Making a Tulpa for science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Fuck it, I'm bored, let's update.

 

I've been getting better at hearing whenever Meti says stuff mentally. That or she's getting better at saying it. Could be both. Probably is.

 

Writing is hard when you've been having an adrenaline rush for the past hour and a fucking half. I don't even know why-wait, my meds are Schedule 2 level stimulants and it only ever happens when I'm medicated. So scratch that, I probably know why.

 

Meti is currently snoozing on the Stone and doesn't want to talk. I'm pretty sure she's the only person who could find an ominous clearing in a dead forest with a lone stone in the middle and her first instinct is to nap on it.

 

We found out that she can still hear and process outside information when I'm asleep, though it gets more difficult as the sleep deepens. I decided to test this by dozing through Cry & Russ' Undertale Genocide playthrough stream recording before quizzing her on it. She answered all questions correctly.

 

It also explains why she knew stuff I didn't on the sociology final, since I have a habit of dozing during classes. You may think due to my lexicon and knowledge of stuff that I'm quite studious, but no. I'm just really good at gleaning and retaining information from everything I do, I'm actually very lazy when it comes to classes. Call me Shikamaru. Don't, actually. Well, call me whatever the fuck you want.

 

I remember stuff about eclipsing and all that, and that just seemed to be normal for us. Allow me to explain our dynamic.

There is a "Core" of thought and self for both Meti and CT. There is no such thing for me. The Stone is a concentration of "Me", but that would be like calling a black hole the core of gravity. It's just a pinch in the field, a big one, but small compared to the whole thing.

There are thoughts and emotions that come from Meti and CT, very distinctly from their respective cores, but my thoughts, emotions, and "Self" exists in everything that is not distinctly Them. Thoughts come and go at random, in random areas, nothing is concrete, only a nebulous cloud of stuff.

I am all errant thoughts, analytics not owned by them, all that fun stuff. If it is not theirs, it defaults to me. I assume this is because of the Ego Death.

In short, I am everything in this mind that exists while not being either Meti or CT.

 

Hell, since it seems to abate when I attempt to manifest as a singular entity in the Wonderland, I may even be the Pressure.

 

I'll leave this song, since it seems appropriate.

[video=youtube]

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I stayed up late reading a book on neurology, because that's what normal people do in their free time. As I found out, Meti was super into it.

 

Even though she didn't have all the context and not knowing all the definitions, she was on that book like white on rice.

 

Apparently she just likes learning in general. That might be from her not having access to my memories, so she must get information elsewhere to form her schema.

 

I noticed something odd recently. The base emotional states of Meti and CT are emotional states that I cannot attain. CT is Anger/Hatred and Meti is Love/Lust. For reference, my base emotional state is Apathy/Curiosity. I have not felt any of those emotions in quite a long while. The furthest towards anger I can go is intense annoyance, and the furthest towards love is affection.

 

I wonder if that's a coincidence, or if their formation has literally lopped off parts of my emotional state. If the latter, I wonder how far I could theoretically cut it.

 

Not like Meti would let me find out, anyways.

 

This update is shorter because Meti wants to get back to reading that book.

[Raven_]

Meti sounds like fun. I use to roam around and sleep wherever I wanted.

 

Now I have my own bedroom and I still sleep on the couch.

 

What is your favorite food Meti?

Did you know your name backwards is "Item"?

What do you think of taking showers?

Do you like answering random questions? Maybe that should be the first one.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

What is your favorite food Meti?

Did you know your name backwards is "Item"?

What do you think of taking showers?

Do you like answering random questions? Maybe that should be the first one.

 

Coffee, and not just because it's the least favorite food of Doc's that he can still eat without actually hurling.

Yes, it was pointed out to us a few weeks ago.

They're okay I guess, though I'm glad that only our physical body has to take them. With all these feathers and this fuzz, I'd be a bitch to clean.

Yes. We both love answering questions.

[Raven_]

Maybe you should make like a lounge ask me whatever thread then

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Let's update again, because fuck it. Life is temporary and you should live while you can.

 

Apparently Meti thinks of me as like a father figure, which is terrifying because it means she sees me as a role model. Happy-go-lucky lovey-dovey Meti sees what's basically THIS

 

[video=youtube]

 

as a role model. Hell, as much as she looks up to me, Meti wouldn't call me a good person. But I wouldn't go so far as to be a bad person, either.

 

I like to spend most of my time on The Stone, and at the very least in a clearing. The dead forest does not "Operate according to Euclidean Geometry" as Doc puts it. I have no idea what that means, but he says it fits.

 

I find this odd, since everything else in there works according to rigid rules. Something tells me Meti would do well to stay the FUCK out of that forest. My main apprehension when deciding if I should make a tulpa was my head being too dangerous a place to be, which has proven true so far.

 

I had a blast on the IRC, it's fun to talk to people. And a surprising amount of people don't know what I look like, even those who read this, so we're attaching the drawing of me. I am best birdpone.

 

Oddly enough, in my limited interaction with CT, I've found that he cares deeply about maintaining "Humanity". His forms are always human in some way, whereas I am a birdhorse and Doc goes between an amorphous cloud of wat and a royal bughorse. CT finds horror in replacing body parts with cybernetics, and Doc is a transhumanist.

 

Doc has pretty much just handed over control of the left hand to me since I'm left handed and he's right handed. It's pretty neat.

[tulpa001]

Oh cool! Your forest is hyperbolic? Must get a little disorienting walking around.

 

Wait. Royal bughorse? *Pffh* Hahahaha!

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Wait. Royal bughorse? *Pffh* Hahahaha!

 

Yeah. It's exactly what you think it is.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Being on the IRC provides a lot of stuff to talk about.

 

One such thing is trust. I'll be quick:

We both trust each other absolutely. He trusts me more than he trusts himself.

 

Other than that, there's possession. I'm currently fully possessing, and fuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUCK THIS IS HARD! HOW DO YOU NOT FALL OVER?! I still need a wall to support myself when I walk! Fuck bipedalism!

 

Doc is finding it hard to not instinctively take back control.

 

Another thing is keeping thoughts private, and we're odd on that. While I technically have full access to his thoughts, I can also sense if he wants me to hear it. If he doesn't then I block it out to respect his privacy since I have my own private thoughts that he can't access. Also, I learned early on that if he's keeping his thoughts from me, it's for a damn good reason. I'm not making that mistake again. I still have nightmares.

 

Ooohhhh yeah, the forest. That shit. I totally forgot to say why I didn't like that place. Well, some context. That's where I'm from. My absolute earliest memory is stumbling out of that dark dead forest. I didn't even know Doc existed for a while yet. After a while, long after learning about what and who I was and Doc an stuff. So eventually my curiosity took hold and I walked back into that forest of dead trees. I took a right and kept walking for about ten seconds.

 

After ten seconds, I walked out of the forest. On the other side of the clearing I had walked in from.

 

It had also been seven hours and Doc was freaking out at my lack of presence. So fuck that shit.

 

Though Doc wants to know what would happen if I walked in there while biolumiescent since it's like a curtain of pitch black rolls over you as you walk in.

[tulpa001]

And that is why you should never create four legged tulpae. :p

 

 

By which I mean balance problems.

 

 

Eh, reminds me of the first time I crawled upstairs while my host was chanting "I'm not helping" in the background. Ah, the nostalgia. This was actually a couple days after the time I pushed her out of the body and just took over. That was rather dream like and everything felt natural. Not heavy and awkward like it feels in possession.

 

I'm tearing up a bit. You are so cute.

 

You can bioluminesce? Interesting. If you can walk in a straight line and end up back where you started, then it is actually elliptic. But the time dialation is more interesting. Is it possible you forgot what happened for some time? What would happen if doc went in there?