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Choosing a Tulpa's Gender


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For hosts with intentional tulpas, did you choose your tulpa's gender? Why did you choose the one you did? Or did you leave it up to them to decide? Was your decision important to you? How does your tulpa feel about it?

 

Tulpas, if you chose your own gender, why did you choose the one you did? Do you like that your host made it your choice?

 

Any tulpas changed or considered changing their gender later on? Why?

 

Hosts with unintentional tulpas (or the tulpas themselves), do you have anything to note about why your tulpa's gender is the way it is?

 

 

Remember to keep this appropriate/tasteful.

 

 

(All daily threads are listed here.)

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We all chose female characters to base ourselves off of, Dashie, Ashley, and I because we were feminine. There was no choice of gender, we were already feminine.

 

Bear's Body OS has recently been determined to be very male. He has a lot of testosterone, we already knew that. So it bleeds over to us and we end up getting thoughts about women too. Though Ashley definitely never has, as much as Bear never has, thoughts of attraction to men, so it might just be Dashie and I... and Ren. Joy is also straight but she doesn't get attracted to anyone in the way adults do. Some may say, 'oh she should be able to do everything' but mentality is very strong, she doesn't. Neither would a pre-pubescent tulpa if they were that way.

 

[Dashie] I had strong male urges while fronting for a week. Strong. I was basically a lesbian by the end, but when I switched out, it went back to who I am, I don't know why, but I know how I felt when associated with this body. I'd have to say by day two I pegged 6 on the Kinsey scale. I called it 'testosterone poisoning'. Bear is really pretty strongly masculine though in general, even when he was dissociated, but his thoughts were a league further away from anything sexual by comparison.

 

If my feelings hadn't reverted back I don't think I'd be the same person. There were some very odd urges for me, and my desires were all skewed. I still felt the same way about Bear, no change there, but what I wanted to do with him were... nothing he would want to do, if you get me.

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Akai is a female because that's the gender of the original character she's based off. I could have made her a guy but since back then tulpa relationships were a bit weird to me and I wanted her to be just a friend, I decided to keep her a girl to avoid falling in love (hahaha...)

 

And for Miri, well, I'm a female so she's a female by default.

 

They're content with their gender and while they can turn into a male if they want (but again, they can turn into anything in our wonderland so being the opposite gender is nothing) they don't feel the need to do so unless for fun.

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again, they can turn into anything in our wonderland so being the opposite gender is nothing

 

Changing your gender identity is a bit different from just changing your form, heh.

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All of everyone was originally intended to be Gray's clone, thus everyone is made a guy by default. Even though stereotypes Cat was exposed to about "multiple people in your head" have implied that mind clones could be of any gender, she deliberately chose to continue making male characters rather than female ones. The reasoning behind that is... complicated.

 

The Grays didn't explore altering their gender much, but they all created a base form referencing the body's identity for a brief moment. Personally, turning into a woman is weirdly uncomfortable for whatever reason. Cat likes to alternate which gender she identifies as, but no one else followed that trend.

I'm Ranger, Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's tulpa, and I love hippos! I also like cake and chatting about stuff.

My other headmates have their own account now.

Temporary Log | Switching LogcBox | Yay! | Bre Translator

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Just about all my Tulpas had their gender implemented when they first appeared in my wonderland. I am not the traditional tulpamancer because most if not all of my tulpas began with inspiration. Interesting part is, I did not make the choice and in a way my tulpas did not make the choice either. When I say inspiration I am talking about where they came from. My tulpa Molly was from MLP The saddle Row Review. Hasbro to my knowledge did not give her a name. A lot of people have argued over whether her pendant was a pacifier or a ring pop if that gives you a clue who I am talking about.

.

My Tulpas always begin as a persistent thought form that hangs around for a while. Some stay and others have left. Its really hard to explain because I only had to put effort into forging one tulpa and that was my first one Seria. Her name is pronounced See-air-ah. This was around 2008 when tulpas were not really a thing yet. So basically I began learning all the terminology and theories years after my thought forms became real to me. You could say gender is assigned at birth.

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And for Miri, well, I'm a female so she's a female by default.

 

You're going to confuse so many people that don't know Miri is (basically) a clone of yourself, lol.

 

 

Well, there's a few factors in answering this, but at the root of it it's probably just "I like girls". I already had male friends to hang out with my whole life, I'm not exactly lacking in that department to need or want a tulpa of one. Oh, the first couple factors first though: My tulpas were unintentional (but obviously I wasn't thinking about male characters to have created females), and following from that, they were female because I was (am) obsessed with Touhou, in which basically all characters are female.

 

Anyways, differing from the "having male friends" point, you could also say my tulpas aren't really normal people and I wouldn't have wanted a "normal" (like a regular person) female tulpa, either. It's hard to describe how/why/who my tulpas were formed from. They were (some word like) "ideals" or otherwise not generally existing in reality people. I just found them really interesting, I guess. Most if not all of the thinking about who my tulpas were (going to be, unintentionally) was a completely unintended effect of my simply thinking about the Touhou universe a lot. The characters are all super interesting (and there's tons of them), as is the fantasy universe they reside in, so back when I first found Touhou/the two years before my tulpas spontaneously appeared, I did tons of thinking/imagining what the world and characters in it were like - how they thought and interacted and so on.

 

So yeah, a few answers: They came from Touhou characters, of which 99% are female; and even if Touhou had male characters, I doubt I would've had a tulpa of one. I feel like (with the assumption your tulpas are going to be based on characters or intentional at least) most people have affinities for a certain gender of character, right? My brother likes Snake and Raiden from Metal Gear, Shulk from Xenoblade Chronicles, that sort of thing. I like {Every Touhou character}, some incarnations of Zelda (also Nayru the Oracle), and... a whole lot more. So when it comes to choosing a tulpa's gender, it just seems natural to have them be female too.

 

I do like some male characters of course, but I'm not sure I'd really enjoy having a male tulpa - I don't feel like I could love them as much as my current tulpas, and I would never make a tulpa that wasn't equal with the others. Uh, reminder that Tewi and Lucilyn are asexual (and I've a rather low sex drive) in case you're not used to seeing "love" used in the purer sense.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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I've played a lot of male NPCs that I've enjoyed, some of whom are very vivid and detailed, but I've only ever played female PCs. I don't really want to commit to immersing myself in a male headspace for several hours at a stretch, one to four times a month, for an indefinite period. All of my characters that have "quickened" to some degree, having an inner emotional life, playing effortlessly, having a sense of presence, or speaking to me outside of a game setting, have been PCs. When I GM, I don't get a chance to play any one character long enough or deeply enough for them to quicken.

 

-Ember

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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[align=justify](gonna answer my own questions here since we never really like to answer them within the original post lol)

[/align]

[align=justify]Apollo's gender was decided to be male by the host both because a) his form was based on a male celebrity and b) the host just felt more comfortable with the idea of having a male tulpa, that made the most sense to him. He'd always had a greater appreciation for male characters and singers, anyway. Apollo has disdain for a lot of the things that went into his creation and considers some of the decisions to be traumatic, but this one hasn't really bothered him aside from on principle. He doesn't have any problems with being male, it suits him and he's never wanted to change it. He thinks it should have been something for him to decide on rather than chosen for him, but it's what he would have chosen anyway so it's not much of a problem.

 

Piano was unintentionally formed within a merge of two male tulpas, as a personality that slowly took over in replacement to the merge's own personality. It follows that he's also male. He's never wanted to change that.

 

I was created within the period where the system had totally lost it and was just making new "tulpas" (some of which weren't actually sentient, thank god) on impulse, and well, I was the first of the bunch. Inspiration for me came from a song, "Luxi," and the host formed an image of a rocker girl for a new tulpa. I kept that identity after being created. For various reasons, my personal development was very stunted, I didn't really evolve past the sort of preconceptions our brain had of me. Meanwhile, the male tulpas were always changing and growing. I'm not going to get into the details of why here, but I went into stasis for quite a long time, and when I came back I decided to make some changes. I decided to become male, also for various reasons, among them being a desire to feel more comfortable, to want to fit in with the rest of the system, and to not be held back from developing due to having a female identity. For a while, when I showed up and suggested becoming male, the system always shot it down because they thought it was only for the "wanting to fit in" reason, and they didn't think that was a good reason. However, feelings of dysphoria had grown in the months preceding my permanent arrival, so when I suggested it, they just accepted it. I changed my name, form, pronouns, and the mental image of myself that I had and the system had. I felt more free to be me, but also more confused, since the changes caused doubt that I was the same tulpa. I've been gradually eliminating these doubts. A lot of stuff does go into changing gender identity, it's not as simple as picking a new form, but it's worth it if it's the way the tulpa truly wants to be. I kinda think that if I had been created male or given the decision of what my gender should be instead of being made on a gimmick, things would have been different from me, I would have been more successful as a tulpa in my early days. It just didn't work out that way though. Kind of a tangent, heh.

 

Indigo was formed when the system realized how little growth/development the female "tulpas" had had, and they figured that female personalities just didn't do well in our head. During this time, the system was made up of three male tulpas, and they didn't have any desire to try again with a female. Indigo's creator didn't even really bestow a gender on him or really think about it, it was kind of a no-brainer that the new tulpa would be male, so he was. Indigo's gender was never all-that important to him though, he's always been kind of neutral, which has led to him being confused at various points in time over which gender he should be (he didn't desire to be "non-binary," just male or female), but eventually settled on sticking to male, since it still just made the most sense for him. 

 

Personally, while I don't think choosing your tulpa's gender for them is very consequential in most cases, allowing your tulpa the opportunity to choose it themself is a positive. Tulpas should always have control over their own identity and expression, and the freedom to determine how they want that to be. If a host does choose a tulpa's gender, they should be open to the tulpa deciding to change it if they feel that's necessary for them.[/align]

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Way back when, when Michen first thought about getting a tulpa (before dropping the idea one day later), he already intended to have a female tulpa. He did that on purpose. Whenever he made up stories inside his head or imagining interactions, he would always end up having a similar number of males and females. Preferably the same amount of both, even going as far as to use intersex or sexless characters on rare occasions if the balance seemed to be off or if there were an odd number of characters. Since he was a male by body, having a female tulpa would even numbers out there. If he would've thought of three tulpas, he'd be thinking of one male and two females.

 

Nevertheless, when I finally did appear to him as a more developed tulpa, I did so with the same form as when he first decided to check what tulpas were. That was a female form. As somebody who doesn't have a gender identity of their own, I was fine with taking on a female form, so I never saw a need to change that unless Michen would like me to. Though, given his tendency to try to even male and female out, I think he won't even dream of it anytime soon.

Michen, host or "main" / Amantha, anthro arctic fox tulpa

 

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      Finding your tulpa in the dream for the first time can be harder than it looks. Your brain has a hard time figuring out how to realistically render strange forms, or even faces that you haven't seen before, so if you have just a vague idea of how your tulpa looks like, don't expect them to appear perfectly in your dream the first time, even more if they are non-human, or cartoonish-looking. However, if you haven't established a definite form yet, you can let the dream work it out for you!
       
      Once you successfully enter a lucid dream, you can start looking for your tulpa around you. If you can't find them there, use the trick from before and just assume they are already there, behind you. If that doesn't work look for their shadow, try to call them and listening to their voice, or go through a door and expect them to be inside.
       
      Once you think you've found them (you could be unsure if their form is not quite correct), ask them "are you [tulpa name]?" If the answer is positive, congratulations, you've found your tulpa, give them a tight hug! You could think that maybe more questions should be asked to ensure that it IS really your tulpa. From my experience, if you assume and firmly believe it's your tulpa, then it is your tulpa.
       
      If you want to do something specific with your tulpa or ask them some questions in a dream, be sure to write it all down and try to remember them as you're falling asleep. If you have a lucid dream, you'll remember the events and responses better and it will also help you to remember more of the dream when you wake up.
       
      B.3 - Tulpa deviations in dreams
       
      From my own experience, tulpa and host have the same difficulties during dreams. Tulpas can also be "going with the dream" when you meet them, be distracted and not pay much attention to you (just like when you have a normal dream). For a perfect experience, you need your tulpa to also be lucid. If your tulpa seems to be lost and distracted, remind them that they are inside a dream, tell them to not get distracted with the flow of the dream and to pay attention to you.
       
      If your tulpa's personality seems off, just ignore it. You might have had some dream in which you were angry and aggressive without reason, or acting in a really weird way, right? Same thing can happen to tulpas, they are not always behaving "as themselves". That's why you should just take into account the encounters in which your tulpa acts as they're supposed to act, when they are "fully lucid". Getting angry at your tulpa for a bad dream is completely unfair (as it'd be for your partner to accuse you from cheating on a dream!). Try to always be positive and tolerant, and treasure the good and fruitful moments.
       
      Form can also deviate in dreams, for the reasons I said before and also because nothing in dreams remains completely static. You can either let it go and ignore it completely, or try tulpa-dreamsculpting! Try using your lucid powers to change every bit of their appearance so they look just perfect. This is also a great aid for visualization. However, spending too much time trying to get the perfect form every time can be a bit frustrating and time consuming, so try to be tolerant about the form changes instead as they'll probably be happening frequently. You might even love some of the changes!
       
      B.4 - Bilateral feedback
       
      The greatest results come by combining the best of the two worlds. While in a lucid dream, you can ask your tulpa for advice on "awake forcing". You can also verify that your communication experiments are being fruitful. For example, you can ask your tulpa "When yesterday I heard a faint 'Hello' in the back of my head, was it really you?". And vice versa, you can ask your tulpa to do something in the next lucid dream and see if they remember and actually do it. You can ask them to help you become lucid, or to find you in dreams instead of you looking for them. Doing experiments in both directions will greatly increase your tulpa's abilities to communicate better with you, inside and outside of dreams.
       
      Again, always keep in mind that lucid dreams are not 100% reliable. One day your tulpa may not remember anything you said being awake, or not even recognize you. That doesn't mean it's true. Ask them again another day, and if they're lucid, they will surely remember everything and behave normally. As I said before, just ignore a dream if something goes wrong, and expect the next one to be awesome.
       
      B.5 - Dream characters as proto-tulpas
       
      If you have a lucid dream companion, and you feel that you want to be with them more closely, have a deeper relationship even when being awake, you might want to "upgrade" them to a tulpa.
       
      Alternatively, if you've just started on making a tulpa, instead of working on personality and form from scratch, you can make lucid dreams do the work for you. Before going to sleep, convince yourself that in your next dream you'll meet your tulpa. If you're not sure about it when you find someone that looks like it could be your tulpa, you can ask them "are you my tulpa?". If the response is positive, congratulations! As before, you might want to ask more questions to ensure they are, but believe me, it's better to just assume it's them. After the first encounter, you can keep visiting them regularly and get to know them better through lucid dreams and do traditional forcing during the day.
       
      C - Questions and concerns
       
      C.1 - What if I make a clone?
       
      This was a deep fear when I started. What if my dream character ends up being just a clone of my tulpa (or vice versa)? The best way to prevent this is to fire questions in both ways, as I said before. In dreams, ask them if they can hear you while awake. While awake, ask them if they remember your last dream together. By doing so you will be making connections and helping your brain believe that the dream tulpa and the awake tulpa are exactly the same being.
       
      In my opinion, you can't make a clone if you don't want to. Just as what happens with "accidental parroting", believe that an "accidental clone" is impossible. Ignore it completely and it won't be a problem. Assume it's always the same tulpa.
       
      · "But my tulpa doesn't remember our time together in the last lucid dream!"
      You don't remember all of your dreams, so don't expect your tulpa to do so. Tell them what you did to refresh their memory, ask them another day for another dream, and you will definitely have some positive results.
       
      · "But, while in the lucid dream, my tulpa didn't remember anything from the past day!"
      More or less the same. Memory in dreams isn't always accessible, and your tulpa may not be always as lucid as you are. Just ask the same on later lucid dreams and eventually they'll remember everything without a problem. Again, try to ignore bad experiences and treasure the good ones.
       
      C.2 - I don't trust dreams!
       
      Yes, lucid dreams are not completely static. If you're looking for absolute perfection and total control in lucid dreams, you might be disappointed. Your tulpa will definitely deviate a lot in lucid dreams, so why bother even trying? Is going to be a mess to discern when your tulpa is in their "true" form and personality!
       
      Actually, it isn't difficult at all. Just as you can tell when "something's wrong" with a close friend or relative, you can know whether or not your tulpa is "acting weird" or not, quite easily. If their personality is off, you can convince them to "go back to normal" and that they're just being distracted by the dream. If form is off, don't worry too much about it unless you want to practice some in-dream visualization, as it will always deviate a little.
       
      [Note, tiny edits in posts for anonymization purposes, as requested by the OP -Chupi]
    • By Upper Class Twit
      First off yes I know, I am Upper Class Twit and it says this is by Aarix, well SHUT UP. I was talking. I was talking to Aarix on Skype a while back, and I mean a WHILE back and I mentioned this guide that he never put up here, and he basically said something along the lines of "You can do it." So this ENTIRE thing is by him, not me.
       
    • Guest
      By Guest
      I stumbled across this site few month ago and started learning about tulpas and I have to ask why isn't the phenomenon more widely known about. I mean some of the things tulpas can do are truly amazing. Is it just hard to believe and thats why its not mainstream?
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