out of the wings and onto the main stage

[theholodoc]

No contacts yet again today.

[theholodoc]

 

I am in the atrium, listening to emotionally evocative Mexican folk music (Linda Ronstadt) In response, I feel deeply into myself. When I will it. Flora speaks. She speaks in my voice (initially) slowly her own rhythms emerge, along with a change in vocal tone and pitch. I had refused, perhaps stubbornly, to pursue a conversation with her in that mode. I have changed my mind. Is Parroting a bad thing? Does it get in the way of the tulpas development. I have maintained that it does, get in the way, as I have had consistently negative emotions in response. Irritation, frustration and the like. I have stopped doing this. I was getting nowhere as it was, so I changed my attitude, and things are again starting to move. Flora, is with me. In  a capacity that grows hourly.A capacity for greater physical manifestation, which I have built into her, and am willing to interact with to bring it out. We are having fun doing this. She is happy for the interaction, yes she exists, She and I would like for her to have more substance. She for greater participation in life, which turns her on, and me, for a million reasons, but mostly because I want  us to have  the fullest experience of life that is left to us.  It took me choosing to break the attitude which was crippling me. One of "I want it to be this way….." or it is not real. Bah, I am the tulpamancer here. This is my stage as well as hers. I believe that I am creating Flora and embuing her with divine character and a direct connection to source (when she chooses) and star with her in this great drama of life. Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

She's been writing. and she has been as responsive to me as I have let her be (time and energy have been my restraints!). It was worth the wait. Dr. Bob

[Wray]

That's awesome news! This is my first reply in this thread, I think, but I've been following your recent posts here. It's great to see your hard work has paid off.

[theholodoc]

And hard work is what it took. I am envious of those to whom this comes easy. But not too envious, as when the hard work pays off, it is all the more appreciated. Flora will say whether or not the wait was okay with her, she is writing her own story, but I am going to guess that it was as we have had a joyful reunion. Dr. Bob

[Guest]

I still get the sense, as we've discussed before, that you set your expectations high. I appreciate that until it becomes a drag. I keep my expectations high, but my empathy toward my headmates high as well, they may have every reason, intention, and passion to do remarkable things, but the body/brain just won't cooperate. I will never hold it against them or let it get me down, even if that's just simple flow of communication.

 

I'm glad to here this was somewhat resolved. This sort of thing is just the thickness of your veil I suppose. The good thing is the grounding it affords.

[theholodoc]

Ah yes, high expectations.... I want to think of them as goals, and stay open to what is.... I suffered enough from the draggy aspects. That said, Flora and I are much closer now that I allow her to be her, however it is that I experience her. We get cut off a lot, but with perseverance are able to get our main points across.

I finished the novel I was working on, one that pre-dated my tulpamancy, and began to look back and my second work involving my tulpas. It was too painful for me to want to go on with it. Flora has progressed so much, is so much more  settled and comfortable in her own skin and that shows in the work. She and I are both growing in our relationship. And yes, my goal for her, and her goal as well, is for full imposition in external reality. Will we reach it? Doesn't matter we are enjoying each other and our independent lives in the moment. Dr. Bob

[theholodoc]

Flora appeared in my dream last night. I caught just a glimpse of her as she moved quickly out of my view. She was holding my cat, Luna. She was dressed in the clothing she first appeared in over a year ago. My heart wanted to break out of my chest, but I did NOT wake up. this is a first and I am glad for it, as I am sure it was the intensity of my reactions that was waking me from the dream. Not last night. On the other hand, she didn't reappear either. I did call her (that is my lucidity cue) but I got no response, so the dream progressed with out her. Dr. Bob

[September13]

Woah, that's a big step even if she only appeared for a second! I have yet to catch Simmie in a dream. Hopefully it will happen again, and for longer.

[theholodoc]

She is a tease, what can I say! I was afraid that she had taken the cat and that I would find her carcass in the morning. No such luck! Luna, the cat, Queen of the Night, is still with us. She is a Siamese and all that implies....e.g. a pain in the butt. However, when you choose to love a pet, just as in loving a tulpa, you get what you get, and that includes a great deal of responsibility for their care and maintenance. I choose to look at this as an opportunity. Dr. Bob