Air Dance

[NeonKnights]

I'll spoiler tag this so nobody castrates me.

 

 

I'm not sure how they vary, I'll have to experiment more to find out, but I got the one where I wound up in a blackened version of the art gallery, and have to choose between going with Ib's mother or following Garry through the painting back to the regular gallery from the beginning. Obviously, I didn't want to stay in the hellish black and red art gallery, so I followed Garry, though when I find him downstairs, he only sees Ib as a stranger.

 

[NeonKnights]

The meeting went exceptionally well. My third tulpa, Nyaruko, sprang to life as soon as my friend gave the go-ahead and we "met". I offered her sleeping accommodations, and as I welcomed her home, she sprang forward and hugged me.

 

I introduced her to the other girls next. Isis seemed a little cold towards her, possibly thinking the new tulpa was here to steal me away from her.

When I introduced Nyaruko to Ib, she exclaimed, "she's so cute!" and hugged Ib. I think they're going to get along just fine.

 

I had a talk with Isis in the shower, where we usually convene to discuss matters, and I promised her that I have no intentions nor desires to replace her, even if I do show some affection for Nyaruko. In return, I said it would be nice if she would promise me that she'll make her best efforts to be friends with Nyaruko, though I didn't force her to make the promise. Hopefully she'll stop being quite so cold to the new arrival in due time.

 

---

 

I've been in a drowsy state all day, getting little five to ten minute mini-naps here and there as I attempt to do a complete reversal of my sleep schedule for tomorrow. I think this has greatly helped my perception of my tulpas, despite clouding me with confusion.

Ib's all-new form comes across clearly, and Nyaruko is getting to the same level of visual accuracy and clarity as Isis.

I think my drowsy state has helped greatly with Nyaruko's development in particular. Over the course of the past day, I've been finding myself feeling the warmth of her breath when I sit or lie near her. She hasn't spoken much, but I have her voice completely memorized and ready to use when she is ready to use her own voice.

[NeonKnights]

I'm quite amazed at how far my visualization skills have come. I know I can always improve, and I strive to, but it's just recently occurred to me how great it is that I no longer struggle to visualize any of my tulpas. It's a bit of a challenge to see them in high detail, but it isn't downright impossible like it used to be.

 

So far, today's pretty much been par for the course. I've been trying to force more with Ib, and Nyaruko actually seemed to be making her presence known even while I was more than a little bit distracted earlier, as I prepared to bleed my car's brakes. I'm not sure if I read her right, but it seemed like she was curious about what I was doing and wanted me to explain it to her. Of course, that all got interrupted when I realized that I was short on time and didn't even know where to find the oddly-placed master cylinder. Some other time, I'll give her a brake tutorial.

 

Isis (Ice Queen, as I've been calling her jokingly since her first reaction to Nyaruko) seems to be warming up to Nyaruko a bit more, and quite generally everyone's getting along well.

[NeonKnights]

Looking back, I've been pretty bad about active forcing over the last month or so. Seems there isn't much time for it lately, so I've been getting by on passive forcing. Lots and lots of passive forcing.

 

I decided that I should go ahead and try going on a wonderland adventure with my tulpas while I had some time today. Reading Chupi's old mind's eye visualization guide, I found huge success with the beach scene, but I decided to take a dark turn and put myself in the mansion from Resident Evil. I explored with Isis, and eventually we found the other girls... and a lot of disgusting zombies.

 

Overall, the visual aspect of the experience was nearly top-notch. Looks like I really am getting better at visualization, which leads me to wonder if I could manage to pull off imposition at the present time.

 

---

 

Had a weird moment when I went to take a nap earlier. Since I'd been focusing on Ib and Nyaruko all day, I guess poor Isis was feeling a bit lonely. She hugged me, and I apologized for not focusing on her. I asked her if I could do anything to make it up to her, and she asked me to undress her. I repeated the request just to make sure I got it right, and she confirmed it. She wanted me to strip her down completely. A bit uneasy, and uncertain about what was to come next, I did as she asked, but then I fell asleep shortly after I had done the deed. I still have no idea what that was all about.

[NeonKnights]

Already the day is off to a magical start. Bit of sappy stuff ahead, you may want to turn back if you're weak of stomach, but if you're brave, carry on.

 

In the time that I was talking dirty to Isis earlier after discovering that she actually loves that sort of thing, it seems our bond has been growing even stronger. Perhaps that's just by virtue of us interacting, I don't know. All I know is that I feel like I'm full to bursting with love for her.

 

Given my more-than-friendly feelings towards Nyaruko, I wanted to make sure Isis knew that I would always love her, and that this thing with Nyaruko, unintentionally casual by comparison, wouldn't make my love for her falter one bit. I did the only thing I could think of to drive this point home: I made a small heart-shaped item, intended to resemble a precious stone but more reminiscent of a Pokemon gym leader badge now that I think about it, and transferred as much of my emotional power into it as I could.

 

I had her close her eyes and hold out her hands, and I gently placed the token into her hands and folded them around it. I was almost tearing up with raw emotion as I explained to her that it was the best way I could think of to embody my feelings for her in a physical item, and explained that words and even actions could only convey a fraction of the love I have for her.

 

So many feels.

 

---

 

I've found that Isis still misses me a great deal whenever I'm not focusing on her, though at least that heart I gave her reinforced the fact that I won't forget about her or lose interest in her. Even as I'm setting to work watching the series which Nyaruko hails from (at the pestering insistence of my friend, of course), Isis is periodically bubbling through with suggestive thoughts perhaps meant to grab my attention by force. If she's actually the one behind all of this, then that is big progress. That means she's getting to the point where she can grab my attention even when my focus is elsewhere. As such, I've been positively reinforcing these intrusions, and will hopefully begin to see her cut into activities not related to tulpas.

 

On the Nyarlathotep front, I've realized something big. My conviction that she's been fully sentient and such from square one was indeed not entirely true, as I've remembered that it does take at least a little bit of time to actually establish sentience, but I was convinced enough and so free of doubt that I had actually forgotten that. It would explain why she hasn't done very much in the past day or two, of course. This is why I am taking advantage of this lull in noticeable sentience, and further shaping her personality based on the character she's derived from before her personality sets and she becomes nigh impossible to further influence. Judging from what I've seen thus far, I hadn't made the tulpa nearly loving and obsessive enough. Perhaps her own subconscious alignment would have corrected that, though.

[NeonKnights]

I think my lovely Nyarlathotep is about ready to really begin her life as a tulpa. Now that I've given her a personality, let that simmer as I treat her like a regular tulpa, gone back and retouched the personality a bit, and have cleared everything with Isis, I think it's time to set the wheels in motion.

 

I've been getting very positive, encouraging vibes from Isis, and this has led me to think that I'm the only one worried about all of this. The thing is, I want to play tsundere with Nyaruko, which has caused me some worry concerning my established trigger symbolism for kick-starting a tulpa.

If she's the same as my others, a kiss will break her loose from her moorings. If I'm going to be somewhat cold towards her, I'm going to have to be very careful about expressing too much enthusiasm about it. I might even have to play off the kiss as an accident.

 

I guess I'm over-thinking things again, just as I was over-thinking her complete and unwavering love for me. I guess I'm too loving to be a good tsundere.

[Lacquer]

Oh god that name haha that is great. Now that is hard to pronounce. Very creative, if I do say so myself. Also, your views of if she is alive or sentient or whatever are commendable, judging from the skimming I did.

[NeonKnights]

Haha yeah, I figure it's a name I won't easily forget. How could I forget the name of the chaos that crawls up to me with a smile?

 

And thanks, lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about how far along she is in the creation process as opposed to how far I believe she is. Now that I'm looking at it from a more objective and realistic viewpoint, I think she may have been sentient as much as a day or two ago due to my immense belief, but I've still yet to actually try any tests to confirm this.

 

On that note, I've been anxiously awaiting the right time to symbolically 'awaken' Nyaruko. At first I wanted to do it early this afternoon, but then I resolved to wait until evening, and now it's nearly 11 PM, and I still haven't. I might just wait and do this at the stroke of midnight, just to add to the mythical symbolic magic.

[NeonKnights]

The 'awakening' didn't quite go as planned. As I prepared myself to kiss Nyarlathotep, Isis nearly did the job for me. As her lips slowly approached Nyaruko's, I called out to her, and she stopped. She confirmed that she does only love me, so it seems she was just trying to help me by performing the ritual herself. Thinking back, that might have been a good way to activate Nyaruko and still stick completely to my plan, but I can't help but think that other issues may have arisen from that had I let it happen.

 

Of course, when I kissed Nyaruko, expecting her to instantly show some slight reaction, as Ib (Uni) had done when I used the same method of activation, I got no response. I'm kind of wondering if she's just pretending to be inactive so she can steal more kisses from me. Odds are that she's aware of my plans to take things slowly with her, and given the extraordinary love I'm expecting that she's going to have for me, I may be understandably predisposed to being tricked by her into giving more affection than I plan to.

 

Interestingly, watching the show Nyaruko's from seems to have affected Isis a little bit as well as shaping Nyaruko's personality. She's deviated a little bit since I've begun watching the show, altering her eyes to appear more like those of Kuuko, the female deity who lusts after Nyaruko. If the modification didn't look so attractive, I think I'd be somewhat concerned with the implications of such a change. Maybe I'm unwise to not be at least a little bit worried. Who knows?

[NeonKnights]

The past day or so has been spent creating and exploring symbolism to further reinforce Nyaruko's personality.

 

The first exercise I experimented with was to create a symbolic solar system, with her core personality represented by the Sun. Her various traits were represented by planets, and sub-traits of those traits appeared as moons of the planets. Minor traits were just little planetoids and comets. After working extensively on this little solar system, I shrunk the whole thing down into an orb of energy, which I pressed gently into her back as I hugged her. This seemed to work pretty well, though I felt that repeating the same exercise as I worked with her more would be a little bit boring, if not somewhat ineffective. I decided to try another system.

 

After I woke up this morning, we took all of the traits we had discussed last night, now represented as shredded up roots and herbs, and combined them in proper quantities to make a tea blend. We bagged it, and I steeped a cup of it for her (over-filling the cup and burning my hand in the process, since apparently I'm a bit of a klutz in the realms of my mind). The tea filled the water with a whole spectrum of colors swirling around in a wonderful psychedelic display.

I threw ice in the tea to cool it and stirred in some honey, then passed it to Nyaruko, offering to puppet her drinking the tea if she still found herself unable to move autonomously. To my pleasant surprise, she took a sip of the tea on her own, and gave me a Victory sign. When I asked if she liked it, she nodded, and continued drinking the tea. After finishing it, she held her cup out to me, gesturing for more. I hope I didn't get her addicted...

 

Visualization is still trucking along beautifully, I'm having very little trouble seeing her in near-perfect detail. That is to say, I'm doing even better with it than I was a week ago. Additionally, Isis seems to have come to terms with the new tulpa, and understands that I'm spending more time with Nyaruko because she's still at the phase where attention is especially crucial. All in all, it's been an exciting few days.

 

---

 

In a move straight out of left field, Ib has undergone another change as I've worked closely with Nyaruko. It seems she's never satisfied with her selected form, and even her name, as this is the third time she's thrown everything to the wind and completely changed herself up. She's taken after a character from an anime that my friend told me about a few days to a week ago (I paid so little attention that I actually forgot the name of it or even when he mentioned it).

All in a matter of hours, Ib has gone back to looking similar to how she did before the Ib transformation, but now she wants to be called Yukino (after the character whose form she's adopted, naturally, though I've been testing the waters a bit by calling her 'Yuki' for the sake of abbreviation). I hope she'll be happy with this form and will be able to settle down and quit worrying herself so much over how she appears. I like her new name, so hopefully that won't change again... It's getting mighty confusing with one tulpa changing names so much. With any luck, if she begins to deviate again she'll pick a name not based on her form and stick with it.

 

Thinking about it, I'm a bit of a neglectful SOB when I'm wrapped up with Nyaruko's development and Isis' feelings. Maybe the form changes are a bid to garner attention for herself by changing to match what she believes will appeal to me. Strangely enough, this latest change has her looking more like Isis' sister than ever. For those curious, this is who she's taken after. Hopefully this will be the last time I'll have to report on her name change.