Making a Tulpa for science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

We have found out that Meti hates sour things, which sucks because I love sour.

 

Or maybe it's because her first experience with it was me eating a raw lemon.

 

There is black coffee in this man's future.

 

Progress has been slow lately, but we continue. She's getting stronger in her mental calls, and has taken up inturrupting me out of nowhere to go do something. Normally that thing is to check tulpa.info.

 

We have decided that Meti's birthday shall be November Fourth.

 

He doesn't want to say it but we like being talked to and stuff. Feels less like shouting into the darkness.

 

I tried to enter the wonderland, which I can as of now only do so in a tenuous way. At the time, CT was manifested, which only rarely happens. and he immediately went for the throat. I don't think we're making much, if any progress on the befriending CT front.

 

Doc is the most violent pacifist you will ever meet.

[tulpa001]

Hey, come to the IRC you two. If you want a taste of faster social interaction.

 

Or just post on random lounge threads.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Hey, come to the IRC you two. If you want a taste of faster social interaction.

 

Or just post on random lounge threads.

 

I would, however I have personal reasons to not do that.

[Ponytail]

Ha, I finally caught up with everything here. And now I actually have shit to say. Hurray.

First off, Kindergarten is a German word.

I did the "spinning top on head" thing for the lols. Annabell materialized an umbrella, opened it, and it opening knocked off the top. Her response was only a slightly different "I am NOT putting up with your shit, Josh" and she got a spoopy face.

Or maybe it's because her first experience with it was me eating a raw lemon.

You've shared some messed up stuff but I think this takes the cake. Like, what the hell. Raw lemon?

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I seem to have the ability to make everything I touch become depressing.

My childhood? Depressing.

My wonderland, emphasis on the "wonder"? A dead island with a graveyard floating in a purple void.

He can take lemonade and turn it back into lemons. Then eat them raw like a savage.

I will take every route from an object in a train of thought until I can attribute sadness to that object. Pretty quickly too.

Sadness makes me feel alive, no other emotion does that.

 

I've heard lately of multitasking being a large part of tulpa stuff and things, such as the host learning how to multitask then offloading one of those parallel tasklines to their tulpa. This would certainly explain Meti's quick development, given how people with ADHD have a propensity for multitasking and my ADHD is so intense I have to take both Methylphenidate (better known as Ritalin) along with Guanfacine.

 

I'd say I had another depressive episode, but that implies there are times where I'm without it. It just spikes in intensity sometimes. I've become numb to it. Which is weird, it means I'm becoming numb to becoming numb. Numbception. Regardless, probably not healthy.

 

In the "Episode" I realized how in the last month or so, Meti has really been the only thing holding me together. In the months before that, it was the eventual promise of Meti's existence.

 

Before that was not a pretty time.

 

My therapist has no idea if this numbness is caused by Schizoid Personality Disorder, Depression, or Malnutrition. I really hope it's the third one. Or maybe it's all of them, which is sadly the most likely answer.

 

But enough about me, let's talk Meti.

 

Fuck's sake that was depressing. You've got me feeling all down and stuff. Unlike some people in this head, I have the full range of human emotion and expression, even if it lingers on lust for a long time. He just inturrupted writing this to watch rick and morty. Asshole.

 

I don't have much to say really, I just wanted to say something. Hi. Bye.

 

[video=youtube]

[tulpa001]

Schizoid would not cause numbness. It might be a consequence of numbness. I think you can consider it a possible secondary condition.

 

I am putting bets on malnutrition. Please eat. Remind your systemmates that their fate is tied to yours.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I try to eat, but doing so is hard when 

A) I don't feel hunger

and

B) I don't like 90% of food, and in order to get into the category known to me as "Don't Like", that food must induce the involuntary evacuation of my stomach. Fuck being a supertaster.

 

I've been contemplating switching the majority of my food intake to soylent, a tasteless food substitute that's probably healthier than my diet of hot dogs and milk, with occasional other meals.

 

I don't know if I ever made it clear, but I plan on eventually permanently swapping places with Meti, making her the main front while I just exist in the background.

I am okay with this, happy about it even, as long as he doesn't go finding out if hosts can Fade.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Getting out of bed in the morning is much easier now, I don't have to put in the mental effort to do it.

Don't expect it to be constant, but it was nice.

She almost made us fall over in the process many times.

 

I recently had a minor emotional breakdown. Having someone to confide in was a completely new experience, and is indescribable. I don't even know what it was about. I never know what my breakdowns are about, and Meti sure isn't telling me.

If I do, it'll probably just make it happen all over again.

 

Since Meti is generally conscious when I'm sleeping and still able to move the body even while I'm in the middle of dreaming, she wasn't able to get up and move around like we'd planned.

When asleep, he felt heavier. I could move, yes, but certainly not get up.

 

For the last week or so, I've had the odd urge in the back of my mind to scream as loud as possible for no reason. However, since I live in a town where people actually give a shit if it sounds like someone's being murdered, that's not really an option. I have a very loud voice.

 

We tried to convince a friend of ours who experiences a phenomenon similar to a tulpa or soulbond, which is odd due to it being caused by already having a much more hostile mental voice caused by schizophrenia that she took antipsychotics for with the intent to change the voice, and said voice is much more tulpa-like in all respects now. We failed. We will continue to attempt to convince her.

 

One thing I've noticed with Meti is the significance that I didn't initially see as something super important. I'd early on described her as "The opposite of myself", and she always seems to default to something that is on the opposite side of the spectrum from myself. I'm asexual, she's a Nymphomaniac. I'm highly logic driven, she's very emotional. When you combine this with how she likes to eclipse and make decisions for me when I'm not paying attention, you''d think there'd be a lot of conflict.

 

But no, we just kinda Fred-And-George it, simply handing off actions to each other with rarely any dispute. Despite how much it should not work, it does.

[Radio Hiss]

 

We tried to convince a friend of ours who experiences a phenomenon similar to a tulpa or soulbond, which is odd due to it being caused by already having a much more hostile mental voice caused by schizophrenia that she took antipsychotics for with the intent to change the voice, and said voice is much more tulpa-like in all respects now. We failed. We will continue to attempt to convince her.

 

One thing I've noticed with Meti is the significance that I didn't initially see as something super important. I'd early on described her as "The opposite of myself", and she always seems to default to something that is on the opposite side of the spectrum from myself. I'm asexual, she's a Nymphomaniac. I'm highly logic driven, she's very emotional. When you combine this with how she likes to eclipse and make decisions for me when I'm not paying attention, you'd think there'd be a lot of conflict.

 

But no, we just kinda Fred-And-George it, simply handing off actions to each other with rarely any dispute. Despite how much it should not work, it does.

 

[align=justify]

If your friend has been diagnosed by professionals as being schizophrenic and she believes the voice she hears is not real and has been told that believing it is real is bad, she likely will not believe you. She likely doesn't want to be any crazier than she thinks she is or others think she is.[/align]

 

Opposites attract. Though Fred and George weren't really different. I think that in the case of tulpae, if you think it will work, it will: two personalities that might not be able to stand each other if they were two different humans would still be able to coexist as host and tulpa if they will it to be so.

 

As I've said before, I want my tulpa to be the opposite of me but still coexist easily with me as you are with Meti. Equal opposites sharing a life together. That would be something.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Oh she's fully behind the existential integrity of tulpas, she just doesn't like people.

If I'd been stabbed, shot, beaten, and impaled as much as she has, I wouldn't like people either.