Avalanche's mindhouse

[Avalanche]

Hour 10 of trying Fede's method. This means I have finished one run through of my trait list, and something fairly poignant happened today. As I was forcing like normal, I felt a pressure in my head. Not the usual headache or something, but a pressure, all over, like there was a pressure pushing outwards to my skull all over. It wasn't hugely strong but it definitely was a pressure. Lasted for a while too, but then phased away.

 

Finally feel like I have made some progress. Last time I felt like this was.. well never, really. This is the only sure milestone I have hit so far.

 

Going to go over the list again, and again until my tulpa is sentient or at least partially so.

[Guest]

Like I said, you're a faggot.

[Avalanche]

Like I said, you're an obese something.

 

That's what google translate says anyway.

[Guest]

Can't trust Google with anything.

 

So that means Avalanche translates to "faggot"? Neat.

[Avalanche]

HUE

 

Sat up, eyes closed, legs crossed, tone on for an hour, went back over the first trait again. Can't really say it did that much, didn't feel anything special. Usual voices and what not. Total 11 hours into Fede's "method" (hue) so I'm not expecting fireworks right now.

 

Total 35 hours. I got that headache back again though as soon as I logged onto tulpa.info.

[Avalanche]

Clocked in another hour. Got really into the zone this time, no distractions, kept my concentration going for quite a while. Forced another trait again, this time I felt another emotional wave again near the end of the hour. Like a wave of relief like the previous time.

[Avalanche]

'Nother hour in from last night, went by pretty badly. Didn't get much in the way of headaches but my concentration was good. It just didn't feel like it went in at all.

 

However, this morning when I was lying awake in bed (benefits of having finished school) I thought I should take this time to do some narration, about the day or my sleep or whatever. I just talked to Flora in my head and wondered about making a wonderland again for her, as it might help with visualising her somewhere and thus visualising the traits going into her, or what have you.

Anyway when I tried to see Flora, the old form build that I was working on 13 hours ago in the process came back, pretty clearly. Wasn't exceptionally clear, but it was just in tact, nothing had been lost from my mind, which was nice.

 

The thing was she was wearing something like a wedding dress, but without the veil or long dragging bit at the back. It could have been a white bridesmaids dress. I didn't force this at all and I certainly wasn't thinking of forcing that kind of clothing onto her, so.... possible deviation?

 

I hope so. I'm going to stick with visualising her form from now on, but I won't make a wonderland yet.

[Avalanche]

2 more traits done, halfway through the second run through of the trait list. Might as well have picked my nose for an hour, nothing happened at all and it didn't feel like anything sunk in. Maybe she doesn't like those traits so they don't seem to gel as much? They were the two balancing negative traits. That's the only thing that was different about all the other traits that went ok.

Going to force the next positive trait now for an hour, I'll see how that goes. Also, I find it hard to "lock on" to Flora anywhere in my mind, my words feel like they are just floating out into space, doing nothing.

[Avalanche]

Did another hour but slightly differently.

 

The trait was "calm" so instead of just saying "calm, you are calm, etc" I brought up Flora's body out of the ether (which was pretty easy) and I held her shoulders as I told her the above. It felt like it was doing a better job of getting the information in anyway.

 

Then I went off topic and we went dancing and general mucking about. Then we headed to a beach with a calm ocean and just sat around for a while. I was still doing the mantra thing, but not all the time.

More focus was on the body this time around, it was a vessel for the words to go into.

Had a headache the whole way through, still have it now, although it is more of a pressure again.

 

Also curiously the voices I normally hear when I play the tones was absent this time around, or at least extremely faint.

[Avalanche]

2 forcing sessions wasted and one missed due to tiredness and laziness. Did not use the tones and my concentration was no where to be seen. This is bullshit.

 

Today I tried another session during the day with tones, can't say I got much done. Nothing was felt and my concentration was lacklustre at best.

 

Downloaded some pink noise tones from Fede-lasse to try to get some talking out of Flora. That's the next step in advancement, otherwise I'm just going around in circles. I'm also going to try reading a book to her while using the pink noise. Might get a response yet.

 

Or a headache.

 

Which is actually a good thing... kinda of.