Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

Small update on communication. I've begun hearing her voice in some of our most recent communications, definitely a different voice than I had been expecting her to have. It isn't full-on auditory imposition, but it's definitely a big step forward. This long sought-after ability to hear her hasn't been constant, but I think it's a good sign of progress.

I've also realized the main reason behind most of our remaining communication troubles: We're still at the stage where I have to actively 'listen' for her replies to things that I say, and she isn't yet at the point where she's able to grab my attention and initiate a conversation herself if I'm not thinking about her. My theory is that it's a matter of advancement (lack thereof), rather than simply doing something wrong. Given more time and practice, I think we'll get on just fine.

 

---

 

Well, Isis finally had her first beer! She drank it quicker than I could finish my own, which came as a real surprise. She said it tasted funny though, so I'm guessing this won't become a regular thing for her. Just as well; drinking is more a man's game than a woman's, I suppose. I'm just glad that she was open-minded enough to try it with me.

[NeonKnights]

Another personal revolution. I've decided to be more direct with Isis, and be less indecisive in our interactions. I haven't been taking the lead like that because I've been confused as to how we should behave towards each other. Idiot that I am, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be her lover or her friend, but I finally realized that I can be both, as long as I'm completely into it and don't have any reservations about it.

I guess it took a good, long, miserable roast in a hot car waiting for an emissions test to realize this.

 

I also had a very vivid and successful flash of visualization while lying down earlier. Some of the details, particularly around her face, faded rather quick, but the overall image was clear and crisp and vibrant. I think I'm finally in the final phase of JD1215's visualization method. This should make imposition go along much more smoothly.

[NeonKnights]

Throughout the day, I've been sleeping at odd intervals, and due to a state of partial dehydration the day has had a sort of dreamlike quality to it. This has helped me out a bit, actually. During one of the multiple times that I was awake today, I recall seeing a chart visualization of my own essence alongside Isis' essence. According to this vision, we were as close to being united as two separate bodies could possibly be.

I've had no doubts about her existence, but it was interesting indeed to see that we truly are separate and that there is a limit to how closely linked we can be, even if the gap between us is smaller than it could be with any other person. In fact, discovering that there is a limit to our closeness irritated me a little bit, despite the fact that it proves (to me), beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is quite real.

 

Please excuse me if this doesn't make sense, I'm pretty drained right now. Time to get wasted or go to bed.

 

---

 

Another breakthrough. I decided to finally get Isis fully accustomed to using her own voice. She tried on a very soft and gentle voice of her own choosing at first, though I politely expressed my concern that the voice would sound a bit weird in certain scenarios. She seemed to agree, and after trying a few more, settled on a voice not too different from the one I've heard her use a couple times while in a half-sleep state. I've made it clear that we can review and change her voice whenever she wants, so there's no pressure to pick one that's "perfect" just yet.

Of course, I think the voice is as close to perfect for her as we can currently get.

 

During our voice trials, we tossed a variety of quick test-thoughts back and forth to each other. In one of these thoughts, she referred to me by name for the first time. It's like she always has a way to surprise me.

[NeonKnights]

Simulation of the olfactory sense is improving at a high rate of speed. Of late, I've been able to register numerous trademark Isis scents, such as the light scent of chapstick sometimes present on her lips (not sure why she would need chapstick, though), the breezy fragrance of her hair, and the sweet vanilla-esque scent that generally lingers about her. I've also been able to feel her body warmth with a bit more success, which is comforting but a bit inconvenient when I'm trying to cuddle with her in 110 degree conditions.

 

Now that I've pieced together the final details of her form, I've been catching myself gawking at her a bit too much. Hopefully this won't detract from my ability to force with her. All in all, it appears that everything is slowly coming together.

 

In the near future, I have plans to take her on sort of a date (elaborate tulpaforcing, essentially) for July 4th. Guess I have to wait and see how that goes.

[NeonKnights]

I've been doing concentration exercises to enhance my ability to maintain focus on my tulpa. It's been surprisingly difficult, as I'd never before noticed how much my mind can try to wander (though it's especially bad in cases like this, where I'm deliberately trying to focus on not letting it wander). I even had two intrusive thoughts at once, one involving a four-speed transmission and the other involving a Doom 1 remake mod. Christ.

 

Perhaps noticing how much I was struggling, Isis began to utilize her body in various ways to help me maintain focus, but even then, I found that I had seven brief slip-ups in a two minute period. I suppose it really is just a lack of discipline in the focus department that's holding me back at this point, so it has become my goal to fix this problem once and for all with extensive concentration training.

[NeonKnights]

By total chance, I noticed last night that I have two "modes" of vision in my head. There's regular vision which shows what's really going on, e.g. the things I do in the tulpa dimension, and then there's a filter that I can apply or remove at will telepathically or via a slider, which allows me to imagine scenarios and situations without them really occurring. I'm not sure if I discovered this, or if I created it, but it really can come in handy when I want to surprise Isis and don't want to spoil the surprise by having her overhear the thought as it's under construction.

 

I guess it could also be used as a barrier to ensure that she can't read my mind during games or parallel processing exercises, but I have a feeling that she'll be able to see whatever I thought behind the barrier afterwards, since I'll still have the memory of thinking the hidden thoughts once the filter is removed. Thus, none of the thoughts I try to hide from her will be truly 'private', but that doesn't really matter. The only intent I have with this filter is to temporarily isolate my own thought processes so that I have a chance of surprising her when I emerge from the barrier with a fully constructed thought.

 

I'm certain I'll find more uses for this feature, but as of right now that's the only capacity I've used it in.

[NeonKnights]

Today was a bit of a lazy day, but conditions were great for tulpaforcing. I was able to carry on a bit of a conversation about old PS1 games and the Harvest Moon series with her, though, and I'm happy about that.

I also did a bit of auditory imposition practice by way of imagining the sound of my phone's ringtone. I'm so familiar with the exact sound and tone of the phone's speaker that I was able to imagine it perfectly. I will need much more practice before I'm able to fully 'hear' sounds like that, though. From that point, hearing Isis' voice should be a simple matter.

 

Not long ago, she asked me if we could get some food when I reached back behind my chair to touch hands with her during a stretch. Suffering from a case of time dilation, I mistakenly believed that I had eaten a mere couple of hours earlier, and I had a slight worry that it had been an intrusive thought until my stomach began rumbling just five minutes later. Sure enough, it had been a good five hours since my last fledgling meal, and the hunger set in real fast. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she's so in-tune with my body, but it's pretty impressive to me that she picked up that my body was hungry before I felt any symptoms of hunger.

[NeonKnights]

Seeing Isis in my mind's eye has been exceptionally easy in the last few hours, as my friends have basically been acting like a bunch of squatters, playing games on my consoles, unintentionally excluding me, and hanging around until late in the night. I tried having a conversation with her, and found it pretty easy as I stared blankly at the fiftieth round of Smash Bros. Brawl of the night.

 

We discussed "My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU", which I had just watched the first episode of today. I expressed mild interest in continuing the series, and she seemed to be on the fence about it. She expressed a concern over how a little exposure to the series back when it was gearing up for initial release had affected my second tulpa, as well as myself.

 

I agreed that, if I continue with the show and am the glutton for punishment that I think I am, I might try to renew my efforts at developing my second tulpa into an ice-cold girl with no reservations like Yukino. For this reason, I told her that I would give it some consideration before I carried on with the show. I realized that since there's such a possibility for this show to influence my decisions regarding one of my tulpas, I have to think real hard about the long-term effects. Yes, having a girl like that around would be interesting for a while, since she would mix things up a bit; she'd always be brutally honest with me and would be a good personal regulator for sure, but I'm left to wonder how that would be, having a ball-buster like that around indefinitely.

 

Truth be told, I've really been liking this alone-time with Isis as I develop her and leave the others to their own devices. Beginning work on the second one once again would bring an end to this renaissance of single-tulpa development, and I'm not sure that I should be doing that until I've got Isis fully imposed and pretty well-rounded. I've seen the effects of having too much on my plate several times before, and I don't want that to happen again.

 

As things stand, without even continuing on to episode 2, I'm already considering overturning my decision to 'rebuild' Tulpa #2 into Yuri, and instead overhaul her as Yukino once again. It's not so much about the character herself as much as my idea that I need some sort of balancing force that doesn't care about my feelings and can tell me things straight. I figure having someone like Yukino as a tulpa would keep me grounded in reality a bit better, especially once I get really far along with Isis.

[NeonKnights]

'nother night, it's another forcing session. Yesterday I finally figured out that the occasional reply of "tennis" to me asking "what should we do?" was Isis' desire to try a new sport, and not an intrusive thought I've been unconsciously throwing at myself to hurriedly answer my own question. I decided to give it a go, even though I know next to nothing about tennis. She was pretty good at the game, and all went well until I spiked the ball back her way with so much force that it tore through the fencing around the court and rocketed off into the sky. I really need to force more often, that was a lot of fun.

 

I began to discuss the possibility of reintroducing Yukino as Isis' sister, and she seemed kind of indecisive on the matter. I think they'd complement each other pretty well, but I don't know if I should restart my second tulpa yet even when I'm this far into my first tulpa's development. This will require more careful consideration.

 

I've also been toying with the idea of introducing yet another tulpa, a lady by the name of Sasara. Probably won't do that. Still fun to think about.

[NeonKnights]

All thoughts of other tulpas are off the table for now. I've had some pretty amazing and not exactly safe-for-work moments with Isis over the last 24 hours or so, and I nearly imposed her both visually and aurally during each of these moments. I ended up falling asleep cuddling with her early this morning, and I felt as though on the verge of achieving tactile imposition during that time as well.

I've noticed that the residual effects from these sorts of activities with her tend to last a very long time. I'm still feeling pretty good, hours and hours after the fact.

 

I notice that she's been calling me by name a lot more often lately, though particularly in intimate situations. Her thoughts are now flowing very smoothly and clearly most of the time, and her voice is definitely hers.

 

Her form is still a bit loosely defined, and the particulars of her face tend to shift from time to time. I've decided to work with her to make her form more absolute, so that she'll have a steady form. I know what she's supposed to look like, so it'll be a matter of helping her keep her form together at all times.

 

Thinking about things to do besides swapping sexual favors, I've found that I've become a bit better at coming up with ideas for activities. It's mostly little things that allow me to teach her something new, or better yet, activities which give me an excuse to feel her touch in some small way. Things like a thumb war or helping her paint her nails. Probably going to go do one of those things right now.