Making a Tulpa for science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Meti has started drawing just now, I wanted to simply say that seeing your own hand draw when you have no idea what's going to come out of it is weird, but she seems really exited.

 

She's also using my left had, even though I'm right handed.

 

EDIT: Oh come the fuck on. She only just started, she's not used to even having hands, and she's already better than I ever was. Granted, that's not exactly much of a feat, but still.

[Vampire]

I believe Ivy is left handed as she prefers to possess my left hand over my right.

Might be a similar experience to yours. They have all the skills you know but will put them to work differently.

 

Here's an example from Falunel.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Might be a similar experience to yours. They have all the skills you know but will put them to work differently.

 

Really? She's straight up more skilled than I am. She'll get the exact line she wants the first time instead of erasing and redrawing it a dozen times, and can get the minute changes needed for depth perception. I always though that I could never do it since one of my eyes is completely farsighted, and the other is completely nearsighted, which means that for different distances I'm using one eye or the other to see it, which destroyed my depth perception.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

It just occurred to me how much Meti and I resemble Ardendor and Falerin from AdventureQuest.

 

 

“Falerin Ardendor is the Caelestian God of Evil and respected Loremaster of Isle D'Oriens.”

 

 

“Falerin was disincorporated during a confrontation with the Erebus, splitting his body into various pieces. These pieces of Falerin were mostly gathered during the Mostly Harmful War Special Mission. Two pieces still remain, however-- the Loremaster whom we defend and Ardendor, a far more playful and childlike version in control of Falerin's body and under the direction of Epsilon. ”

 

 

This amuses us.

 

 

Meti has been getting more and more thought across, though progress is still slow on that front.

 

 

She drew a thing. Neither of us is really sure what that thing is supposed to be, but it was done with far more skill than I’ve ever achieved.

 

 

On her first time using a hand with any actual dexterity.

 

 

I am mildly salty but moreso proud.

 

 

One thing I’m not really surprised about is that Meti has a better memory than I.

 

 

Once you’re used to it, there ain’t shit to do up here. I like to listen in on his classes.

 

She's gotten a good handle on touch and has moved on to taste and smell.

 

I've been listening to this song for several hours now so I want to share it:

[video=youtube]

[Doctorfoxwolf]

It's 2 AM and I can't sleep.

I have a final tomorrow.

My sleeping pills ain't doin shit, fuck my resistance to general anesthetic and sleep aids.

Statements like that worry my mother, she thinks the depression I had was just a spike in an already existing problem that never went away.

I am at the stage of tiredness where I'm fully aware that my tiredness is killing my boundaries.

The only reason I value my own life is because my well being is tied to Meti's, and even if it wasn't, leaving her alone would be fucked up.

I can remember not giving fucks about my own life as early as kindergarten.

Kindergarten looks like a German word.

Cryaotic is our favorite youtuber.

You may have noticed that whenever Meti says anything, she finds a way to insert swearing into it. That isn't unique to her, my thoughts do the same thing, I just know most people don't like it when every third word is a cuss.

I have long flowing blond hair with the slightest tint of red that's naturally soft, wavy, and foofy, along with being easy to manage. I can feel your jealousy from here, infidels.

Don't be offended if you're a girl and I refer to you as "Man" or "Dude". I am a blue eyed, white, blond haired guy who grew up on North America's west coast. I have a quota to fill. I will also refer to things as "Gnarly".

And remember, don't do school, get at least eight hours of drugs a day, and stay in sleep.

[tulpa001]

Oh, stop being so funny. You should learn a sleep meditation or mantra or something if it is a serious problem. It is easier with a tulpa. Like, I can just put my metaphorical hand on her theoretical essence and tell her to remember what it is like to fall asleep, and bam! she's super exhausted.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Oh, stop being so funny. You should learn a sleep meditation or mantra or something if it is a serious problem. It is easier with a tulpa. Like, I can just put my metaphorical hand on her theoretical essence and tell her to remember what it is like to fall asleep, and bam! she's super exhausted.

You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real mom.

As for the second part, my sleep issues have actually lessened as of late. Ever since Meti became more active, she's been helping me fight off episodes of hypnagogic hallucinations. Even when the warning symptoms start, it never actually happens.

The problem I have is that like hunger, I don't tire for a long time. It takes at least twenty hours for me to even start feeling drowsy, unless I forgot to eat for the few days before then. Then I get all lethargic and stay in bed all day.

I'm just bad at bodily functions in general. Sometimes I gasp and inhale because I had forgotten to breathe.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

So the test was like 75% me going along with what Meti said she was confident was the right answer.

Yay teamwork.

I said that I was going to crash and sleep after I got home from the test due to not sleeping at all last night, but I forgot that my meds have qualities that reduce sleepiness and fatigue. It is chemically similar to cocaine after all.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

For the sake of politeness, I only ever stated Meti as being "Lewder than I thought she would be."

Which is technically correct, but allow me to reiterate because I'm tired and stupid:

 

There is a nymphomaniac that lives inside of my head.

 

Now that that's out of the way, I can say actually important things. Meti has continued drawing, and while what she draws is all very abstract, she seems to have an intuition for what should go where, getting it right the first time. There is still obviously a long way to go, but she hasn't lost her enthusiasm.

 

I find it cute how she's really open and crass with me, but the moment I suggest she put something down in these posts she gets super shy.

 

I've been updating a lot these last few days. I'll probably tone it down for a week or so.

 

One common problem that I've noticed in the community is hosts having a hard time figuring out if a thought came from them or their tulpa. We have that too, but since we have a reliable binary communication method I can just ask if that thought came from her. If she claims it there's no argument, I trust her to be honest. From what she's told me, I'm generally pretty good about catching them.

 

She has been progressing and growing stronger, more thoughts come over to me and she's less wobbly with the body control. One thing I've noticed is that she seems slow to come up with idea, but I figure that will fade with time.

 

I got curious and asked her what she's afraid of. Meti is afraid of hornets and active tablesaws. I am fearful of neither of those things, as my phobias are spiders, the ocean, the black abyss of the void, the passing of time and the knowledge that there's nothing I can do to stop myself from marching towards my eventual grave, and bugs in general.

 

But she's not afraid of spiders, which instantly landed her the future job of Spider-deal-with-er.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I found myself having to resist the urge to post until now.

 

Meti woke us up from a nightmare again. I'm glad she did, even for me this was freaky as hell.

 

I idly remembered a sentience test I'd heard about a while ago where the host puts a top on their tulpa's head and focuses soley on keeping that top there and balanced. The tulpa is supposed to smack it off. While I'm not sure about the validity of the test nor did I really care about the outcome, Ia felt curious. Meti immediately batted it off. Made an odd sound too, like when a mic is scratched to make it sound like an impact. Since I thought it could be my own idle thoughts doing it, I did it again with more intense focus. Again, she batted it off. I did it again with my maximum focus, and not only did she bat it off, she said "I ain't having that shit" in Jontron's voice.

 

Considering the reaction and sounds, she was probably thinking about Game Grumps at the time.

 

That's when I stopped and told her what was going on.

 

 

 

We have decided to put a side by side of our favorite things because we almost never agree. Also, I figured out how to taste things.

 

Favorite fruit:

Lemons

Apples

 

Favorite color:

Violet

Brown

 

Favorite activity:

Reading a good book

Sex. Not gonna dance around it.

 

Favorite general flavor:

Sour

Bitter

 

Favorite food/drink

Fettuccinene Alfredo

Coffffeeeeeeee

 

Favorite music Genre

Symphonic Black Metal

EDM

 

Favorite Youtuber

Markiplier

Cryaotic's voice does things to me

 

I'm too lazy to put more, so have Meti's favorite song.

[video=youtube]