Guest Anonymous January 29, 2016 January 29, 2016 “Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.” Waiter- “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Guest Anonymous February 4, 2016 February 4, 2016 A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swing. Then the poor little guy starts crying. "Come on, man. I'm just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man cry." "This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs..."I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
Brassow February 4, 2016 February 4, 2016 So I made some really bad french puns... What do you call a French Dictator? Kim Jong Une What do you call a RUSSIAN French Dictator? Vla-Dormir Peutin (Yeah yeah I know he's not a DICTATOR.) "Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033
Paranoid Llama February 5, 2016 February 5, 2016 I am the most miserable man on earth. My pet doesn't care for me after all I do for him, my neighbour hates me even though I'm only nice to him, my best friend is retarded, my other friend makes me feel stupid by how smart she is, my job sucks AND my boss heavily underpays me, and worst of all, I live in a pineapple under the sea. I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.
Guest Anonymous February 6, 2016 February 6, 2016 A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day. 'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.' A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
Guest Anonymous February 11, 2016 February 11, 2016 What did the old man get for his birthday? Cancer. OK, no. Two peanuts walked into a bar; one was a salted.
Guest Anonymous February 13, 2016 February 13, 2016 I accidentally swallowed a little bit of food coloring. I dyed a little inside after that happened.
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