Avalanche's mindhouse

[Sock]

That definitely seems like something to get down about, hell, I'd be that way as well if mine just went poof on me suddenly. Some peeps say that apparently a tulpa will go away for a while only to come back later. There's also the mythical "Dead period", where the tulpa will just not seem to be around, and will come back vocal or something like that. I'm not particularly sure about the details, but you just have to keep you head up. Don't think of Flora as a lost cause, just give her sometime, I'll sure she'll come back.

[Avalanche]

Me too, and I hope you're right about that dead period thing. That would be cool, to finally have all my hours pay off. It's been long enough (or nearly).

 

I think it might have been down to the book I was reading to her. I spent about 4-5 days of reading the book to her instead of forcing. I think it might have made the creation process go backwards, or lose momentum.

 

As I said I'm going to go for a walk now, for about 40minutes, maybe more. I'm going to narrate, hopefully some of it out loud. I'll see where it get's me.

[Avalanche]

Just came back from narrating OUT LOUD to Flora for an hour and a half on my walk. I think I got some good work done. My head feels like there's a pressure but I'm not sure if it's good or just from the heat and squinting from the sun.

 

I'll be narrating later on today too.

[Guest]

Oh yeah, the dead period. Didn't think of that. Must be it, in that case; I don't see much other explanation.

 

And don't be too sure that the reading made things go backwards. I mean, you *did* feel progress after all.

[Avalanche]

Moving on.

 

I recently discovered that I may not actually be listening for a voice properly. Instead I should be quieting my mind and allowing random (and not so random) thoughts enter my mind, instead of just asking questions to the air and waiting for a little voice in my head.

 

I'll be doing that for the next bunch of forcing sessions, hopefully I will get something out of this. Pressures and headaches are still present. I might go for another long out loud forcing session if the weather clears up.

[Avalanche]

Tried a silence session just now, for about a total of an hour- hour and a half. I have to say that nothing special happened. Although I do feel like I am getting better and quieting my mind, and an odd thing happened that is probably nothing.

 

I felt a very very light tingling on my mouth and then a really weak wave of nice-ness over my face and neck. Not sure whut that wus.

[Avalanche]

Did another hour session today. I think it went quite well. Better than last night, I could not clear my head. Anyhoo-

 

Hour session went well. Got some good forcing done. I tried to empty my mind to hear Flora better but alas nothing yet.

I also visualised her ghost/shell body in a meditative position across from me in my makeshift wonderland that I made months ago for a different purpose. An odd thing happened where when I tried to renew my focus on her (as it keeps slipping) the shell broke away from the waist up and crumbled. Underneath was a darker form than what I would generally expect Flora to look like, so I guessing deviation? I didn't intend to do this, and I didn't get quite a good look either, at least without making up details myself, i.e. puppeting.

 

Couldn't get another bigass long walk today where I could narrate out loud, as it was pissing it down. (Not all day, just on and off, it's taunting me). I will probably get that walk in tomorrow. Usual headaches and stuff are present.

 

Not really sure how to distinguish between my thoughts and what her's would be. Even the random crap that enters my head when I clear it- how do I know what is crap and what isn't? What would be say?

[Guest]

As a last resort, you can always just go the "believe" way (TOG way) and tell yourself that it's all your tulpa. Can't guarantee that it'll help, though. You'll probably feel like a retard, too, but if that's something that you can overcome, then cool.

[Avalanche]

Hmmm, couldn't that be more harmful than helpful? You would attribute everything to the tulpa and most of that shit wouldn't make sense. It would keep your spirits up, but I feel for me after a while of nothing happening, I would just give up on it and get angry that it didn't work.

[Avalanche]

Rocking a horribly good headache today, got some super forcing in.

I did the usual visualise a ghost/shell thing along with some silence forcing, but I wasn't feeling like I was getting anything done. So I touched the ghost generally all over to solidify it in my mind. I interacted with it a bit then settled myself down to some in-wonderland meditation with the ghost in front of me. Was much easier to visualise then. Still no voice or anything from it, or any feeling.

 

Been stuck at this level for quite some time now.