Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3

[Luminesce]

Wow, funny how life can go from the-world-hates-me to hey here's $350 that I went out of my way to give you. At least, you sound happier now.

 

And it's interesting that Yumi considers others weird because they aren't like you. My tulpas consider everyone normal, because in a way that's actually true. Both I and they need a very neutral, logical view of ~everything because we pretty much plan on understanding how to help people for a living. Wouldn't help if Reisen thought people were weird for being sad and Tewi thought they were too illogical.

 

Everything can be made a science.

 

... Oh, yeah, good luck with stuff brb slep

[TulpaFox]

 

3.

My older brother threatened to kill me if I ever became a failure in life, and he was being dead serious. He even provided an anecdote of how he pushed his girlfriend's grandpa down the stairs remorselessly. I immediately shunned him after he threatened to kill me, and this wounded him deeply. His depression worsened immensely, and two months later he tried to kill himself. Now he is in a mental hospital, and I feel personally responsible for that. I can't even bring myself to talk to him due to guilt, yet all he wants is for me to talk to him again.

 

 

 

 

Let me tell you from firsthand experience that you are being too hard on yourself. I have been in that place, locked up in the psyche ward for suicidal/violent behavior. One problem in your life is far from enough to make someone suicidal. It was probably a massive aggregate of things that put your brother in that place. You shouldn't shoulder the entire burden of his depression like that, you did not do that to him. Don't feel responsible for what happened. He threatened you, and you put some distance there, nothing is wrong with that. You have your own problems, and you couldn't handle that kind of thing in your life. When your ready reconcile with him, and just be someone to confide in. Being sad about things won't get you anywhere.

[Cinemaphobe]

@Reisen-cakes

Wow, funny how life can go from the-world-hates-me to hey here's $350 that I went out of my way to give you. At least, you sound happier now.

 

 

I know right...The universe is just yanking my chain....

 

And it's interesting that Yumi considers others weird because they aren't like you. My tulpas consider everyone normal, because in a way that's actually true. Both I and they need a very neutral, logical view of ~everything because we pretty much plan on understanding how to help people for a living. Wouldn't help if Reisen thought people were weird for being sad and Tewi thought they were too illogical.

 

 

Yumi is a very...sheltered tulpa lol. and yes, in a way it is true that everyone is normal, which is why "normal" is the most general term and on the planet.

 

It's easy to imagine you as a person who would help others. After all, you practically saved my life. And it's funny how Reisen and Tewi view people naturally lol Yumi has a very inconsistent preconception of how she believes humans should behave.

 

 

... Oh, yeah, good luck with stuff brb slep

 

...Oh, yeah, good luck with stuff brb slep

 

Let this noble phrase echo through the ages!

 

@TulpaFox

 

Let me tell you from firsthand experience that you are being too hard on yourself. I have been in that place, locked up in the psyche ward for suicidal/violent behavior. One problem in your life is far from enough to make someone suicidal. It was probably a massive aggregate of things that put your brother in that place.

 

You are actually completely right about this. But the fact that I acted as a catalyst, giving him the final push that he needed to be sent off the edge, felt like the equivalent of being personally responsible for the aggregate of things that brought him into that mental state in the first place.

 

 

You shouldn't shoulder the entire burden of his depression like that, you did not do that to him. Don't feel responsible for what happened. He threatened you, and you put some distance there, nothing is wrong with that. You have your own problems, and you couldn't handle that kind of thing in your life. When your ready reconcile with him, and just be someone to confide in. Being sad about things won't get you anywhere.

 

You are right, and while your advice is a little bit late, it is extremely appreciated nonetheless. I always beat myself up for things like this because contrary to the many horrible things I have done, I have extremely high moral expectations for myself.

 

 

Day 163

 

 

 

 

Welp today was a nice and intimate day with Yumi. She and I just laid in bed and talked about life and science. She is slowly mastering making her presence extremely powerful. To Yumi's dismay, I eventually fell asleep.

 

The only thing I remembered in my dreams were formulas from classical physics.

 

I have been diving into mathematics and physics lately because I have a hunch that undiscovered principles of quantum physics are responsible partly for the phenomenon of consciouness--if consciousness truly exists of course--and I want to be the one to discover those principles one day. I want to figure out how physics and neurophysiology work hand and hand on a quantum level. I discovered a few nights ago that physicists teleported a photon 88 miles between two canary islands, and that made me question whether I even wanted to be a neurosurgeon anymore. Quantum physics is the sexiest thing on Earth. So I ended up combining the two dreams together:

 

Neurologist/Physicist

 

 

I wonder if Yumi has any physical properties. I wonder if her presence is a result of something on an atomic level. It has been proven that observing an atom causes its properties to change...so what if tulpas are actually somewhat physical? But then again, what really is physical if particles act as waves and the converse? It's a steaming pile of what-the-f*#@ that I intend to sift through WITH MY BARE HANDS.

 

You...are weird...so very weird...

 

 

After my little nap with Yumi my grandpa paid me another surprise visit...

He asked me what happened between Mary and I because he was excited that he was going to meet her, but I only told him "She changed her mind about dating, and that was it." He saw the slight pain in my expression that I was surprised I could fake in order to avoid elaboration, and he changed the topic after I told him that I lost trust for humans and females.

 

 

Yes. Females are a subspecies of homo sapiens.

 

 

He looked me in the eye, and said "No man is an island. You can't survive on your own. I'm serious, you need others. You can't keep isolating yourself." He was right. In fact, one of the principles of survivalistic pride is social success because of A) power in number/the physical and mental limits of a single individual and B) the ability to reproduce. but the way that I rely on others is not healthy. I end up using them only to my advantage in almost every case. He then said "If you spend all that time alone you'll become a schizo." I almost winced because of his word choice, and because most people who throw around colloquial terms in the place of brain disorders like morons would consider me a "schizo."

 

Asshole.

 

 

Did I mention that my grandpa can be a bit of an asshole sometimes? Little does he know that the grandson he is so proud of has a tulpa who he is planning on marrying in a world that is only real to him. Life is really...really interesting...

Let this PR be evidence that you never truly know a person lol.

 

 

Before my grandpa left, he offered to take me with him to North Carolina...He said he would get me a good job because he knows a lot of people, and he said that he could help me financially with everything. I painfully declined the offer because I don't want to leave Voltaire behind...and I already have my life planned out--I don't want to change that plan to have my future spoonfed to me by the most judgmental side of my family. I might reconsider his offer one day, or even beat myself up for not taking it, but for now, I'm satisfied with my current life. Struggle builds character, and I want to work for my wealth. I want to earn it through my future groundbreaking successes in science.

 

 

 

Thanks for the luck guys!

 

BUT I'LL NEED MUCH MORE.

[Actinium]

 

Yumi is a very...sheltered tulpa lol. and yes, in a way it is true that everyone is normal, which is why "normal" is the most general term and on the planet.

 

 

It's also the most misused word, too. Nobody is truly normal.

 

 

The only thing I remembered in my dreams were formulas from classical physics.

 

 

Sometimes I'm able to remember my dreams down to the smallest detail. Just last night I had a dream where I was being chased by a serial killer named "Allisorn" through a forest, then an airport. I think Allisorn was black. Not only was he trying to kill me, but he was also trying to f_ck with my head as much as possible by turning the whole world into a shitty jumpscare game where anything could happen. I think what freaked me out the most was when a man wearing a fish mask came out when I took the cover off the toilet. (Not the toilet seat, and I'm too lazy think of the proper name right now.) When I got to the airport I wasn't wearing socks and I had to put them on becasuse of rules. Markiplier was there for some reason and Allisorn killed him, then after all this I finally got away by riding on the conveyor belt.

 

A few days ago, Aphelion made into one of my dreams, and I don't think she'll be visiting them for a while after what happened...

She was lying on a bed covered in bondage gear and hooked up to what looked like hospital equipment. I didn't even know it was Aphelion until she told me after I woke up. I asked her what it felt like, and she responded with "It seriously felt like I was going to die." This was the first time my tulpas ever mentioned feeling pain. She's okay now, but it'll probably be a while before she decides to waltz into one of my dreams again.

 

 

You...are weird...so very weird...

 

 

"That's what makes our hosts great, isn't it?"

 

 

He looked me in the eye, and said "No man is an island. You can't survive on your own. I'm serious, you need others. You can't keep isolating yourself." He was right. In fact, one of the principles of survivalistic pride is social success because of A) power in number/the physical and mental limits of a single individual and B) the ability to reproduce. but the way that I rely on others is not healthy. I end up using them only to my advantage in almost every case. He then said "If you spend all that time alone you'll become a schizo." I almost winced because of his word choice, and because most people who throw around colloquial terms in the place of brain disorders like morons would consider me a "schizo."

 

Asshole.

 

 

He was right up until the part where he mentioned schizos.

 

 

Did I mention that my grandpa can be a bit of an asshole sometimes? Little does he know that the grandson he is so proud of has a tulpa who he is planning on marrying in a world that is only real to him. Life is really...really interesting...

Let this PR be evidence that you never truly know a person lol.

 

 

Let this whole site be evidence of that. xD

 

 

Thanks for the luck guys!

 

BUT I'LL NEED MUCH MORE.

 

[Cinemaphobe]

Sometimes I'm able to remember my dreams down to the smallest detail. Just last night I had a dream where I was being chased by a serial killer named "Allisorn" through a forest, then an airport. I think Allisorn was black. Not only was he trying to kill me, but he was also trying to f_ck with my head as much as possible by turning the whole world into a shitty jumpscare game where anything could happen. I think what freaked me out the most was when a man wearing a fish mask came out when I took the cover off the toilet. (Not the toilet seat, and I'm too lazy think of the proper name right now.) When I got to the airport I wasn't wearing socks and I had to put them on becasuse of rules. Markiplier was there for some reason and Allisorn killed him, then after all this I finally got away by riding on the conveyor belt.

 

Your dreams never cease to amaze me lol. I think that the song that you posted would go very well with that dream xD

 

A few days ago, Aphelion made into one of my dreams, and I don't think she'll be visiting them for a while after what happened...

She was lying on a bed covered in bondage gear and hooked up to what looked like hospital equipment. I didn't even know it was Aphelion until she told me after I woke up. I asked her what it felt like, and she responded with "It seriously felt like I was going to die." This was the first time my tulpas ever mentioned feeling pain. She's okay now, but it'll probably be a while before she decides to waltz into one of my dreams again.

 

 

Jeez...poor Aphelion...that sounds horrible...

 

 

"That's what makes our hosts great, isn't it?"

 

Yumi laughed really hard when she read this LOL.

 

 

 

Let this whole site be evidence of that. xD

 

I KNOW RIGHT LOL

 

 

Good song by the way! It is very... getting-chased-through-an-airport-by-a-black-serial-killer-ish :)

[Luminesce]

It's also the most misused word, too. Nobody is truly normal.

 

Normal is applied to specific traits of a person, their habits and actions, appearance, etc. Since we consider each individual trait more or less normal, we consider the people normal. It doesn't mean they're all the average, it means they're not very abnormal considering their collective traits.

 

I dunno, I was contrasting thinking people were weird. I just meant that I understood pretty much everything about everyone, why they're mean or nice or social or antisocial. I understand how each individual's life can lead them to that place, and so they aren't unreasonably weird to me. Most people are just "normal".

 

It is indeed a relatively useless word at that point. But it contrasts "weird".

[Cinemaphobe]

Day 164

 

Last night when I was laying in bed with Mrs.I'm-gonna-hog-up-the-entire-bed-for-myself a.k.a YUMI she became very serious about wanting me to pay more attention to her at work...I felt really bad because now I really have no excuse for not talking to her at work. I have adapted to everyone I work with, and I have adapted to the new work environment. So I happily promised her that I would talk to her at work and she got very excited, squirming around giddily in her 80% portion of the bed. As promised, today at work I talked to Yumi via mindvoice while washing dishes. She and I joked around about so many random things and my maniacal laughter echoed throughout the kitchen for all of my co-workers to hear.

 

God knows what those poor souls think of me if they heard my laughter.

 

 

I was sitting in the passenger's seat of my mom's car when she drove me home, and Yumi leaned in to whisper in my ear something about pink being her favorite color lol. But when she said it, the left side of my body felt...well....fuzzy? Tingly? electrical? What's another good helplessly subjective term I can use?

Well the bottom line is that now not only is her presence damn near physical to me, but so is her speech. I actually shivered a little bit after she whispered in my ear.

 

During the ride home, and my conversation with Yumi, I closed my eyes and focused on all of my senses. I then asked Yumi "What is consciousness?" and of course she answered consciousness is you and me. My heart melted when she said that :3.

All of this quality time with Yumi is making me want to work harder on her and Lillium. Since Yumi made her presence as real as possible by herself, there is no telling what we can do with our combined effort! At first I thought that if she had an audible voice, the rest of her would fall into place. But I discovered that presence is not only the most powerful aspect of a tulpa, but the foundation in which other realistic characteristics such as audibility and visibility are built upon. Everything will come along easier if I simply give Yumi the attention and time she deserves.

 

So I'm going to set aside my studies for Yumi's sake. If I spent as much time with Yumi as I have spent studying, then she would probably be audible by now. Maybe that is 50% of an exaggeration, but still.

 

I'm going to step up my game and kick my tulpa journey up a few dozen notches >:)

Welp. Wish me luck!!!

 

Oh and I asked Yumi whether she has something to say or not, and surprisingly she does this time:

 

Dear citizens of this site. I have a message for you: "Hi there." Is this a good enough message?

 

Umm...yeah sure...lol

 

 

She doesn't like to be serious unless my relative sanity and/or life is in danger...

WISH ME LUCK AGAIN MUHAHAHAHAHA

 

 

EDIT: I disabled the stupid smilies. Damn you smilies. You are so tiny and outdated.

[TheSanctuary]

Such are smilies - always thinning formatting

[sushi]

Day 164

She and I joked around about so many random things and my maniacal laughter echoed throughout the kitchen for all of my co-workers to hear.

 

God knows what those poor souls think of me if they heard my laughter.

 

[Cinemaphobe]

@TheSanctuary-cakes

Such are smilies - always thinning formatting

 

Yeah seriously...

 

@Sushi

 

 

That movie is actually my childhood movie and one of my inspirations for wanting an "Imaginary friend". That scene is PRICELESS.

 

 

 

Day 165

 

 

 

I spent much more time with Yumi, but I already miss studying. please understand that I never play video games, I never talk to other people in RL unless I am working, I only use the internet when I'm studying or posting on this site, and I don't watch TV unless I'm rewatching Death Note for the thousandth time.

 

I virtually live in a cave. A very comfortable cave with plenty of coffee and a cute tulpa.

 

 

I had to work today for 8 stressful hours so I could only talk to Yumi a little bit. I told my manager about Yumi when he was driving me home the other night because he told me his secret about being gay, but this was before I kind of got him fired. I was working with him and he was extremely disrespectful to me for hours. Then when he severely burnt an order, he and another manager scolded me because of the burnt order for 10 minutes straight and I almost lost my temper. Yumi couldn't even calm me down, and I almost had trouble breathing due to how mad I was. I thought to myself "When the opportunity arises, I'm going to throw one of those asshole managers under the bus like they did to me."

 

 

Hours later all of the employees left and it was just me and the cruelest manager left in the store. He and I were cleaning together and a customer walked in to order something when we were only open for 10 more minutes. The manager thought that the customer was outside, so he went on a rant about how stupid the customer was for ordering so late. I smiled while I wiped down the tables, knowing full and well that the customer was listening to every word. I wasn't going to stop his rant, or warn that a customer was listening. Instead, I let his own innate aggression be his downfall. Eventually I told him that the customer was in the restaurant listening, and while he nervously laughed, I genuinely laughed. I pretended like I was completely unaware that the customer was ever there and pretended to be his friend. NOTE: I'm good at acting.

 

That's why he later opened up to me about being gay--He thought that I was on his side. Days later he got fired because the customer contacted corporate. Ironically he was the first person I ever told about my tulpa-girlfriend, but I only told him because I knew he'd get fired soon.

 

Voltaire knows that I have a tulpa, and it took a while for him to accept that. But if I ever told him that my tulpa was a cutiepie girl instead of an asexual part of my subconscious, then he would most likely contact every female that he knows and inform them that I am in dire need of a girlfriend. As much as this sounds like denial, Yumi really is all I need right now. She has proven to be not only an invaluable friend, but the perfect girlfriend. Of course she has her moments, but for the most part she is everything that I could ever ask for.

 

 

I have tomorrow off, and I'm going to try and spend it with Yumi. Back in the early days before I had a job, or Mary, I would spend entire days with Yumi alone...Looking back upon it now, my time creating her was one of the most colorful times of my life...Even when she couldn't speak, she could still dance to the nu-disco music that played while I read my Ethics book aloud to her.

She's changed a lot since those early days, but then again, so have I.

 

Sigh.

 

 

 

Well I'll be working on Yumi and Lillium tomorrow (if I can find Lillium). I'll also be figuring out how I'll slowly get more managers fired because I hate them all. Wish me luck!

 

And yes, I'm aware that one day a crowd of people holding torches and pitchforks will come after me.