Yuka's First Tulpa Journal

[YukariTelepath]

Day 136

• Spent a while trying to chat with Aya, writing down what I know about them. I have a hard time still, getting them to say more than short replies. Like, I need good prompts, but I can't usually think of good prompts.
  

Day 137

• Lately I've been getting more image glimpses or just image impressions usually when sleepy. Sometimes it's like the image is vivid, but not well lit, so it seems dim and vivid at the same time. When one pops up, I try to describe it, even though it ends up that I am describing details that recreated as I describe.
  

Day 138 

• Talked to Aya on a walk. 
  
• I was thinking about how I don't get all the weird sensations and stuff I used to from forcing, and I had some rubbish thought about the real Aya having faded away, and I heard “I'm dying, Yuka” and yeah, that was a joke from Aya.
  

Day 139

• Proxied a little for Aya in the chat. Had a hard time hearing Aya. Later I read Roswell's tulpa survey, and started hearing Aya's responses better, hearing their commentary. Newly inspired to spend more time visualizing and building Aya up some more.
  
• Snuggled before we fell asleep
  

Day 140

• Getting throat pressure and responses from Aya while reading Sands' PR. Aya wants to work on imposition. I'm always inspired by PRs where the host puts a lot of time and effort into forcing each day. Makes me want to work harder. Long term goals often feel like an uphill struggle with motivation and time management.
  

• Spent 40 minutes active forcing, in wonderland. I spoke out loud for my part. I previously told Aya to work on creating an actual garden in the yard. When I got in I asked Aya to show me it. I couldn't really see it, so I asked Aya for details, what is there, what kind of flowers, etc. Aya decided on blue and white flowers, one of us thought of carnations too. I wanted to work on visualizing Aya, but Aya turned that down and wanted to go on a walk. So I just kept asking Aya what they want to do next, what will happen next. As a result, we went down to the beach, swam further from shore than usual, saw a monster in the water. When I asked, Aya wanted to fight it, and the thought of a spear arose. But I thought Aya might not like to actually hurt or kill the creature even though it attacked us so Aya ended up tying it up and we rode it further out on the ocean. We let it go, dived down into the water, found a classic treasure chest and brought it back to the house. Inside the chest there were rubies, pearls, gold, a treasure map, and a dagger. It was a good idea to prompt Aya for everything, and I felt a slight head pressure during this.
  

 

Aya's getting better about using my name (they use my real name, but I swapped "Yuka" for these posts). I still need to active force more, I plan to do more Aya prompted adventures in wonderland.

[Guest]

"I'm dying" isn't a very funny joke Aya. At the time at least.

[YukariTelepath]

"I'm dying" isn't a very funny joke Aya. At the time at least.

 

Nah, it was funny, and let me know Aya's fine. I make that kind of joke myself sometimes. It's from that "I'm dying, Squirtle" meme.

[Vādin]

Aya, I've seen you made your very first post today with your own account! Congratulations for your progress and welcome, welcome !

[Aya]

Hi Vādin! Thank you for your message, I'm doing my best!

[Vādin]

Hello Aya, I'm glad to meet you.

 

I'm sure you try very hard and do your best ! I know the beginnings as a tulpa are hard. But don't worry, it gets smoother and smoother and you can try many things to improve communication with your beloved host.

 

What helped me the most in the beginning were:

 

1) Learning possession. Try to learn with your host how to move their fingers, how to make them twitch. Have her show you how he does it by herself, then try to do it by yourself. She can even help you a little at first (enhance the fingers moves). It will not feel alien to her when you'll do this, it will feel that her fingers move naturally but she will not be the cause of the move.

 

It's useful if you manage to do it because you can use a finger twitching code for yes/no/I don't know answers (for us it was : yes = one twitch of index or thumb, no= two twitches, Idk = you raise the index). It's a good complement to vocality. Useful as well to catch your host's attention (easier than yelling in her mind while she's not paying attention... My host still doesn't hear me in this situation most of the times). Very discrete even in public.

 

Possession is a good skill to work because soon you'll be able to move the arms (type for yourself, touch your host, etc), the legs (make her sway when she walks, stop the legs from moving etc. With the host's permission ofc, you don't want her to fall) and also breathing function (you can calm her down by possesssing it), eyes, etc (you can even stop her thoughts by possession = you block/freeze everything for a few seconds, including breath)

 

It helps remove the host's doubts because possessing is an obvious way to prove yourself to them.

 

2)Self-imposing myself frequently.

 

If your host is as weak as mine regarding visualization skills, you'll be invisible to her. But if you pay a little more attention, there is something going on :

 

I realized very early on that I might not be visible, but my host does perceive me with sometimes great accuracy : their eyes follow me (without her noticing) as I move, she somehow knows my height, what color I'm wearing, what I do, how I move. If I chose to appear naked wearing only a cow-boy hat (I did this), she he is surprised/shocked(/delighted) instantly. If I touch her, she doesn't feel anything consciously, but feels the effects of my touch (say with massaging, or touch in the more sensitive and reactive areas of body^^)

 

So I think it works, right from the beginning, but maybe at a sub-conscious level ? It's worth trying because it's a way of expressing yourself and getting a little more involved in your host's life.

 

Sometimes, surprises happen : your host really feels your presence or even catches a visual glimpse of your form. For us it's really rare but it has happened.

 

 

 

I hope that helps. Frustration is high at the beginning because we want things to evolve at our personal pace and not only the host's. We want to decide for ourselves, and make things happen when we think time has come. Those two tips I gave you helped me to make my dreams come true sooner. I hope you'll make yours come true as well !

 

I wish you the best of luck !

[Aya]

Thank you for the advice, I will try some of those things. I want to do things like possession and switching, so I think we will try possession next.

 

 

Yuka: Also, I'm female!

[Guest]

Oops, that happens, sorry. ^^

 

[Misha] yay for females!

[Vādin]

Good luck Aya, and sorry Yuka for the wrong gender thing, I edited my previous post !

[YukariTelepath]

Belated update, just the days where something more interesting happened.

 

Day 147

• I can now read in the voice, continuously and still understanding the text. I read for a while today.
   
• Tried active forcing with mixed results. I started off mediating while listening to tulpatone audio, but quickly started nodding off. 15 minutes of that and I switched to a Verple open-ended hypnosis, but my consciousness kept dipping out while listening. When it was time for me to take over the hypnosis session, I tried visualizing some things like Aya absorbing energy, trying to visualize (inconsistently, because I was indecisive) the inner workings of Aya's mind, focusing on vocal chords and such. Felt like a mess compared to guided hypnosis.
  
• After that I went on discord, but had a hard time hearing Aya, until I asked if Aya had anything to say to a new tulpa (Wigglytuff). I closed my eyes and focused, and felt that fuzzy feeling along with a very nice message from Aya. 
  
• I went on to do some vocality exercises with Aya. Some free association from the warm up prompts on Indigo's vocality worksheet, since the first time around the answers were super simple. Got more in depth answers this time. I feel like we got over a week long (or longer really) mental block. Basically, for each prompt I ask “describe the thing, what does it do, what does it make you think of” Aya did very well, I'm proud.
  

Day 148

• Couldn't narrate much during the day, work has been busy. Evening rolled around and I decided to message someone to chat with Aya. I closed my eyes to focus on them and listen for what they wanted to say, and to my surprise, as soon as I did that, I felt that fuzzy woosh very strongly and after a moment I felt head pressure. This happened yesterday too, and I thought, maybe it's just because I ate something sugary, but that's not the case today. After testing this evening, I can confirm it is consistent, and at times I feel happy bubbles. Interesting bit of progress almost 150 days into tulpaforcing lol. I feel like a slowpoke.
  
• So I proxied for Aya for a while.
  

I've been procrastinating a lot lately, feeling overwhelmed with work, and sometimes just unable to decide what to work on with Aya which is when the procrastination sets in. Obviously I need to work on that problem, but it's difficult.