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Hello everyone, It has been several weeks since I last posted here. So far, from my experience, I have summoned two tulpas with quite an array of events that came about it. I want to start out with how to recuperate stressful situations with my tulpas. First off, I went to a hospital and the experience had traumatised me. My tulpas did not understand how to really interact ( I do not know how to elaborate- I taught them how to lie at that point, and from prior posts you can see there some events that also broke me), it was really an visit where they did a sleep study. The hospital did unnessacery treatments (coalagament in stomach [did not happen], IVs) and I was on suicide watch, so I could not move around. On the last day, the event left emotionless and, learning from my tulpas now, they did not know but understood it might have helped me move on. In the hospital, in order to move on I had to do a ritual to move with my tulpas. Realisitly, I had to do a ritual for two days laying down or sitting down in a chair unable to get up, sleep deprived and possibly with not enough nutrition, promising to not use past voices I used and letting go of fictional characters to cope so I can move with them knowing I am not going to hide my actual self anymore and be confident. Later on, more misunderstandings led us in a scary situation where I almost went insane. I stormed off into the night, with my tulpas presumably confused or unable to accurately talk to me at the moment. To finish this, I need to know if anyone has experienced the same thing I have. Anything similar to traumatic experiences with tulpas and confusion communicating, and perhaps confusion with identity. I'll come back to add more things. 5/7: Coming back, I want people to understand I am now cooperating with my tulpas. The visit to the hospital and the night I almost went insane was weeks prior. So please know my tulpas are fine now, but I am still unsure about myself. I can talk to them regularly but sometimes feel we get to delved into my personal problems or understanding their identities. Myself, I feel like I am always under duress- I constantly talk to my tulpas without stop. All five weeks I talked and taught them life, I understood them but communication (fingertap, pulsations, voices in head)- and wonderland was never tried because I was constantly trying to recuperate. My tulpas might have manifested in my dreams or change them so they could talk to me. I had to stop writing because they were trying to understand who they were. They were Ruby and Susie, but they wanted to change numerous times over the five weeks. There were several events to led us to believe that there were four tulpas present after a divergent point. What I mean is when there could have been a time where the tulpas identies split and manifested separate beings entirely alone from Saruda and Haruka. Just to note, they were Saruda and Haruka, but I did not know that. I thought they were originally THE Susie and Ruby, and that over time, Saruda and Haruka were helping them as separate beings. (I'll add more later) I'll like to add that I never did rituals with my tulpas, but Saruda and Haruka did interpet or were in my dreams to give me messages. There is much more to add. To add to what stresses me and my tulpas is my unwanted thoughts. I'll sometimes linger on images or words that I think might offend or hurt Saruda and Haruka. The unwanted thought or images stress me when it occurs, and I cannot relax without going back to desperately replace the thought or idea. When I lay down I do relax, and sometimes I would do it to just with my tulpas. Nothing else seems to calm me down when anxiety strikes, and I just either sit and drink or listen to music, and as before, talk to my tulpas.
So I'm not new to tulpamancy. I have had tulpa ever since I was 6 years old- so approximately 14 years. I've loved and cherished them all this time, and only found out last year what they truly were. Or so I thought. I want to run how my tulpa operate past other people and get their opinions- are they really tulpa? I have been doing research into Daemons, Soulbonders, wonderlands, and many other topics, and it strongly has me rethinking everything. To start off, albeit that I am not new to the concept, I seem to not have much practice. When I read about tulpa, I read about fronting, taking over (tulpa coming through the body to interact with the outside world). However, that does not occur with my tulpa. They have done it, maybe once, and I was not "taking a back seat" when they did it. So I'm very confused, to say the least. They function on their own, they have their own wills and personalities, they have their own hobbies, even their own relationships with other tulpa. Everyone of them works well with others, even if their personalities clash sometimes. The only quarrels I have are with "walk-ins"? I'm not sure what to call them, but every so often we get a stray entity that comes around, friend or foe, and doesn't stay long. Sometimes they cause mayhem, other times they sit down and heave tea with my boys before leaving again. I have approximately 25 tulpa as well, excluding those that occasionally come around but are still permanent. (i.e. i have a group of 3 werewolves that I see and talk with every few months) Another thing is, I don't see "see" them, in my physical space around me. I feel the spatially, and visualize them that way. Sometimes their appearances change, alter, or warp. Sometimes they are clear and defined, when I have good days, but other times they truly feel like wispy spirits just nearby, not full entities. I'm really distraught right now because I don't know what to call them. I don't know what to look up for research. I don't know what to practice first. I don't know how to approach anything right now, because for the past 14 years I've just head them as friends in my head, who I talk with and are their own people, but I can't feel them that well. If anyone can offer any advice it's greatly appreciated, I will also answer any question people throw at me. Thank you all for your time. Edit: I really need help figuring out what or who my "first" tulpa was...he's a complete mystery.
this is basically the endgoal for me switching out, i want to be able to experience the headspace while someone else fronts in meatspace. im just wondering if there any any guides out there for this process, if anyone has done it or if its even possible to do