Making a Tulpa for science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I seem to be posting a lot more lately.

Today I decided to try something different after some of the normal tulpaforcing and whatnot.

Meti seems to be making a lot of progress with possession, even without being able to "Talk". Because of this, I wanted to see how far she could go.

First, I gave her the task of moving my right index finger. She passed easily, able to twitch it well and quickly.

After that, I stepped up the scale.

At the time, I was laying down with my arms loosely by my sides. So I told her to bend my right arm until it was at a right angle, pointing up. She did so after some coaxing. It was slow and unstable, taking about 15 seconds, but she did it. I then asked her to make the right hand point straight with the fingers fanned out. She did. Lastly, I asked her to make a fist, as tight as she could. She was able to get it most of the way there, though the thumb got in the forefinger's way and I had to instruct her on how to move that out of the way and into position. She was able to form a loose fist, fingers not fully curled.

When I asked her to put the arm down, she surprised me by doing so gently and moving it back into position instead of just letting it fall.

After this, she was slow to respond and took a while each time I asked a question, eventually answering 'yes' to my question of 'are you fatigued?'

Because of this, we decided to cut the meditation short.

[Vampire]

If she is making that much progress you could work on having her possess your voice as Tulpa joked at earlier.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

If she is making that much progress you could work on having her possess your voice as Tulpa joked at earlier.

 

We have been, however there is one problem that has impeded progress.

Breathing.

Everything else that was able to be possessed was, in some way, easy to disassociate myself from and mentally hand it over to someone else.

With my jaw I was purposefully relaxing it while wanting it to move, I flat out never use facial muscles so they were free game, and for my arms, they just seem easy to disassociate from. I don't know why it's easier than with my legs, but it's very easy to just "Let go" of them.

However I still need to breath. I can't really let go of my diaphragm until she learns how to use it, and it is essential to talking.

When I realized that, I tried to use myself as a sort of crutch, where I'd control the breathing and she would have dominion over everything else.

It didn't work out well. I mean, right now say a sentence aloud while paying attention to your tongue, jaw, lips, breathing, and vocal cords. Unless you're used to it, that's a lot to take care of.

When we tried, all we could get out were vague elongated vowel sounds.

She doesn't yet have the fine motor control to go anywhere near full speech.

[Reisen]

But if you rely on her speaking through your vocal cords before she has her own mindvoice, wouldn't that make it harder for her to have her own mindvoice? Because she'd be sounding like you, to you. Or maybe it'll help, I don't know. I don't think it would make her mindvoice sound like you, but it might influence it some. I would've thought possessing the body to talk would be a lot harder when you couldn't even talk yourself.. But if it's not, use what you can! Do what works for you.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

But if you rely on her speaking through your vocal cords before she has her own mindvoice, wouldn't that make it harder for her to have her own mindvoice? Because she'd be sounding like you, to you. Or maybe it'll help, I don't know.

 

Possibly, certainly a valid concern.

Though my voice is very flexible, while the default is Bass I can speak anywhere in the spectrum. I come from a family of singers.

The sound of one's voice is, at least in my case, a more psychological thing than physical. I used to have a very high pitched and hyper voice, but from a sickness that took away my voice for about a month I learned to make it low, deep enough to sound glaringly out of place if in a recording with other voices.

My point in all that was how I'm more likely to be able to shift and sound like whatever she wants me to sound like than her being locked into a certain voice when she speaks.

Still, you bring up a good point. We'll work more on getting a voice for her.

[tulpa001]

You can have manual control over your breathing. But it can be made automatic.

 

An exercise: stop breathing while laying down. Then alternate.

-- Fight to not breathe when your body starts to demand it.

-- Completely relax and let your body take over.

 

After in both cases you should have the strong urge to take a really deep series of breaths. The goal is to lose this urge in the second case.

 

Do that a few times should help.

[Reisen]

Though my voice is very flexible, while the default is Bass I can speak anywhere in the spectrum. I come from a family of singers.

 

Oh that's cool, if you're confident in your ability to sound relatively different then I'm sure she won't have a hard time making a voice for herself. It'll probably still need to be changed a bit for the mindvoice, but I don't think it'll be a negative influence on it.

 

We really couldn't do that lol. Our host's too much of a guy to sound like a girl, you know?

[Doctorfoxwolf]

We meditated earlier today, for scheduling reasons my family is having Thanksgiving a day early this year.

She's been making a lot of progress, this time she was able to move a full arm and for much longer.

It feels so strange when she moves my arm, so manual. Hand motions are slow and cumbersome, often using a completely different pattern of muscle movements to achieve the same result as I would.

 

The speed of her progress is surprising, though I have been passively forcing her since around last May.

Though I would like to point out that above-average developmental speed during early childhood is something that has been noticed in myself and all of my siblings. Even my brother, who isn't exactly what I'd call intelligent.

Could be a genetic thing.

 

Something that I noticed earlier but neglected to say is that Meti both seems to and has admitted that she is not able to spell, which is why she hasn't spelled out any more statements after the initial word. This might be because she doesn't have any access to my memories or unconscious thoughts.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I recently realized that I was being a bit of a ninny and updating in bits and pieces.

It reminded me of when in a video game there are journal fragments that don't tell nearly enough information without context, and that person is long dead so you can't ask them more. I hate it when they do that.

So I'm going to give a sort of more cohesive update since I only exist and do things out of spite, and this is to spite games that do that and don't let me know everything.

 

Meti's current bodily control status:

•Can control the jaw all the time unless I'm talking, eating, gnawing, etc. She often uses it to remind me that she exists.

•Facial muscles, fingers, back muscles, neck, and the shoulders are under her control if I'm consciously thinking about it. A sort of assistance. She generally just screws around with it, often contorting them into shapes that induce mild body horror if observed due to Hypermobility Type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Seriously, they're some pretty creative shapes and contortions.

•Large joints like knees and elbows seem to be too large or something. Dunno, she can only twitch those.

•Can't do shit with eyes or vocal cords.

Many of her movements are imprecise and "Manual", but due to that generally result in amusing shapes and movements that I never would have thought of. She always jumps (metaphorically, of course. If she tried to actually jump we'd break something) at the opportunity to move and exercise her control. That' part of why I think she's progressing so fast; her incessant need to increase endurance and mental strength. I always let her since my sense of self and attachment to the body fragmented years ago, so I have no fears of being taken over or replaced or whatever, I'm only happy to see her progress.

 

For once, we actually have some progress on the mental communication front. A goddamned miracle. I realized that I could vaguely feel what she is thinking, I had for a while been mistaking it for my own thoughts. It's still very vague however, so not much gets across.

 

She chose colorations a few days ago, I only hesitated in putting it to record since I wanted to make sure she was sure of what she chose.

She is.

It's based off of the original picture which is my avatar, and if you have any sense of fashion I suggest you look away now.

•Medium brown pone half

•Light brown bird half

•Still violet eyes

•Dark blue back claw thingies, with grey pointy bits

•Crimson mane and tail

•White neck floof

•Bright electric yellow inner flesh, such as the mouth, blood, possible wounds, etc

 

I'm personally fine with the colors, but they certainly aren't what I'd have gone with.

 

Meti has no access to my memories, she instead has her own set and learns from what I tell her. I am currently teaching her how to read a clock. she also cannot read or spell, but she can understand what I am reading, which is pretty much everything that can be read as soon as it enters my field of vision.

She also resides in some kind of headscape when I'm not paying attention. At least, that's what she tells me.

She can see what I see and hear what I hear, but she cannot taste, touch, or smell.

 

Fuck, that's all I can think of for now.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Makin' a post to calm my ever-present chronophobia.

 

Some things I found out:

1) Meti can observe my dreams and remember them as well as she would a real life event.

2) Meti was not until recently aware that I act very different in dreams than real life.

3) If stressed, Meti can wake us up by thrashing around our limbs.

She got freaked the fuck out last night. I had a dream where I destroyed the universe and everyone in it by causing it to collapse in on itself.

Then I had a dream where I was sneaking through houses at night, someone woke up and for some reason really liked me, I found him annoying, and I beat him to death with a stick.

For some reason, I can remember the stick I used in perfect detail.

It was the type of wood and shape you get from splitting a log, only in an axe shape. Instead of the "Blade" tapering towards the end, it widened and was somewhat sharp at the top of the handle, behind the head. It was pointy at the tip and sharp for about an inch downwards. That was the part I hit him with.

It was a cruel weapon. Not in that it hurt too much, but that it did too little damage. It took a long time to beat the man to death with it, causing many small, torn wounds all over his body as the weight from the wide head forced the dull point to tear into him.

He had done nothing wrong, he was totally innocent. Hell, he treated a home invader like a fucking house guest.

This is when Meti woke me up and I had to console her and tell her that wasn't how I normally acted.

 

Meti figured out how to use my vocal cords while I was idly thawing hot dogs and decided to loosen my control a bit.

She then used them to say "Holy shit", with a lot more lip movement than was really necessary.

Then like 30 seconds later she figured out how to communicate mentally and asked me "When will they burn?" Referring to the frozen hot dogs I had put into the microwave.

I then explained to her how a microwave works.