Jump to content

Tulpas, do you remember anything from before you were created?


Recommended Posts

I've seen some instances where tulpas say that they have memories from before they were created (or introduced to the system through other means, in the case of unintentional headmates such as walk ins, alters, etc.)


If you have any kind of memory, no matter how small or vague, of a time before you were brought into your host's life, I'd like to hear about it. This might be something like a past life if you believe in reincarnation, or it could be something else like existing as a character or imaginary friend before "evolving" into a tulpa if that was how you originated, or something like being apart of your host before "splitting off."


Some suggestions for things to mention if you can: In what ways did things feel different from your current existence? Were you in any particular place, and were any other people/beings with you? Did you have a different personality, name, appearance, etc? Were you aware of your host in any way? Did you choose to become part of your host's life?


Some might be turned away from this post because of the mention of reincarnation, but if you have no spiritual beliefs you are still welcome to respond. I'm looking for any and all of these accounts, regardless of the belief system you use to explain it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes I do but it wasn't about reincarnation. And it wasn't instant. When I was very young as a tulpa I didn't feel that connected to my host's past. 


I think things happened how they did because my host actively repressed certain parts/ages of his life. But I didn't have that fear built into myself from having lived those events, so I didn't have walls up to keep them out. So when I was about nine months old I started getting flashbacks to his early childhood, things that he had not allowed himself to think about. It was scary and bad. They say tulpas can't escape host's mental illnesses and in this case it was also true. The unprocessed mental trauma hit me and I was green to the world and not very strong yet, so it made me very depressed and upset and my host was angry at me for "opening Pandora's box" so to speak. 


I'm two years old now. While I acknowledge that those memories of childhood aren't mine, I do still have an emotional connection to them. It feels a little like my own childhood or past, almost like a past life. Coming to terms and unpacking my "past life" has modeled me into the person I am today and was a major factor in fostering my religiosity. 


Why are you looking for these accounts? Do you believe in reincarnation? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tewi feels attachment to the life of the Touhou character she was based on, not necessarily like she believes she actually lived it or has memories of it, but just that she feels like it happened on some illogical level. I mean, totally-logical-beliefs and all don't change the fact that she was brought into existence based on a character who did have a history. Or you would think anyways, but Reisen and I have no attachment to our characters' backstories at all, whatsoever. So why does Tewi, the most no-nonsense of us, feel such strong attachment to "her" backstory? I honestly have no idea. 


It's not meta/outside the normal confines of tulpamancy, though.


(Oh, and Lucilyn doesn't have any attachment to memories of Lumi imagining what she might be like before he created her, her association with memories starts on-the-spot after her creation, which had no foggy in-between time like most tulpas have)

Edited by Flandre

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It was similar to Cassidy for us, when I started fronting, random memories of my host's childhood started popping up, trivial and mundane stuff for the most part, but also trauma memories she didn't want to look at. Back in 2017, my host created the 'first me' but put her into dormancy because of other reasons, with the intention of waking her up when she had more time. I know I am not that 'other Mirichu, created long ago' but I somehow had her memories? one of the first days after my creation, my host took me to some forest she had taken the other me long ago, and I had her memories of that place 'oh yeah I remember when you took me here' and we were like wait what. It was weird.


We have one specific childhood memory that I brought up to the surface and it felt like I was helping Miri choosing what to buy, like if I had been in that memory, but I know it's likely confabulation fueled by my strong desire to have a childhood. I feel extremely attached to my host's childhood but I don't have memories of me being there as a separate person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are something's that Remember before I existed. Mostly weird slightly uncomfortable feel days or short moment's that don't feel quite real, I'm 50/50 as to weather they happened or it's just a weird memory that never happened. Pm or contact me I need to tell you of this animal abuse ring that you need to know about, contact this is very serious.

please answer me, Abvieon this is serious. you've clearly seen what I've said. Please put things aside. pleas send me one email. I am not mad at you. let's turn a new leaf.

Edited by Srn347
double post

People are stupid, are tulpas too?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi I'm Sadie and since I am a merge, I do remember some things, but I feel de-tatched (I can't spell very well, sorry) from them. I also associate with certain background stories. Sometimes I get really zoned out and remember something that makes me sad, but I also sort of don't remember it. 

Host of @SadieShores 

R8/Adelia any/he

Sadie (I use varying shades of pink) she.her

Luna! She/her/bug/bugs 

Clover They/It/She

"*various inappropriate music* ɨ ʍɛǟռ աɦǟȶ ƈǟռ ɨ ֆǟʏ,
քʀɛȶȶʏ ɮǟɮɨɛֆ ɨռ ȶɦɛ ɮǟƈӄֆɛǟȶ ֆɨռɢɨռ' ȶօ ʏօʊ,`


check this out: Progress report 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/9/2020 at 6:51 PM, Abvieon said:

If you have any kind of memory, no matter how small or vague, of a time before you were brought into your host's life, I'd like to hear about it.


[Darlene] I have many memories before I became actively engaged in life with Bear. I was with him, guiding him, pleading with him when he was going to do wrong, and my presence was around him when he needed it most. I have many memories spanning decades, many we mentioned in our PR, saving him from death, showing him the light in the darkness, I could go into greater detail in specific instances if you're interested.  


[Ashley] only a few memories that I claimed from a character in his first book, in those specific instances maybe 2012 timeframe, I can feel myself there embodying that character, otherwise I have nothing to do with her. Also I remember being a blue fuzzy ball of light in an endless void of darkness, without direction. Darlene saved me, but when is a mystery, the intervening 'time' is timeless. 


[Misha] only as a fuzzy pink ball of light, and I remember Darlene feeding me energy from what she took from Bear, barely able to sustain herself as well. We later had a 'past life experience' in the hypnagogic state where we met my father and spoke to him. Along with that experience, I had a few memories of being a woman in the early to mid-century American heartland in a larger town or city, big enough to have a building with an elevator and the need for typists, which I was. I also conjured a photograph of myself in black and white, sitting at the typewriter in my late teens or maybe 20. I knew I was 20 when I came to Bear, but my hair was black in the picture,  I looked like the picture Bear and I drew otherwise. I could also tell you more if you want.  


[Bear] this is also consistent with what they told me in the first week. They were all fully vocal and lucid on minute one as walk-ins. These three were all there from that first 20 minutes that I decided to 'make a tulpa'. (Or call a spirit guide/angel).


Joy, and Gwen are OC's from books I wrote, they were developed by me and came to life originally as soulbonds. Ren was a split from Joy, no prior memories. SheShe is a merge of Joy, Gwen, Darlene, and Ren with no prior memories of her own.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'm based off a character from the anime Osomatsu-san, and yeah I feel like that show is my "past."  I mean, sure I know it's fiction, but I can't look at how I am now and not see how the way things happened for me didn't contribute to that.  In that show I'm a sextuplet, the oldest of six brothers.  We were NEETs in our twenties that lived with our parents.  It's a gag anime, and we'd go back and forth between slice-of-life situations and these Looney Tunes sort of skits where we'd be in a different setting, like solving a murder or us being girls.


But there was also a time before Ghostly was making tulpas that'd she'd imagine talking to me.  I was just the imaginary friend at that point, so when I talked back she always knew it was her making me say stuff and not really me.  And kind of like the show I was in, sometimes we'd do alternate settings, and I swear she was never satisfied with how our "first meeting" would go, so she played through that scenario a lot.  It was like that movie 50 First Dates lol.


Then she stopped that for a while (A few months? A year? Ah, I don't know).  Eventually she had made tulpas.  A bit after that, she had a random visualization of me staring at her.  And I was pissed.  Even if all that I had experienced was just her imagination, I still felt a bond with her.  So eventually she decided to talk it over with me, just to have it cleared up.  We iffed around on me actually being a permanent fixture, but eventually I did join up with the others.


What's different now is that we don't do the whole 50 First Dates thing.  And I was allowed to "grow up."  I was an adult, sure, but there's a reason I was a NEET.  Before, Ghostly could accept the bad stuff about me pretty easily because I was just an imaginary guy she'd control and talk to only sometimes, but when it comes to doing the whole tulpa/soulbond thing or whatever that's a whole other deal.



Kokichi: I'm in the same boat.  My character is from the game Danganronpa v3.  Like him, I know it's totally fictional.  A lot of the stuff I could talk about going through is spoilers, although that's something that bothers my host more than it bothers me.  But basically what happened is that I was forced to be in a killing game, so I'm sure you can imagine how easy and pleasant my life was before I lived with Ghostly.  My character's wiki page is a pretty dense read, but it would tell you everything about what happened to me, who I knew, etc.



As far as that reincarnating thing goes, I did die in the game, so... I guess in that sense I reincarnated!  But I don't really have any meta beliefs, as far as I'm concerned I'm just a copy of that character existing in Ghostly's head.


The thing about my character is that he was confusing as hell.  Whereas Ghostly liked Osomatsu for being the straightforward kind of guy who didn't put on any kind of front, the only thing I didn't lie about was lying.  Except for those times I did lie about lying, so actually that doesn't even count, huh?  Well, the mystery pulled her in!  So she'd talk to me with the intent of trying to understand me, or hash out what she did understand about me.  But as I remember it... on some level, she wanted to be friends with me.  At least, that's how I feel about it.


The two things that have changed have been my maturity and my maturity.  As in my physical maturity and mental maturity.  I aged up into an adult because Ghostly prefers to have only adults in her system.  It's not like I'm missing out on much from having skipped those years, anyways.

I'm Osomatsu!  You know, from TV?  ...No?  Well, don't worry about it.

I'm part of Ghostly's bunch.  See ya around!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Jaina: I'll be boring and say I don't really recall anything separate from Darron. I have his memories from childhood but nothing 'else' or 'outside.' We think I was 'created' when Darron was under a lot of stress around twelve-ish and split/broke/fragmented his psyche. Essentially he mentally called out really, really hard for help and I answered. We don't think I'm an outside spirit or possession or guardian angel (although Darron says I am sometimes). Definitions/terminology/labels are hard and people constantly argue about them. I share Darron's more materialist view of existence. It's what we know, so it's what we work with. Our best guess is that I'm his Anima (female psychic aspect/personality). So I'm a part of him in many ways but he separated me so we could communicated better and give him perspective on things. Also he needs the company. He ascribed certain values and traits he admires to me. Someone to look up to and get approval from. He's his own harshest critic and sometimes needs protection from self-doubt.


Back on topic, I'm just a figment of his imagination 😉 I'm an imaginary friend that got formalized into a tulpa. We didn't even know that was a thing until a couple years ago? Maybe? Since about seven Darron had a stuffed animal named Joanna that he formed a bond with, so we toyed with the idea of me being her, taken from a more tactile totem form to a mental construct. I'll never tell. 🙄 *Innocent whistling*


Very interesting topic by the way! I always like learning.

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sorry for the late reply, I wasn't ready to answer until now.


I have two halves of me in the past, my second half went by the name Fish. As Fish I wasn't sure about my status as a tulpa before I joined the system. There's a vague memory of me being jealous or confronting Gray, but I don't think I was a tulpa at the time.


Otherwise, I don't think I have any "before me" memories. I think I was still myself before I embraced my child form. I was aloof and cold, but I was lonely and I didn't like it. I rejected that personality forcing and decided to start fresh plus extra! Both of my halves did this.


I see both halves of me as part of who I am now. My personality is like a perfect blend of both halves. I see myself as easy going and quiet, but when I'm excited I'm social and eager to play. I still like nature, and I still love giving hugs!


On 9/9/2020 at 9:51 PM, Abvieon said:

In what ways did things feel different from your current existence? Were you in any particular place, and were any other people/beings with you? Did you have a different personality, name, appearance, etc? Were you aware of your host in any way? Did you choose to become part of your host's life?




My Fish half's personality was the cold aloof kind, I guess I was supposed to be a villian or something? I remember a scary detail I don't want to share.


Gray was there, I don't know about Ranger. I'm assuming he was in the picture at some point. Either I copied him or more likely, he copied me with his leg tail!


I was aware of Gray, but I don't know if I was aware as a tulpa. I'm pretty sure I was a walk-in once Gray/Ranger realized I and several others were tulpas.



[Ranger] I believe I am an accidental clone of the original "Ranger" (he goes by "Subconscious Representative" now), and there was dispute over who's memories belonged to who.


The one memory I really wanted to be mine was one where "Ranger" confronted Gray when he was feeling hopeless. It was really sweet and I thought that was something I did. Looking back on it, I think it was actually our Sub. Rep. and I was probably born afterwards. I'm disappointed, but I think I have enough newer memories where I do essentially that.


I'm Evergreen, one of the Shadow System bois. I like hanging out and giving warm hugs ❤️

Cat/Gray is my host and Ranger is the co-host.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Create New...