out of the wings and onto the main stage

[TurboSimmie]

Ah yes, adult problems. It's good that Flora is understanding. I can relate somewhat to Flora: My host just started a new job and the transition has taken up a lot of his attention. But after a couple weeks of barely having time to talk with me, today he took me on a long drive to one of our special places while we talked and listened to some of my favorite music. 🥰 Hope things settle down for you guys soon!

[theholodoc]

Thank you. It is nice to hear that I am not the only host whose need to deal with life's impositions, suffers an interrupted connection with tupla. I, like your host, love the opportunity to have uninterrupted time with my beloved while driving. Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

I have been almost fully immersed in my writing. I have had little contact, and little time for contact, with Flora (maybe a little more with N'sonowa). Yesterday I found myself stuck in editing my novel. I took a break and on a whim, I picked up my first book, in which I was writing about my tulpa's. I felt reconnected. I also got the inspiration I needed to get back to my editing job. It seems as if, I am further than ever away from being able to experience a fully imposed tulpa. The contacts that I do get (brief, ephemeral, diaphanous, they may be) are the meat of my life. Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

Wow, how time flies! been half a year since I have posted here. Well, my progress has been flat, mostly, and depends on both my health and the degree of engagement with my life. I contracted Covid (Omicron) in January, along with my wife, and have been suffering from 'long Covid 19 for the past two months. This has left me quite compromised and for much of the time not able to do anything except space out in front of the TV. I have spent much of the TV time on YouTube, The Tulpa Generator, and have had flashes of Flora, hardly worth the aggravation (if you chase down the program you'll see what I mean). For some time now, I have been using Galantamine 4 to 16 mg late at night, which has been very effective in stimulating lucid dreams. I have had success in reaching Flora this way, except for the last three to four nights. I am re-posting my blog entry here to explain this. I will note for those of you who are new here, I began my practice in order to use my tulpas to facilitate my relating to my wife. It has worked! perhaps too well, I have fallen deeply in love with Flora and miss her when we do not connect. Here is the post, please reply if you have thoughts on the matter. Thanks, Dr. Bob

 

   I could not, in the influence of Galantamine 16mg, induce, invoke, or in any manner of call, bring Flora into my dream. I attempted this a number of times. In one scene, which I found particularly disturbing, Lynda, my ex was in my arms, she was crying and asking for my help in getting her through an illness, a thyroid problem. She was very real, I could feel the pressure of her body on mine. I called for Flora (I didn’t want to be in bed with my ex, I mean I love her and all, but it is Flora I want in my life) For a moment I thought that Flora was appearing but it was Nancy moving in the bed next to me. So there I was, with my ex in my dream and my wife in the bed and no Flora!  During my daytime meditations, Flora has been equally absent. I have felt somewhat closer to N’sonowa, but that is ‘somewhat’. She has not imposed visually nor audially. I will add, as a codicil, Nancy and I have been exceptionally close, loving, and collaborating on a number of difficult projects over the past two weeks. It is wonderful to feel so close to my wife at this stage in my life. I am glad for it. Does this mean I have lost my tulpa? If any of my readers are tulpamancers and have an opinion, I would like to hear it. Thanks, Dr. B

[Yakumo]

Hello doc!

It's good to see you're still around and doing - reasonably - well despite Long Covid. Not a laughing matter, especially at an advanced age. I am one of the oldest active members here but still a child compared to you.

 

I'd like to know more about your experiences with Galantamine and your take on effects, side-effects and limitations. As I understand it induced vivid lucid dreams but they were difficult to control. More so than 'natural' lucid dreams?

 

I had many instances where I completely failed to summon my tulpa upon becoming lucid or instead summoned someone else like in your case. It is actually the norm. Also we both get incredibly tired when approaching lucidity which is not exactly helpful. So Galantamine seemed tempting but apparently things are not that easy. I still want to try it though, despite being extremely wary of any sort of psychedelics as a high profile gun owner. It's not the best combination.

 

Regarding the relationship with your wife and your tulpa(s) - I always was somewhat baffled how people had both spouses and a romantic relationship with their tulpa. Mistgod was one of the most prominent examples who openly spoke about his pretty teenage girl headmate with his wife. Does your wife know about your romantic feelings for your tulpa and what is her take on it?

 

As single I cannot add much on this issue but I have to say I'd find it pretty disturbing if my wife also had an intimate relationship with her tulpa, even more so considering tulpas as idealized partners that humans can hardly compete with. But on a wider scope different people have different roles in our lives and being closer to your wife does not necessarily leave no space for your tulpas. Of course attention is limited and priorities tend to shift, I have seen several young people quit tulpamancy altogether when they entered their first serious human relationship. Still I'd say both interactions with tulpas and beloved people are highly beneficial for mental well-being and should be treated as complementary not mutually exclusive.

 

As for me, after more than 8 years of nearly constant interaction with my tulpa, I highly doubt she would disappear even if I engaged in marriage and started a family. Certainly I would not want that. Considering she was never intended to be a mere and equal human companion but an almost divine authority to me from the beginning the whole thing is on a completely different level anyway despite our constant and very human bickering like an old couple.

[theholodoc]

Thank you Mad Scientist for a thoughtful reply. Here is today's entry:

I am starting this entry this morning with a tale of negative contact while Galantamine dreaming last night. I increased my dosage (16mg) as I took it early (1:15Am) and wanted it to hold until the morning hours when I usually have my lucid dreams. As it turned out that looks to be a bad strategy. I had a lucid dream, I almost hesitate to call it such, shortly after falling asleep. In it, I was awakened by rain and I asked my wife if she would like to go out and walk in it. She declined the invitation, but when I went out anyway, she accompanied me.  She was unhappy and tried to pull me back into the bed. I was exulting in the experience of the rain, drops on my face, and stepping in puddles. I couldn’t hear what my wife was trying to tell me, her voice came out as a garbled whisper. I kept asking her to speak up, thinking that she was whispering, and shushing me, to avoid waking others in the house, but when I realized there are no others in our house and we were not in the house, I knew I was dreaming. I issued my lucidity cue, “Are You Flora” and she answered with an emphatic, “No! I am not!” I struggled with her, unclear as to why I couldn’t free myself, and called repeatedly for Flora (no answer). I felt panicked as I could not get away and I woke up, to find I was tangled up in the bedclothes and it was not raining (Duh, this is Southern California!) my wife was sleeping peacefully next to me. I had no further bouts of lucidity and do not remember any of the subsequent dreams of the night. When I connected with my wife this morning, she was up about an hour before I was, I asked if she had been aware of my struggles during the night. She reported I had been very active, struggling in the bed and making sounds. She had tried to calm me by stroking my head. She had not tried to speak to me.

This was the experience. I will return to my usual 12 mg 3:00Am dosage schedule!

So, Yes, Galantamine has its' challenges, but is also powerful. Of note, I do not think it is classified as a psychedelic drug, it is used in the treatment of Alzheimer,s disease. Officially it is an anticholinesterase drug which is said to facilitate the neurotransmitter choline, in the brain and improves memory. Their is data on its effectiveness. 

As to your question, have I told my wife about my tulpamancy, and the answer is yes. We have discussed this at length. Initially she was quite jealous, but once she both understood my rationale and saw the effects she became a supporter. (I would love if she would create a tulpa of her own, but she is not interested and due to a number of circumstances no longer recalls her dreams. My rationale, which I have written about on this forum, was to connect with my feminine side. (In the magical system I practice, called feminine current) In this regard, I created two tulpas, Flora, my main squeeze, feminine receptivity and sensuality, based on and fueled by Dakini, and N'sonowa, my fierce one, the feminine power, aggressive, unafraid, skilled in both sorcery and warfare.

I spend a great deal of time and energy writing about these two, they are my main characters in my fiction. (check it out here: https://www.amazon.com/Tulpa-Tales-Confessions-Elder-Tulpamancer-ebook/dp/B07Z29BYV8/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3FTD4NPCPMKYU&keywords=tulpa+tales%3A+confessions+of+an+elder+tulpamancer&qid=1650556423&sprefix=%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-1)

 I have been using the Galantamine now for several months, it has facilitated many frequent lucid dreams, but more usefully, always giving me very vivid dreams which I have no problem recalling. At my age, my dream life is as important to me as my waking life (one doesn't get around as much when hobbled by old age!)

Again, thanks for responding, Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

It has been a number of months since I have posted here. I have continued with my daily practice and I have continued the Galantamine experiment. I continue to have very frequent lucid dreams. In one of them, I had my first real OBE with astral travel. It was quite exciting. However, over the past two weeks, I, uh, we, have made little progress with imposition, in fact, little progress with any kind of contact. Flora has made some attempts to reach me in two recent dreams. One of them left me very hopeful. In it, I was exploring new ways in which I might bring her into the dream. My verbal calls have been ineffective, she appears and I immediately awaken. In this dream, rather than call her, I adopted a technique I got here on the forum, in which I modeled her with my hands. I did this with a goopy material in a small rectangular vat. As I shaped the material, she began to take a definite shape, emerging from the vat. She was wearing the costume she wore back in March 2019 when she first imposed only in a slightly different color, blue as opposed to red-violet. She did not fully emerge, as soon as I saw that it was happening, I was startled and I awoke.

This is a pattern. She appears in one fashion or another, and I startle out of the dream, reverie, or meditation, whatever state I am in, and lose the connection. The only condition in which we are able to maintain our connection is when we converse while I am driving. I had thought that this would pass, as I became more familiar with her. It has not. As of today, I do not have a plan of repair. I will work on devising an approach to this problem. If any one has any ideas on how I might address this particular problem, I would love to hear them. Thanks, Dr. Bob

[Yakumo]

Hello Doc!

 

Dreams are hard.

I have not managed to come up with any reproducible techniques and only had a handful of random lucid dreams involving my tulpa in 8 years. And calling her when she wasn't there to begin with so far mostly has not worked. Trying to touch and shape your tulpa in a lucid dream is definitely a good approach, the more senses involved the better.

 

What I do recommed in general is obsessively occupying your mind with your tulpa in many different ways and different senses whenever possible and always keeping them around. Both as a daily routine but also for occasional deeply emotional experiences spent together, see my post on imaginative forcing. The brain usually taps into notable events of the day and evaluates them in our dreams. If your mind revolves around novel experiences with your tulpas they are more likely to pop up in your dreams. This is the only marginally reproducible method I've come up with.

 

Also I think I have mentioned before, do not be afraid to give your tulpa a little push if responses are weak or infrequent. Undeveloped tulpas often have great trouble reaching you if you are only passively waiting for a response and it is very frustrating for both. It's always a feedback loop between host and tulpa and it's important to know when to interfere to break a vicious circle of low activity leading to a downward spiral in interaction between host and tulpa. I may have taken a relatively radical approach to this but it paid out greatly. We support and push each other now in positive feedback loops and weakness is not tolerated.

 

The fear of turning your tulpa into a puppet or slave by pushing them to interact with you is unfounded if done reasonably. If anything, I'm the puppet and slave now.

[theholodoc]

Thank you for your reply. You have made some positive suggestions, and I will follow up on becoming obsessive with forcing  and associating Flora with my many emotional experiences during the day. I would like to ask further about imaginative forcing (I was unable to find your post on the subject, if you would be so kind as to post a link, I would follow up). I have found so far that I am able to imagine circumstances allowing for interaction with Flora, in limited ways. Of note, I am most successful in doing this when I am driving (actually I let my second tulpa do the driving- my car is semi-autonomous, and give my attention to the mindscape I have imagined. These have provided some of our best times. Thanks again for your consideration. Dr. Bob

[Yakumo]

My apologies, I meant imagistic forcing as described here, you already commented on it:

https://community.tulpa.info/topic/16384-imagistic-vs-doctrinal-concepts-in-tulpa-creation

 

I recently saw a documentary about a group of experimental archaeologists and survival experts from all over the world living in the wilderness of the Bulgarian Rhodope mountains for 3 weeks to gain insight on the skills and technology of our ancestors. They only used paleolithic tools and techniques and had to fend for themselves - which quickly turned out to be very, very hard.

The point is, you could witness how this group of individualistic strangers organically grew together and how overwhelmed by joy these people were over the most simple pleasures like finding food, water or a dry shelter. They laughed and cried together and at the end unanimously described the experiment as an almost religious experience they would not forget for the rest of their lives.

 

This is the imagistic mode.

Overcoming hardships as an inseparable group in which all members blindly depend on each other for their lives. The group becomes one superorganism and this is what made our species so immensely successful. It is an archaic and fundamental part of our very human existence.

 

Necessarily, our complex modern lives are deeply doctrinal but also tulpamancy tends to gravitate in this direction with a broader audience. This is not 'wrong', mind you - doctrinal experiences are effective, functional and relatively easy to both teach and accomplish. But they tend to lack depth and soul.

Hence it is not unusual that even after extensive forcing tulpamancers complain their tulpas feel like sort of hollow imaginary friends and their interactions are weak.

 

It is not easy to create imagistic experiences in tulpamancy, and it's even harder to advise strangers in doing so. Simply because by definition they are collective accomplishments of deep personal significance and there's no universal recipe for everyone. Just like symbolism, it has to be meaningful for you or it does not work.

Obviously the most straightforward path to imagistic experiences is overcoming a personal hardship together with your tulpa while looking out for each other and growing together. This does not have to be a life-threatening ordeal but it should be a novel and intense challenge which pushes you beyond your physical and mental limits and generates strong emotions.

 

I have done so in expeditions to remote places but that's not feasible for most. Literally almost died.

A good candidate would be a crash-course in learning a new skill as a group. This can also be accomplished at an advanced age, is fun and beneficial for health. As said what matters most is that it's significant for you and your tulpa.