probably will feel happier later. I kind of fluctuate with feelings when I get a lot of time to think. Sometimes I think how lucky I am, other times how useless I feel. I used to think how worthless I felt, but Reah has been helping me with that, as well as the other tulpas. I'm not depressed, just deep in thought.

 

Anyway, as for the drawing, will definitely work on that later too when I'm feeling better. I'll try to add Shin in there too, but will probably add him last. I just thought of a great scenario to put him in another picture I may draw too. :] Oh yes, and Mika and Reah are pretty similar in appearance, but I bet Mika is a lot more innocent, haha :P

[Kadoh]

Aaaaw yes. Sounds hella tight.