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Choosing a Tulpa's Gender

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When creating Azure, I just thought that I would be more comfortable with a female tulpa. Azure was happy with it, and still is. We both agreed that the next tulpa should be male, and again, Damien was happy to be male.

 

Jade, however, was a bit of a different story. We already had this idea of her presence before she was created, and it felt female. None of us really “chose” it. Same goes for Spark (who felt like ze was male), except ze realised ze was non-binary a few months after I realised I was (except Spark hasn’t gotten as much dysphoria as I’ve been getting).

 

Torea took the form of a female character when she first appeared as Azure’s dream character. She felt she was female like the character, but other than gender and form she has no link to the original character.

 

A bit on me, but I’m not a tulpa:

[hidden]In March I realised I was non-binary. I’m not the only one with dysphoria, but we’ve always been accepting of who each of us are. I might be a bit genderfluid with bits of the binary genders, but most of the time I feel like I’m something else other than those two.[/hidden]

 

One thing we also realised about a month or two ago was how different each of ours’ ideas of different genders were. It’s a bit easier to make comparisons between Az, Jade, and Torea, but their perception of what their gender meant to them were completely different (the explanations were in tulpish, however). I really started to notice this when I was having a conversation with Damien (since he’s now the only male member of our system), and we both had very different ideas of what masculinity was.


Someone System: Artemis, Azure, Chloe, Damien, Jade, Lilly, Rouge, Spark, Torea

 

[PR] [Chat] [Ask Someone] [Don’t Release the Manatee]

 

“We need MOAR FLUFFY TOASTERS!!!” - Torea

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I chose Aya's non-binary gender starting out. I asked them at various times if they were okay with it, and they were. I have a long history of creating non-binary and androgynous characters, it's just something that appeals to me or I feel drawn to. I'd be more androgynous myself if I could. So when I thought about what kind of tulpa I would have... it pretty much felt like the only option. I like male characters in fiction, but I have no desire to interact with them personally myself, and I don't really want a man living in my head. Female characters I like too, but I'm often a little lukewarm towards them. I wouldn't want to feel "meh" about my headmate. Why am I talking about fictional characters? I suppose I'm thinking about ideals, I think in characters a lot, and tulpas are hypothetical people before they are created. 

 

I think it's fine, gender doesn't matter to me that much. Gender can come with certain expectations, I'd rather just act according to my personality and not worry about conforming to male or female. A lot of people feel uncomfortable going outside the bounds of their gender (including Yuka), and I don't want to feel that.


My tulpa Aya writes in this color.

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Your post seems to mirror mine, although obviously with the preference of androgynous characters rather than female. I wonder if this is entirely consistent among the majority of systems?


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Yeah, it does seem pretty common for hosts to make tulpas of their preferred gender and avoid genders they don't find as appealing. Common enough that I have a mental heuristic to figure out the host's gender based on their tulpa's gender. Another trend I noticed is if the host and tulpa are the same gender, there's a very good chance the host is trans.


My tulpa Aya writes in this color.

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Another trend I noticed is if the host and tulpa are the same gender, there's a very good chance the host is trans.

 

I don't know if that applies to me, but I wouldn't be surprised if it does. Then again, I don't see myself as someone who's trans but possibly asexual or gender fluid instead.

 

As for gender preference, I agree that it influenced my choices. Once I realized Ranger was a Tulpa, I gave him the option to reject his identity to keep it. In keeping it, I guess he also decided to keep the gender provided to him or didn't think to question it until later.

 

The one thing I hope I'm not doing is discouraging the Grays and Ranger from exploring different options due to my struggles with visualization. Both the Grays and Ranger when he was younger deliberately chose forms that were both easier for me to visualize and more to my liking. I was upset and sorry after realizing this, but it goes to show how strong personal biases work in our system and possibly other ones as well.

 

My guess is the Grays may wish to re-think their gender identity later where Ranger seems really comfortable identifying as male.


Pretty much my main wonderland form minus the cat parts, that's a separate form. I'm not a hippo, I promise.

I sometimes speak in pink and Ranger sometimes speaks in blue (if it's unmarked and colored assume it's Ranger). He loves to chat.

 

My other Tulpas have their own account now.

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[align=justify]Being trans and asexual are two different things....

 

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that trans part, Yuka. I've seen plenty of cis hosts with a tulpa of the same gender. They're just not as common as opposite gender tulpas. Do you mean that trans hosts are more likely to make tulpas of their gender than the opposite gender? If so, that would make sense. Saying they're more likely to be trans if they have a same-gender tulpa doesn't make a whole lot of sense.[/align]

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I don't really remember my reasoning behind picking male for my first two tulpas other than just liking traditionally masculine personality traits and interests more in a person, because I can relate to that. I guess I was sort of worried that the tulpa might become too feminine and I wouldn't get along with them? Idk.

It worked out well enough.

 

The next two were women, Misa was unintentional so I don't know why she was feminine, but Nevira was because I had wanted a female tulpa a while before creating her to sort of balance out the gender ratio in my head, and I felt that the personality I had hoped for would come out better in a female form.


Desmond - 21st April 2014 (Also has his own account)

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Progress report

Art thread

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I swear there was a chart somewhere that I saw supporting what Yukari was talking about, but I couldn't find it yet. I did however find this chart in the 2018 Tulpa census and re-formatted the data to make it easier to read:

 

800x271https://i.imgur.com/hfIK0IR.png[/img]

 

[hidden]

2018censusDataComparingGender.thumb.png.215d9214e60d1c1f58dd4ce2ed6f1ad6.png

[/hidden]

 

This unfortunately tells us nothing about a trans male's/female's preference and the Tulpa's gender identity, but I can at least see where Yukari got the idea from.


Pretty much my main wonderland form minus the cat parts, that's a separate form. I'm not a hippo, I promise.

I sometimes speak in pink and Ranger sometimes speaks in blue (if it's unmarked and colored assume it's Ranger). He loves to chat.

 

My other Tulpas have their own account now.

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She kinda worded it weird. "If they are the same gender, there's a good chance the host is trans" doesn't really hold up, but "if the host is trans, there's a good chance the tulpa is the same gender as them" would make more sense.

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I guess I did word it a little oddly. My statement was from an observation standpoint: if I see a host and tulpa with the same gender, I will probably later find out that the host is trans. Since I don't have a lot of information about people online, I first have to judge from usernames and pronouns. If I see a host talking about their tulpa, the first bit of info is usually the tulpa's name and gender pronouns, plus the host's online username which may or may not indicate their gender. So my mental heuristic goes like: If the tulpa is female, the host is probably male (and vice versa). If the host turns out to be female, then the host is probably trans or lesbian (or both). Whether the person is trans or not is information that comes later if that person talks about it. It's a dumb generalization but it works in most circumstances. There are exceptions all over the place, but I think the trend is still there. I see other people using this kind of heuristic as well; I've been called "he" a number of times I think because my tulpa has a girly name. I don't actually assume the person's gender, I just kind of hold the info in my mind until I learn more.


My tulpa Aya writes in this color.

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