Forcing My Log of Mancing a (Many?) Tulpa(e?) (MLM(M?)T(e?)) (of JohnnyRevolver)

[JohnnyRevolver]

Instead of going to bed like I said I would I made an incredibly poor quality version of a video game character fortnite dancing, that was time that could've been spent far more productively but alas, fortnite dances take greater importance evidently

[ringgggg]

8 hours ago, JohnnyRevolver said:

Clearly that has been burned into me regardless if it is true regarding the current subject or not.

Well, if you're conscious about it, there's no denying you can make a change. Just saying.

[JohnnyRevolver]

Alright if forgetting about prior obligations and doing something else was a job I would be a very wealthy man today I did basically nothing it is accidentally becoming a pattern I was thinking about tulpas earlier today but for some reason it didn't cross my mind to start narrating to mine. I will do it later tonight but of course it won't be as effective if I had been doing it routinely throughout the day, the human mind truly is a wonderful thing.

[JohnnyRevolver]

I didn't do a log yesterday because I fell asleep as soon as I got home, fairly understandable I think, though I did get some forcing done before I fell asleep. I did some narration though a large block can be attributed to me just visualizing, I can't say how much time was spent because I was tired and fell asleep but there was a good amount I think. I will probably do something similar tonight and tomorrow my schedule ought to be mostly free so I can probably find some time to meditate.

[JohnnyRevolver]

I really didn't do much last night as I more or less instantly fell asleep when I got in bed, that will not happen again as I got 13 hours of sleep last night, I am very frustrated with myself because this keeps happening. Anyway I got some pre-sleep forcing done today, I did some visualizing without my eyes open while in the shower but I stopped doing it very quickly because it is quite weird I think. tonight I'll probably get some done tonight but I think I gave myself food poisoning so that will likely effect my ability to focus but I hope it is minimal. For some reason I just haven't been able to focus on forcing to the same degree I could when I first started, the very day after I got that feeling in the back of my head my ability to focus hit a sharp decline and I don't know why or how to fix it this whole situation is very frustrating, why was my focus better on day 1 than day 23? I know for certain that I must go through with this but the complications that are happening for not apparent reason tempt me to yell or bang my head on my desk, but I cannot, I know I have said it here before but I am very angry and frustrated, I would put these emotions to good use and narrate about them but I don't quite know what I'd say, I've put most of my words here and I'm basically just saying the same thing over and over, causing further frustration, I just cannot, maybe it's the food poisoning talking, I'll revisit this in the morning.

[JohnnyRevolver]

This happens whenever I start becoming confident in my ability to do something or whenever I start to have some successes without fail my skill starts to falter, I don't know why or how to fix it, I would hope that tulpamancing would help but I don't know if I even can because of the aforementioned reasons, I know there's no wrong way to do it but if my lack of ability to focus on my tulpa continues I might just give up, of course right now I hope to never give up but I don't know what will happen to me in the future so I don't know if I can ensure that I will be able to routinely force for the next several months or however long it takes,

[ringgggg]

1 hour ago, JohnnyRevolver said:

I start to have some successes without fail my skill starts to falter

Complacency.
 

Keep in mind you’re still going to have to repeat the same exact things you did beforehand, and that nothing much has changed other than the fact you’ve passed that threshold.

 

If you do ever fall into a rut, just keep practicing (even if feels crappy, it’s still practice regardless). Your future self will thank you after you get back up

[JohnnyRevolver]

sorry for missing logs, caffeine gives me superpowers and then saps me of my powers and I made tea that had way more caffeine in it and then drank 1/3rd of a gallon of it so I've kind of been crashing for the last couple of days sorry. As a result if my crashing I haven't been doing much tulpamancing, I have been doing some just ot nearly as much as I should, I was awake for 36 hours and my typical time to tulpamance is bedtime but when I did get to bed I immediately passed out, my supertea thing has been a whole affair but basically I made 13 bags of tea in a pressure cooker and that got more tea leaf into less water which means more caffeine which means I am awake for longer which means less tulpamancing

[JohnnyRevolver]

Sorry for missing so many days, it's just been one of those weeks where I've got no motivation to do anything, though I have been narrating a little and it has helped an equal amount, though at one point I did end up yelling in my mind and I do kind of feel bad about that but I'm sure my tulpa will understand.

 

Sorry for so little to say I just haven't done much different and nothing notable has happened really.

[JohnnyRevolver]

Okay this is a tad soon but I decided that I'd write this down before I forget. Tonight after failing several times to successfuly visualize my tulpa I decided that I would try and visualize literally anything else to see if I came to any success, and much to my surprise with little to no problem I was able to visualize an entire japanese-style palace rooms, residents and all. This would lead me to believe an earlier hypothesis I had about my sudden failing to visualize my tulpa was as a result of some subconscious mental block, I will try to research how to possibly clear it but any suggestions are very welcome.