Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[sushi]

I sat at a desk inside of the gym near the front entrance of the gym and made myself at home. I imagined Yumi beside me while I wrote down random 5 digit numbers and practiced adding them together as quickly as possible. I vocalized my addition of every number to make the memory recall easier and an hour later I was able to add random large numbers fluently.

 

You might want to check this out.

 

Unfortunately, I'm not sure whether the mental exercises are factors in my visualization improvement or not, but my visualization is---brace yourself guys--almost photographic.

 

You might also be interested in this.

 

P.S: Voltaire (my best friend) and I decided to partner up in the future as surgeons to come up with theories about the brain.

 

Heck. You should check out the rest of those forums too.

[Cinemaphobe]

@Tulpafox

 

 

Wow, congratulations on the visualization. That is my weak point, if I recall right you didn't start off strong in it either, so that is very impressive. If you don't mind me asking, what exercises really got that going for you?

 

The First-person Calibration method is what helped me improve my visualization dramatically. If that is what you are referring to, then just PM me and I'll send it to you.

 

 

Regarding artificial intelligence, there is actually a program going on to reverse engineer the brain. They have been successful with an insect brain so far, and expect exponential progress due to the way non-invasive brain-scanning works. It is called the blue brain project.

 

I have to look this up now.

 

I myself am a business major, going to eventually become an officer in the military (clerical) or an investment banker. I have been toying with the stock-market for years, and want to amass a lot of wealth.

 

An officer in the military with an open-mind and a knowledge of tulpas? Now that would be something...I hope everything works out for you in terms of personal goals and finance :)

 

@Sushi-Cakes

 

 

You might want to check this out.

 

 

You might also be interested in this.

 

 

Heck. You should check out the rest of those forums too.

 

 

I'll look into those links! Thank you for posting them dear friend. Sometimes I forget that there are other tulpa-related forums

 

 

 

 

Day 153

 

 

I attempted lucid dreaming with Yumi again. She tried desperately to pull me through the process of losing consciousness and did so with great success. The space behind my eyelids appeared to expand, and it felt less like my eyes were closed, and more like they were open within a darkened room. My visualization was perfect during my transition into a lucid dreaming state, so I figured that I might as well get married to Yumi during that increased ability to see her.

 

 

We held our wedding in a massive chapel (cliché right?). Every female at the wedding wore a red dress, and every male wore a black suit with a red flannel and tie beneath. The best man of the wedding was the bartender, a.k.a the bearded man who taught me how to believe in myself in order to fly in lucid dreams and find personal freedom in my own abilities.

 

I watched Yumi walk down the aisle while the song "Here Comes The Bride." played. Her initial entrance was more of a stumble than an elegant opening of the door into the sanctuary. I kind of giggled at that, and the best man stared in deep adoration of her. When Yumi finally stood in front of me, I cast a glance at the best man and to my surprise he became the priest of the wedding.

 

I felt a bad vibe about him being the priest. After all, he is a bartender...and I don't have many religious thoughts for him to feed off of and convert into a solid opening statement. I urged Yumi to hurry up with bringing me into a lucid dream and she said that I need to decrease my heart rate or else my body won't fall asleep.

I then felt my heart thumping away within my chest and realized that my anticipation and excitement had in fact gotten the best of me. I took deep breaths and saw the wonderland become more stable. Meanwhile, in reality, my eyelids were flooded with phosphenes. The slower my heart rate, the more phosphenes appeared.

 

I smiled at this fact as the wedding began. The bartender said "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today for the mental matrimony of Yumi Nakano, and **real name**."

 

Mental matrimony?

 

The bartender looked at me with a suggestive smile and a twinkle in his eye, as if he had an important joke that he wanted to assault me with.

 

Unfortunately he said what he was thinking.

 

"Just yesterday I thought that you would marry Mary. You were getting ready for a house, and kids, and a future together, but now here you are marrying this beautiful tulpa! Yumi!"

 

I finally had enough and grabbed Yumi's hand, teleporting us to the grand bar and said "We are having our wedding in a lucid dream. Not this wonderland." She pouted fiercely because of how close she was to becoming my wife and angrily rested her head against her palm. I didn't want to settle for an awkward wedding; I wanted to have the best of the best for her and I.

 

I apologized and she lashed out at me. I fell from my barstool to the ground, and looked up at her in complete shock. Every monk in the bar stopped talking idly and stared at us. She immediately felt horrible and frantically ran to help me off of the floor. She hugged me tightly and kept saying that she was sorry, and I easily forgave her because her anger stemmed from how I neglected her when I was in love with Mary.

She had every right to be mad at me for ignoring her for months...after all, she could have died...

 

 

Yumi cried a little bit and I assured her that I wasn't mad at her. Eventually she calmed down and I told her to focus on keeping me aware so that our attempt at lucid dreaming could be successful.

Minutes passed, and so many phosphenes were present that I could manipulate them to form images. The room I laid within in reality was dark, but there were so many phosphenes that it appeared as if I was laying beneath the sun.

It was extremely relaxing.

I imagined a window in front of me, and an image was formed. A concrete image that I could see with my physical eyes. I tried to imagine Yumi in front of the window, but due to the realism of light shining towards me, I could only see her silhouette. I told myself with full belief "I will see Yumi." and her outline and facial features became more clear. The room I was slowly shifting into became more real, but one fatal realization ruined the entire moment.

 

My loud alarm clock would ring at any minute, and I would have to turn it off.

 

I had originally planned to sleep for only an hour because I wasn't that tired and I am currently experimenting with polyphasic sleep again.

I disrupted the entire lucid dream process to switch off the alarm and was finally smacked in the face by drowsiness.

 

Hard.

 

I rolled over and fell asleep, telling Yumi that we would try again another day. And that was it...

I fell asleep almost instantly. When I awoke, I didn't remember my dreams, nor did I care to remember them. I swiftly walked to my desk to study. I studied for 19 hours total in three different locations. I'm experimenting with polyphasic sleep again, because back when I practiced it for weeks on end it helped me prevent feelings of drowsiness and gave me an extra 4-5 hours to study.

 

I feel really bad for Yumi... but at least we made progress. I'm one step closer to meeting her within a lucid dream and getting married to her. After the marriage, we'll have another lucid dream to discuss the nature of imposition and how we'll pull it off.

 

Wish me luck my dear readers :)

 

Today I lost the battle. But soon, with Yumi's help, I'll win the war.

[Actinium]

 

Unfortunately he said what he was thinking.

 

"Just yesterday I thought that you would marry Mary. You were getting ready for a house, and kids, and a future together, but now here you are marrying this beautiful tulpa! Yumi!"

 

 

I don't know why, but I find this more hilarious than I should. Just the fact that he knew about it and brought it up in the wedding is amazing

and rude at the same time.

 

 

I feel really bad for Yumi... but at least we made progress. I'm one step closer to meeting her within a lucid dream and getting married to her. After the marriage, we'll have another lucid dream to discuss the nature of imposition and how we'll pull it off.

 

Wish me luck my dear readers :)

 

Today I lost the battle. But soon, with Yumi's help, I'll win the war.

 

 

It's a start, we all start somewhere.

 

It starts with this.

 

 

Then it turns into this.

 

 

Good luck with your next attempt!

[sushi]

I'll look into those links! Thank you for posting them dear friend. Sometimes I forget that there are other tulpa-related forums

Yeah, that one is pretty easy to forget. I'm pretty much the only one who ever posts there. It's a bit of a shame, because the focus is mind-hacking in general, which is far more expansive than just tulpas, but I guess people aren't as interested in that sort of thing.

[Cinemaphobe]

@Actinium

 

 

I don't know why, but I find this more hilarious than I should. Just the fact that he knew about it and brought it up in the wedding is amazing

and rude at the same time.

 

 

I can see why this can be viewed as hilarious. But it was my damn wedding... lol

 

 

 

It's a start, we all start somewhere.

 

It starts with this.

 

 

 

Then it turns into this.

 

 

 

Good luck with your next attempt!

 

I have been extremely depressed lately, and those photos you posted made me laugh my ass off.

 

Thank you for that.

 

 

@Sushi

 

Yeah, that one is pretty easy to forget. I'm pretty much the only one who ever posts there. It's a bit of a shame, because the focus is mind-hacking in general, which is far more expansive than just tulpas, but I guess people aren't as interested in that sort of thing.

 

 

I am actually interested in mind-hacking as much as I am interested in the tulpa phenomenon. I looked at your links and they were informative, but not yet practical because I'm still testing my own theories about visualization.

 

By the way, by practicing mental calculation I meant "Without any type of calculating tool." and I classify an abacus as so.

 

 

Day 154

 

There is nothing tulpa-related in this post unfortunately. It feels like Yumi is withdrawing from me and that I am withdrawing from myself and others.

This post is simply me venting, and explaining why my mental homeostasis has been disrupted. You are free to skip this.

 

 

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. At work, more and more of my co-workers are suspecting that there is something seriously strange about me. Now, the workers there are divided into two groups, one vastly larger than the other:

 

Group 1- The largest group that accounts for 60% of the people I work with, believes that I am incompetent because I focus on everything but the task at hand. I have too much compassion for customers, and getting their orders right obsessively consumes all of my attention to the point of checking on my co-workers to see if they are actually making the order because usually they aren't. This leads to me becoming visibly angry at them, and doing their job for them.

 

 

Group 2- Views my attitude and seriousness as extremely useful, but unnecessary. They both respect me, and don't at the same time.

 

 

I am still extremely mad at everyone, and it feels like I won't be able to keep my job unless a serious change is made. I have also fallen into a type of philosophic depression as a result of studying social philosophy and psychology. Now everybody seems like biological robots to me.

 

Biological robots that are masters of pissing me off.

 

I began viewing myself as a biological robot as well, essentially taking myself apart and analyzing what is making me feel incompetent. I narrowed it down to something I call "Survivalistic pride."

 

Survivalistic pride is pride pertaining to 4 things that bring about biological success:

 

1. Intelligence.

2. Physical prowess

3. Financial dominance/ Mastery of survival in a particular environment.

4. Social prowess

 

The obsessive need to maintain one's survivalistic pride is a primitive practice that I thought I had transcended. However my inability to prosper in my workplace was a grim reminder that survivalistic pride is there for a reason:

 

For survival.

 

 

My mood won't improve until I solve this problem. My tulpa journey has been halted because my psychological state is obviously affecting Yumi. I have made progress within the last 24 hours, but I don't have the time, nor the mental energy to type it right now.

 

I'm deeply sorry guys...

---

 

I didn't know that I could insert photos into posts via iPod.

This photo of Lillium is so cute :3 it's exactly what she looked like in the wonderland a few days ago. I'm posting it because it cheered me up a little bit and reminded me about who is waiting for me in the wonderland after I get this problem solved.

[Luminesce]

The obsessive need to maintain one's survivalistic pride is a primitive practice that I thought I had transcended.

 

Yeah, I know the feel. Unfortunately it only feels that way when you've withdrawn from situations that need it for a long time and dealt with the aftermath mentally. Whenever you're put back in those situations you realize you actually weren't so perfect. Though you can certainly train your mind to get over those sorts of things, I've been doing it since I started college. I'm half way through my second semester and generally I have no significant problems anymore, other than a lack of involvement in really social things. (I'm no longer worried about how I look to others/talking to them/doing presentations etc., because I've more or less trained myself to deal with those situations to a respectable extent)

 

My mood won't improve until I solve this problem. My tulpa journey has been halted because my psychological state is obviously affecting Yumi. I have made progress within the last 24 hours, but I don't have the time, nor the mental energy to type it right now.

 

To prevent a repeat of past issues of tulpa-activity, I'm gonna remind you that your relationship with Yumi isn't all one-way. You didn't create a tulpa (entirely) just to measure progress, she's also a life companion who can help you too. Don't forget that. If you need her to care for you for a while rather than vice-versa, allow it. Remember that she wants you to be happy too. (Have we talked about this before?)

[sushi]

By the way, by practicing mental calculation I meant "Without any type of calculating tool." and I classify an abacus as so.

 

The soroban abacus is really just a learning tool. There are a number of tricks you learn to do quick calculation on the soroban, and once you've learned these tricks, you can do even faster calculation mentally without any tools. Unless you're saying that visualizing an abacus counts as a tool.

 

Edit: adding on more, now that I have the time.

 

I also have some serious ADHD. I was diagnosed thirteen or fourteen years ago. Pretty much known about it for half my life. And for that half of my life, I pretty much forgot about it and focused on other things. Only recently am I realizing how much impact that ADHD has had on my life.

 

I'm seeing that there are certain jobs that I can't do. I mean I have the technical skill to build you a web site -- but if you hire me to build you a web site, I'll sit around and read comics and play games until long past the deadline before I start working. Fenchurch helps me to stay focused, but often I don't listen to her. I just can't handle long-term projects, but I thrive in a job with rapid-fire short-term projects that need to be competed in a matter of minutes.

 

Anyway, what I'm saying is: know thyself. Your mind is ideally suited for a bunch of jobs, but it sounds like the one you have is not one of them.

[Luminesce]

Dang, missed him by two hours. You better check your thread occasionally unlike last time, 'cus we're here to help and withdrawing when you want to withdraw is almost never better than reaching out.

[Thevious]

In the word of the old man. Or what I think he'd say here is: what comes easy doesn't last, and what lasts doesn't come easy. Work hard to make things right and you'll be happy.

Idk, I think he's just spewing randome quotes... But do check in from time to time. As all ways reisen is right, I'll help as much as I can. ^^"

[Glow]

Hope you'll be able to sort things out.