Making a Tulpa for science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Well, there has been sufficient progress to update.

A recent development is that while meditating, my jaw has started to move without my input. It was like when you yawn; it's automatic and happens without my input, but if I wanted to I could force it to move in a different direction. It would move if I make a mental request, and I came up with this:

Clenching is yes, opening is no.

And after instating that, here's a summary of what happened:

Are you Meti? (Clench) There were several reaffirmations throughout in order to make sure it wasn't a fluke. In fact, that made up the majority of the 'conversation'.

Have you tried to contact me using other methods? (Clench)

There was more trivial stuff and my own answers to her responses, but one thing stood out:

I should probably go, there are things that I have to do. Would you have issue with me going? (Very hard clench that lasted around a minute or two)

So I stayed for another half hour, until she finally seemed okay with me going.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I would like to begin this by stating that if it wasn't obvious, I have been passive forcing over the last few months, and that's why I seem to be getting progress much sooner than normal.

So, the current method of communication is stable but a bit inefficient, and we haven't been able to use any other. So after randomly thinking of something I saw in a movie when I was in elementary school, I remembered a scene with a paralyzed man who could only blink.

In order to communicate, someone would go through the alphabet and he would blink when they got to the letter he wanted.

Considering this is a similar situation, she could hear my thoughts but I can't hear hers, I decided to use it.

First, I decided to go through every color, since I wanted to find her favorite. Apparently it's brown.

Secondly, I wanted to find out if she had anything to say. I'm going to put a close approximation of the conversation below.

 

---

A B C D E F G H I J

Huh, not many words start with J. Are you spelling out my name?

A B C D E F G H I

I can't think of any words that start with JI. Where is she going with this?

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

What wor-

 

. . .

 

Is the next letter Z? (Yes)

Are you fucking serious? (Yes)

 

. . .

 

Anything you want to add on to that? (No)

Really? (Yes)

Just Jizz? (Yes)

 

---

 

Honestly, I'm proud of her. There is no other word in the English language that would have made me more proud of her.

She used her first word, what would change how I see her permanently to troll me.

I cannot put into words how proud I am.

[RazzleDazzleDorito]

I believe the movie you are referring to is Johnny Got His Gun, the one where the dude's limbs ears and eyes and tongue get blown up, and he does the whole Morse code thing to try to be a exhibition on the horrors of war, but gets denied and eventually just bangs SOS over and over? Was a book (and later a Metallica song)

Although considering that you were a elementary schooler, it might be a different movie...

 

Also, Jizz is one hell of a first word. Tell Meti she gets the official RazDaz Seal of Approval. Because the best tuppers are super trolley ones.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Some things have developed, as things tend to do.

Most notably, I no longer have to be in meditation for Meti to have input over what my jaw does, however her reach is still limited to there, and still has not succeeded in communicating mentally.

Speaking of the jaw, I have a theory for why it's my jaw specifically that was affected. I like to meditate on my back, and I try to relax everything that I can. This does not work with my jaw, as relaxing it causes it to press down on my throat, restricting my breathing. Also it causes my mouth to hang open and makes me paranoid about bugs, along with making my mouth dry.

So I would often get distracted on a line of thinking generally along the lines of "Wow, it'd be great if my jaw could keep it'self up without any mental input on my part."

Since I was concentrating on that and Meti, I suppose at some point down the line, two and two were added together to equal Meti having some level of control over my jaw.

 

Ever since that first word, Meti has completely refused to say anything else other than yeses and nos when asked. After shooting in the dark for explanations, I eventually correctly guessed that it was because she said it takes too long. Can't really fault her, since in what I had recorded in the other post had a lot of fluff and mental stuttering cut out of it.

However since she's recently been able to communicate all the time now, I have quickly made it a habit to get her input on whatever it is that I'm doing, what I should do, what should be done differently, general stuff. In an odd but not to surprising development, she is able to keep up with my scattered thoughts when I ask, because I often subconsciously switch what I'll take as a yes or no on accident, yet she seems able to keep up almost 100% of the time.

 

Also she says hi.

[Tewi]

Hi Meti.

[tulpa001]

Keep this up, and you could be the first tulpa to speak out of the mouth before speaking in the mind.

 

Also hello!

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Not much has happened since last time, but I figured there's no harm in putting it to record anyway.

I learned that Meti doesn't have access to my memories or my thoughts, only thoughts that I have purposefully "directed" at her. At least, that is her current ability. It may change in the future.

Since I still can't mentally hear her, I don't know her thoughts either, though I can often predict her answer. She still manages to surprise me from time to time though.

 

A more interesting development is that she has for the first time changed what would have been a life changing decision. I was planning on at some point later in life (I am still 16, it wouldn't  be wise to make permanent choices now) getting surgically castrated.

There are multiple reasons why I wanted to, but it was mostly because I personally see lust as an annoying thing that I have to deal with and my genetics, while nothing is too wrong with them, they're a death by a thousand cuts sort of things with all the minor things wrong with me. I'd never want to inflict it on another living being. So getting rid of it seems like a good investment.

Also male pattern baldness is common in my family, and I look like a blond Raditz. I don't want to get rid of that.

 

Regardless of these reasons, Meti managed to express what I will politely call "Vehement distaste" despite only being able to communicate my moving my jaw when I brought it up to her.

This made me wonder about how much emotions affect what she decides, so over time, I took mental note of her answers to questions that could involve intense emotions. What I found is that regardless of previous information, she will always respond with a more emotion-based answer, displaying a surprising lack of emotional maturity and foresight. Similar to how a child or character in a romantic drama would act.

At least, that's how she acts now. I'll be keeping an eye on how that develops.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Keep this up, and you could be the first tulpa to speak out of the mouth before speaking in the mind.

 

I didn't take that seriously but you might not be too far off.

Meti recently figured out how to use my facial muscles, she seems to really enjoy dicking around with them.

Though considering how I haven't used them in years, I suppose it's only fair that they're forfeit.

 

As for why we still haven't established mental communication, I have two main possible reasons.

1) I just asked and apparently she hasn't been trying all that hard.

2) I don't really have a central "My Thoughts" thing, thoughts just kinda happen. Just appearing out of the aether. This means that they're in a many different voices, tones, emotional states, etc. Imagine a shallow viscous pool that stuff will just twist up into shapes from at random. Kinda hard to make yourself heard in that environment.

[War]

That sounds like what most people refer to as a thought pool. People seem to have a lot of different relationships to it. Those less aware likely don't even realise they have one. For most, this pool likely has no voices, just emotions and opinions.

 

In addition to a thought pool, each person usually has an inner voice, in which a person thinks their primary thoughts, like when working on a problem. Some people own all the thoughts as theirs, some people only claim the inner voice and their awareness. We are working on a two thought pool model. I think already that Tulpa's voice and subconscious thoughts come from a pool of thoughts outside my own.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

That sounds like what most people refer to as a thought pool. People seem to have a lot of different relationships to it. Those less aware likely don't even realise they have one. For most, this pool likely has no voices, just emotions and opinions.

 

In addition to a thought pool, each person usually has an inner voice, in which a person thinks their primary thoughts, like when working on a problem. Some people own all the thoughts as theirs, some people only claim the inner voice and their awareness.

Interesting.

I always thought that the inner voice was from the thought pool, like a sort of scaffolding that the thought pool builds up out of the main chaotic pool part. How pure thought forms itself into words, shapes, sounds, that sort of thing.

Though when I found that out, the "Scaffolding" all but completely collapsed. I now find it much easier to just think in that pure thought, and turning it into those words and pictures and such takes conscious effort.

 

And a few things I forgot to mention:

Meti says that she does reside in some sort of wonderland/headspace thing, so that's a thing even if I couldn't access it.

At some point in life I either developed the ability to or accidentally made a servitor that can constantly play with almost perfect recall any song I want, so there's always music going on. Right now I think it's the Twilight Princess Hyrule Field theme, which I haven't actually heard in at least three years. Along with that, CT is always yelling. Those also would obstruct my ability to hear Meti.