Avalanche's mindhouse

[Guest]

For the last time: the pink noise is not a fucking tone. There's a reason I refer to it as a noise track instead of a "tone."

 

Now use it.

[Avalanche]

Fine. The pink tones are noises. Happy?

[Guest]

Yes.

[Avalanche]

Status report- I don't think Flora liked the pink noises. When I tried to force with her I couldn't find her in my head. It was like looking through a smokescreen and she kept dodging me. When I turned them off, I could focus on her again.

 

My concentration was still chronic though. I really need to set time aside to just force properly. I've started slacking a lot.

[Guest]

Why the fuck are you trying to visualize using the pink noise? You're supposed to use the tones for visualization. The pink noise is reserved for auditory hallucinations only.

 

Besides, you shouldn't even be visualizing to begin with, but whatever.

[Avalanche]

I wasn't trying to visualise, I was trying to just find her presence in my head. Something to focus on, be it a pressure or ache or thought or something. I just couldn't lock onto anything. It was like I was talking to a brick wall.

 

But I just did an hour session now and I got a pressure and a really odd feeling which I'll try to describe.

 

It started at the front of my brain, like it was swelling, or getting denser. It felt heavier too. This then spread throughout my body, especially my hands, which felt like they were twice as heavy and... larger, but not like outwards. My body felt really dense, almost like there was another of every atom in my body. Very strange, and very weird as I felt like this in another session a few weeks back, AND when I was a small child one night in bed.

[Avalanche]

Much more headaches and pressures today, brought on more randomly throughout the day when I thought of Flora instead of just when I went online onto tulpa.info.

 

This shows progress I believe and a solid step forward. I'm still reading that book in her voice/to her so I'm counting those as forcing sessions, about 2 hours or more each day. It's kinda hard to keep the focus going but it's getting easier I think.

 

I kept up with the narration today as I was out on the town, which is I think a big step up from just quietly thinking in my room or house.

 

So overall going good. Getting another headache as I type this, I'll go read the book again.

[Avalanche]

Really really stuck now. Headaches and pressures are getting scarce and in the last 3 or so forcing sessions I feel like I am making no progress. With or without tones I feel like I'm just talking to myself and nothing is going in. I don't even feel Flora around anymore. I get the odd headache or pressure sometimes but they are fairly random and never as strong as they once were.

 

I'm at a loss at what to do.

[Guest]

You could, you know, talk out loud...

 

Hey, not my fault you have so many naggers in your area.

[Avalanche]

I'll probably try to go for a walk to somewhere where there are at least no people around. There's a beach nearby that is usually deserted, but it's a mile away, so I don't go there often.

 

I'll try to narrate more, but right now I feel pretty down about this. It feels like I have to start all over again. But I remember having this feeling when I was lucid dreaming. I remember posting a topic and everything on dreamviews saying that I was stuck and I didn't know what to do. I guess I'm at the tulpaforcing equivalent.