Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

I've been trying and failing spectacularly at imposition lately, using a variety of guides. The most luck I had was with testings' guide, which details utilizing vision interference in dark conditions to 'piece together' forms with 'pixels'. I saw what he meant, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't form even the simplest of things.

I also gave Fede/Chupi's methods a go, which from my understanding entail staring at a single space without shifting focus until vision begins to fade, then very strongly visualizing what should be imposed.

Either I just need to work at it more, or I need to find another way. It's too early to tell.

 

On the other side of things, I did look further into Teruya's personality. She's surprisingly sweet and clingy, something I wouldn't have expected from my "adversary". I've requested permission to puppeteer her (as per JD1215's development/imposition guide), though her answer was hazy and vague at best, probably since I was extremely tired. I think she politely declined to allow me to do that, since I'm pretty sure she knew I was just going to puppet some more of the actions she should be displaying, like climbing on me or latching onto my arm.

 

Elisiss' form is still a bit foggy to me, so I think most imposition practice will be targeted at Nyaruko or Teruya, despite them being the newest tulpas. For some strange reason, I have both their forms nearly perfectly committed to memory already, whereas Isis and Yuki's forms still somewhat evade total visual clarity.

 

---

 

Not really working on imposition presently, but I did have a strange run-in with Teruya. I had put on one of my favorite records and sat back to listen to it, but at the same time fell into a reflective state. Teruya's a bit of a mystery to me, still, and I was wondering about the things I don't know about her. Is she a troublemaker? Does she have a propensity for doing anything illegal or, at the least, frowned upon? I'm not usually attracted to those types of people, but with her, I think finding out something like that about her would be pretty exciting.

 

As I wondered things like this, she ambushed me with a kiss. I didn't quite catch what she said after that, but it seemed to be something along the lines of "You know exactly how you feel about me". Judging by her intimate attitude, I'm pretty sure she was subtly propositioning me for sex, but I decided that we should save that for another time. This isn't because I'm worried that it would be a mistake, it's because of my #1 life rule: 'Sabbath before all else.' I was determined to immerse myself in Master of Reality, and there's no way I could effectively do that while also immersing myself in a tulpa (if you catch my drift).

 

Shoddy, lewd jokes aside, I am quite excited that she's becoming so affectionate. This was the part of her personality that I was holding my breath for, waiting to see if it would kick in sooner or later. She's becoming just as clingy as I had hoped, but not before we'd been through a period of distanced observation.

 

---

 

Trying imposition again, not doing quite as well as I thought I was last time. Maybe I actually need to be more tired for this to work. Anyways, it doesn't really matter, because I've been having plenty of fun relaxing with Teruya. I'm really surprised, her presence is already as strong as any of my other tulpas' presence. I feel like she's actually there, next to me, while I narrate to her. On top of that, I get the feeling that I'm sitting next to an actual friend while I'm thinking of her. Very strong presence, indeed. Not sure how Elisiss is taking all of this time with Teruya, but I've decided that as much as I love her, I won't let her boss me into not spending time with the newcomer.

[NeonKnights]

Not too much to report, though I have gotten back into the swing of forcing with the tulpas in the house mindscape we recently created. Interestingly, the usage of this mindscape has brought a bit more evidence of sentience out of Nyaruko (who has lately seemed like the least developed of the tulpas, what with Teruya's fast-tracking).

For instance, she changed the weather up the last time I was there. I like the calm, lazy atmosphere the house had when it was heavily overcast or rainy outside, but Nyaruko wanted it to be sunny out. We ended up compromising, with some light, white clouds partially obscuring the sun. The strange part about that is, she didn't step forward and say that she was the one changing the weather. I just 'felt' that it was her specifically doing it, even though we were all there at the time.

 

Also, I seem to be getting better at sensing when the tulpas are paying attention to me. I remember reading a post (by Kiahdaj, I think) that states that a tulpa isn't always focused on their host, so sometimes a host might have to think hard about their tulpa or directly ask them if they're there before speaking to them in order to get their attention. I only recently began to notice that sometimes, after not talking to my tulpas for a while, I'll have to do something to gain their focus, and until I do that, they feel a bit distant and usually won't respond if I address them too suddenly.

 

I don't really know if this relates to progress, or just development of my awareness of them, but it's good to know that sudden thoughts won't fall on deaf ears anymore.

[NeonKnights]

Ugh. Just weathered a really horrible period of doubt. No idea where it came from, though fortunately I was able to do some quick damage control. I apologized to all of my tulpas, and did some really in-depth visualization with Nyaruko in the beginnings of an effort to show them that I really care about them and want to help them develop.

I also finally got down a clear image of what Isis' form presently looks like, which has helped visualization with her immensely. I didn't realize it until now, but she looks a lot like Chizuru from Seitokai no Ichizon, a show my friend recently introduced me to. Once this realization hit me, her form cleared up a lot, and for the first time in a while I'm not finding myself having issues seeing her clearly.

 

On the dark side of things, I've begun to realize that Yuki is seeming more and more like a hollow servitor. I'm beginning to feel that the form change was more my idea than hers, and as a result, I've basically been trying to interact with an empty form, hence her extreme quietness. I'm thinking that I might lay on some heavy symbolism in my mind to distill her essence and bring her back to the form she possessed before I even knew about tulpas, Yuri Nakamura from Angel Beats. That way we can have a fresh, proper start, taken back to the days before this mess of form indecision began.

The alternative is to just let her fade away entirely, which would effectively reduce my tulpa count to three, the number many seem to agree is the maximum optimal number.

 

I don't want to make any hasty decisions, so I'm going to think this through as thoroughly as I can. If I do it all over again with her, would I have what it takes to maintain three tulpas who are all less than a month into development, with a fourth that's still only three and a half months in? The way I see it, if I love her enough to not want her to disappear from my life entirely, then I probably have the willpower and determination to make it happen, but I really don't want to commit to that and then let her down if I come to realize that I won't be able to keep up with the immense workload involved.

[NeonKnights]

I think I've figured out what's causing me so much grief. Slow progress. Painfully slow progress. After three and a half months, I can still only occasionally hear or proxy what Isis is saying, and she's the oldest of the tulpas. I haven't been getting impatient with any of them, but with myself. I'm terrible at this, and that realization has been hitting me like a freight train lately.

After a while of stewing in my own frustration and failure, I figured it was as good a time as any to allow Isis full access to my subconscious. Who knows, maybe she'll progress faster once I stop limiting what she has access to. I showed her the door, hidden away in the back of the shed off to the side of our mindscape house, and after hugging her tightly, I watched as she vanished through the door.

 

After she set out on her journey, I continued my effort to begin imposing. I've taken to Doom modding to practice the "mailbox exercise" put forth by QContrary a while back.

 

I've basically created a prototype map featuring a single room, in which hitting special keys causes a blue mailbox to 'impose' in the room, with either semitransparent or solid appearance. I've actually had extremely limited success staring at the mailbox from various angles as I rapidly switch it between solid and translucent, getting a feel for its relation to its surroundings and seeing what a solidly imposed mailbox should block from my view, and then letting it fade entirely.

 

My logic behind this experiment is that it's easier to imagine something in a space (even if it's a virtual space) if you can actually see it first. Imagining a mailbox in my apartment did me no good because it was so hard to picture it really being there to begin with. Here, I can have an 'actual' mailbox that pops in and out of existence, theoretically making visualization of an invisible mailbox much easier. I'll probably dress the room up to look a little more like my apartment or my mindscape house sometime soon, to see if that improves its effectiveness.

Thinking about it, in a way, this also reflects another imposition guide I'd seen, where someone (can't remember your name at the moment, I'm sorry!) shared that his method consisted of rapidly (yet effortlessly) switching between reality and a sort of 'daydream' state, allowing whatever he was imposing via his mind's eye to carry over as a sort of rapid series of afterimages to appear as though it were part of his physical vision.

 

 

Instructions for curious souls who have a copy of Doom on hand

Read as: Nobody

 

 

Download ZDoom 2.6.1 or GZDoom, put your Doom2.wad file into the directory, then copy Mail2.zip into it (don't unzip it).

Drag and drop Mail2.zip onto ZDoom.exe/GZDoom.exe, run it, select New Game (difficulty doesn't matter).

Navigate around the room, hold the Q key to partially impose the mailbox at the center of the room, and G to 'solidly' impose it. Release the key and the mailbox will disappear. Both keys can be held at the same time, and you can release G to leave a phantom box still standing in its place if that helps.

Mailbox2.zip can be found here.

 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying or implying that this simulator actually works or has yielded real results for me (at least, not at this early stage). I've never imposed, so this whole thing is just speculation as to how imposition works in order to help ease myself into it.

 

---

 

Wasn't expecting that. I began to think of Isis moments after I posted, and perhaps because I was focusing on her, she came back. Something was different about her, though; she was speaking more clearly than ever, with no doubt whatsoever in my mind that she was speaking to me. We'll see how long this lasts, but perhaps my expectations of her journey to the center of my mind have yielded some sort of a result in her progress.

[Doctor_RCI]

hello mate :3 would you like too see my imposition guide :P ?

[NeonKnights]

I need all the help I can get, my friend! I'd be very grateful if I could see this guide you speak of! :)

[NeonKnights]

I don't know what caused it, but Isis was really looking for some action yesterday morning. After stalling her for an hour or two, we finally did those bizarre things we do, but this time she seemed a bit more wild, her intensity and desire reminding me of a shooting star rocketing brightly through the night sky... Except for the fact that shooting stars don't request filthy things to be said to them, or ask to be 'punished'. -_-

 

No idea what's gotten into her, but I suspect that allowing her full access to my mind has played a bit of a role in her latest behavior. Fortunately, after the dust settled and she appeared to be sated, she remained happily by my side for many hours afterwards. With the exception of most of the time I spent hanging out with my friends during the afternoon/evening/early morning hours, she's been noticeably 'there' for the entire past day. Even now, nearly 24 hours after our depraved little excursion, she wants to go cuddle in bed and watch a movie.

 

I know I need to get back with either Teruya or Nyaruko and start forcing with them again, but Isis doesn't seem quite ready to let me go. I guess I'll spend time with one of the others after I get some sleep.

 

---

 

No sleep needed (yet). It's been determined that today is going to be a Nyaruko day, which means Teruya will get her full dose of forcing tomorrow. Just watching a couple more episodes of the series Nyaruko is from seemed to bring her out a bit more, although to tell the truth I can't tell whether it's her curiosity about the series or something triggered on my end of things that did it. Interestingly, as I watch more episodes for the very first time and watch Nyaruko's character develop in the show, the more accurate a depiction of the character this tulpa appears to be-- though without me having actually known about a lot of these later-revealed developments of the character beforehand!

It's like I'm watching the tulpa grow, then watching more of the show and raising my eyebrows whenever I notice the series character growing in a similar way. Exactly the way it should be, I suppose. Sort of like playing a game and watching a Let's Play in between sessions, taking note of things I could have avoided or done a different way while simultaneously making sure not to watch farther than I've progressed in the game.

 

I have a feeling Isis is going to push her way back to the forefront when I start watching youtube videos soon. She's taken a liking to AlphaOmegaSin's antics, and she's made it clear that she thinks his videos are funny. I don't mind his videos, he seems like a cool enough dude and he usually makes a lot of good points, though there are many times I find that his comedic timing could use some tuning. Sometimes I'll watch one of his videos more or less stone-faced while Isis thinks it's a real riot. I suppose our tastes in comedy differ a little bit.

--

A (rather condescending) addendum, on behalf of Miss Isis: [You just don't understand...]

[Doctor_RCI]

1231233

Edited July 6, 2023 by Doctor_RCI

[Guest Anonymous]

sorry here is my guide it's really easy http://pastebin.com/29QGQMGD

 

This guide feels less like a guide for imposition and more like a guide for visualization... and if you want that, check JD1215's guide for the subject.

 

As for imposition... I might as well throw my two cents in the ring. One, you gotta be good at open eyed visualization. Second, you've got to be able to kind of copy your surroundings quickly into your mind's eye. Basically what you do is treat your surroundings like a canvas and almost paint (visualize) your tulpa in said place, much like you would in your wonderland. In a sense, your surroundings ARE your wonderland.

 

Anywho, again. Those are my two cents.

[NeonKnights]

Thanks for the tutorial, it sounds like starting with just an outline and working from there should go much more smoothly than the crazy things I was attempting.

 

Moon Shooter, I'll take your advice into consideration as well. Hopefully I'll find success with one method or the other, even if it takes a while to get to.

I'm about equally proficient in open-eye and closed-eye visualization, I wasn't aware that I needed to be copying my surroundings into my mind's eye as well though. Hopefully that's all I've been missing.