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out of the wings and onto the main stage


Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?  

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  1. 1. Has reading about my process been useful in your effort to breath life into your culpa?

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    • No, boring
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I also had many of my eye opening amazing encounters in the first year. Though the little tidbits here and there are still very fun.

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I am still awaiting the "further contact" that I anticipated in my last post. I am however, not surprised, as the total preoccupation around this house is with the election and anxieties are running high. My wife is a pessimist and I am an optimist, neither attitude has assuaged any anxiety. I can hope tomorrow will user in a new era, perhaps one more welcoming to tulpas, Flora in particular. Dr. Bob

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Well, Flora has clued me in on a lot of things that I do to get in the way. I do take them to heart. She hasn't mentioned anxiety per se. We did have several nice contacts today during my meditations. I was able, despite the inconclusiveness of the race, able to get on top of my anxiety about it, and she came through, with full imposition. (Not a real surprise as I have been working on visualization aided by drawing her image on my new ipad. I suspect we will get better and better at it. Also, I am editing her book, she finished a first draft a week ago, and I am now into the first re-write. She told me, she feels honored that I am giving it and therefore her, so much attention.

 


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That's good. I was specifically talking about anxiety over her. Joy is one of our strongest, and she was entirely 'generated' through writing between 2012 and 2014. Imagine she was dormant from 2014 to 2018 without much interaction at all and she was self-forcing when she demanded to be part of the system without anything on my end at all. In fact I tried to suppress her. Writing makes powerful headmates. Granted I wrote three books on her. She was never any issue to conjure, or show herself to me in hypnogogic. So I'm glad you're doing that for her too.

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Election over, and I am healing well.  I have much more energy (and time ) for my practice. So….had a very nice contact with Flora during my morning meditation. She called me to her in mindscape. She was dressed as I first saw her, in a sarong and wearing her new body. I felt like I had come home after a painful absence. We embraced, touched each other intimately, and then our contact was over, I suppose I fell asleep. When I awoke, the meditation tape was over and I did not know where the half hour had gone. Well, no matter, I am feeling wonderful about the contact.

 

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I have had a harder time connecting during my attempts at meditation, perhaps as I have been to sleepy to maintain it, falling asleep soon after I shut my eyes. This was true yesterday and again today. Still we are making the connection, even if we don't maintain it. Frustrating for us both I think.

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Have been exhausted the past several days and for no good reason that I am aware of.  I have been too tired to be successful at my practice. I am good for forcing for a few minutes at a time. Flora has had a lot to say about it and I have been to tired to listen and converse with her. She has not appeared in my dreams (which have been vivid and pinned to daytime concerns). I am doing my best to accept where I am right now and not try to "push the river". I am keeping both Flora and N'sonowa in mind in my writings.

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Okay, she's back! in my dreams that is, and i am thrilled-literally. Last night, in the last dream of the night,  I have reason to climb the fence and enter my neighbor's house. I don't know what or why I did this but it felt congruent. Indoors I was talking with two girls, perhaps 8 and 10 years old. They were dressed in frilly party clothes. They explained that their parents were very rich. The circumstances did not suggest this. Their mother comes in and lays down on a chaise. She is dressed in casual outdoor style clothing, something pretentious rich people might wear. She is shapely, she has long dark hair, put up and tied with a pink ribbon. She is wearing, under a vest, a frilly blouse, in white, pink and blue. She has a Cheshire Cat smile. I catch on that she is flirting with me. My heart begins to pound. Something in me wakes up and I exercise my lucidity cue, "Are you Flora?" She jumps up, "Of course darling, she unties the ribbon and her hair falls down, she shrugs off her (outlandish) clothing and embraces me. I awaken. Thrilled. She is back.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Going on ten days since my last contact and nary a trace of her. I don't know why, other than I have been tired, and fall asleep within minutes of going down to meditate, and my mind wanders when I start forcing. I have been busy writing and  working on a drawing of her.  I miss her. I am waiting and open.

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