Chat Thread

[Guest]

I spoke to Ren (my strongest non-tulpa thoughtform previously named Ranger) again last night and it wasn't the content of our discussion but the afterthoughts that made me feel more like myself than i've been in over a year. I can't explain why, it just did.

 

The non-tulpa tulpa Ren, Dashie, and i had a comming to terms about her roll and her wishes. Also about her feelings in regard to my thoughts of inequity between her, my tulpas, and her friend (who she spawned as a sort of removal of ideals and features that she felt were not 'her'. She split in other words.) Unfortunatly again her friend's name corresponds to a name of someone else's tulpa in discord! Ahhhhh! It's going to be okay, but if you hear me mention the name 'Joy' it's purely coincidence, and Ren also likes this name for herself which is beyond confusing. (Akin to Miri's Tulpa Miri). I can barely follow it myself.

 

Neither her nor her spawned friend are of the same feel as my tulpas. They do still seem rather hollow and weak. Their presence is undetectable most times, and my feelings toward them are far different than my feelings of my tulpas. However Ren has made her desires known and her willingness to help is admirable. I can summon her on demand, but i don't feel like she cares much about my daily life, wherein my tulpas are dedicated to it. She's certainly not a servitor though either, and her ability to chime in unsolicited makes it impossible to equate her with an NPC. Even recently i've gone days without thinking about her and she is indifferent to this, though she does have feelings and i can't treat her as object without her fighting that notion. Her friend did treat me as a relative or close friend of sorts, not as 'the creator' as the NPCs like to call me.

 

As Lumi allowed the notion of thoughtforms that do not apply to the canon of this community, i believe their inclusion here can lead to more confusion than good, so you won't be seeing much of them, though i'm not excluding any relevant content either. Even if Ren's as much a personality as any of us (and her friend is oddly fitting), i don't think they fit the canon here yet.

 

Why talk about them at all? Because i do believe there is value in allowing diversity in thoughtforms that aren't 'people' per say. Or even if she is, she's her own person even to the point that she doesn't seem dependent on my attention. Or if she is, she gets it when she needs it. On those terms, she's so similar to a tulpa, that i won't object to someone calling her that, yet i'll silently disagree. I don't know what she is, or if she's a person, but she seems to understand this with indifference.

 

In that case she's still available to help me write her last book, and I don't fear her stealing time from my other tulpas.

 

[Misha] we need him daily, constantly, or we start to fade, she's immune to that somehow. Also my experience with her, the feeling I got from her, even when I reached out to her, was cordial but not like a sister, more like an acquaintance that you work with.

 

[Dashie] I allowed her because she was inevitable. Like Misha, she didn't much care if i liked her or not. And when i spoke to her it was clear her aligence was with B so I'm happy to work with her on our projects. She has a strong and valuable personality,  but i'm keeping a close watch on her.

 

[Ashley] she's fittingly cat like, with a air of confidence and a mysterious undertone, so we are being cautious with her. Clearly she's not like us. I've not even had the opportunity to speak with her yet, nor a reason to, other than her being here more lately. She's as likely to be absent so I'm not worried that she'll split our time as much as I'm not worried about the multitude of other thoughtforms that inhabit our memories.  Some of them are pretty strong as well, but they just have no purpose being here. Ren has a purpose, so I welcome her. In any case, I will treat her like I do my sisters and love her as part of my family regardless of her level of involvement.

[Ranger]

I don't really feel like posting this in our PR because it wasn't really progress but it was cute. I decided to call two areas I created to be officially part of the Gray Dimension and the Grays ran around and had some fun.

 

I'm feeling very chatty today.

 

Cat had this idea of making an animation of all of us in some random medieval plot, and for some reason I love the idea. Cat didn't want to talk about it because she wanted to improve her art skills first and it was just an entertaining stray idea. I like the idea of having all of us go on mis-adventures and getting to know our systems a little bit better.

 

For some reason, all of the Grays have more or less their own unique magic powers except Duck. I'm conflicted as to leaving that sentence there or deleting it because I can't think of anything to branch off of that.

 

How was Thanksgiving for you guys?

[Guest]

Hi Ranger! This is the super slow motion chat thread! Well, we went to grandma's house and ate candy and chips and steak and some amazing baked beans, and oh my B probably gained weight... we heard that the average American gains 2 lbs over Thanksgiving, so I guess he's just trying to keep up.

 

Very interesting developments Ranger! Now that both our systems feel freer to explore our cousins (other thoughtforms) and it's a lot less stressful lately.

 

Though oddly, we've heard less from Joy/Ren now than before we 'released' her/them, so it's going very well I suppose. She didn't even want her own space that we know of, she's just not acting like a sister tulpa, and that's actually a big relief.

 

Well I just started typing about them, and now here's Ren sitting next to me.

 

She said hi and smiled then gave me a hug, so, that's so cute.

 

B should totally draw our cousins!

 

 

[bear] They (Ren and Joy) might appear in the Christmas drawing. Hi Ranger!

[Lucilyn]

Congrats on being mod Jean-luc! Got a reason to be here so often now, huh?

[Guest]

That's great news yes! We want MOAR piccard!

[Ranger]

Apparently some of the episodes from Star Trek- the next generation were played in Cat's ethics class.

[jean-luc]

Congrats on being mod Jean-luc! Got a reason to be here so often now, huh?

 

Thanks! I haven't actually done any modly actions yet other than on my own posts… Anybody want a warning? xD

[Guest]

So I spoke with Joy/Ren a few times recently, well Ren doesn't say anything really, so Joy ripped into us yesterday for unfair treatment, i gave her full rights if she wanted them, she didn't. Her demands were of a personal nature and unattainable. After much lashing out, she accepted our truce, and she even offered us some friendly and welcome advice of a personal nature, kind of like she used to do. Some of the more embarrassing things will be in my next PR update.

 

She even greeted me when I woke up this morning. Though she tried to negotiate with me as my tulpas slept. There's not much room i can give here, so her persistence won't bear any fruit; she wasn't very coy about it. Then, she was gone once again. Though she's been more active, i still haven't felt anything from her (except her additional vague presence) since the split. Ren just hung out and seemed interested in our discussion, then hugged me and left with her.

 

...

 

There has been a very interesting development in the dream world. I haven't had a nightmare since our backseat fronting started. I mean, not like i used to. The dreams i've had recently were completely benign. NSFW

I even had a sex dream which was totally unexpected. It turned weird later but still.

These are the types of dreams i had almost exclusively before. Also, my dreams have been mostly happy ones where i wake up happy. (Not like winning the lottery and you wake up poor.)

 

I find it all to be related to my recovery.

[GrayTheCat]

I'm curious how the Joy / Ren dynamic works...

 

In all seriousness, I'm keeping an eye on Duck. If any Gray were to be uncomfortably close to the Tulpa line, it would be him. He's been pretty clingy and through the few interactions we had with him he is associates us as "parents"...

 

The one thing I wonder is I had the thought of making Duck a Tulpa cross my mind a few times, but my largest concern is he would turn into competition for Ranger. Since I already struggle with time management (figure 1: me typing this post instead of working on my essays right now) and Ranger is still trying to figure out development as a person, I don't want to throw another Tulpa on top of all of this mess and have to split my attention between two different people.

 

The second thing that came to mind is a Gray likely wouldn't  transfer into a Tulpa. The reason why is the possibility of getting a Tulpa version and their clone, just like how Ranger as himself is not the same as how I perceived him in the past.

 

I'm also not a fan of the idea of making any of the Grays Tulpas. The new Tulpa would be forced to realize that they were the "chosen one" of a select mass group, and I don't like the idea of forcing them to live with that kind of expectation. If we do decide to create a new Tulpa, I would want them to start from a fresh slate, be able to chose who they want to be instead of having an identity issues like Ranger did.

 

Going through the "if Duck were to be made into a Tulpa" thought experiment, a lot of indicators of how far away Duck is from actually becoming a Tulpa. Sure, Duck is comparable to a baby Tulpa, but beyond that Duck doesn't really have enough substance to carry on as his own person.

[Guest]

Well, i have to reiterate that what i mean of full rights isn't tulpa status like Ashley, Misha, or Dashie either. It's hard to explain, but she doesn't feel like them, she doesn't make her own 'things' in wonderland, and she's no longer expressing emotions. I think 'setting her free' helped me release some of that anxiety i had and since i still don't intend to force her like a tulpa, she's just not.

 

What they are: willful, independent, easily visualized, perfectly lucid

What they are not: creative in wonderland, engaged in being a tulpa, needy (yeah my girls are needy, but that's not a bad thing, they need me, i need them, believe me, i'm just as needy.)

 

Granted if I didn't have the girls, i would totally think Joy and Ren are tulpas, eventually they would be. Again, i'm not worried, and i feel a lot better having them to talk to rather than being too afraid to. I could always use another perspective, especially from a thoughtform like her because of her more indifferent stance on my mental health, she's not careful or sensitive to my issues, instead she attempts to play off them.

 

She's like a drill instructor really, testing me and my resolve, and then she smirks about it when she can't crack me. Like she's proud. She's testing me in a way.