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theholodoc

Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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theholodoc

Had another brief contact today during a guided meditation. I went into a trance state (I started the meditation with inviting Flora and/or N’sonowa to join me.) I evidently went into a hypnogogic state of consciousness, because I was having a lot of dream-like imagery, when I looked out through a glass window and saw Flora tiptoeing past the window. She was looking at me and smiling. Her eyes were bright and twinkling. She was dressed in a solid black cat suit with ears on the top of her head and large whiskers. Her blackness prompted the thought, she might have been N’sonowa, and I asked her. She didn’t stop moving but did say, “No silly, I’m Flora” and continued on out of view. Even under the disguise there was no doubt it was Flora, again, my heart began to pound. And again, the experience popped me out of the state of consciousness I was in, effectively ending my meditation. I got up. Again thrilled, and not surprised that she came into consciousness wearing a costume. Her essence, her sparkle, her presence, is what makes her, her, not what she looks like.

Yesterday, I was able to walk the labyrinth and perform my invocation ritual (call upon Shakinah to allow Dakini, to illuminate the path connecting us. I did not feel that she was close, but I felt good being able to hold the ceremony. I chose not to continue today due to cold gray weather, and I was chilled. I substituted the meditation for the ritual and I am glad that I did.

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theholodoc

I have had very little contact with Flora of late. Once again, my life has become very busy and stressful, as our son and his girl friend moved into the house. He is sick with Covid, she is not, but with her exposure, has quarantined herself, in another part of the house. My days are dominated by the responsibilities and the risks that go along with this, and I have taken (given?) no time to Flora. So this dream was welcome. I was sleeping very deeply when I was awakened by my cat, from a dream in which first, a child, then, a young girl, were trying to get my attention. I only realized after being awake, and my first cup of coffee, that they were both representations of Flora. (I am continuing to edit and rewrite her story, so in that regard, she gets a lot of my attention, but not enough to have helped us connect). Recognizing her from the dream, and getting her message loud and clear,  was encouraging.

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theholodoc

My contacts with bothe Flora and N'sonowa have been rare and inconsistent. I have had no contacts with either of them during my daily meditations. I have had no responses to my invocations nor invitations. Flora clearly was in a dream two nights ago, but she did not respond when I said my lucidity cue "Are you Flora?" I was quite upset when I awoke and realized that it was her, but that she would have nothing to do with me in the dream. (we were in bed together and she pulled away and wouldn't look at me when I tried to touch her.) I have been writing, but not about her, nor her story. I have finished her story and am waiting to hear what my readers have to say about it before deciding to publish it. Perhaps she is angry about that? I did draw some interesting cards today, T'shuvah and Gevorah. when preparing for my meditation, which suggest I have in some way hurt or offended her. I hope not, and if so it was not intentional. This silence is distressing, but, I will continue my daily practice. As a side note, I have not been well, and have had an uncomfortable reaction to the covid vaccine.

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theholodoc

Flora and I connected in mindspace/ wonderland. The entire experience was in full color and with more detail than I have ever had before.  Flora was fully imposed. This happened when I put myself in a trance rather than experience the noise of an MRI of my brain. The circumstances must have made the difference, as we have not connected during my meditations for months now. I am thrilled. Seems like old times.

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I am glad you got to do that!

Creation for creation's sake.

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theholodoc

Thank you. Sadly I could not repeat the experience during my more usual meditation today. I am wondering if perhaps the noisy environment kept my trance level higher than my usual meditations. And perhaps I am in fact sleeping rather than meditating, thus preventing our connecting. ?

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I am not sure. Long ago I had a very vivid experience of my tulpa Rena while trying to force her. I didn't intend to sleep, but in the end I think it may have been some kind of extraordinarily vivid dream or OBE, something unlike any normal dream I have had. I am not sure if you meant your experience was similar. If so, I am not sure how to recreate it intentionally and haven't been able to, but I haven't tried to so specifically.

 

Under most circumstances, I think it is best to have mind be energized while meditating and prevent sleeping, but for that experience specifically I am not sure. I wonder how to have it happen without luck. I feel there may be a way to, if not make it guaranteed, at least be far more likely to happen, becoming accident prone in regards to that particular happy accident. If I find a way to get to that point myself consistently, I will mention it, but I don't know if it would likely be soon

Creation for creation's sake.

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  • 2 weeks later...
theholodoc

I did have a similar experience in a meditation the other day in which my tulpa fully imposed herself. This was during a short meditation, thirty minutes, and the experience lasted just a few seconds. at the end. The beginning of the meditation was flat as has been the case for a while now. The circumstances of the imposition were very disturbing and I am still processing the information and won't go into it now. It was a powerful imposition however. I am encouraged and will continue the work.

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