And with such passion as to chronicle one little mirror of myself in Vast

[Redline]

I did a thing about Evenstar and what goes on, and I'll update it as soon as I'm not worrying about a final and whatnot.

[glitchthe3rd]

Luna would be interested in sparring with you guys, you know where to find us.

[Redline]

I can't believe people are still reading this.

 

First and foremost, Ves is Fes. That's a big change and one not to be take lightly, in her book. I don't really give a shit about it. It's literally one key away and easier for me to type. Ves is Fes because of a few intricacies that carried over from Carolynn, because of memories, because of old and new experiences, and because she wanted an F. I was happy to oblige, because it meant that for once she was asking me about something that meant a lot to her, something she hasn't done since the arms...and the constant nagging and begging for me to get back to forcing. Problem was, I started to deprioritize forcing in a way that I really shouldn't have. I began to believe that just about anything would be funner than forcing, and that's where I went wrong. I'm going to try again tonight, and not sleepy or wearily. I'm legit going to go back to what I did before and try to give her something to be again. Maybe a big part of our change was her wanting to shy away from where we started from. Remember that? When she was suppised to be evil, but then she was good, but it turns out that good = evil and evil = good, so my head is more twisted than I thought and I've got a few problems that could stand to be fixed and instead of something I could hate or someone I could love she turned out to be a facet of me I don't like showing often, which is kinda what tulpamancy meant to me in the beginning. I guess old habits die hard, huh?

 

Past that, I guess it's time for some elucidation. Fes has become my keeper since the moment of conception, and she's been doing a pretty good job of it. Now, though, things between us have sort of eliminated that buffer. She doesn't talk as much as she used to because I don't call her up like I used to. I would subconsciously ring her bell just about whenever, because in the beginning I believed that was how it was supposed to be done. With my laziness, I just left her to her own devices and she grew a little as a person, and now she speaks up when she feels it'll help me out and give me a little personal growth. She might say good morning, and I might ask her a few questions, but for the most part she just chimes in whenever she feels it's the right thing to do. This is pretty helpful, because it means I don't have to ask her if something is right to do. She tells me plainly and bluntly, and I do what I feel is the best decision for me at the time. It's a lot like having a little guardian over me, because I get to focus in when I want to hear her, a lot like opening and closing off channels for the different bits of advice she'll give me. I don't have to ask her anymore, I just pick what words she tells me that stand out, and then they make sense to me and I choose from there. One of the most important factors that pushed it this way was that I would always imagine her doing something, and then immediately tell myself 'no, that's stupid' and pretend that she would tell me that it was, too. I was pushing her towards it a little, and she was buying in because my mental state was what she was riding on. Now if something happens, I pretend it was all according to plan and I just take it all in stride.

 

An important thing to note is that I tried alternatively forcing her through reminders in mediums, and those were a Schrodinger's Cat of failure and success. I made a few characters in video games after her, I set alarms to remind myself of her, but it never gave me the initiative to suddenly force the day away and bring up the communications we used to have. However, they have been egging me on subconsciously, and I've been thinking about her more and more often because it was just a thing that I started to think about after a while. I didn't notice the alarms, but my mind wandering to how I made these alarms would cause her to chime in and berate me over the fact that I did all this, but I couldn't even give her the time of day, or one day for her, for that matter. These reminders started swimming around in my head until she was on my mind about 25% of the time, a marked improvement over the 15% I had to call up and think about. It's been growing, and I can proudly say it's reached about 45% now. If I'm alone and I have time to think, we hold conversations. Sometimes in stores, she makes me talk out loud (mutter) when I'm talking to her, and sometimes it comes out naturally. Music drowns her out, but I've taken baths and played Night Vale and had her bash me over my irrational fears of darkness and Slender Man and blah blah blah. I'm getting back into the groove, and it's a sort of trend I noticed a lot around this forum -people who had great starts sometimes lose steam and then pick back up after they get the time to do it, or they just can't take not talking anymore.

 

With time, I hope to get to be around the level of introspective thinking the old hats on here have, like LinkZelda or Kiahdaj. Glitch has been a great influence with all his little idiosyncrasies and the way he worked around his time, and I'm feeling like I can finally get back into being the vivid Redline you all know and I pretend that you love. If I do enough of this forcing, it might get to be a habit, and then I can start on Fes' upgrades like I'd been meaning to for a while. If I can get around to figuring out what makes her tick, and I can use a few logistics to push things into place, there are going to be some amazing things chronicled here again- all about one little woman in the late nights of Calilina. Good night, everybody.

[Redline]

So I did a thing and drew a picture to show how Fes is now. She got chubby because she's been lounging around, just like I have.

It's less of a negative thing, and more of her telling me to be comfortable with my body.

You'll have to view it on the tumblr, because the pictures are massive here.

 

The arm on the right is her offensive thing, which takes blood and churns/boils it until it's about ready to burn everything.

The gases spit out of the forearm and carry the blood with them, making her arm a napalm cannon.

She sprays on everything with that arm, and she can send the gears going the other way

and have it just spill out gases, burning and flaming like a vent. It's rather offensive because it's way hotter than the other arm, meant for defense, and because it's streamlined for speed. Also, look at the little hairclips!

 

Her chest is covered in the lacy circuitry that censors her, and has little bits of soul running through it at all times. Under that, she's got on pants.

Just the pants. The upper part would cover the circuitry, which hampers her soul.

 

 

Her other arm is the arm from before, with the petals. In the thick of the arm next to her shoulder, however, there are compression plates that grind against each other like a spark gun. The entire arm itself is only one strip of metal, so the metal loops around itself and acts like a spring. It makes it so that if she gets blasted by something, the petals take the brunt of the damage and send the recoil to her spring, crunching together and slowing the impact while the compression plates snap into action like a secondary shock and click to make some sparks. This ignites the fingers on that arm, turning them into little burning magnets that can melt metal and burn through anything she's holding onto- that makes it so her defense isn't always challenged. Lastly, it's got a little nib-like prong so that she can jab her enemies and use their blood for fuel for the 'nap-arm', since she doesn't have any blood of her own.

 

That's about all for this time.

[Redline]

Fussy Fessy over here has been keeping me on my toes with extended communication lately. It's either her doing or my doing, but the point remains that we've been talking a lot lately. Some life events took place and we've been discussing my plans in a future, and talking about her body and the ideas I can get for this. She hasn't been very active lately, and she's looking to fight, but she wants herself to be prepared for a fight. I'll be pulling double shifts tonight writing all about her abilities, so expect some posting later on with all sorts of vivid detail, like the old Redline.

[Redline]

So I made a thing on this site that's in beta and I intend on using it to let Fes talk to people.

I'm going to see how long it takes for people to learn what a tulpa is.

[Redline]

Turns out I'm getting to be a lot more proficient with storytelling in the tumblr, and I'm becoming more business-like here.

Long story short, I think I'm going to be posting there a lot more and just putting up important facts here.

This is not a good night, just a nap.

[Redline]

Friends, buds, compatriots, lend me your ears. I bring news.

I have learned much in the past month!

 

First, I learned what it meant to listen and understand. I had been throwing away some responses because I thought that was me making up words for her, but it wasn't. Now I just take everything with a bit of hope, and we've been talking a lot more. I'm not so good at talking while I'm near friends, and sometimes I just plainly shut her out by accident, but I do my best to open up some conversations later.

 

Secondly, more conversations mean I get to see more of the type of person she's becoming, and it's a pretty fantastic thing. It's like watching a tree grow from a seed and then become taller than you, and all you can do is watch it shade you now. It's comforting.

 

Third and last, I've had a long history of just throwing the ideas I have her way so she can evolve a bit, whether it's some weapon I saw in a show or some skill I've used in a game. Lately, I've been doing my best to see all about the powers I can come up with, and it's pretty exciting.

[sushi]

I was always the same way about shutting Fench out when I'm with friends. It's difficult to maintain that focus when you're around other people. It is really cool to see your tulpa develop into something though.

[Redline]

Alright, so on Glitch's advice, I made Fox a little handheld console.

It's an adorable little PSP Go clone, complete with a second screen on the bottom in the middle of the thumbpads and a strange thumbpad concept.

They're the concave Steam Controller thumb arounds, but deeper, like a pit. On the four cardinal directions, there are buttons and all, but they're under the thumb concaves like bumps under a rug. She pushes them in like bubble wrap, and they give way a little to confirm a press. There are shoulder buttons, and they're fairly tiny, but there are four of them, lined in one row- L2 L1 ---------------R1 R2. There's a wireless switch on the left and speakers on the top screen, and the thumb caves have a little damascus effect to their smooth, glassy form. The whole thing is just black, and with the screen off and slid into itself, it's rather hard to say which way is the front and which isn't. If I'm playing a game, she just pops it on and she takes her actions as one of the members of my party, 'choosing dialogue to further the story' and 'pushing the ai to make better decisions.' It's a way better way of getting her to join in when I play games.

 

Second, I'm installing a Steamlight for her. Infer from my name what is going on.

 

Third, playing Rogue Galaxy is rather difficult. However, so is trying to without a tulpa. Using the mystical little handheld, she's been tagging along as Zegram (I just left Juraika, be gentle with me, senpais). I don't have a name for the handheld, so if one of you magical internet wizards or denizens would give me some options, that'd be great.