[misc] JD's Guide to Telling People About Your Tulpa

[JD1215]

JD's Guide to Telling People About Your Tulpa

 

After all of your hard work, you may be considering telling some friends or loved ones about your tulpa. This is a fairly common desire -- however, sharing the fact you have a tulpa is a risky desire to fulfill. There are a lot of things to consider before you go talking about the imaginary sentient creature that lives in your head.

 

The first thing you want to consider is the open mindedness of the person you want to tell. Do they have a history of being open to new ideas, or are they stubborn with their ideologies? Do you think they would believe you if you explained what tulpas were, let alone the fact that you might have one? If they are not open-minded to the idea of tulpas, they will either disbelieve you and think of you as weird, and/or they will become concerned for your mental well-being. They will not likely be convinced by reading informational content on the internet (not to be mistaken with healthy skepticism). If they are not usually open minded, you may not want to even consider telling them.

 

The second thing you want to consider is do they have religious or spiritual beliefs that could influence them to look at tulpas in a negative way? A person's religiosity -- how important they consider religion to be in his or her life, as well as frequency of religious behaviors -- greatly correlates to the risk of a negative reaction to the idea of tulpas. In the mind of say, a very conservative Christian, a tulpa could easily be thought of as a deceitful demonic figure: a trademark of sin. After revealing your tulpa to a person like this, it will be very stressful to go on tulpaforcing in secret.

 

The third thing to consider is how rational this person is in their behavior. How likely are they to overreact to knowing about your tulpa? Will they go to the end of the world to get you to stop -- despite the fact that it doesn't affect them in any way; are they likely to disrespect your privacy thereafter? Might they even be abusive if you do not agree to stop making a tulpa? Will they make an ultimatum? This is unfortunately not uncommon in couples where one individual is making a tulpa, and the other threatens to break up if the person does not stop. Parents on the other hand tend to become extremely naggy and intrusive, and all of your tulpaforcing may have to be done reclusively.

 

The fourth thing to consider is could you deal with the rejection from this person if they decide they do not like your tulpa business? Assuming the worst, would you be okay with the fact they might not want to be your friend, lover, or affiliate if you reveal your tulpa to them? If they're a family member, they might even wish to break ties with you. If they chose to walk out of your life, could you go on? If the answer is no, then do not tell this person, unless you are absolutely certain they would not walk away from your relationship with them over something like tulpas.

 

The fifth thing to consider before telling anyone, especially your legal guardians, is your state's laws for involuntary commitment to psychiatric examination. The law varies by state, so some states are worse than others when it comes to this. In some states, such as Florida, all it takes is a petition from some individuals who are concerned for your mental health to put you into involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital where you can be held for up to 72 hours to determine whether you have a mental illness -- the definition of which is rather lenient compared to other states' standards -- and are dangerous to others or yourself. In the United States for the most part, you can not be held against your will for longer than 72 hours for anything other than a psychiatric examination unless you pose an apparent threat to yourself or other human beings, or are gravely disabled. But do you really want to risk having friends or even family members temporarily sign away your liberties to be examined for a practice that is entirely safe and actually beneficial to most people? For more information about your state's laws, you can use the table at http://tulpaforce.me/telling-people.html, or use the Treatment Advocacy Center's State Standards Charts for Assisted Treatment and Emergency Hospitalization for Evaluation Standards.

 

If you ever find yourself asking whether you should tell someone about your tulpa's, the default answer should be no -- until you rigorously consider all of the possibilities. It can be frightening when people react negatively to concepts that are alien and strange to them, and traumatic when those reactions come from a loved one. If they pass these questions with flying colors, sharing tulpas with them might be an extraordinarily enlightening experience for the both of you, and give your tulpa a new companion to converse with. The best thing to do would be to show them one of the many online resources of tulpa information, unless you feel confident in your ability to safely summarize the description and advantages of a tulpa yourself. In the end, never be afraid to be yourself, and always try to make wise decisions. Good luck!

[Procron X]

So basically, better safe than sorry.

[Quilten]

Really good addition to the guides section, I must say. Better to have less people in psychiatric hospitals when we can help it.

 

Short and simply put, don't be offensive, don't be invasive, don't be stupid, and hopefully others will react similarly.

[Yuki_]

I don't want to have my host tell anyone about me, because I am scared they will reject him because of it. I don't think my host wants to tell anyone, either. That's good.

 

Maybe a good idea would be to tell people about the concept of tulpa before telling them you have one. Then you can see their reaction to it with out being rejected as a crazy person.

[Quilten]

That is actually brilliant.

From here on out, I'll most likely start doing that, as opposed to bringing up psychological phenomena beforehand and then directly saying I have tulpae, when explaining the concept beforehand is not only a better way to weigh reactions, but also a better transition, I suppose.

[Linkzelda]

Even if you think that's a useful contingency plan, it only works if the person you're easing the concept into has the naivete of a child. Sure, you can just say things like,

 

"Nah, it's just something weird I found out on the Internet you know?"

 

"It's weird, there's this idea that you can create a conscious entity through sheer willpower...sounds like the signs of becoming a schizo huh?"

 

 

Logic follows they'll either shrug it off, and you'll have to stop bringing the concept up to them (which makes the whole act of the euphemistic approach useless). And since suspicion is augmented each time one mentions the concept of tulpa, you're now in a catch-22 with bringing up the concept euphemistically or any other way you feel can be presentable to them without you receiving the backlash.

 

Even stated in a WIP article section I made here that as much as people want to create contingency plans, you're gambling with the probability of ostracism or even worse: going in solitary confinement.

 

And even if people can accept one has a tulpa, ostracism can be a silent killer. People will look at you differently even if they are open-minded and empathetic. You might be able to get the acceptance from parents in time, but it's only the case because you're either their only child or something. And a parent that would care about their child, paranoia is highly likely, which means sending their child for treatment is probable.

 

 

Honestly, face reality, learn to adapt, tell your tulpa about it. In time, they and you will learn how to live in a world that won't take these things lightly. You make a pretty huge sacrifice to have greater adaptability with having a tulpa in general with others. Sometimes wanting to get others to gradually accept your decision to have a tulpa isn't as black and white as it seems.

 

 

There's so many gray areas that the default answer with keeping quiet about it is the best safety measure. It will be quite some time until people can have the privilege to state they have a tulpa freely. Things like Lucid dreaming and its probability for escapism, cognitive dissonance, negative regressions, and such can make naive parents and loved ones want the person go into personal treatment. Tulpa is no exception to this.

 

And besides, the people you want to ease the concept into, if they cease to exist, how they leave a trail of what you've done (if they told others) allows people that may not be more understanding to set up those petitions/requests/etc. for you to go into treatment. And it was all because people want to feel at ease with others around them to prevent feeling alienated.

 

 

But of course, like JD1215 stated, never be afraid to be yourself. It raises the question though, can you still be yourself if others end up looking at you in the wrong perspective?

[JD1215]

This is why when I start a new relationship, revealing my tulpas is one of the first things I do (after going through the guidelines above of course). This way it is clear from the beginning and there doesn't have to any sort of detrimental paradigm shift in the relationship. If they don't me because of it, it's okay, because their interpersonal relationship with me is not that heavy and we can go our separate ways.

[bersinger]

In all the practical applications of this i've had so far, i've noticed that what someone tells is vastly semantical to who tells it and how they tell it. The first thing i've ever considered before telling is 1) how the recipient views me as a person and how would knowing about tulpler contrast with it 2) are they a kind of person that would they really even understand or give a shit. The legalese is useful for whomever it concerns, but i haven't found threatening parallels in my country's law; might probably consult a lawyer in the family about that later or ask other knowledgeable mental exhibitionists.

 

Otherwise considering 1) and 2) everything tends to flow effortlessly, knowing all the relevant interpersonal dynamics about your relationship with someone leaves a lot of room for improvisation. If you're lucky, the textbook rationalization can even be skipped.

[Linkzelda]

That covers casual relationships before they get intense and personal, but it's a bit more than just speculation on more restrictive relationships that have more risk if the individuals leave each other (i.e. marriage and alimony). Since word of mouth/hearsay, especially with a loved one, may initiate and that can cause an unpredictable chain of events. Of course, with the age range in this forum, I highly doubt anyone will have to worry about marriage, or may even want to consider planning.

 

Some might go for a cohabitation relationship as a testing ground to see if their partner can handle them having a tulpa. If they don't mind and they can see the person isn't making a tulpa to replace them absolutely, all's good. For some that are married, the only thing that would be enlightening is their alimony should they divorce because of the concept of tulpa.

 

And for the less restrictive relationships, some people can't really just separate from someone that easily. Others may suggest to dump the person because having a tulpa is a personal matter that no one should strip away (a matter of disposition on morals and ethics when being thoughtful of someone else). Some people just know how to easily adjust and change their lives without a moment's notice, but with how conflict can start in situations like this, it's not really a matter of How/who vs. what the person states anymore.

 

It's a matter on how the person can consistently keep their cool when their contingency plans seem to not be working all too well. Since it's now how the person telling controls their reactions rather than trying to plan what to do when the other person reacts negatively.

 

Also, before people start presuming, not shunning down JD1215's guide, just endorsing the suggestion in the guide to have the default answer of "no" if one can't handle the pressures.

[JD1215]

Those are some good points Linkzelda. I think I will supplement the guide with some interpersonal communication tips soon to help avoid/defuse escalatory conflict spirals, along with some suggestions as to how to bring tulpae up in the first place.

 

@ bersinger: You are right; in average communication, there are three channels: your words (what you say), your music (how you say it), and your dance (your body language). Studies have shown that people pay more attention to your music and dance - the former being 30-40% of communication and the latter accounting for up to 50% of it - making the actual words hold only 7-10% of the communicated meaning.