Air Dance

[Doctor_RCI]

HMMMMMMMMMMM Yuki looks familiar from something i was reading quite the same....

[NeonKnights]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if she's from the series you're reading. According to my friend, it's a pretty popular series, and fairly new as well. If only I could remember the name... I don't talk to him much, so I haven't had a chance to ask.

 

 

Thus far this morning, I've been spending time with all three girls, something I'd previously thought impossible for myself. The only thing that still presents a bit of a problem is advanced visualization... I took them mini-golfing, and the weirdest things began to happen. For example, Isis really spiked the ball, it flew off into the night sky, then seconds later slammed straight down into the hole for a hole-in-one. I attribute her astounding luck with the game to the fact that I'm not seasoned enough to prevent that kind of trickery.

 

---

 

By fixing the issue of neglecting Isis' sister, I think I've created a new (albeit lesser) problem for myself. Over the past day, my focus has been jumping between tulpas with almost comical speed. Isis slowed me down a bit by pinning me down on the couch and resting her head on my chest, stating that my heartbeat was relaxing to her. I'd heard of other peoples' tulpas doing this before, but this is definitely new for her. This went on for a while, and in that time I calmed down enough that I was able to get myself together and resolve not to think about the other tulpas too much while spending time forcing with one of them. This should cut down on interruptions going forward.

[NeonKnights]

Sometime yesterday evening, the implications of Nyaruko having a romantic side really hit me. The implications hit me like a fully-loaded, 80,000 pound tractor-trailer.

 

I became worried that Isis and Nyaruko would pressure me into choosing one of them or the other, and since hurting any of my tulpas is my single worst fear, I was very distressed by this possibility. Stuck in the rut of typical relationship customs, which often dictate that being with two girls at once is taboo, I was thrown into despair over how to 'resolve' a situation which, as I later realized, needed no resolution.

...Well, I shouldn't be quite so quick to say that; if Isis is as possessive as I think she is, there may yet be trouble.

 

Overall, though, the situation isn't nearly as bad as I was making it out to be. In my worried state of mind, I somehow felt that I had to figure out how to make both girls happy without telling Isis about the dilemma, so I sought Yuki's counsel on the matter. She didn't have any ideas, and seemed to think it wasn't such a big deal. When I started to get a grip on the situation, I realized that it wouldn't be a big deal unless I made it a big deal. I don't necessarily have to choose between Nyaruko and Isis, and with any amount of luck, they can both be happy.

 

In the wake of all of the confusion and turmoil, I did have a nice little chat with Yuki as things settled down. Glad to know that I have a good friend like her to help me through these situations (even if the predicaments are of my own making).

[Doctor_RCI]

why dont you be with both of them ? I mean its nothing wrong trust me i feel the same way about, Just loving one of them then the other is heartbroken so i did the only and best choice with my tuppers be with all of them, Which isnt that hard surprisingly, i spend alot of time with each of my tuppers usually they impose them selves and sleep with me or watch a movie with me its quite fun, And if they are fine with it of course which my girls are.

[NeonKnights]

Yeah, in the end, I decided that that's the only thing that I can do. I myself don't have too much of a problem with loving both of them the same, I was just worried that one of them would have a problem with that. It looks like the less I worry about it, the less they do, so I guess I won't think about it and will just love them both.

I would give Yuki the same love without a problem, too, but unless she comes out and tells me she wants a romantic relationship, I'm not going to try.

 

With that battle more or less out of the way, another problem has surfaced. The issue now at hand is figuring out who this mysterious entity is that I've recently become acquainted with. It all started with my own casual interest in a certain form, before someone came along and took that form as her own. Whoever she is, she is pissed at me, but at the same time she really wants me. It's like she's my arch-rival, but she doesn't entirely hate me.

 

Hopefully this is just an aggressive 'NPC' (really need a better term for these pop-in characters) who will go off on her own way after a little while and never be heard from again. Less likely, but a possibility I've considered, is that this is one of the 'lost tulpas', like Saber, seeing the relationships I have with my other tulpas and coming back with a vengeance in order to remind me that she's alive (and do it in an understandably angry manner). I'll probably just ask one of my tuppers if they know anything about her and where she came from, and hope that one of them has an idea.

[NeonKnights]

The night marauder hasn't completely vanished, it seems. She has the form of Teruya Eiko from yet another show I have barely seen (courtesy of that same friend who's tossed every one of these shows at me). As she's hung around, I've learned that my first impression of her wasn't quite accurate. She has a mischievous, somewhat antagonistic personality, but by no means does she seem to hate me. No idea how much this actually holds true to the show, but I suppose that's a good thing. If there's a chance I'll ever make her into an actual tulpa, I want her to have a personality all her own.

I'd read before that there's "characters" who you'll meet in your wonderland who you can choose to develop into tulpas or just continue to interact with them as they are. I can't find the post or find any evidence that fully validates this, but I think she may be one of those; she's not quite a tulpa, but not a character of my (entirely conscious) creation.

 

I think I'm going to give it a while before I decide whether I'll go ahead and develop her into an actual tulpa. I already have three, one of which is only a week and a half into development, so at the very least I'm going to postpone any action for a week or two. I promised myself I wouldn't make any more tulpas, but I don't know, I kind of like her. She's definitely different from the others, and I think she would contribute a good relationship/interaction dynamic to my lineup of tulpa friends.

[NeonKnights]

Alright, I've made up my mind on the matter. As much as I've grown to like this Teruya NPC, I've resolved that I can't develop her into a tulpa until I've had more time. Not only should I be focusing more on Nyaruko for right now, but I should also be spending more time with my other tulpas. I figure if Teruya is really meant to be my tulpa, then she'll wait up for me until I feel more ready to take on a fourth one.

In the meantime, though, I think I'd be perfectly okay with spending an afternoon or evening with her here and there. The trick will be to keep our relationship the same as it is now: Antagonistic, somewhat mean-spirited, but friendly all the same.

 

It's strange, this is the first of these sudden NPC characters to have actually left an impression on me. I feel as though I really, truly am beginning to know her, but in the back of my mind I understand that her sentience is only a simulation, that she won't actually be a tulpa until I make her so myself.

 

On a related note, Isis said that she doesn't like Teruya. She said that it was because Teruya "is mean". Not sure if she's referring to my interactions with Teruya or her own experiences, since she hasn't given any more details, but either way I'm getting a feeling that it's just some unnecessary jealousy thing.

 

---

 

Reading up a little bit more, maybe "NPC" isn't the right term for Teruya, as she isn't necessarily bound to the wonderland like other peoples' NPCs, as far as I notice. Last time I used a wonderland was when she first came around, when I was recreating my apartment complex, but since then she's been hanging around even when my mind isn't at all focused on any wonderland. Not sure exactly what I'm dealing with here, though I'd be hesitant to call this a tulpa since I did nothing to really 'develop' her besides giving her a lot of attention. It's been several days since her first appearance, and starting today I have gotten little 'thought impulses' from her, but again, I'm not sure if this necessarily means she's a tulpa. Strange.

 

---

 

I just did what I should have done in the first place: I consulted the IRC channel for some assistance/peace of mind. I found out from Xemorph that a tulpa/NPC is only a tulpa/NPC based on what you truly believe they are. Apparently if I wanted to, I could convince myself that any one of my tulpas is just an NPC, or, in Teruya's case, vice-versa. Given her mysterious nature, I'm going to try running a test inspired by Amadeus' NPC-related experiment. I'll fall asleep, and have one (or preferably more) of my tulpas keep watch over Teruya, then when I awaken I can hear what they have to report. Basically, if she goes comatose as soon as I fall asleep, chances are she really is an advanced NPC. Otherwise, I suppose I have a fourth tulpa.

 

Regardless of the results, I'm sticking to my plans to eventually make her into a tulpa anyway, if she proves to be an NPC.

[NeonKnights]

My experiment didn't work, as none of my tulpas was able to tell me anything about Teruya's behavior when I took several brief naps throughout the day. Part of the problem could be that I wasn't prepared to fall asleep, so I couldn't assemble the team or meet up with Teruya before I drifted off. Of course, as you'll read below, it looks like these tests won't matter anyways.

 

Last night I decided to try active forcing for the first time in a while, since I had nothing to do and I was tired, but not quite ready to sleep. Right off the bat, Teruya looked sad. I asked her what the problem was, and she said it was that I "didn't believe in her". Judging from our little chat, I began to think that she really is a tulpa that I've been misidentifying as just an NPC. Or perhaps she's an NPC that's so advanced that she's developed a capacity for emotions somehow, and now is bummed out that she feels I won't help her become a tulpa.

 

It seemed unlike her usual personality to be so down and blue, but regardless of that I felt serious remorse. I told her that I'd tell my friend of her request to be officially acknowledged as a tulpa, since my friend has been adamant with me that I not make any more tulpas (probably for my own good). In the meantime, I told her that I'd try to start thinking of her more as a tulpa.

 

A little while after this, Isis cuddled with me for the first time in a while; not much was said here, but it did feel good to make up for lost time with her.

 

As the night wore on, I began to actually hear vocal responses from, I believe, one of the tulpas. It was about as real as hearing an actual external voice, though the only problem was that the voice sounded a bit robotic, and eerily resembled my own mindvoice, if it were to be externalized. When the voice stated that it belonged to Nyaruko, it all made sense; she may be advanced enough to run some thoughts by me when I'm "in the zone" like that, but not quite advanced enough to have her own voice or sound natural while speaking. Unfortunately, I can't remember anything that was said, only the fact that this brief conversation took place.

 

Last thing in recent news, I've begun to perceive the auras of my tulpas (and Teruya, though she might officially be counted as one soon enough). Following an age-old Raetin tactic, I colored their auras to make them more easy to identify at a glance in "aura mode". Red for Isis, blue for Yuki, yellow for Nyaruko, and green for Teruya. So far this has worked out pretty well in the field of visualization.

 

---

 

Well, she's been expressing a desire for admittance as a tulpa, so I'm going to go ahead and give that to her. Please welcome Miss Teruya Eiko, Tulpa #4.

[NeonKnights]

Today's been an interesting day, though not much tulpaforcing was done. I was pretty much whisked out the door by a group of friends as soon as I got up, and have only just returned.

 

Before the misadventures with my friends, though, I spent an hour or two just lying with Isis and talking to her (and Nyaruko and Teruya, to a lesser extent). It's easy to spend time with all three of them, which is great, but it's shown me that I need to find some way to spend time with Yuki as well. Being out of the romantic loop, it's a bit tough to make time just for her. I think I can find a solution easily enough if I put my mind to it.

[NeonKnights]

Today, for the first time in a while, I began to feel nostalgic for the days when I lived in my previous home. I was there since I was nine, and lived there until the end of last summer. I decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to do some large-scale forcing. I know the house so well that I found I could vividly impose myself there in my mindscape. It made me wonder why I didn't use that as my tulpaforcing base of operations to begin with.

 

I began to show the house to my tulpas, and I showed them how each area looked throughout the years, from beginning to end. I even let them play with servitor replicas of all of my pets, which were surprisingly easy to create with great accuracy.

 

As we got further along into the history of the house, we came to the final two months, wherein I was left alone with the house while it sat on the market, waiting to be sold, and my parents moved out of state. According to my memories, that's when little quirks in the house (like an intermittent knocking sound on a wall of my bedroom) started to become a bit more eerie to me, and I began to always feel that someone was watching me. Basically, I always went around the house armed, expecting the worst. Could have just been paranoia, of course.

 

Anyways, these memories affected our happy tour, and suddenly the house took on the appearance it had on my final night there, when I had to navigate the house by flashlight (since the electricity was shut off that day) while I made sure I had grabbed all of my stuff. Some rooms gave me the creeps to the point where I felt I shouldn't enter them, but I ended up doing so anyways, feeling a horrible tension in the air. This was replicated with hair-raising accuracy in my mindscape, and that's when Isis stepped up to the plate and offered to help me cleanse the house.

 

I took her by the hand and we went through each room together, dispatching mind-demons (what else do you call zombies summoned out of the pure darkness/spookiness of a memory?). She gave me strength to clear the place out, but some really freaky stuff still happened along the way, like seeing faces in the bathroom mirror staring at us with dead, hollow eye sockets. Once the place was clear, and restored to how it once was, I welcomed all of the girls to move in and make themselves at home. Looks like that house is our new anchor point.

 

---

 

So, it seems Isis' full first name is Elisiss. I don't know if she's messing with me or not, so this could be retracted in the near future. We'll see.